Lani peered out of her tent, breath fogging in the cold morning air. A frost had settled in since they started the climb up to the village of Haven almost a week ago. Other mornings she'd gotten up early to marvel at the tiny crystals that coated everything, white as diamonds, unable to hide her delight when the cold morning light set them sparkling. This morning, however, she was on a mission. Eyeing the merchant's wagon warily, she tried to see if Shale was on watch anywhere near. Not that Shale would care...
A little over a week ago, the group had stumbled upon trees with strange orange orbs hanging from each branch. Alistair had called the things peaches, and picked one for her to try before passing the things around to others. She'd been wary at first, and the strange, fuzzy skin reminded her of the downy hair that covered nugs. Zevran and Morrigan had attacked theirs almost instantly and, with that extra bit of encouragement, Lani had decided it might be worth a try. The scent had sealed the deal, and her first nibble brought a sweetness she hadn't even imagined possible. All of the terrible food in Dust Town had taught her that food was simply to eat so you could live. The occasional bit of fresh nug had been a treat, but even then, it was nothing like that peach. The juice had run down her chin, over her hands, and she had barely restrained herself from shoving the entire thing into her mouth. Zevran had been forced to tear the pit away from her before she crunched down on it, explaining the nut inside was poisonous and not to be eaten. Since that first peach, however, her appetite for them had proven insatiable. Throwing her fear of heights and green, growing things to the wind, she had promptly climbed the tree – well, after falling twice – and stayed up there, eating peaches until her stomach hurt. Everyone had been absolutely flabbergasted by her behavior, except Oghren. The other dwarf had experienced good food as a warrior, but even he hadn't been immune to the fruit. He hadn't been able to climb, however, and had sat cursing up at her when he ran out of low-hanging peaches to grab. They'd picked dozens, all of them stored in the merchant's cart, and Lani knew there was only one left. Oghren had passed out last night before he could get it, and she had already eaten too many for her own good – Wynne had threatened to stop healing her if she kept glutting herself on them.
Now that peach lay alone, unattended, ready for her to pluck and devour before anyone was the wiser. Creeping out of the tent as quietly as she could, she snuck around each tent, listening for signs of stirring. She was no rogue, but a dwarf didn't make it to adulthood in Dust Town without learning something about stealth. The last tent was Oghren's, and she didn't even bother being quiet as she passed – he was snoring loud enough there was no way he could have heard her.
Now there was only open ground between herself and the cart, the tent of the peddler and his son pitched near the fire. Stifling a triumphant laugh, Lani picked her way across the cold wet ground, cursing herself for not taking the extra minute to pull on her boots.
The wagon's side went a few inches above her head, and she looked around for the mechanism that released the stairs to the driver's seat. Bodahn was even shorter than she, and he managed to get things in and out with ease. Fumbling around the undercarriage, she gave up when she remembered the thing made a horribly loud clang whenever it was opened. That left the wheel hub. Placing a frozen foot on the hub, she began to hoist herself up, when the smell of ale and body odor hit her hard.
"What're you doin', sneakin' about like this, eh?" Oghren's slur was groggier than usual – something about fruit and fermentation that Leliana had explained to her.
Turning slightly, she raised one eyebrow at him. "You're still drunk. Go back to bed." The last thing she needed was Oghren ruining her chance at that last peach.
Oghren's warm hand clamped onto her ankle and he shook his head unevenly. "Oh no, I know what you're getting' at. It's those, heh, peaches." Something in his eye glinted at the word and she frowned.
"No I'm not. I just wanted to get breakfast started." It wasn't exactly a lie – there was only one peach, after all. She tried to pull her foot away, but Oghren held her ankle tightly.
The other dwarf let out a blech that set Lani gagging. There is no way I'm going to be able to enjoy it with his stench fouling everything. "Oh yes, you are, and you know what? They're mine, you can't have 'em." With the last word he tugged at her foot, nearly prying her off the wagon.
Kicking at Oghren hard, she lost her grip and fell to the ground, banging her shin on the hub on the way down. Tears stung at her eyes, but she was tougher than that. Oghren laughed uproariously at her, and she delivered a practiced kick to his abdomen that cut it short. He wheezed as he tried to catch his breath, and she prepped herself to climb up again.
A hand clamped her shoulder and pulled her back. "Oh no you don't, missy! That peach is Oghren's!" Unable to twist away, Lani ducked away from him, more agile against his drunken state. He was still strong though, and she cursed the wagon for being so bleeding high. Had it been a little shorter, she could have outmaneuvered him with time to get in, but at that height, she didn't stand a chance.
Dropping into a crouch, Lani began a low, scuttling walk she used when fighting. Oghren stumbled around drunkenly, following her closely enough that she had little opening. After a few tense minutes, she lunged at the slightest opening, jumping to try and catch the edge, despite her distance from the wagon. Oghren tackled her mid-leap and soon the two of them were on the ground, grappling with each other, him trying to use his weight to pin her and her scrambling away at every chance, only to be pulled back by those sodding great paws.
Thoroughly covered in dirt, mud and whatever prickly weeds were digging into her back, Lani let out a frustrated cry. "Get off of me, you great sodding bronto-arse!" Oghren laughed at her again and that was the last straw. She punched Oghren firmly in the jaw, the sudden impact making him reel. Panting hard, she started up the wagon again, so close to the top when...
Ow. That was the only thought in her head when she hit the ground flat on her back. She couldn't breathe, the wind was fully gone from her lungs, and her head was throbbing. Oghren practically collapsed on top of her and started giving her a lecture, while she tried to find a way where she could kick or bite or anything to get him off of her. "Now listen here, you think you're all high and mighty 'cause you're a Grey Warden, but you know what? OGHREN wants a taste of the sodding peach!"
During his rambling, Oghren made the mistake of moving an arm right in front of her teeth. All her experience on the street came back to her, and her previous thought turned into a new one. Bite.
That was how Zevran found them, rolling on the ground, kicking, biting, cursing, and absolutely covered in dirt and mud. Sten had heard the commotion and was at his side. The two dwarves seemed oblivious to either the elf or qunari, and Zevran sighed. The way the two of them had been carrying on, he'd been certain Oghren had been trying something far more serious, but both dwarves seemed to be focused on getting the other farther away from the wagon. Eyeing the giant at his side, he spoke quietly. "You get Oghren, and I shall pry off our dear Warden. Ready?" Sten only grunted and began moving forward. It was the best answer Zevran could expect, and he only hoped he wasn't going to be on the receiving end of the rather brutal bites and kicks Lani was delivering.
The moment Sten made contact with Oghren, the red-headed dwarf finally tore his attention away from the blonde beneath him. She took the opening to deliver a knee straight to his groin and, had Sten not been lifting him in the air, Zevran was certain Oghren would have made a good try at killing her. His own task was not easy – Lani was scrambling to attack the wagon of all things, and it wasn't until he spoke that she seemed to calm. "Lani, shh, what is going on? I am here, calm down." The last words got through to her and she released her grip on the wagon, sagging against him. He tried to hold her up, but she kept trying to sit down, so he finally relented and let her sit. She was panting hard and he could see a bruise forming on the right side of her face. A glance at Oghren proved the male dwarf had it much worse. Sten hadn't put him down yet, but the dwarf's face was covered with small scratches, and his nose looked to be broken. Zevran also thought he saw the beginnings of what could be a rather spectacular black eye.
"Put me down, you giant ass! She's going to get a taste of what I can really do!" Oghren was swinging awkwardly at the air, but Sten just held him at arm's length, a frown on his face.
A suddenly shuffling noise at his feet showed Lani to be scooting towards the wagon. A gentle tug on her tunic stopped her and she looked up at him in annoyance. "You too? I just wanted the last sodding peach, not a bloody battle!" Whatever her protestations, she looked entirely too ready to actually do battle. The realization that the "peach" the two of them had been going on about was the actual fruit made Zevran burst out laughing. Even Sten had raised an eyebrow at Lani and had it been anyone else, Zev would have sworn the man's mouth twitched.
Lani stood up, fists balled in anger and she seemed torn between starting down Sten or Zevran. Settling on Zev, she drew herself to her full height. "What's so sodding funny?"
Struggling to curb his laughter, Zevran held his hands out to show he meant no harm. "It's just, that, well, a peach can be something else... particularly when a man and a woman are fighting over it." One raised eyebrow told him Lani didn't understand what he said, but Oghren understood perfectly.
In between laughs and grunts, the berserker managed to splutter out Zev's meaning. "You little nug-licker! Heh... heh, the elf here is, HA! He's talking about a vagina."
Comprehension washed over Lani's face and her mouth started to curve into a smile as she giggled. A traumatized voice managed to break through the laughter. "What in the name of Andraste is going on?" Zevran turned to see Alistair, red-faced, sleep-addled and looking as though the four in front of him had finished sacrificing puppies, but that made them laugh all the harder.