DISCLAMIER: Owns nothing!
Enjoy! Characters are OOC.
Any suggestions for another short story with Osiris and Anubis? Then review.
Osiris and Anubis Fix the Leaning Tower of Pisa
In the Afterlife it got very dreary. Probably because it's the place you go to when you die. Also maybe because Ra hadn't been down there lately. With all those sad dead people, would you? You would think that all these problems made people upset right? Wrong! According to a mysterious (and probably non-existent) survey the real reason everyone was unhappy in the Afterlife, is because the Leaning Tower of Pisa in Italy was well, leaning. This somehow made dead people upset. Anubis took it upon himself to fix this problem. With Osiris' help, of course. And maybe a Thoth cameo.
"Have you noticed that the dead are unhappy, Anubis?" asked Osiris.
"Yes" answered Anubis.
"Well, do you think that it has come because of my rule?" questioned Osiris.
"No because technically you are Osiris so therefore it wouldn't matter" responded Ruby Kane, Osiris' host's wife.
"I suppose" said Osiris.
"If I may suggest something...?" started Anubis.
"What?" asked Osiris.
"There was a survey and the dead say that they are unhappy because of the Leaning Tower of Pisa" replied Anubis.
"No we didn't!" shouted a voice from somewhere far away.
"Did you hear something?" asked Ruby to Osiris.
"I think I did. Anubis, go bring who ever said that here so I may talk to them" said Osiris.
Anubis bowed and walked off.
A few minutes later, Anubis brought back the person who had shouted out before.
"Who are you?" asked Osiris.
"My name is Bob" replied Bob.
"Alright, Bob. Why did you call out just a few minutes ago?" questioned Osiris.
"I never said anything" responded Bob, outraged. "How dare you accuse me of a crime I did not commit!" Bob promptly ran off into the darkness surrounding them all.
There was a few seconds of silence until Osiris said "Well that was weird".
"I think that man was crying as he ran" said Ruby looking towards the men. "Well Anubis you might as well go to Italy and fix the Leaning Tower of Pisa".
"Why? If the dead don't want it changed, then why bother?" asked Osiris.
Ruby's brow furrowed and she said, "Just do what I say okay?"
Osiris quickly nodded and Ruby left.
"You are so whipped, you know that?" smiled Anubis.
"Shut up and fix the stupid leaning tower in stupid Italy" grumbled Osiris.
Anubis nodded and left.
Ruby came back and said to Osiris, "Could you take the rubbish out Julius?"
Osiris grumbled and grabbed the bin. "Marriage. WHY?"
"I heard that!" shouted Ruby.
Osiris turned his head and gulped.
Pisa, Italy
"Hi, can anyone show me to the Leaning Tower of Pisa?" asked Anubis in a crowd.
All of the Italians groaned and pointed towards the tower.
"Thank you" he called out as he walked towards it.
"Prego (1)" the crowd called out in return.
Anubis squinted at the Tower, once he found it, and tried to think of a way he could straighten it up. After a fierce mental discussion with himself he decided to push it. He walked up to the side, closest to the ground, of the Tower and pushed. This failed to bear any form of results. This failure however, resulted in another patented Mental Discussion (patent pending). Anubis then decided upon the course of summoning bandages to pull the Tower straight. He approached the side which was the furthest from the ground, summoned the necessary bandages and pulled.
After ten minutes of solid pulling (and about fifty ripped bandages, whose sacrifice we will remember) the Tower was still not straight. Once more a patented Mental Discussion (patent pending) was in order. By the end of this Anubis knew what to do. He decided to use Plan C (aka Plan This-Plan-Is- Guaranteed-To-Always-Work-So-Why-Didn't-You-Use-It-First?, aka Plan Chuck Norris).
After looking in his bag for a few minutes, Anubis found what he was looking for. He pulled out the object and set about putting his plan into action.
Later, In The Duat
"You fixed the Leaning Tower of Pisa with duct tape?" asked a confused Ruby.
Anubis and Osiris nodded proudly.
"Where did you get so much duct tape?" asked Ruby, still confused.
"I borrowed some from Thoth" answered Anubis smugly.
In Memphis, Tennessee
Thoth was fighting one of his baboons who had drunken a vial which made the baboon mutate, in a baboon the size of a bus with laser beam eyes and a unicorn horn in the middle of its forehead which would occasionally shoot rainbows. Not fun rainbows, the patented Rainbows of Doom, Death, Despair, Forbiddenness, etc, etc (patent pending). Those things are deadly! They'll kill you to death!
"Don't worry, I just get my duct tape..." trailed off Thoth as he reached for his duct tape. His hand passed through empty air. Thoth looked back at the mutant baboon and gulped.
1: Prego means 'You're welcome' in Italian.