I don't own the "Three Stooges" and Hey Arnold! I own Hamster but please don't tell her I just said that! Please!
"Did you guys hear that?"
In the dark confines of a school laboratory, three oddly shaped teens were huddled around a lone cabinet in one corner of the room. The door—already opened successfully by way of handy use of a paperclip—was shut with tape on the inside (the door had a broken knob).
The only light in the room shone from behind the window blinds that blocked the light of the outside world. As a result, shadows dominated an overwhelming majority of the classroom.
The most prominent shadows, however, belonged to none other than Harold Berman, Stinky Peterson, and Sid...whatever his last name was...the three stooges of Hillwood Junior High.
Sid, still the paranoid member out of the bunch, gave the darkness of the room an uneasy look.
Out of the three boys, Sid had changed very little—both in clothing and personality. Aside from wearing slightly larger and longer versions of his clothes from the fourth grade, Sid still had his green hat and white Beatles boots. The only change significant was the addition of his more fully grown black hair.
"Gosh, Sid, I reckon that was just the wind you was hearin'," Stinky commented in a futile attempt to relax his friend.
Aside from getting taller, not much had changed about Stinky either. Rather than the flat top he had as a child, Stinky now sported a growing mullet and slight sideburns. Of course, he still had his green shirt, blue jeans (albeit a bit ripped), black and white converses, and studded spike wristbands, only now the gangly teen also wore a jacket of a darker shade of green.
Abruptly, a gruff though slightly boyish voice silenced the conversation and brought Sid and Stinky's attention to the front of the cabinet—and their self-proclaimed "leader."
"Shh, will you guys shut up? They'll hear us!"
Compared to Sid and Stinky, Harold had changed quite a bit since the fourth grade. Being four years older than his peers, the former "Pink Boy" already had a slight five-o'clock shadow forming on his face. Not only that, but in the place of what was once body fat, muscle was now the dominant feature. However, he still had a slight beer gut going on under his white muscle shirt. He had on dark brown jeans, a blue sports jacket, black shoes, and no hat nor hair to hide his lumpy noggin of a head.
Right now, Harold, paperclip in hand, was trying to pick open the lock to the school lab's inventory. Inside was supposed to be a special concoction inside—nonlethal, of course, but also potentially humiliating and therefore vital in the boys' "master scheme."
"Oh yeah, this is gonna be sweet!" The large teen whispered, barely able to hide his excitement "We're gonna get Helga so good!"
"Get who good?"
As one, all three boys, screaming at the unfamiliar voice, quickly formed a line up, their backs against the towering doors of the cabinets!
Harold, Stinky, and Sid all had their eyes closed, so they didn't really see who had just snuck up on them and caught them.
But that sure didn't stop them from trying to weasel themselves out!
Harold had his meaty hands clasped as if seeking divine redemption. "We didn't do anything wrong, Helga, we swear!"
"Yeah, and we definitely ain't plannin' on usin' stuff in this here cabinet to pull a prank on ya!"
"Oh thanks a lot, Stinky!" Sid growled under his breath, he and Harold now fixing their gangly friend with piercing glares.
"Oh...sorry fellas..."
"Ah, give the guy some slack! Whatcha' boys up to anyway?"
That last voice that had joined in all of sudden—perky and inquisitive (which was definitely not like Helga)—drew the attention of the three teenage males.
Standing in front of them was a girl they'd never seen before.
She had shoulder length brown hair with one long, crooked bang trailing down her face, caramel toned skin, walnut shaped cerulean eyes, somewhat thick eyebrows, a curvy nose, and was a head taller than Sid. Her clothing consisted of ridiculously massive yellow and black shoes, socks rolled up at the top, dark blue jeans with the cuffs rolled up at the ankles, a black belt with a shiny yellow buckle, a black collared T-shirt with a red line around each sleeve, yellow wristbands, red and black fingerless gloves, and a medium blue vest with chest pockets, waist pockets, and yellow lining. Yet the strangest article on her person seemed to be a silver chain from which hung a 2D shape that resembled the head some kind of mammal.
All in all, the three stooges would have surely remembered someone in such a get-up if they had met her or at least anyone like her before.
Harold, wanting to save face in the girl's presence, however, quickly composed himself and walked right up to the stranger to fix her with a steely glower. The fact that the young man stood over a head taller than the young woman should have helped as well. Believe it or not, sometimes being held back had its advantages.
"None of yur beeswax, girly! Now beat it! "
Much to Stinky and Sid's shock, the stranger didn't flinch at their boss's blustery tone, but instead raised her hands playfully with a grin.
"Oho, a tough guy, eh? Okay, I see no fault in leaving this joke in the hands of the big boys." She said no more as she walked away from Harold with an easygoing gait, leaving the obese teen and his friends speechless with her compliance.
"If you guys believe you can handle this by yourselves, then, hey, be it far from little ol' me to twist anybody's arm, right?"
"Uh...y-yeah, exactly!" Granted, Harold had been taken a bit back at the chick's behavior. He had as least expected her to taunt him and his buddies with a meek, shy "sorry", threats of revealing them out, or calling them immature. At the same time, though, he sort of felt relieved that she seemed to be getting the message.
Sid and Stinky, shrugging to each other, thought likewise, thankful for the fact that they were off the hook now.
'Guess we didn't have anything to worry about after all.' Sid mused brightly.
"Oh by the way, I'd advise you all step away from the window."
Huh—what the...? Where did that come from? And why was she standing all the way there at the door?
This time, Harold, Stinky, and Sid felt flat out baffled!
"Um miss...why in tarnations would we wanna do—"
BOOM!
The sudden crash of something massive going through the wall, cutting through Stinky's words, drove the boys to duck and cover on the floor as various pieces of plaster and dust went flying everywhere. After a while, the dust finally cleared up to reveal none other than Curly...riding on the top of an elephant to be exact!
These delinquents simply could not believe their eyes! How the heck had that happened? Better yet, how was that able to happen?
Their female interloper simply stood there with a bored face at the damage. She flicked off a little dust that had caught on her shoulder before checking a sliver watch that seemed as if it had once belonged to Dumbledore.
"Right on schedule..."
Sliding down the side of the pachyderm, Curly, dressed in a yellow robe decorated with black spots, sauntered up right up to the girl and stuck his hand out, earning him a perplexed look from his dust covered peers.
"You got the loot, toots?"
Like a lightning bolt, the brunette drew out of her vest a picture—a small to medium-sized one, sure, but also one the eccentric Gammelthorpe valued highly...and for good reason (as least as far as in his opinion).
In the female's hand lay a laminated—yes that's right, laminated— picture of none other than a foully distempered Rhonda Wellington Lloyd, who of which, if the way in which that her hand hovered in view of the shot was any indication, seemed to be objecting rather strongly to her photo being taken.
"Pleasure doing with you, Hamster!"
And just like that, Curly, after shaking hands with his business partner, walked right back to his beloved ungulate, reward in hand.
Reins back in hand, he wasted no time in making his exit.
"Onward, Prometheus! We have yet to obtain my beloved Rhonda's affections! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!"
And so, Curly and Prometheus, like a warped version of the Lone Ranger and Silver, rode off into the sunset, the mighty "steed's" calls vanishing in the orange light with his rider's maniacal laughter.
Hamster didn't even bat an eyelash.
"Thanks Curly!"
'Well, now that that little deal's been settled, where were we?'
The answer came in the form of a slim hand poking her shoulder. Hamster pivoted in response to discover Harold, Stinky, and Sid back on their feet.
"What's up?"
To his own credit, Sid boldly took a step towards the brunette, his big nose pointed down at the floor.
"Um, we...kinda still have a few questions." The young woman—Hamster—couldn't help but raise an eyebrow in slight concern at how nervous the male adolescent before appeared.
In reality, Sid felt sort of spellbound by Hamster. He couldn't help but take note of how dazzling the young lady before him rather looked in the sun-kissed orange of the sunset.
He felt even more taken in by the way her hair seemed to bob a bit as she shrugged her shoulders indifferently.
"Fine by me. Shoot."
Unfortunately, Harold, in his infinite wisdom, opened his mouth first.
"I got one! What kind of stupid name is Hamster?"
Good question, bad choice of words...
Before the Berman boy could even blink, a pair of strong hands lifted him right off his feet by the front of his shirt.
Immediately recovering from the shocking sensation of no longer feeling anything solid underneath his feet, Harold slowly gazed down.
He wished he hadn't.
Up close and personal, Harold had a nice view of this woman's scowl. How she had switched from being weird and chill to being just like a certain, no-longer-monobrowed blonde that fast just astounded Harold...and freaked him out too!
His two cohorts appeared to be just as rattled as well. This chick had the strength of a gorilla!
"Never associate my name with the word 'stupid' or any of its synonyms, lard-butt!" Hamster snarled quietly yet dangerously. With word uttered, she leaned in closer and closer, forcing the portly teen to bend back for fear of getting his face bitten off. Hey, for all he knew, she was probably part wolverine or Tasmanian devil!
"Are we clear?"
All Harold could give was a squeaky "Crystal!"
"Good boy!"
And like a flip of a switch, the female bruiser, back to her normal chipper smile, released her hold on the portly boy, allowing him to unceremoniously land butt-first on the floor.
"OW, watch it!"
"So..."
No longer feeling her famous "rabid rage," Hamster looked to Sid who, though slightly impressed, still held a bit of apprehension on his face as well at the sudden display of her capabilities that had just transpired.
"Why is your name Hamster...uh, Hamster?" He asked that question awkwardly, rubbing his arm sheepishly for fear of upsetting her.
Much to the short one's immense relief, she took no offense and thus answered promptly.
"I like furry stuff! Bunnies, gerbils, cats, puppies—"
All three boys automatically groaned in masculine irritation.
"Gee, don't ya think that's stuff's a little too girly to talk to us fellas about?" Stinky commented. There was only so much of the opposite gender that a boy could take after all.
"Eh, not really—especially if you include raccoons, skunks, wolves, lions, hyenas, rats-which, by the way, I consider the badass versions of mice—wolverines, Tasmanian devils, cows...I've pet and hugged them all—even a rooster!"
Harold, Stinky, and Sid simply glanced at each before looking back at the brunette.
Sid in perplexity, "Uh...roosters don't have fur."
For the first time in the short period the goofs had gotten to know Hamster, her face lost its smile. Now a slight frown took its place. She sat down on the dust covered desk right next to the huge hole in the wall.
"Yeah, it would have been nice to have known that before I listened to my three-year old mind and tried to squeeze one to death. I still have the marks from the dang bird pecked me." She punctuated her explanation with a shiver.
Sid, 'Man, she's even crazier than I thought!'
His companions couldn't agree more!
On the other hand, one could also argue that this girl had a ton of guts! Not many people would even dare come close to wolverines and Tasmanian devils, let alone pet them!
Stinky, amazed, "Wilikers, that's the plum craziest thing I've ever heard anybody done with poultry!"
Harold, wide-eyed and somewhat impressed, "You really did that when you were three?"
The response came in the form of Hamster shaking her head. She still seemed to be ruminating in the pain and embarrassment associated with the memory.
"Actually, I was ten at the time. It's not that I was dumb or anything. I just had a very, very unhealthy curiosity for my age. Still do sometimes..."
Then right in a flash, Hamster's perky attitude returned as she raised a finger jovially.
"Luckily, I've learned to control my cravings for knowledge! Anymore questions for me?"
Her audience members simply shook their heads, not even consulting each other this time.
All of a sudden, though, a slight, sly smile developed on Sid's face, one his friends weren't able to see on account of being behind him but that Hamster raised an eyebrow at curiously and benignly.
Well, aside from being a little kooky, this chick seemed okay. Heck, Sid could almost go so far as to say she was kind of...cool.
'She really isn't so bad to be honest.'
"You know, Hamster, you're not half bad! We oughta hang out some time!"
To this day, Harold still wonders why he never fainted or barfed the moment he heard that suggestion. Even in middle school, Harold, though he tolerated girls more than he once had in the fourth grade (thanks greatly in part to the efforts of Patty Smith), he still demonstrated a slight distrust for any peer of the opposite sex.
"Y'know, you're kinda cute! You got a girlfriend by any chance?"
"Not at the moment per say. How about giving ol' Sid here a shot then?" Mr. Debonair even winked with this suggestion!
The advance did not fail; Hamster giggled briefly but honestly.
'I could get to like this guy!'
"Ah, why not? Tell you what, I'll even help you and your little friends—"
"Hey!" Harold took offense to that comment! Too bad Hamster either didn't notice or didn't care...
"But on one condition..."
Sid blinked a moment, unsure whether to take that statement as a bonus or a warning. After a few moments, though, a thought suddenly occurred to him: what did he know?
Oh sure, she had threatened one of his best friends, but Harold had gotten her nerves first. No surprise, the bulky lug, even at 17 years old, did the same with everyone else, even Arnold!
Besides, at least Hamster didn't automatically throw sarcastic comments or catty insults at them. She never even showed so much as a smirk at the prospect of busting three teenage guys in the middle of a prank.
With a sincere grin and brightened eyes, Sid nodded eagerly. "Sure!"
'Can't be all that bad.'
"All you gotta do is to go on a date with me. Nothing fancy, nothing over the top, just a simple, honest date."
"Really?"
"Yep, now I can't promise a steady relationship, but I think a little kiss for your troubles would suffice. Consider it as my potential thank-you for agreeing to keep my activities on the down-low and hush-hush!"
A kiss...? Well, when she put the deal that way...
"Hmm...," Sid put a hand to his chin, pretending to think the condition over, "I guess that's fair enough. Alright, Hamster, it's a date!"
A giggle once again bubbled from the girl's throat despite her efforts to hide it. Sid took a liking to the sound right away.
"Well that's good to hear! Finally, a man who keeps his honest word! The last time I got stood up by some guy I had to shatter his collarbone into a million pieces!"
"..."
"Guys?"
No response from the three...just mouth gaping, wide-eyed stares...
"Hello, guys, anybody in there?" The confused brunette waved a hand in front of all three them. Still no response...
'Was it something I said?'
After a few more moments of silence and Hamster's growing concern, Harold spoke at last.
His voice was raspy but just audible enough for the animal lover to hear.
"W-what was that part about shattering some guy's collarbone?"
"I-Into a little million pieces?" continued a stuttering Stinky.
Hamster merely shrugged her shoulders. 'Okay...don't exactly see the problem here.'
"Yeah," she replied slowly, still not seeing the reason as to why they looked so freaked out. "What, that's not normal?"
Harold, incredulous beyond measure, automatically started to shout "You bet that ain't—, "
Only to be silenced by the hands of his two best buds...
The big guy already ticked this psycho babe off once! A second time would have simply been toying with fate!
"What our friend here is trying to say is, uh," explained a fast-thinking Sid. Maybe he wasn't as much of a smooth talker as Gerald, but a few years with Big Gino had done much to help the gargantuan-nosed teen become more skilled with words.
"...that you most certainly—"
"—most indubitably—", Stinky, too, sensing his friend's game plan, added his own two cents to the secretly (or not so secretly) frantic explanation. Being on the debate team performed just as many wonders!
Sid completed his clarification without skipping a beat!
"—undeniably had the best intentions at heart! I mean, standing someone off! That's no way to treat a lady, I mean am I right?"
To both the relief of Stinky and Sid, Hamster, who had been silent and attentive throughout the entire elucidation, closed her eyes and shook her head solemnly. She appeared to be ruminating in deep remembrance again.
"Yeah, you are right. The big boob had to learn that lesson the hard way. Aside from the fact that he winded up in traction for eight months, though, he didn't do too badly. In fact, last time I checked (despite the restraining order he has against me now—talk about paranoid, huh?) dude looked like he really made some serious progress in his recovery. Oh sure, he's probably gonna have nightmares about me coming back for him for the next decade or so, but nothing a few years of intense therapy can't cure!"
Once again treating something as serious as if it were most normal occurrence in the world, Hamster offered another lighthearted beam at Harold, Stinky, and Sid.
Her eyes suddenly perked up in shock!
"Oh and before I forget..."
As the boys watched, Hamster sauntered right up to the cabinet. After giving the object a brief check over, she raised one hand and simply held there for a few moments.
And then a few more moments...then another few moments...Sid could have sworn a minute had already passed before someone finally broke the silence.
An impatient Harold had just about enough with this nut and her weirdness.
"Ah come on, hurry up already why don't—"
BAM!
Hamster's fist busted straight through the solid door, leaving large pieces of colored wood in its wake! From that point, she merely started rummaging her hand through the contents despite the fact she couldn't even see what her fingers were doing. In fact, she even looked off to some other part of the room, as if her own hand were someone else digging through the cabinet while she herself had simply bored herself to tears waiting for the job to be done.
Once again, mouths agape became Harold, Stinky, and Sid's expressions as they watched her in absolute awe!
'No...way...' was the only thought the three stooges could coherently think up clearly. This chick didn't even seem to acknowledge her audience's existence anymore.
After a while full of stunned silence, Hamster's eyebrows perked up a bit the moment her hand caught what it had been searching for.
"Hmm...? What have we here?"
Eyes back on the hole she had just created, the bruiser pulled out a tiny bottle of gooey green content. Her whole face lit up like a 49'er striking gold!
"I'm guessing this is what you've been looking for, am I right?" she asked cheerily, shaking the bottle to and fro for emphasis. She walked right over to Sid, took one of his hands (an action he really tried his best not to blush at), and deposited the container right there.
"Uh, yeah, thanks."
Miss Hamster wasn't done yet, though.
To the astonishment of all three boys, she bent down to give Sid's massive nose a tiny peck before standing back up and flashing her toothy grin once more, leaving a blushing teen as the result.
"Don't forget! Nine o'clock sharp in the evening and at the food court! Be there or..." She had to pause, her eyebrows scrunched up in lost focus, due to her train of thought escaping her, "well, I never really thought that far...Oh well, have a nice day!"
Flashing Sid a big thumbs-up and giving his two friends a fond wave and "tootle-loo", she charged straight through three whole walls, leaving an indent of a different pose in each wall.
None of the boys had anything to say in the moments following Hamster's unconventional departure.
"Guys..." That word was all that came out of the shortest boy's mouth, his voice surprisingly calm and even.
A stunned Stinky, "Yeah, Sid?"
"I think I just found my new girlfriend...and I'm scared!" Sid's voice ended off in a terrified squeak.
A restraining order was beginning to sound nicer and nicer right about now.
I must say that I would really like to thank llx-BetraylsandForgiveness-xll for this request for the following reasons:
1. I just made a wonderful way to introduce Hamster. For those of you who haven't checked my profile, Hamster is one of the major protagonists of World Matrix, a story that takes place in a universe parallel to the one of Kingdom Hearts.
2. I'm starting to develop a deeper understanding and appreciation for the Harold-Stinky-Sid dynamic of Hey Arnold! Those three are like younger versions of boarders, only much more inexperienced!
3. Scruff the Rat just loves putting characters in out-there situations!
Don't forget to review!