M for adult themes. No sex.

"Mama, you hide and I'll be the seeker this time," Sofia insisted, gently pushing her mom away and turning around so she could hide her face as she counted. Once she had finished counting and called out her warning that she was starting her search, Sofia wandered around her home, checking behind couches and in every nook and cranny. She quickly ran out of places in the living room and found herself wandering back into her moms' room.

Her first place to check was under the bed, one of her favorite places to hide. Instead of finding her mother, she found a shoe box. She pulled it out in confusion. Mommy always let her play with her shoes, but Sofia didn't recognize the shoes in the picture on the box. Curious, she pulled open the lid to find that the box didn't contain any shoes. Instead, she found a mix of colored objects. Resting on top was a deep sparkly blue worm-like tube. She pulled it out and began to swing it around like a sword.

Arizona pushed the door shut behind her after a long day at work and peeked in the nursery to see that the baby was napping before going to find her wife and older daughter. Not wanting to risk waking Charlotte, she called out fairly softly, "Callie? Sofia?" as she wandered around looking for them. They weren't in Sofia's room, so she went back to the the master bedroom.

When she peeked into the room, what she saw made her forget all need to be quiet.

"Callie!" When her call got no response, she tried again. "Calliope! Get in here." Still no response. "Calliope Iphegenia Torres! Get your butt in here." Sofia giggled at her mama getting middle named, though she wasn't sure why her mama was in trouble.

"What are those?"

"Ah, well, uh," Arizona looked frantically over to her wife, who was both blushing and laughing. "Those are Mommy and Mama's special toys." With that, Callie lost it completely and had to leave the room. Arizona realized with a huff that it would be entirely on her to explain the box of sex toys Sofia had found while playing Hide and Seek in their bedroom.

"Why don't I get to play with them?" It took everything Arizona had in her to keep her face neutral at that.

"Well, uh, okay. Think about your favorite toys. You don't like other people playing with them, right? That's how Mama and I feel about these toys. They're just for us to play with together. Or alone." Shit. This was not going well.

Fortunately, Sofia seemed unfazed by that comment and said, "But Mommy, you always say that I have to share my toys when I play with my friends. Why don't you and Mama have to share your toys?"

"Okay. Bad example." Arizona took a few minutes to gather her thoughts and come up with a new idea. "Oh! Okay. You know how Mama and I always tell you not to share your water bottle with your friends because you don't want to share germs, right? Well, that's kind of the reason why we don't share these toys."

"You and Mama put your mouths on these?" Sofia twirled the item in her hand curiously, wondering what exactly could be the point of that.

Arizona took a moment to steady her breathing and reached out to take the toy from Sofia. "Hey, Sofia. You want to have some ice cream after dinner?" That sufficiently distracted the child and she was instantly on her feet, cheering on her way to find Mama and share her exciting news. Arizona dropped the toy on the bed to deal with it later and shut the door as she exited the room.

After a dinner full of both parents silently pleading with whatever gods were out there for Sofia not to ask any more questions, they got Sofia's promised ice cream and then shepherded her and Charlotte off to bed before settling onto the couch to talk.

"Why does she have to be so smart? Why couldn't we have had a stupid child? This would have been so much easier," Arizona lamented as she tucked her body into Callie's side.

"Oh, please. You love that she's smart."

Arizona made a face because she knew Callie was right and said, "That thing is going in the trash. I don't care how much it cost. Just go throw it away right now."

"What!? I never even got you to use it on you."

"And now you never will. I am not using a sex toy that my five year old has touched. Not now. Not ever."

Callie humphed, but even she had to admit that the toy had lost its appeal the second their daughter got her fingers on it.

"We should probably move all the toys out of her reach since she's getting bigger. If she goes poking around for shoes again, she might find something even harder for us to explain away."

"We didn't really explain this one at all," Arizona countered. "We distracted her with a bribe and it worked because she's five. And there was no we in that. It was me. Can we talk about how you just bailed on me, leaving me to find a way to explain sex toys to a five year old?"

"I'm sorry. But there's no way I could have made it better. Anything I would have said would have only made it worse. And you know it." Arizona scrunched up her face at that. It was true, but she was still a little miffed that it had all fallen onto her shoulders. "Let's just go to bed."

When they entered their bedroom, Callie was shocked to see the toy still sitting on their bed. "Arizona! You just left it out where she could pick it up again?"

"What was I supposed to do with it, Callie? Just stick it back in the box and forget about it?" Arizona picked the toy up and started swinging it, not unlike Sofia, in Callie's direction. With a swing harder than she intended, she hit Callie in the shoulder.

"Ow! Arizona, that's going to leave a bruise!"

"That's what I told you when you bought this damn thing. Go take it outside. I don't even want it in the house."

"What, so the garbage collectors can see it? Oh, no."

"What else do you suggest we do with it? We aren't going to keep it. Just … just wrap it up in a trash bag or something. If they open up our trash bags, they get what they get."

"They get what they get? Arizona, I'm not worried about their delicate dispositions. I don't want the garbage collectors knowing anything about our sex life."

"They won't. And if they do, we'll know that they opened our trash and we'll report them."

"Reporting them won't undo the damage. And it won't erase the fantasies in their pervy little brains."

Arizona shrugged. "Callie, you can't seriously be that bothered by strangers fantasizing about our sex life. People we know fantasize about us already. It's gross, but we're hot women who have sex with each other. It sucks, but that's the big fantasy for a lot of guys."

Callie pouted.

"Just go throw it away. Out in the dumpster. The kitchen trash is almost full, so just put it in there and tie it off. They're not going to open up our trash and especially not kitchen trash."

"Fine," Callie pouted as she grabbed the toy and walked out of their room to do as she was asked. "But we're buying another one and you're using it this time."