Intro

Almost.

I almost had her.

Well, I had her. But at the same time I didn't.

I wish I had though, so bad.

I had never been that scared in my life. I never knew that college was so scary, or just the idea of leaving was so scary. Until that moment, the only scary thing I ever faced was coming out to my parents, and even then it was the most natural thing for me, or anyone else in my place to do.

That isn't the point though.

The point is that, I'm supposed to go meet my parents for dinner at their place, and secretly they invited Ashley to come. I forced it out of my best friend Dan who is the gayest man on earth. He can never lie to me, I know him to well.

"No" I say bitterly, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Please" He asks in his little high pitched whiney voice.

"No, and that's final" I slam my door shut and dive into my bed, pulling the covers over my head.

He burst into my room. "Alright drama mama, get your shit together."

"I can't, and I won't." My voice is muffled under the comforter.

I hear him "Humph" and then exit my room.

Who said I wasn't allowed to hide from the world?

Well, okay, maybe I'm just hiding from her.

-

Chapter One: Final Statement.

"Does she know I'm going to be there?" Grabbing my keys, we head out to my car.

"Probably not, that's why its is exciting!" He claps his hands like a small child and I want to gag.

"Yeah, exciting" I mock him and get into the drivers seat.

"Honey, don't be so upset. Just pretend she's not coming"

He says it like its something easy do.

"Why don't you pretend to be straight and stop gawking over my brother" I snap back.

"Ouch." Hurt is written all over his face and I immediately feel bad.

"I'm sorry" I say meaningfully.

"Uh-huh"

For the rest of the ride we are silent.

I'm so nervous my hands are shaking.

My chest literally starts to hurt until I feel a hand on my shoulder. "Are we going to go in, or just sit here?" I turn my head and Dan is looking at me with a very concerned look.

"I don't think we have a choice." Sighing, I exit the car and close the door.

I stare at the place I used to call home.

The place where this all started.

I am getting the mail when someone bumps into me, sending me to the concrete ground.

"Oh my god! I am SO sorry." The unknown person grabs my arms and helps me to my feet. "Are you okay?"

I finally look up after picking up the fallen mail and I come eye to eye with a young brunette. She looks my age. Her hair is wavy and rests perfect fully on her shoulders. Her eyes are brown, but dangerously beautiful. "Y-yeah I'm okay" A smile pulls at the corners of my lips.

"Are you sure?" She spins me around, making sure I am okay.

"Really, I'm fine" A small laugh escapes my lips and she holds out her hand.

I stick my hand out as well, and we shake. I notice in her other hand is a least attached to a Yellow Lab.

"Ashley Davies" She says and my heart goes to mush.

"Spencer Carlin" I reply and let go.

"Spencer!" Dan is snapping his fingers in my face.

"Stop it" I fan his hand away and walk up the pathway to the front door.

He takes my hand knowing that I am horribly nervous. "C'mon princess, lets raise the roof in this bitch"

I laugh. "Let's."

I put wrap my hand around the door knob but I can't seem to raise the courage to push it open.

What will I say to her?

Will she be any different?

"Hi honey" My mom opens the door and embraces me in a loving hug.

"Hi mom" I kiss her cheek and give her a small hug back.

"Hi Dan"

"Hey Paula, love the outfit!" He says and my mom blushes.

She is wearing the dress he bought her last Christmas from Vera Wang.

It was a nice attempt to modernize her in her fashion sense.

I move past my mom and Dan as they talk about their male celebrity crushes.

"Dad?" I say into a seemingly empty house.

"In here" He answers from the kitchen and I go to him.

I set my keys on the counter and wrap my arms around him

"You know, you still hug like you did when you were five" His voice is happy.

"Is that a compliment?" I hug him tighter.

"Of course" He chuckles and hugs me back. "Alright, I have to continue making dinner"

I let go and grab a wine glass from the glass rack. "May I?" I ask politely.

"Yes, and pour me some as well" My dad replies and I open the bottle of wine.

"Okay" I smile to myself.

I'm twenty-six and I still feel like a child when I come home.

"Spencer?" I know that voice all to well. The bottle goes crashing to the ground and my heart stops.

I hold my breath and bend down immediately to pick up the pieces.

"Here, let me help you" She says.

"No, I got it." I don't look up at her, I keep my eyes on the broken pieces of glass.

"Oh my god!" Dan squeals.

"Hey Dan" She says back, and they move into the living room to talk.

My dad bends down next to me and takes my hands in his. "I'll get this"

Without hesitation I move away and wash my hands.

"I knew she was coming" I say monotone.

He stands up and gives me a surprised look. "You did?"

I nod my head.

"And you still came?"

I nod my head again.

I can feel the tears building up and I just want to leave this place.

My stomach is getting knotted and my ears are ringing.

"She never stopped loving you" He says matter of factly. "I believe she is still in love with you, and you were her."

I give him a dirty look. "Stop it, okay? Just stop it!" I push past him angrily.

"Spencer?" Dan says as I walk towards the door.

Before I can comprehend her actions, she grabs my hand to stop me from walking away, running away. "Please, don't go"

I fight back my tears. Her grip is tight.

"Take your hand off my arm" I say forcefully, but gently.

Her hand releases.

"I want to talk to you" She pleads.

"And I don't" I retort back.

"Bitch Alert" Dan says and steps in between us, facing Ashley. "Ashley, sweetie, it was lovely to see you, lets do this again" He kisses her on both cheeks and walks out the door. "C'mon mama drama, I think we've raised the roof enough in this bitch for tonight"

This entire time, my eyes have never left hers.

And hers never left mine.

I sigh and walk out, only letting my emotions get away from me when I get to my car. I open the doors and my knee's buckle.

This is to much.

God, I hate how she affects me even after all this time.

Dan wraps his arm around my waist and walks me around the passenger side and I get in.

We leave in a hurry, but stop for a drink on the way home at Dan's favorite bar. Which is full of gay men, so I had nothing to worry about except how low my drink was getting.

As I stared into my many drinks, I always got lost in them thinking about her.

Her.

I really like hiding from her. But like my mom says "Fate always makes our choices for us even when we don't want it to"

Should I continue?