The first tear slid down his cheek. Then the second. Then the third.
Now he was bawling, trying to stifle the sound as much as possible. His chest heaved and his throat tightened painfully as he compressed another sob, while sitting on his perfectly made bed. Why couldn't he be perfect? Perfect like him? Why couldn't he just meet the expectations?
He shoved his head down onto the embracing surface of his sweaty, shaking palms.
How in the world could he ever be able to match him? Easy. He couldn't. No matter how hard he tried, he wasn't even anything in comparison to the great, L.
There was Back-Up, F, K, and now Mello, Matt, and Near…this was too much. Way too much for one boy to carry.
He removed his hands from his wet face and wiped his tear soaked cheeks with the sleeve of his brown bomber jacket, then raised his puffy cerulean eyes to the open door to his closet. Between the two mounds of clothing pushed to either sides of the wooden rack, a noose readily swayed, with a wooden stool right beneath it.
Soon it would all be over. He be free of this hopeless endeavor to succeed L. Back-up wanted it much more than he did anyway. It wouldn't make a difference.
Soon he would be back to his old self, the one he wanted to be most. Not giving his all to be someone he clearly could never be. Not A, the Alternative, most definitely not L. To be just Allen Adduce, that's all he wanted.
The rope of post-bliss fit perfectly around his moist neck as he slipped it over the wild blonde hair matted to his face by sweat and tears. Before he could do it, he lifted the fang necklace his parents had given him on the last birthday they shared before they died.
"I'll be there soon," he whispered, a trembling and sad smile playing on his soft pale lips, "I promise."
He didn't even have to write a note, since there was no need. It was obvious, as everything else in this dark, mundane world.
Now he did what he grimly looked forward to doing most. And kicked the stool from under him.
And as his body fell along the rope, the weight was finally lifted.