Hmm, just a little something that I thought of before I went to sleep. An appetizer, as my first true story is still in the process of being written. I hope you enjoy. Ah yes, I do not own Final Fantasy or any of the characters therein. That ought to keep the wolves at bay. This story is written from Rikku's POV.
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A whole year of what? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Crap jobs amongst other things really made life boring. Yunie left, that was depressing. So it was just Paine and I who were left to sphere-hunt. As if it could still be called that. So far we'd been late to the punch every time. Leblanc and her goons have gotten a lot better since Vegnagun. How the hell that happened, I'll probably never know.
Fuck.
I never thought Paine could be that depressing. I always figured that it didn't have any effect on me. I guess I was wrong. Yunie had always been there to balance it out and since she's gone . . well, you figure it out. Little is the same.
I was sitting on the edge of the deck, looking out over the ocean, which was turned a cool gray by the clouds overhead. The foggy blanket stretched far out over the horizon in all directions.
Perfect Paine weather.
I was resting my arms on my knees, my hair and scarf being picked up by the cold breeze every so often. I heard the door to the lift open and the sound of someone walking slowly down the deck to where I was sitting. My gaze hardened on the cloudy horizon. The footsteps stopped not too far behind me.
At first she said nothing. She stood and I sat, both presumably staring at the same thing: Sky. I let her stew for as long as she needed, I was in no rush to go through what we both knew was going to come sooner or later.
I was starting to see why Paine preferred to hide emotions.
I heard her breathe out slowly, I was already prepared for what was going to happen next, or at least, I hoped I was. She came closer but remained standing, her eyes locked on something invisible in the distance.
"I'm sorry . . about . . about earlier." she said shakily. I could hear the hesitation in her voice.
I hoped I wouldn't suffer from the same cold dead giveaway, "I understand." I said quietly. No hesitation, good.
"I . . I don't know what happened. One minute we were talking, the next . . I don't . . ."
I rubbed my arm were the bruises were starting to form. I breathed in deep and drew my legs closer, hugging them to my chest. She didn't need to finish.
"It was bound to happen. We've been cooped up on this damned airship for too long. You spend too much time in a confined area with someone for long enough and that's what happens."
"Still . . ." the words traveled the empty space between us, having little to no effect on either of us. "I shouldn't have done what I did. I lost control, I let myself . . I should have tried harder to just ignore . . . its just that sometimes you can be so fucking irritating."
"What?" I asked, my voice coming out as a whisper. My eyes narrowed. Was she really blaming me? She couldn't be serious. I turned my head cautiously.
She sighed shakily, "I just need to try harder, I can't let you get to me like that." still no edge to her words. She turned her eyes down to meet mine. "I can't let you influence me." that time her words cut me.
"How can you possibly see a way to blame me?" I said, my voice raising a little too high for my liking. She lowered herself into a sitting position on the deck. She averted her eyes from mine.
"I'm not simply putting the blame on you. You just . . without another person there . . its just not easy." she looked at me, but avoided making eye contact. "You're a fucking handful and not in a good way, to put it simply."
I paused, I guess Yunie had an effect on Paine as well as she did me. I shook myself. Paine was staring out at the thick cloud coverage, which seemed to be getting eerily darker. I understood how I could annoy her. I did seem to have that problem every now and then, but the thing that got me was how she was blaming her actions on me being a little irritating.
I watched her eyes. I'd always loved her eyes, such a deep red. They were amazing. She was looking around in a way that seemed kind of, I don't know, erratic. Her eyes darted from one place to another, as if she were searching for something.
Something on the inside maybe?
Yeah, something was up here. I slowly unfolded, stretching my legs out a bit. I picked up one end of my scarf and examined it. The yellow end was frayed and faded from being with me in so many fights. I ran my fingers across the material and asked without any sign of nervousness, "There's more to it, isn't there?"
Paine's reaction confirmed it. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her flinch, and her right hand began to tighten into a fist. Hopefully more from being a little nervous and nothing else.
Paine's eyes briefly locked with mine before trailing the sky again. "Yes." she said, then seemed to calm down. "But, more than you think."
"Do you want to tell me?" I asked, hoping that she would let me know what was on her mind. I am way too curious for my own fucking good.
"Yes and no." she said slowly. "I don't even know how I would put it." she said with a laugh. The laugh seemed forced.
"Just say it in whatever way is more comfortable to you." I said, still trying to coax out the truth.
Her lips parted but she stopped and screwed her eyes shut, "I don't know how to say this in a way that you'll understand."
"What do you mean." I asked.
"I mean in a way that you can even comprehend the importance of it." she said, still calm. I gaped at her. Was she still insulting me?
"Are you really . . does it make you feel right, to break me down like that?" I asked her, an icy tone leaking into my voice. Her eyes opened.
"Break you . . down?" she said slowly.
"Yes. Do I really seem that immature to you?" I asked, anger slowly building in my chest.
"I . . I don't . . . . I can't . ."
"What the hell is so fucking important, Paine?!" I yelled. Paine's lips twisted into a grimace. She looked me straight in the eyes with such intensity that she was burning holes straight through to the back of my head.
"Because I love you!" she yelled, her voice rising over mine.
I was stunned. The anger melted away, replaced by shock. I sat there staring at her. My mouth hung open and I tried to talk, but I just stuttered.
Paine looked down at the deck. Hiding her face from me. I slowly ran what just happened over in my head. Yeah, it really happened. I looked back at her and then felt the heat in my chest again.
"And that's how you choose to say it?" I asked, my voice a whisper. "By just insulting me? Have you ever been in love before?" she nodded wearily. "Well it doesn't seem like it."
"That's exactly what I mean." she whispered back. She slowly lifted her head, "You don't see what's really going on."
"Are you fucking serious?!" I gasped. "Why, Paine? Just tell me. Why do you feel the need to tear me down like this?" I asked. My head was starting to spin. She was always the stronger one. She was a warrior. She was cold and sturdy. She was physically and mentally stronger than me. Yet here I was taking on that role while she seemed to be falling apart.
"I just . . do you know why I tried so hard to cut myself off from everyone else? It's because I have been hurt. I have been hurt too many times. I just wanted it to stop. So I tried to block out everyone else. But then I met you. And Rikku, I can't help but love you! Everything about you, and everything you do is just . . I can't help it." tears started to roll down her cheeks.
"Then how come you never told me?" I asked.
"I . . I tried to bring myself to tell you. Over and over and over I tried to get up enough courage to tell you, because my whole system was falling apart. So I just found no reason to keep it from you any more. And then Vegnagun happened. I would have tried to devote my life to me and you, to both of us. But that's just so hard to do while the world is in danger of falling apart."
"I . . I'm sorry Paine." I truly didn't know what to say. Or what to do. I wasn't sure if I could even love her back. It was just all so sudden. I scooted closer to her and cautiously wrapped an arm around her. She leaned into the embrace and continued to cry. She rested her head on my shoulder and I could feel her tears on my skin. I wrapped my other arm around her and watched her as she wept.
What I felt then was, well, amazing. I felt a warmth sweep throughout my entire body and suddenly wondered, Is this love? I still wasn't sure, I wasn't sure about anything. My head swam, filled with all the new thoughts and secret that had just been revealed to me.
"Paine, when you said that you loved me . . well I'm just not sure if I . . I don't know if I can give what you want in return. I just need time to think."
Paine sat up. She moved slowly back and looked at me, her eyes cold, "You really don't know." she said slowly, her voice just as cold.
I stammered, trying to find something to say, to reassure her. "Paine, I just need to think . ."
The warrior shook her head, "If you really did know then you wouldn't have to think about it. Not if you actually understood."
The heat was back.
I stood up and glared at her, "You know what? You can love me or hate me, Paine. But I actually don't fucking care!" I turned and started to walk away. Behind me, Paine stood up but made no attempt to follow me.
"The cycle continues. You have no idea what it feels like to have been left by people that you actually cared for. You're just one more, you fucking cunt!"
I halted dead and wheeled around. Paine was standing where she had been when I had gotten up. I walked slowly back to her and looked her dead in the eyes. A cool drop of water hit my cheek. A fine drizzle had started to fall from the dark sky above.
"Break me down if it make you feel better, if it makes you feel right. I don't care, not anymore. I am not the stupid, immature little blonde that you think I am." I said, my voice quivered, betraying me. Paine's eyes softened. But it was too late. I didn't even know I was going to do it.
My right hand came up and hit her. The sound of my hand on her face was eerily loud. I watched her. Her face was tilted down and turned a little to the side. He left cheek was red. For a moment I just watched her, I had hurt her. That should have been enough. But I was angry.
I tried to hit her again but she caught my wrist. I tried to free my hand but her grip was too strong. She wouldn't look at me. Her head was still tilted down and her hair hid her eyes. I tried to use my other hand, but she caught that one with her free hand. I struggled against her grip, trying desperately to free one or both of my hands.
Finally I stopped. I was breathing harder and still angry. The drizzle quickly became rain as the sky opened up. And then I followed suit. All my anger and my confusion poured out of me from my eyes as I wept. Paine's grip on my right hand loosened a fraction.
She let my right arm go free and placed her now free left hand on my back and pulled me closer. She still held my left arm, but adjusted her grip so that our arms were now hanging down by our sides. I buried my face in her neck.
Paine wrapped her arm around my waist and held me while I cried. I felt her nuzzle my ear and looked up into her face, into her eyes. She smiled and gently pressed her lips against mine.
A few days ago, I might have pulled away, but right now I welcomed the kiss, and leaned into it. I pushed my tongue past her lips and the kiss grew more passionate. I slid my free arm around her waist and tried to pull her closer.
I slowly broke the kiss, but did not break away from the embrace. She let go of my other hand, but with that hand I intertwined my fingers with hers. I nuzzled her and smiled.
"I love you, Paine." I said softly, and then locked my eyes with hers. "And I mean that."
Paine leaned down and kissed me once and laughed.
"My little Al Bhed, I think I was wrong about you. You are much, much more than meets the eye." she breathed. I giggled and lifted my hand from her waist and ran my fingers through her now soaked hair and then started to laugh.
It looked as if things were going to get a whole lot better.
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Well, that's that. I hope you enjoyed it. All comments are welcome if you have any, and as I said, my actual story is still being written so keep an eye out for when I release it. For any wondering, this story was inspired by Seether's song Breakdown. Thank you for reading.