A/N: Written for GlassCaseOfEmotion's "Blackadder Quote Competition" On the 'Harry Potter Fanfiction Challenges' forum.
Harry Potter isn't mine.
"They do say that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are, of course, wrong, as you will soon discover when I stick this toasting fork in your head."
Rodolphus winced and fought the urge to run. He knew, of course, that whatever his darling wife had set for him he probably deserved. He had a rather upsetting suspicion that it had to do with the lovely pureblood girl sitting naked in their bed- or, rather, his bed, since she had never even seen the inside of the room- because she can cheat with whomever the hell she wanted, but he couldn't, because he was supposed to be loyal.
He hated the woman in front of him. He hated her black hair that was so curly he suspected that she'd never even brushed since their escape from Azkaban. He hated her once-perfect face and her dark, dark eyes that drew the other Death Eaters close. He hated everything about her, especially- maybe he hated this most- her sharp tongue and lack of conscious, allowing her to carry through with every threat she'd ever made.
She walked closer; the fork held so tightly in her grip that her knuckles were white. Her bare feet made no noise on her sister's tiled floor, though they were tracking mud that would have Narcissa screaming for the hills. He fought the urge to smile, because he knew Cissy hated Bellatrix almost as much as he did. Such a shame, too, because they'd been so close as youngsters. Then Bella went bat-shit crazy and all fucking hell broke loose. He could see Andromeda's point now.
"Yes, Bella, I'm sure they are wrong, about all the nonsense involving pain. You, of course, know more about that particular subject than most," Rodolphus gasped out, backing up as she grew bigger in his vision.
She smirked. "Of course. Now, stay put, Rod, it'll make this so much easier. And, it'll be faster. Easier on me. Then, I'll go kill that bitch in your bedroom. She deserves it."
Rodolphus didn't stop backing up. Not until, that is, when he hit a small table that bore a Chinese tea set. When it wobbled and fell, Rodolphus knew there was not a thing he could do about it, and it shattered into a thousand tiny pieces on the floor, cutting into his feet, and, to his sick, twisted pleasure, Bellatrix's.
His pleasure was short-lived, however, because he could hear Narcissa coming down the stairs and he cursed her sharp hearing. Meanwhile, Bellatrix didn't stop in her pursuit, not even when the mud from outside mixed with the blood from her small feet. Rodolphus wanted to hurl, for only a madwoman wouldn't notice sharp, pointy things poking them.
"I don't really think…" Rodolphus said quickly, but, then, maybe that was the wrong thing to say.
"You don't think!" she cried. "No, no, no, of course you don't, you jackass! You stupid, filthy, cursed man! You don't think, because you don't understand!"
What the fuck was he supposed to understand, exactly? "I'm sorry?" he asked, reaching around to the drawer behind him, hoping against hope that the damn knife was still there.
Bellatrix paused. Fuck, she actually paused at the question. "I'm not entirely sure, exactly, because I don't understand it myself," she told him slowly, the fork falling with her arm. The whiteness in her knuckles began to fade as she lessened her death grip on the silver, and she looked up. "I was just told, once, that men aren't supposed to cheat, but women can. I thought that was marvelous, you know? Truly."
He blinked at her, his finger curling around the knife. "Is that so?" he questioned, raising an eyebrow.
She didn't move. Her gaze lingered on the ceiling above them, on the chandelier, on the ebony table to her right. She actually had the audacity not to look at him when she spoke. Talk about disrespect. "Yes," she said finally, and raised the fork again. He pulled the knife out from behind him and threw it in the general direction of her head. He saw it land in the pillar behind her- lucky bitch- and stick there. It had hit it with a nice, sickening thud, and it continued to vibrate from the impact.
Her eyes had grown impossibly wide and she dropped the fork in her shock. It was then that Narcissa finally appeared, and all she said was, as she took in the fairly interesting- to put it mildly- scene in front her, "Maybe it would be good to make sure the two of you aren't ever left alone again."
They are a handful, aren't they?