Scorpius breathes. In, out. In, out. He runs his hands along the other boys broad back, pulling him as close as he possibly can.
Right now, in the dead of the night in the empty corridor, nothing matters. It doesn't matter that they are both of the same sex, it doesn't matter that Scorpius is attached to others, Lysanders feelings don't matter right now... Nothing matters at this time because Scorpius can't let it - won't let it.
With Lysander, his touches are so caring and his rain cloud eyes seem to pierce Scorpius' soul and it makes him feel like at least one person cares. If the whole world turned their backs on Scorpius, Lysander would be there, and that's the one of the only comforting things through all of this confusion.
His feelings are practically dizzying, haunting him through his waking hours and following him into his nightmares.
Scorpius pulls away suddenly. "Lysander, I've been thinking-"
"-You've been worrying," The brunette boy cuts in.
Scorpius flinches involuntarily because the other boys knowing words cut through him - he feels transparent and he hates it. "Worrying, maybe." He shakes his head, "Although I'm not supposed to worry, am I? Everything's perfect in Scorpius Malfoys life," He mocks in his Fathers superior voice.
Lysander runs his hands up and down Scorpius' shirt, a smile playing on his features. "Things don't have to be perfect just because someone tells you they are - maybe things are perfect in their own way, it just depends on if you let others define perfect for you."
And there it is - the calm that Scorpius needs in all of this. Lysander and Scorpius balance each other out perfectly - where Scorpius has so much pent up emotion, Lysander keeps his under wraps. Lysander is Scorpius' calm in the storm. He breathes deeply. "I don't know what perfect is Lysander, but it certainly isn't this." He motions between them, "Us."
"Just because we're both boys, just because we're told we should be attracted to the opposite sex, why does that mean we listen? Why does it matter, really? We're both just two souls... And souls don't have a gender. They just find each other," He says in a soft voice, as he puts a comforting hand over Scorpius' wrist.
"But surely we know something's wrong with this when we're meeting up in a hiding place in the dead of night?" Scorpius frowns.
"Maybe so. Or maybe we just want to keep this between us because once people get their hands on happiness, they tear it apart."
And it wrenches Scorpius' heart to hear Lysander say such sincere words, because this isn't happiness. Maybe Lysander likes to pretend it is - maybe they both did. "You want to know what I think?"
"Always..."
"I think we are pretending. I think I am pretending to myself that I am okay about this, and pretending that I use you as a distraction from my problems. I think you're pretending that you don't care about the other girls, I think you're pretending that you don't care about this. And I think we're pretending that one day this is going to have a happy ending... I think we're pretending that come morning, nothing changes." Tears sting the back of Scorpius' eyes but he refuses to let them fall - not now, now is not the time.
Lysander nods slowly. "And I think that it's okay to pretend sometimes." Then he pulls Scorpius closer, lips press on lips and for these frozen moments of time, pretending doesn't matter.
A/N- This is the only slash pairing I've ever written, and the only one I'll probably ever right - I just love them! I hope you guys do too :) I wrote this for the 'Secret Relationships' Challenge with the prompt 'pretending'. Please review to let me now what you think!