Author's Note:
Hi, everyone!
First of all, if you're one of my followers, I want to thank you for sticking with me. I know, I never post anything a) because I'm lame and don't write nearly as much as I should, and b) because I'm just so darn busy all the time! But here's a little something new-new and very different. It's written mostly for my own enjoyment, but I'm posting it in case anyone else might need some lighthearted, what I like to call "fluff" writing in their life right now. I happen to adore both fairy tales and Phineas & Ferb, so, without further ado, I present the first chapter of...
Sleeping Cutie
A Phineas & Ferb and Fairy Tale Crossover
"Once Upon a Time," a narrator's deep voice began, "in the faraway kingdom of Danland, there lived a lonely king and queen. Day after day, King Monogram and Queen Carl sat on their thrones and were very sad, because—"
"Wait," Carl said suddenly, his nasally voice issuing from beneath his tiara. "That's all we're doing? Sitting here? Aren't we supposed to be ruling the kingdom, or something?"
"Carl, be quiet!" Monogram hissed, snapping up. "We're supposed to be looking sad!"
"Why do I have to be the queen?" Carl moaned.
"Because we needed someone to fill the role. Now shh!" said Monogram.
"But this dress is so itchy! Who invented green velvet, anyway?"
"SHH!" the king commanded, before he once again assumed his miserable expression. The narrator cleared his throat and continued.
"—they were sad, because they had no children. Fortunately, not long after that, their wish was granted, and a baby girl was born."
A servant suddenly entered through a side door, bearing a swaddled pink bundle. King Monogram gasped with delight and eagerly held out his arms.
"Wait," said Queen Carl. "It's that easy? Why didn't we get one earlier, then?"
"Oh, shut up, Carl!" said Monogram jubilantly, before he held up the bundle before the court. "My people, I give you: the Princess Isabella!"
The hall echoed with joyful cheers. Flags flapped. Trumpets resounded. Caps were thrown into the air in celebration. As the narrator continued, suddenly balloons were inflated, servants were running to and fro with streamers, and the doors to the throne room were thrown wide as a stream of noble guests entered, bearing gifts.
"Not long after that—"
"And if by not long, you mean five seconds," Queen Carl muttered.
"—not long after that, the King and Queen decided to throw a party in honor of their new daughter. Among their invited guests were King Lawrence and Queen Linda of the neighboring kingdom of Flynn-Fletcher, along with their young son, Prince Phineas."
"Welcome to Danland," King Monogram exclaimed, giving the baby to Queen Carl. Rising from his throne, he seized the family in a great big bear hug.
"Oh!" Lawrence exclaimed.
"Oh, my," Linda said, laughing. "You certainly squeeze…tightly!"
"Oh!" The king let go and stepped back. "Oh, dear. Ahem. Excuse me; I apologize."
"Oh, that's quite alright," said King Lawrence good-naturedly. "It's only natural to be excited about such a wonderful occurrence."
"Oh, yes," agreed Queen Linda. "We just wanted to congratulate you, King Monogram."
"Why, thank you," he beamed.
"Um, hello?" said Carl, placing his hands on his hips. "What about me?"
"Oh, yes; and you, too, Queen Carl," Lawrence amended.
"And this strapping young lad must be Phineas, am I right?" King Monogram said, waving at the toddler in Linda's arms.
"Phineas, go give Princess Isabella your present," Linda cooed, setting the little boy down. Young Phineas toddled up to the cradle, where Queen Carl lifted him up so he could see the princess inside. Isabella gurgled with delight as she looked at the shiny golden locket in Phineas' hand.
"Oh, what a lovely present," said Carl.
"Why, thank you," said Lawrence. "We helped him pick it out, but he made the modifications himself."
As the little prince dropped the locket into the cradle, it popped open, projecting a holographic image of rainbows and unicorns and flowers and teddy bears and butterflies and…(well, you get the idea.) In addition to the flashing images, the locket also played a lovely, tinkling lullaby.
"Oh!" King Monogram said, while Queen Carl hurriedly put the little prince back down. "Well, that's—most, um, extraordinary. Thank you."
"It was just then that the monarchs all simultaneously got an idea," said the narrator's voice.
Suddenly, Monogram, Lawrence, and Linda all turned to each other. "I've got an idea!" they said at the exact same time.
"When Phineas and Isabella are older—" said Lawrence,
"—I think it would be wonderful—" said Linda,
"—if they got married!—" exclaimed Monogram,
"—allowing our two kingdoms—"
"—to unite, becoming one—"
"—in peace and prosperity!" finished the king. "Splendid! Then let it be known that on this day, my only daughter, the Princess Isabella, shall be betrothed to Prince Phineas of Flynn!"
The news was greeted with rousing cheers from the guests.
"What, the princess doesn't get any say in this?" said Carl incredulously.
"It's tradition, Carl!" said the king. "Be quiet!"
"Sorry, sir."
Suddenly, a messenger rushed up.
"Your majesty, the fairies have arrived!"
"Excellent!" said the king, turning to the center of the room. In a shower of sparkles, three strange beings suddenly appeared. One was short, with cinnamon skin and close-cropped, curly black hair, dressed in a blue tunic and wings. Another was tall, stocky, and block-toothed, with a brown crew cut and a red tunic and wings. The third wasn't even human; he was a blue platypus, yet he walked on two legs and gave off an unmistakable aura of intelligence. He was dressed in a dapper green tunic, with wings protruding from his back. This fairy, whose name was Perry, approached the King and bowed, gesturing for the other two to follow.
"Good fairies, we are most pleased to have you here at the christening of the Princess Isabella," the king said.
"Why does she even need to be christened?" Carl interjected. "You already announced her name in front of the whole court!"
"It's the principle of the thing!" said the king. "Besides, who doesn't like a party?"
"Well, we're really happy to be here, sire," said the red boy.
"I always thought that fairies were female," said the blue boy, looking down at his outfit.
"Don't be sexist, Baljeet!" said Red. "Guys can be fairies, too!"
"Whatever you say, Buford," said Baljeet with a sigh.
"Now, c'mon. We're supposed to give her our gifts," said Buford, pointing to the cradle. The three approached. Perry zipped ahead of the boys to perch on a little stool next to the bassinet. As he looked down at the burbling baby, the platypus' normally stern face softened into a smile.
"You go first," said Buford, pushing Baljeet forward.
"M-me?" said Baljeet. "Wh-what do I do?"
"Just give her your gift! It's not that complicated."
"Oh. Okay. Princess Isabella, I present you with my gift!" said Baljeet, putting a hand inside his cloak and withdrawing a duckling-patterned baby blanket.
There was a pause.
"…That's it?" said Buford.
"What's it?" said Baljeet, looking up at him.
"Just the blanket? It's not, I don't know—enchanted in some way? Does it do anything?"
"Yes; it keeps you warm on cold nights. Castle rooms can be very drafty."
"You dummy!" exclaimed Buford. "We're fairies! We're supposed to give the princess awesome gifts, like beauty, or a nice voice, or something like that!"
"What's the point?" said Baljeet. "She's a fairy tale princess; she'd be beautiful anyway!"
"It doesn't matter," Buford proclaimed. "It's our duty! You gotta do something more than just a blanket!—"
Suddenly, they were interrupted by the coos of baby Isabella, who reached out for the blanket, opening and closing her tiny fists. Baljeet dropped the blanket into the cradle, and within seconds, Isabella had it snuggled against her cheek.
"Aww," said Carl.
"Well, it looks like she likes it!" said Baljeet triumphantly.
"Meh," said Buford. "Step aside, buddy, and let the real master show you how it's done." Buford stepped dramatically forward, twirling his wand with a flourish. "I give Princess Isabella the gift of guts! She'll be so spunky, nothin' can stand in her way. Ever. Ever, ever!"
He stepped back, and turned to Baljeet. "There. See?"
"Oh," said Baljeet. "Well, I guess I can do a little more—erm—" He snapped his fingers. "Oh! I've got it!—I give Princess Isabella the gift of intelligence! She'll be really, really smart. She'll have the best SAT scores in the whole kingdom!" He twirled his own wand and turned to Buford. "How's that?"
Buford rolled his eyes. "Fine. Whatever."
"Yay!" said Baljeet. He turned to the platypus. "Okay. It's your turn, Per—"
Suddenly, they were interrupted by a disturbance in the crowd. A raspy voice issued through the hall:
"Urgh—excuse me; out of my way; pardon me; sorry; coming through—"
"What's going on?" asked King Monogram, but his question was answered as a tall figure finally squeezed its way through two robust courtiers at the front. The fairy Perry's eyes widened. The intruder had two black horns protruding from his head, and carried a twisted wooden staff with an eerie purple crystal at the top. He might have looked menacing, except for the fact that he tripped over his long, black-and-purple robes as he approached the king, falling flat on the floor.
"Oof!..." The figure sighed. "Not quite the dramatic entrance I was hoping for."
"The evil sorcerer, Malefischmirtz!" King Monogram exclaimed. Carl scooped Isabella up into his arms. Carefully, Fairy Perry slid off of his stool and slunk behind the cradle, peering out at from behind. The good fairies had had many a run-in with Malefischmirtz before, and if there was one thing Perry could be certain of, it was that the sorcerer was up to no good.
"Yes, that's me!" Malefischmirtz proclaimed, picking himself up off the floor and dusting off his robes.
"How did you get in?" asked Baljeet.
"Well…" Malefischmirtz said, confused. "The front door was open. I just—well, I just walked in."
"You're a sorcerer. Aren't you supposed to, like, appear in a big puff of colorful smoke?" asked Buford. Malefischmirtz scratched his head.
"Oh. Well, I guess you have a point. I really oughta try that sometime. Thanks for the idea!" He turned to the king and queen. "I'm so sorry I'm late. My invitation got lost in the mail, so I wasn't sure exactly what time the party started. I hope I didn't miss the cake and ice cream!"
"Don't hurt my baby!" Queen Carl exclaimed, clutching baby Isabella to him.
"What?" said Malefischmirtz. "Why would I do that?"
"Because there's no more ice cream," said Carl.
"What!?" exclaimed Malefischmirtz, looking around at all the chocolate moustaches in the crowd. "You mean, you all had the ice cream without me!? Wait a minute—!" He turned to the king and queen, pointing an accusing finger. "I'll bet my invitation didn't really get lost in the mail. I bet you just didn't invite me! Am I right!?"
"Well, we generally prefer not to have 'evil' guests at our parties," said Monogram.
"This is so unfair!" said Malefischmirtz. "I never get invited to parties, just because I'm evil." He pointed to Baljeet and Buford. "Oh, sure, you invite all the good fairies, but the evil ones are always left out! I'm sick of being left out!"
"Hold on—there might be some ice cream left in way in the back of the freezer," said Carl. "I could go check!"
"No, no, it's too late," said Malefischmirtz with a dismissive wave of his hand. "I'm already embittered! I'll make you regret the day you decided not to invite me!" He turned menacingly to Buford and Baljeet. "I suppose you good fairies gave her lots of nice gifts, didn't you?—"
"Yes," Baljeet nodded. "I gave her intelligence and a blanket with ducklings on it, and Buford—"
"Shut up, dummy!" hissed Buford. "It's a rhetorical question!"
"Oh."
"—because I also have a gift for the little princess!" Malefischmirtz sneered. He turned to the court. "Let it be known that one day, the princess Isabella will prick her finger on a spindle and die!—"
With an evil laugh, he aimed his staff at the cradle; a black light shot out, illuminating it with an eerie glow.
"No!" exclaimed King Monogram.
"NOOOO!" yelled Queen Carl, throwing himself backwards in a dramatic swoon.
THUD!
"…ow."
"Carl, why did you do that!?" asked the king.
"Sorry, sir; they said that this part was supposed to be dramatic."
"You big bully!" exclaimed Buford, pointing accusingly at Malefischmirtz. "What'd Isabella ever do to you!?"
"It's not what she did, it's what they did," protested Malefischmirtz, pointing at the king and queen.
"Still, just because you didn't get invited to a party doesn't mean you have to kill someone!" Baljeet said.
"Hmm…" Malefischmirtz rubbed the back of his neck in thought. "Well, guess it is a little extreme...but there's nothing you can do about it!" he laughed. "Fairy law says only one gift per fairy per christening, and you've already given the princess your gifts! There's no one who can save her now!—"
That's my cue, thoughtPerry.
Without further ado, the platypus leaped out from behind the cradle and ninja-rolled to a stop, right in front of the sorcerer. Assuming a karate-stance, he swapped out his pointed fairy-hat for a brown fedora.
"Perry the Fairy-pus!" exclaimed Malefischmirtz.
"Ha! You're wrong, Shmirtz-guy!" said Buford. "Only Baljeet and I gave the princess our gifts. Perry's still got his left."
"What!?" sputtered Malefischmirtz. "Well, but, but, even you can't reverse my gift," he said, pointing at Perry. "Right?..."
Perry stared at him, his mind racing. As much as he hated to admit it, the sorcerer was right. Ever since the Second Fairy War, fairy law had prohibited overturning another fairy's gift. He growled in frustration. What could he do?—
"Ha ha! See!? I told you!" Malefischmirtz sneered. "Even the fairy Perry can't save her. I win!—"
Just then, Perry held up one finger in the universal sign for "Wait just a cotton'-pickin' minute!"
"—oh," said Malefischmirtz, as Perry began to mime his gift.
"So, what you're saying is…" The sorcerer squinted, struggling to interpret Perry's charades. The platypus pointed at the cradle, then shook his head, then drew one finger across his neck in a throat-cutting motion. "You're saying—she won't die!?..."
Perry shook his head.
"Okay, so, she won't die, but…"
Perry pointed again to the cradle, then placed both hands beneath his head like a pillow and pretended to snore.
"…but she'll just be asleep!?" said Malefischmirtz incredulously.
Perry nodded again, before he puckered up his lips in a kiss, then opened his eyes, stretched and yawned.
"And then one day, she'll be awakened by the kiss of a handsome prince!?"
Perry directed his wand at the cradle, and suddenly the little princess was illuminated by a beam of golden light.
"NO!" Malefischmirtz raged. "Curse you, Perry the Fairy-pus!" He pointed at the fairy. "This isn't over. You'll see!... " Without further ado, the sorcerer turned and strode out the door. "Now, I'm going to go get some ice cream. I think the grocery store is open late on Saturdays."
Perry folded his arms, glaring holes in his enemy's back.
"What are we going to do!?" asked King Monogram urgently. "We have to protect the princess!"
"Eh, I'm not sure you can do much," Buford shrugged.
"He's right," Baljeet agreed. "Malefischmirtz is very powerful. He'll find some way to make the curse come true."
"Is there nothing we can do?" Monogram asked.
"Well…" said Buford.
"I have an idea!" said Baljeet, before he put his hand down. "But, it's probably not very good. Never mind."
"No, no, let's hear it," said the king.
"Well," said Baljeet hesitantly. "What if we were to hide her? Out of sight, out of mind, as the saying goes. If we hid the princess, maybe Malefischmirtz would forget all about the curse."
"…Y'know, that's actually not bad," said Buford thoughtfully. "I'm sure, given time, he'd forget all about cursing someone with their death. What do you think, Fairy Perry?"
Perry shrugged. We could try it, I suppose.
"But how could we hide her?" the king asked.
"We'll do it!" Buford proclaimed.
"We will!?" said Baljeet, surprised.
"Yeah. No way would Malefischmirtz expect the princess to be hiding with the three good fairies who saved her life!"
"I guess you have a point," said Baljeet. "But what do you know about parenting?"
Buford waved him off. "Doesn't matter. I'm a fast learner! Besides, I've got you guys to help me." He glared at Baljeet. "Right?..."
"Oh! Right!" Baljeet gulped.
"But where will you take her?" the king asked.
"…Oh. Yeah. That's a good point, I guess," said Buford, after a second's pause. Perry suddenly snapped his fingers. "What is it, fairy Perry? Do you have an idea?"
Perry nodded and promptly pulled out a map. He unscrolled it, pointing to a particular spot.
"Here? In the abandoned woodcutter's cottage?" said Buford. Perry gave him a thumbs-up.
"Impossible!" proclaimed King Monogram. "The Princess Isabella, live in a cottage like a commoner!?"
"Well, it would help to throw Malefischmirtz off the trail," Baljeet pointed out.
"—Oh. You have a point," admitted Monogram.
"I guess that's settled, then," said Buford. Perry gave another thumbs-up.
"But how long will she be away?" protested the king. His eyes suddenly glimmered with tears. "We'll miss her!"
"Just long enough for Malefischmirtz to forget about the curse," said Baljeet reassuringly.
"Ten years oughta do it," said Buford.
Baljeet continued. "Then, we can bring her back to the castle when it's time for her to meet her betrothed."
King Monogram rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "…Very well," he said. Queen Carl reached into the bassinet, and Perry carefully took the pink bundle in his arms, peering down at the infant princess inside. His jaw was set in a determined line. He would protect her. He had to.
"C'mon, guys. Let's go," said Buford. The king and queen waved sadly as the three good fairies and the princess disappeared in a shower of gold sparkles.
"Goodbye, Isabella," sniffed Carl.
Thanks for reading! Chapter 2 will come eventually. :)