Fairy Tale Twist
Once upon a time, there was a glorious kingdom in a land far, far away. The rulers of this kingdom wished and hoped for a child and one day, their wish came true.
The king and queen were just beginning to go so sleep when they heard a suspicious hiss.
"Psst!". When they found the source, it was coming from behind one of the grand curtains.
The king pulled it back to reveal an unusually small man. The queen was about to call on a guard when he said,
"You wish to bare children, correct?."
The queen eyed the man curiously. "That is true but it has deemed impossible."
"Nay, you may have children if you have a woven gold gown. If you rub the hem three times a day, your wish will come true."
By now the poor woman was sobbing with joy but suddenly stopped as she realized what he said.
"Woven gold, you say? It is impossible. No one can accomplish such a feat." the queen said, distraught. The King who had been silent during their exchange attempted to console his wife.
"My dear, do not worry. There are many children that would do as our child."
"Ahem." interrupted the little man. A smile began to slowly form on his surprisingly aged features. An image that would haunt the toughest of men.
"I am able to complete the task, but like all wishes, there is a price to pay."
The king and queen then both began to beg.
"What is it? Anything"!
"Your first born child." he said nonchalantly while picking his dirty fingernails. The queen wailed and thrashed in her bedclothes while the king tried unsuccessfully to negotiate.
"Please, there must be another way!" But the man stood firm. Finally after hours of debating, the rulers agreed under the term that the child would grow up to live life to the fullest. So, the gown was woven and the queen rubbed the hem every day til she fell pregnant.
A year later, a baby girl was born named Rapunzel. She was whisked away the day she was born by a strange cookie-man running as fast as he could, never to lay eyes on her parents again. The little man and the cookie, later identified by medieval authorities as Rumplestiltskin and his accomplice Gingerbread Man, threw her in a deep trench guarded by the Big Bad Wolf, who had been a suspect in the suspicious disappearance of the Gingerbread Man.
Rumors swirled around kingdom to kingdom that a beautiful princess was awaiting rescue and many tried in vain to save her until one fateful day...
(Currently in 100 acre wood, 18 yrs. later)
"Oi! Billy!"
"Here, Byl!"
"Did Goldy-lochs sit on my log again?" cried a mountain goat in a red knitted sweater. He and his brothers were traveling off the I-5 when they got lost somewhere on Yellow Brick rd. when they came across a young Scottish girl crying near a fallen tree.
*flashback*
The Gruffs' had just pulled out the map and where looking around wildly to get their bearings when they heard a small cry.
"'Elp! Ahm lost!" When they found her they could not see her face for she was burrowed deep beneath her golden hair, weeping.
"Hey there, Sunshine. It's alright. We're lost too!" said the youngest (certainly not the wisest) Gruff, Billie. His brothers nudged his ribs, clearly indicating he wasn't helping when the poor girl wailed louder. When she finally looked up at the concerned faces of the goats, she smiled a timid smile and asked for help.
"D'you mind 'elpin' me? Ahm a wee bit lost and can't find mah grandmother's cottage."
"'Course we can 'elp ya, sister! That is, until we find ourselves…." the oldest goat trailed off.
"Jus' stick with us! We can 'elp each other, yeah?" asked the middle Gruff. The girl just smiled in response.
"Right-o! Well I'm the oldest Gruff, Billy. That one there is the middle Gruff, Byl. Lastly is the youngest Gruff, Billie! You are?" Billy asked politely.
"Ach, ahm Goldy-lochs McPorridge!" she curtsied.
*end flashback*
Byl sat down huffily. "I thought I told her to stay off me log? Ev'ry time she gets up, she leaves stringy gold hairs ev'rywhere!" It had been five days they had been lost, since Goldy-lochs arrived.
"Oh, calm down, Byl." reprimanded Billie, who was munching a dandelion stem thoughtfully.
Byl, who was older than him by two years, turned his head towards him very slowly and stared before he ripped the stem away. Billie sat there shocked before he just picked up another and resumed his posture. Before Byl could get a word in, Billy walked into their camp followed by Goldy-lochs, or Ness as Billie started calling her.
"It's too quiet. I don't like it." the oldest Gruff said.
"Ah think we should keep movin', don't ya think lads?" the young girl whispered nervously.
"Aye. Come on boys, let's move." In 30 minutes they were ready to head out again.
About a mile in, the Gruffs and Co. began to notice strange things: the trees were getting thinner and less frequent, there was not and animal in sight, and the ground consisted more of rock than dirt. The whole ordeal made their hair stand up, which made Ness look as if she'd been shocked.
Soon, they came to a clearing. In the middle was a deep trench going on for miles deep and wide. There were also a bridge running across it and four tents propped up at the cliff, seemingly abandoned. As the group drew closer, they noticed the silhouette of someone or something occupying the biggest of the tents. The oldest gruff decided to leave well enough alone and just cross the bridge, for on the other side he saw Yellow Brick rd. Billy led the way up to the rickety bridge but before he placed even one hoof on the wooden board, they heard a deafening roar. All eyes snapped to the tent where the silhouette stood and called out in a rather raspy voice.
"Fe, fi, fo, fin. I'll huff and puff till your house blows in. Be it occupied or be it free? I'll shred your skin for grated cheese!"
No one dared breathe. The shadow in the house heaved up and down and finally emerged. Both the Guff's and Goldy-lochs' eyes were glued on the gigantic wolf that came out of the tent. His teeth where bared and was foaming from the mouth. He wore a ripped up t-shirt that said 'bite me' on it and fluffy pink bunny slippers. It would have been hilarious on different circumstances but, alas, it was not. While the goats were shocked still, Goldy-lochs had an epiphany.
"Ach! Those 'er me grandmother's slippers yah be havin' on yer feet, laddie." she cried, outraged. Could it be true? she thought. The wolf's gaze flickered to her and said in that same raspy underused voice,
"I have not a clue of what you are saying. I bought these from three bears I met on my way to get groceries about a year ago." he said looking all the while both confused and menacing.
With the mystery of the bunny slippers unresolved, they continued.
"What is your purpose here?" he growled walking up to them, "license and registration, please."
"Sure." huffed Billy as he handed over the proper information. The wolf examined the papers, eyes flickering from the papers to the goats and girl. Finally, he handed them back and with an exasperated sigh said,
"I can not let you pass."
"What d'you mean?" cried Ness. This was just not her week.
"I mean what I said, now disperse!"
"No." said Byl with his head up. They needed to cross the bridge, so they would do so.
"No?"
"We need to get across; we have been lost for six days and are not turning back now. So either let us pass or…or…" stuttered little Billie as the wolf stood from his hunched over stance to his full height.
Right then, Byl made the split decision to run toward the bridge with everyone following soon after. With an outraged roar, the wolf ran on all fours towards the group, gaining fast.
In the back of the frantic group was the oldest Gruff. He stopped suddenly and waited for the wolf to get close enough then, WHAM! He kicked his hind legs out and knocked the wolf out cold. The rest of his entourage cheered for him. When they were in the middle of the bridge, they heard a weak call for help.
"Help! Is anybody up there?"
"We are here but who are you? said Byl.
"My name is Rapunzel." she called.
"Hmmm, I think I heard that in a story once." thought Billie out loud. "Wasn't she asleep forever?"
"No that's Cinderella!" said Byl as if it was the most obvious thing.
"No, no, no! Yah've got it wrong!" laughed Ness.
"Oi! Can we keep a level head, please? She is the princess from that one kingdom in that one place that got taken from that one guy…once upon a time!" yelled Billy, frustrated.
"Please! Goat Gruff! Goat Gruff! Let down your beard! called the princess. Billy had forgotten his long beard that he had grown out. It was about sixteen feet long and was pinned to his chin in a messy bun. Goldy-lochs let it loose from its confines and it tumbled down deep in the darkness that was the trench. Billy felt a slight weight on his chin as Rapunzel climbed. When she was finally out of the thick fog, he could clearly see her figure. She was tall but very skinny and had hair black as ebony, lips red as a rose, and skin white as snow. When she reached the bridge, she climbed on top of Byl and they continued their journey.
The next day, as they were packing due to camping out that night, something caught Rapunzel's eye.
"Oh, look! It's my home! I know it is, it looks so familiar." she wondered, looking out to where a castle stood proudly against the sunrise.
"'K, then. It looks like we have our destination!" stated Billie. Always one for the obvious.
And so they set out…again. At long last, they reached the castle and the welcome horns blared. Stares were thrown their way as they stood at the center of the court awaiting the king and queen.
"Welcome to our home!" the king said as he walked to his throne with his queen on his arm. His eyes seem to have lost that shine I saw as I looked up from my crib as a baby. thought Rapunzel. Just then the queen jumped from her seat, scaring her husband at the same time, as she rushed forward and embraced Rapunzel.
"Daughter." she whispered as a silent tear trekked down her face. The king finally caught on and ran down and swooped them up.
"My family is whole again!" he rejoiced and the kingdom took up the call,
"Long live the princess!"
(two yrs. later)
"I told you to pack your own snack, Billie, I told you time and time again." sighed Billy.
"I know…but can I just have a wee nibble of an apple?" Billie hoped. Goldy-lochs was rubbing off on him as much as he was her. They were thick as thieves and were nearly inseparable with their pranks.
"Fine!" replied Billy, "I can't believe Rapunzel is getting married!"
"To a King, no less!" added Byl, who had just finished packing his bag.
"Ev'ry one ready?" asked Goldy-lochs, coming downstairs. She had chosen to stay with the Gruffs after their adventure and learned that her old neighbors the Bears had killed her grandmother and sold her belongings. They sold her brick house to a little pig who, evidentially, had a run-in with the Big Bad Wolf also.
"Ready!" they answered.
(the wedding)
"I now pronounce you king and queen! You may kiss your bride."
The crowd erupted as they shared true love's fist kiss. They ran out of the church to the ringing of the bells but on the way, Rapunzel lost her shoe.
"Oh, dear!" she said, but then let it be and hopped in the carriage. The bouquet landed in the arms of Byl who looked next to him and saw a female goat batting her eyelashes. He gulped and looked away clapping as the couple drove off into the sunset. Then a curtain closed, blocking their eyes. The group, Gruffs and Co. looked at each other and thought at the same time: this is too much like a fairy tale!
THE END!