Meet Riku. We look absolutely nothing alike but come from the same womb. Somedays I want to kill him completely out of envy, and some days he's the perfect shoulder to lean on. He's a good guy and has a big heart, but sometimes can be a little conceited. Not that he doesn't completely earn it, I mean the dude is pretty hot. Fuck off, he's my brother and this sure as hell isn't gonna be a incest story. Girls come far and wide to just take a peek at him, as he's been on the cover of every magazine to article from PEOPLE ISLEWATCH, ISLESTYLE, to BELLE. If it's a magazine, Riku's probably been a feature on it. Why he stays here in Destiny Islands…. I'll never know. Enough about him, where's my intro? I'm the main character here!
Finally. The name is Sora. I'm 19 years old, got brown hair, blue eyes, yadadada you know what I look like. I've been single for damn near most of my life and don't really have a problem with it. It's a shame though... the gene that gives luck for the ladies apparently skipped me and was all sucked into my idiot brother. Yeah, I'm not a nice guy. If you fall, I'll probably laugh at you. But when shit goes down, I'm always there to pick you back up. Maybe I'm not perfect, but hell, who is?
So Riku, my 'twin' brother. Sure I've thought about using him. Don't look at me like that, you know you would too. Do you know how desperate those savages are just to smell a lock of his hair? They'd do virtually anything to get to him, including taking advantage of me. Not that that's ever happened before…
Not until today.
"Sora, get your ass up. You've been sleeping in every day this summer, it's time to get a life."
"Mffmmmtoootiredmmmm" I replied, turning back over to the warm side of the bed. Suddenly, the warmth was gone, and I immediately reverted to the fetal position.
"WHERE IS IT? MY PRECIOUS! IT'S OURS AND WE WANTS IT!" I growled and lunged for the thief who stole my blanket.
"Whoa, chill out Gollra. Take your blanket back, but be ready in five because I'm dragging your ass out of here if I have to!" Riku scolded while making his escape out the door. I rubbed my eyes and begrudgingly got ready.
"Stuid Riku thinks he can get me up early…." I looked to my clock, verifying that I was woken up before 3pm. "That dick."
A small brawl over the last bowl of Paupu Puffs and a groggy shower later, the two were headed off.
"Jesus Sora, I see now in the sun you're even paler than paper now. We're going to the beach so you can get some pigment back," Riku teased behind his wayfarer glasses. He unlocked the door and jumped in his sports car. I stopped immediately.
"Oh no. No, no, no, no. I'm not dealing with beaches or stupid fucking publicity. And for the record, just because I don't go to the tan salon every day," Riku pulls down his glasses and winks, "doesn't mean I'm the weird one here!" I defended. He then sighs and pulls his glasses off.
"Listen dude, I know you've been cooped up in the house far too long for your own good. And honestly, I blame myself for that. Dealing with paparazzi isn't fun, but you have to bite the bullet if you wanna live a little!"
I gave him a shit-eating grin and got in the car.
"Yeah, it is your fault isn't it. I'm terrified of those assholes…. and the girls especially," I muttered at the end. Riku abruptly stopped the car and looked over at me.
"Wait a minute. Is that why you've been so weird lately? My baby brother is growing up!"
"Shut up dude. It's not funny," I eyed the people honking behind us, "Let's just go already, you're holding up the damn traffic."
"Oh, whoops." Riku waved his hand out the window and continued driving, "Anyways, this is perfect! The beach is the best place to pick up chicks!" I simply sighed while Riku went on and on about different rules and etiquettes. When he goes off like this, it's best to pretend to listen and nod your head because there's no convincing him to stop.
After what seemed like an eternity of babbling, we finally stopped in the parking lot.
"...case that happens, then its a bro-code 3 in which case you don't panic, just warn every one of your friends and get the hell out of there. You got all that, sunshine?" I nodded and proceeded to dread the next three hours of my life.
"Wait a second, how am I supposed to talk to a girl when they'll be all smothering you?" I asked triumphantly. Now there's no way I have to do anything. I'll just let the crowd do the work for me.
"Don't worry, I thought this might happen one day, wait here!" Riku commanded and ran to his trunk. After some scuffling around and some odd noises, he returned….wearing a fire hydrant suit.
"Ta da! Now people can't recognize me on the beach! It's the perfect disguise! Here, take this communicator." I looked him up and down, then shook my head. Nope. This is definitely real life.
"Are you for real right now? I knew you were stupid, but this is a special kind of stupid! How are you supposed to be 'undercover' when there are no freakin' fire hydrants on a beach! Jesus. You know what? I'm just gonna humour you." I slapped the comms unit in my ear and gave Riku a thumbs up.
"Alpha Hydrant to Key of Destiny, do you read me? Over!" Riku crackled over the mic as I walked away.
"Riku, just shut the fuck up. I'm gonna find a nice tree to relax under, alright?" I growled, walking closer to the entrance of the beach.
"Good idea! There'll be tons of chicks in the shade cooling off after a long tan!" the hydrant responded. I simply shook my head, and gasped at the sight.
Perfect 10's. Fucking. Everywhere.
AN: Alright if it isn't blatantly obvious yet, this is just a comedy fic just to get me back into the habit of writing. This is completely un-edited laziness that I spewed out in less than an hour. If I get ten reviews maybe I'll write another chapter but if not I'm scrapping it and giving my other fics some much needed love. If you noticed my writing style changed, don't panic. I have different styles for different types of stories.