A/N: Guys, I did some ugly sobbing over the last few chapters of Allegiant. Not because Tris died (I'm not a huge fan of her on her own. Please don't kill me), but because of poor Tobias's heartbreak over it. This is me giving him some closure. And there might be a second chapter in the future. Maybe.
….
Today I am marrying Christina. 8 years have passed. 8 years since the Revolution (that's what they call it now, what happened all those years ago. The Revolution) and for me the days where it feels like just yesterday still occur all too frequently. Christina and I became close after. Not only did she know what it was like to lose someone she loved, but she knew Tris better than anyone. She understood what I was feeling and she knew just how to help me cope. Over time, as our friends grew up and paired off, we became more and more reliant on each other. She leaned on me as much as I did her. I'm sure the others still grieve, I'm sure they still feel the pain on certain days, but as the years passed it didn't seem like they felt is as much or as frequently as she and I did.
I'm not in love with her. I've felt like that before and this isn't it, not even close; but I do love her. She makes me feel better, she makes me stronger. I need her, I love her.
But she'll never be Tris. She'll never hold my heart the way Tris did.
It's okay though, because I don't hold her's either. Apparently the connection between her and Will was deeper than anyone really knew. She still has nightmares; she's told me, involving him and the simulation and guns. I get it. I have nightmares too.
Christina understands me in a way that no one else can anymore. I'm still close to Zeke and Cara and the others, but it isn't the same for them. They lost people in the Revolution. They have grief too. But they've been able to move on better than Christina and I have. Maybe it's because they didn't lose their soulmates. They have family and friends, and now spouses, who can help them cope and bring them hope and happiness. Even with the scars from the Revolution that they bear, they seem to have more good days than bad. That isn't the case for us, which is why we need each other.
The ceremony is small and simple, with only a few friends and family in attendance. And when the vows are said and the officiator declares that I can kiss my bride, I press my lips to the very corner of hers, just for a minute. It's not romantic. We can't be romantic. She'll never be my soulmate and I'll never be hers. We can't fix each other's broken hearts. Nothing can fix them anymore; but together we can patch them up decently enough. She doesn't fill the gaping hole Tris left, but she's able to plug it up. There are still cracks and openings and wounds, but it is better. From a distance, if you don't look too closely, she almost makes it seem whole. She almost makes me seem whole.
And I know I do the same for her.
I'm not in love with Christina. But I do love her. And she loves me. And after everything we we've been through, after everything we've lost, there's not much more we can hope for.