Making It Home
John was itching to get out of the car he was driving as he pulled into the parking lot of the Angel Square Hotel. For some reason the ride to AC and back had never seemed to long, even without a lot of traffic on the Turnpike. Tiredly, he let out a sigh as he put the car in park, thankful that Hugh Hughes had helped him out by trading cars when they had run into each other at a Wawa on the one of the Pikes that lead the way into and out of AC, as opposed to the Expressway. The fact was that he had been contemplating turning around and going back to his mother's since his car was acting up, but hadn't wanted to disappoint Natalie, and by his act of kindness, Hugh had prevented that from happening.
For some reason, getting home to her held more urgency than usual for him. Turning around, or pulling off on the side of the Garden State or PA Turnpike due to car trouble was the last thing he wanted that night. What he did want was to help Natalie celebrate her success on her latest forensic tests results, as they had planned before he had to do the prisoner transfer, plus give her an extra surprise.
His stop at his Mom's had shown her excitement and agreement that Natalie was the one for him, even with her going so far as to offer him her engagement ring, as well as his parents' wedding bands. Wedding bands that he knew full well she still wore on a necklace to keep them close to her heart and away from prying eyes. He'd hugged her fiercely as he left her home, with her wedding ring in his pocket, unable to accept her other gift offer, and headed to his father's grave.
What he envisioned there made him sure that this was the road he had to take with Natalie. Reaching for his cell to let his mother know he had made the trip home safely, he paused and stared at the empty seat. "Sh!t," he muttered as he realized he'd not only forgotten to take his cell phone, but his badge was also in the jacket he had left thrown on the passenger seat of his car.
Shaking his head, he unbuckled his seatbelt and pulled the keys out of the ignition, figuring he would just call his mother when he had gotten into the apartment, and after he got his answer from Natalie. Smiling he go out of his car, muttering under his breathe: "she won't mind you calling her later with the good news. And it's not like you're a kid who's going to be late for curfew…"
Natalie sat looking over her notes, her mind wandering to John. She was excited for tonight. She couldn't help but be, with the room filled with balloons and how mysterious he had been.
Sure, he had claimed he wanted to celebrate her success in the Forensics program, but there was more to it.
She was sure of it.
It wasn't that she wasn't proud of how far she came in the program or how fast- she had worked harder than the majority of her classmates just because of her last name, and she knew it. Her first grades showed that the teachers wouldn't let her slide by on the knowledge she had gathered with her BA and a MA her family didn't know she had, or cared to. She was a Buchanan so she had to prove she was more than the pampered niece of the Police Commissioner or just McBain's girl.
And it wasn't the first time.
Closing her book she leaned back on the bed and stared at the ceiling, her arms wrapping around her chest at the mixture of feelings overcoming her. John her been mysterious and more in his head, even at home , then usual, and she didn't know why.
Eyelids drifting shut, she had flashes of their life together blending and swirling in her mind as if she was falling down the fame rabbit's hole of Alice, with no way out.
At the sound of the knock on the door she jackknifed up and rubbed the sleepiness from her eyes as she pushed herself to her feet. Out of the corner of her eye she caught sight of the muted TV which was reporting an accident of proportions she wasn't sure she wanted to think about. As, another knock sounded she hurried to the door, telling herself that her mind was playing tricks on her. She'd only had a brief look at the mangled, burned out shell of the car but something about it pulled at her subconscience sending a chill down her spine.
It couldn't be John's.
He was coming home.
Coming home to her.
Quickening her steps, she reminded herself that if something had happened to John, she'd know.
She'd feel it in her heart.
As a third, determined, knock sounded, she replayed a conversation she once had with Eve, even as she couldn't find her voice to call out she was coming. Instead, she heard Eve's voice- soft and even with a touch of unresolved hurt-"I knew the moment he was gone. I feared what I would find at the hospital, not because of Tom, but because Johnny was with him.
You and my son have the same sort of connection.
You gain strength from each other.
You'll always pull the other through…"
Inhaling sharply, Natalie found a strength she wasn't sure she had and pulled open the door. At the sight of John leaning tiredly against the wall she couldn't help the tears that filled her eyes as she threw herself at him, knowing he'd catch her as he always did. Head buried in his shoulder she cut off his "what's wrong?" by asking him why he hadn't used his key.
Kissing the top of her head, he smiled slightly: "My keys are in my car," he explained and then stepped back, and lifted her chin: "Hey, what's wrong? Why are you so upset over me knocking instead of having my keys?" he asked.
Stepping back, Natalie embarrassingly tugged at the bottom of her shirt- or actually his shirt- which she had pilfered after her shower earlier. Shaking her head, she turned back into the apartment and gestured as she talked- or rather rambled out her excuse: "I was studying. Then I think I must of dozed off…. It was the weirdest dream, I felt like I was Alice falling down the rabbit hole. Only along the walls were all these images of you and me- the good and the bad…. Anyway, your knock woke me up," she admitted as he watched her as he closed and locked the door. "As I was coming to answer the door, I caught sight of this horrible accident on the news.
My mind must have been playing tricks on me, because I thought it was your car that I saw…" she finished as he came over to her and sat on the couch, pulling her onto his lap and his tight hold.
"My car was acting up," he started to say still confused by her reaction, and then continued as much for her sake as to appease the guilt that was bubbling slightly at the back of his mind: "I ran into Hughes on the way to the Parkway.
We traded cars because he was staying in AC overnight to complete paperwork on that prisoner I transferred and to meet with their DA.
I told him who to have look at the car-anyway I forgot some things in my car," he explained calmly as he inhaled the scent of her hair, and took in the feel of her body in his arms, realizing, not for the first time, that there were times when she could be vulnerable and was probably more easily broken then any of them would care to admit. "I left my jacket on the front seat, so I don't have my phone, or keys- hell I didn't even remember to take my badge. I just wanted to get home to you," he finished earnestly as he pushed a piece of hair out of her eyes and she leaned back to stare at him, then pulled him into her for a passionate kiss.
Smirking at his look of confusion at the shift in her emotions she started simply as she beamed up at him: "I'm sorry I overreacted," she stated as she swiped at some of the remaining tears. "I knew inside you'd come home to me."
"You did, huh?" he asked, now slightly amused as he thought back to happy times in his youth- before his father was gunned down in front of him- "my mom used to say the same thing about my Dad," he added wistfully.
"She saids we have the same sort of connection. That's how come you didn't give up on me- found me in that pit."
John smirked: "she did, did she?" he asked playfully as he toppled her off of his lap and laughed at her huff and put out pout. "Maybe she's right," he shrugged as he rose to feet. "I stopped to see her you know?" he half asked, half stated.
"Oh really?" she asked as she pushed herself up into a sitting position. "Should I be surprised, since we both know she'd have your hide if she found out you were in town and didn't?"
John rolled his eyes at her teasing: "I picked up something from her place before I stopped at my Dad's grave.
He'd have liked you, you know."
"Well, my family likes you- most of the time," she replied, tongue in check, as he sat down on the arm of the couch.
John nodded as he stared at her, his hands in his pockets, one fiddling with change and the other with the item he had gotten from his mother: "your father probably won't be happy with me, but I hinted at this to Bo.
Spoke to Asa… got his approval…"
Natalie raised an eyebrow at that: "got Asa's approval for what, McBain?" she asked suspiciously.
John shook his head as he got up and crossed to sit across from her on the table, his hand behind his back. "For this," he told her showing her the old ring box. "It was my mother's.
Now, I want it to be yours."
"John?" she asked, not wanting to jump to conclusions, but pretty sure at what he was getting at. But for her, this was one time when he would have to say the words.
Sliding off the table to the floor in front of her, he easily got to one knee as he clumsily opened the box: "as you can see, it wasn't just any ring.
You know, I'm usually a man of few words, but- well, I see my future with you, Natalie Buchanan.
I see us at a pool table with a dark haired, blue eyed little boy who's annoyed by you trying to help him too much.
A slightly younger red headed little girl, whose eyes sparkle like yours when I tell her she looks pretty, so she'll have the confidence to take her shot.
You in a loose blue dress that might mean another's on the way.
I want you as a partner.
I will never love another like I do you.
Connection or not…. YOU are the love of my life.
But I want something more…. I want you to be my wife.
Marry me."
Natalie's voice hitched as tears started to fall again, only this time out of happiness: "for a man of few words, you sure know when to pick the right ones."
"Is that a yes or a no?" he asked with light dancing in his eyes.
"Yes…Yess!" she answered emphatically as she dropped to the floor next to him. "I want that future too, John. It seems life I've always have."
Smiling he put his mother's ring on her finger and then pulled her in for a soft, emotion filled kissed. As they separated to catch their breath, John smiled as she unconsciously used her left hand to push back her hair, as if to show off the ring that seemed like it had always been there: "I know the feeling.
I feel like I've known you forever and I want to spend eternity with you," he admitted as he rose and pulled her up with him.
"I think I can handle that," she beamed up at him. "So how about celebrating?" she asked as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
"Hmmm…. So hard to decide. You want to order take out from the diner?" he deadpanned.
"Seriously?" she pouted, as she put her hands on her hips, calling attention to the fact that she was only wearing his shirt.
"Ok…ok… bed then takeout," he said as he leaned over to pinch her side.
"Oh, we can definitely do that…. And then dessert…:" she teased as he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder, causing her to squeal with delight, and him to laugh as he headed for their bedroom.
Natalie moved across the living room in her robe as she heard the knocking on the door. Figuring it was Marko with their takeout order she grabbed her wallet from the nearby table and pulled open the door. "Uncle Bo," she said in a mixture of surprise and mortification as she realized what she was wearing and how she must look. Then as his expression hit her, so did panic. "What's wrong? It's not Grandpa, is it?"
"No honey…." Bo started, wondering how he was going to break the news to his niece, and at the same time break her heart. "I… you might need to sit down, actually we better," he said, wanting to buy a few more seconds of time as he kicked the door closed and led her to the couch.
"What is it? What's wrong? Is it Mom? Jessie?" she asked anxiously. "Seriously, Uncle Bo, you're starting to scare me!"
"You know about the accident on the Turnpike?" he asked, wanting to build as carefully as possible to the news.
"I caught a glimpse of it on the news…" she answered truthfully, wondering what the accident could have to do with her.
"Honey, one of the victims… it was…" he hesitated, but Buchanan that she was, Natalie wouldn't stand for it. "WHO?" she demanded.
"John," he answered as simply and compassionately as he could.
"No… no, you're wrong," Natalie told him as she got up and looked panically around the room. Was the proposal just a dream? Part of her trip down the rabbit hole? Looking down at her left hand, she inhaled as she saw the ring and knew he was home and safe.
"I wish I was."
"Uncle Bo, you don't understand. John wasn't in that accident!" Natalie argued growing even more agitated that he wouldn't listen to her.
Rising, Bo went to stand behind her. Carefully as if she'd break at the slightest touch, he cupped her shoulders to get her to stop pacing: "Natalie, listen to me. Michael identified the body," he told her rationally.
"Then my brother's even more of an idiot then I give him credit for," John said as he exited the bedroom in sweatpants, having heard the last part of the conversation.
"How?" Bo asked, knocked off balance. "We found your phone…. Wallet.. Shield…" the older man stammered.
"I traded cars with Hugh Hughes," John answered simply. "He was supposed to be staying in AC overnight.
Was going to bring it over to a friend of mine before he drove home to have it checked out."
"My G-d, he's- Michael…." Bo shook his head.
"John, your Mom…. We still haven't called her…" Natalie gasped as their phone started ringing….
"I'll get it," John said simply, as guilt swamped him over the fact that he hadn't called his mom once he had gotten home, and more importantly gotten Natalie's answer.
"You have to fix this, Uncle Bo," Natalie started to say shakily to her uncle.
"I know," Bo sighed as he ran a hand through his hair and muttered a curse that let her know just how rattled he was. "I have to call Paige and…" he muttered as he inhaled sharply: "she was helping with triage on the site…"
"Poor Paige," Natalie said simply as she looked across the room to John and Bo withdrew momentarily into his own thoughts.
"The body was misidentified, Mom," she heard John say as she crossed the room to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. Shaking his head, he pulled Natalie closer to reassure them both as he explained what had happened- or what he thought had- to his mother: "I'm sorry I didn't call you. I was going to when I pulled in, but I left my cell in my car with some other stuff…" he paused as he listened to his mother, her muffled outrage clear over the line as he quickly kissed Natalie's head and rolled his eyes. "Yeah mom…. Right. I should've known that…" he smiled at Natalie as he shrugged, looking almost a like schoolboy who had gotten sent to the principal's office. In fact if the situation hadn't been so serious, Natalie might have even laughed. Instead she rested her head over his heart as she listened to him explain to his mom: "No… I planned to call you after I talked to Natalie, she had caught part of the story and was shaken up and then, well we wanted to call you, but got sidetracked… Yeah, she's right here… Yes mom… of course," he sighed as he ran his free hand up and down her back soothing both of them. "No, it's fine. I need to talk to Bo anyway…" he finished as he reluctantly disengaged himself from Natalie, gave her a quick peek on her forehead and then handed her the phone.
Shyly, she took the phone as he smiled reassuringly at her and pushed back a strand of hair that had fallen into her face. "Thank you," she said, and for a moment John wasn't sure whether she was talking to him or his mother. "No… I didn't," she said as she quietly stepped away from him with a watery smile. "Yeah, well I recognized the car and I remembered what you said and I had this moment of panic and then…I just knew it wasn't him," she was telling his mother as she moved towards the bedroom, for privacy or to pull herself together he wasn't sure but he knew he had to give her time to do both. "I don't know exactly how to explain it, and you're probably the only one who would understand, but on some level I knew he was coming home…. That he was ok… I mean… that makes sense right…" her voice drifted back to him as he exhaled a breathe he hadn't know he was holding and turned to Bo.
"You need me to come in?" John asked turning to his boss, and startling him slightly out of his throughts.
"No…" Bo said as he shook his head and looked around the room. "No, you stay here. You need to be here with Natalie…." He paused and tried to figure out how much time had passed: "look, I… well I didn't want Natalie alone after I told her... and well I have to go back to the site... knew I had to even before this.
I called my brother.
Clint's… umm… he's on his way over. I would guess that Antonio and Jessica will probably be on their way here, too.
Antonio was on call…. I didn't call him in when we thought…." he shook as head as he looked distractedly down at his watch.
"We'll be ready for the company," John said simply as he walked Bo to the door. "Hell, at least they'll be getting good news, and maybe Clint won't be too angry with me for going over his head."
"On what?" Bo asked distractedly as they reached the door.
"I asked Natalie to marry me after I got in," John admitted.
"About damned time!" Bo couldn't help but say. "I'm assuming she said yes…"
"Yeah," John said with mischievous grin lighting up his eyes before it appeared on his face.
"Good, I'm happy for the both of you. But going over Clint's head?"
"I asked Asa for permission to ask Natalie," John admitted to a laugh and slap on the back from Bo: "brave me. Pa's a hard man to convince that anyone's good enough for one of his girls."
"That's why…" John sighed as he ran a hand through his hair as he looked back at the closed door of his bedroom: "Tonight was supposed to be about celebrating…."
"Then celebrate that you are alive and here with her," Bo encouraged him.
"You don't have to tell me twice. I'll definitely be celebrating coming home for some time to come, but on some level it feels almost wrong…"
"John, you wouldn't have been on that road at that time even if you hadn't of traded cars," Bo told him, correctly assessing the thoughts that were plaguing his chief of Ds.
"Your mom's ready rip Michael a new one," Natalie announced as she stepped out of the room, the phone at her side.
"She's not the only one," John laughed as he crossed the room to her and took her into his arms, while Bo slipped out and quietly closed the door behind him.
"Thank you for making it home to me," Natalie said as she cuddled into his side.
"Thank you for being here for me to make it home to," he whispered into her hair as he held her close for a few minutes. Sighing, he pulled back slightly: "I don't want to let you go."
"So don't," she laughed as she rose up on tiptoe to kiss him. All too soon John pulled away: "Bo called for reinforcements," he told her reluctantly. "I'll grab a t-shirt while you get dressed," he said logically as he bent down to steal one more kiss.
When it ended, Natalie panted slightly as she asked: "Who?" and then quickly added for clarification: "I don't think I'm up for my mother…"
"Your dad and probably Antonio and Jessica," he said, then then added with a wicked gleam in his eyes: "we can give them a start and then share our good news…."
"Not awkward at all," she laughed as she rested her head against his shoulder, not wanting to let go of him even for the time it would take her to dress.
John smiled into her hair: "no matter whose here… where I go…"
"It's you I'm making it home too," she finished for him.
"Exactly, Ms. Smart Pants," he said as he gave her a light tap on her bottom causing her to yelp slightly and him to laugh at her pout, then as her expression sank slightly asked: "what's wrong?"
Biting her lip, she looked up at him and asked simply: "do you really think we can have that? A real home?"
Looking around his apartment, he laughed: "Natalie, I'm not my brother.
I do have money saved. We can look for a place where we can make a home.
A place where family and friends can come and go and where we'll be happy and have that family I promised you."
"Asa's probably already looking a place for us as a wedding gift," she said softly.
"You want to make him happy and I sure as hell am not going to cross him," John answered perceptively, watching as she drew away from him slightly, if not physically but emotionally. "What is it?"
"It's just… it might be his last gift and… well, can we get married soon… I want him to be there… need him to," she admitted shyly.
John just nodded slightly: "we'll talk about it.
We have time to talk about it.
I just… well, I always thought I'd marry the woman I loved…"
"In your family's church?
The one where your parents got married?" Natalie asked, surprising him slightly. "Your Mom told me… and well… I might have asked her to see about dates- close ones- but if you want to wait…"
"I don't.
In fact as far as I'm concerned the sooner we get married the sooner we can build that home we talked about and the sooner we'll be coming home to each other every night," he said earnestly as a knock sounded on the door.
"One minute," Natalie called as she disentangled herself from John's arms and reluctantly headed to their room to get changed. As she entered the room she threw a shirt back to him and repeated her comment to the door.
Smiling, John shrugged into the shirt as she retreated back into the room and he opened the door to give her father a shock…