So, a new story out of the blue! I've been keeping up with 3-gatsu no Lion (March comes in like a Lion) and episode 15 really left a mark on me, especially the beginning of the episode. So much so that I just had to write something about this.
Not only that, I've been reading this manhwa for some time now, called A Blue Spring from Afar (멀리서 보면 푸른 봄) and lemme tell you how much of an impact this comic has left on me. It is freaking amazing but sadly, it hasn't been translated (to my knowledge, at least), so I can't really do anything about it those who really want to know what it is. Because I really don't want to spoil, if you want to know the details of the full story, please PM me and I'll let you know :)
This, to some, might be a bit boring because it doesn't have any action and it's more of a very slow burn coming-of-age story. It takes a bit of time for the plot to fully unravel and the amount of words might turn a lot of people off. But even then, this is such a powerful story about friendship that I think everyone should realize.
Also, bad parents should get their freaking karma because no child deserves to be unloved.
This story is a bit like The Black Goat's Egg, which I had written some time ago, but I definitely feel like I've improved a lot in terms of perspective writing and general portrayals of emotions. While I still have a lot to go, I would really appreciate if someone could see the deeper meanings I've tried to incorporate in my words.
This is a story about domestic and child abuse, the idea that you're never alone, and how friendships and just talking can really save lives.
Thank you for reading this and I hope you enjoy.
So, without further ado, here is the story!
NOTE
There are no mention or idea of the Generation of Miracles.
Trigger warning: Child abuse, domestic violence
He was like a broken glass.
A glass that was filled with cracks.
Unable to be fixed; unable to be mended.
No matter how much water was poured into it, the glass would never fill.
He was that kind of person.
There was something strange about him; the man who could willingly disappear. It hadn't occurred to him the first time he saw the man. If anything, the first time he saw him, he actually couldn't. Because even then, the man had used his mystic powers to vanish into thin air. When he finally caught sight of the mysterious man, it scared him how much despair he could feel while looking into those dull sky-blue eyes.
It was strange yet compelling enough for him to stick close to the man who had no presence. The contrast was almost too vivid to even look at. His bright, almost blinding red hair against he man's light but bland teal-blue hair; his enormous angelic smile against the man's unchanging poker face; his will to move forward against the man's unwillingness to take another step; his facade against the man's hidden but exposed truth.
The contrast was intense but somehow complementary. The chilling sensation he had every time he gazed into the man's despairing eyes was something he would never forget, and he made it his goal to mend that within the man who never looked like he was alive.
Little by little, step by step, he would take the man's broken glass and patch up the cracks the best he could.
"What happens if the patches still cannot prevent the water from leaking?"
The beginning was a slow, grueling process. It happened on the first day of school, when they were seated by name accordingly and he was a seat in front of the man. It was the start of their faithful yet passing meeting.
Their homeroom teacher came in with a dejected look on his face, as if he was dreading to repeat another year of meeting new students, and quickly began to take attendance.
"Kagami Taiga." The teacher reached and he answered a simple "Here". The teacher briefly glanced at him, giving him a puzzled look at his unruly red hair, but merely shrugged and moved on.
"Kuroko Tetsuya." The teacher called out.
No response.
He tried once more. "Kuroko Tetsuya?"
No response.
The teacher grew impatient in a matter of seconds. "Are you meaning to tell me that one of my student is already absent on the first day of school? How disrespectful." He grumbled, starting to mark the name as non-existent in the classroom.
"But sir, I am here. I always was." A voice suddenly popped up and everyone, Kagami included, immediately turned their eyes to the seat where the so-called Kuroko Tetsuya was supposed to be in. What seemed to be an empty desk before unexpectedly had a man with unkempt blue hair sitting properly, disregarding the looks his classmates were giving him with an almost bored expression. The teacher himself looked extremely disconcerted but cleared his throat to mask his confusion.
"You're Kuroko Tetsuya?" He asked and the teal-haired man nodded once.
"I am."
"Are you sure you just didn't sneak in without anyone noticing? You're not late, are you?"
"I have never been late, sir. I would never do something so disrespectful, especially since it is the first day of school." Kuroko explained, his voice sounding like it was almost detached from the world. "My father would never allow it."
The teacher looked skeptical but sighed. "Fine, It was my mistake not hearing you. Next time, try to raise your voice a little louder."
Kuroko nodded. "I will keep that in mind. I apologize."
The teacher looked at him once more with eyes that mimicked those that had just seen a ghost, and quickly moved on to the next. And next. And next.
Kagami sat there pondering about the man behind him. It had been for a split second but for that moment, he thought he had seen the eyes of a dead man.
It reminded him vaguely of his own.
The day went forth. When the bell rang to signify the end of the first class, Kagami stretched, arching his back impossibly far, and accidentally hit the top of Kuroko's head. Having forgotten that there was a person behind him, he quickly turned his body around and saw the teal-haired man with more surprise than guilt.
"Sorry about that. Forgot you were there for a second." He apologized sheepishly but Kuroko didn't acknowledge him by lifting his head and looking at him directly. Instead he brushed it off quietly, his eyes downcast to his desk.
"It is fine." He answered without much thought and Kagami pressed his lips into a thin line. It was almost as if the mysterious man didn't want him to look at his face.
He tried to keep the conversation going. There was something unsettling about this man behind him. "The first day of school and we already have such a demanding class. It's insane, isn't it?" He asked, hoping for an answer.
"It is bearable." Kuroko replied with his monotone voice, still refusing to lift his head from the book open on his desk.
Kagami clicked his tongue silently. "Really? I thought it was too much. The teacher already gave us 20 pages to read for the next class. It's practically impossible to do that much work when we have his class again tomorrow."
"It is bearable." The mysterious man repeated, but this time, there was much more strain in his voice. There was something in his mind, a memory that was triggered for an unknown reason.
Kagami knew that much. The change was drastic, considering Kuroko's overall usage of his monotone voice, and thus, he wanted — needed — to pry it open. "Have you had worse experiences?"
Kuroko's hands began to tremble slightly but it was enough movement in the eyes of Kagami, who had a knack for noticing small details.
"Not at all." Kuroko responded and before Kagami could ask him another question — ask him why he was lying — the bell rang and the next teacher, math this time, entered the scene. Kagami had no choice but to turn back to the front and meet the teacher's gaze. Behind, however, he heard a small sigh, relieved but also strained, just like before.
Kagami's eyes narrowed but didn't make an effort to pry again.
But he saw it.
The first crack to what would be many others later.
"Then I'll figure out a better way to fix it. Not everything has to have only one solution."
Kuroko avoided him for the first week of school. It was to be expected, considering how blunt Kagami had been during their first meeting. In hindsight, it was definitely the red-head's fault for being so forthright with such a delicate being. Had he been in the same situation, he definitely would have done the same, or at least punched the questioning human to keep them silent and afraid.
But that didn't mean Kagami was giving up. Not when the signs were all there.
Golden Week had come; the week in which every student in Seirin would have to join at least one club on campus. The day it started, in which the wind blew gravely and led the fallen cherry blossoms into a passionate dance, various seniors held booths to promote their clubs, going so far as to shove their respective flyers constantly in front of students' faces.
Kagami was getting frustrated and impatient with the amount of ruckus around him. There was only one club he wanted to join and that was basketball. His haven. His shelter. His everything.
Pushing forward, he made his way through the chaos, pushing away as many people as he could.
"Wanna join the cooking club? We get to all the food we make!" Too filling.
"Come to the modeling club! We'll make you look as beautiful as any model in the world!" Too jealous.
"Chill out with us in the Sleeping club. You know you'll need it." Too lazy.
"Come join the book club! I swear it's not only boring old books we're gonna read. There's a lot of other things to read, or see." Too sensual.
Where in the world was basketball? Where in the world was his solace? Why were there so many people crowding his way? He was practically suffocating.
"Join the Accountants Club! We'll make sure you live your life filled with heaps of money!" Too greedy.
"Join the Math Club! We've got all the brains to make everyone else in competitions suffer!" Too prideful.
"Join Fight Club! We'll make sure you can pummel anyone in your way!" Too wrathful.
It made Kagami's brain swivel. He felt like he was drowning. Then, one of the students in the Fight Club suddenly grabbed is wrist and pulled him towards their table.
"You look like you can take out a thousand men with a single punch. We can hone that skill even better, you can guarantee it. Wanna join Fight Club?" The student asked with a smirk that could only be interpreted as one of complete and utter pride. The red-head looked at the others at the table and saw with distaste that all of them were the same. They all looked like they were the best.
As if they were above everyone else because they had the strength.
As if they were so powerful that no one could ever look at them other than as a superior.
As if they had so much control that they could practically do anything to anyone and go unscathed.
As if they were a ticking time bomb, just waiting to explode on unsuspecting civilians.
It made Kagami want to vomit. Quickly, he shook off the hand on his wrist and gruffly told him that he wasn't interested in the least.
"Why would I ever join such a disgusting club with you freaks?" Kagami commented as he left, joining the wave of the crowd, purposely losing himself in it, before the members of the Fight Club could reach out to him once more.
A crack had opened and was leaking. Water was spilling out. He would have to patch that up later, when he was alone.
Finally, he saw it. He saw someone holding a basketball flyer. The student holding it was smiling, unsuccessfully bringing in new recruits. Kagami smiled inwards and sauntered forward.
"Where do I sign up?"
A few days after Golden Week, Kagami finally had the courage to turn his body towards the disappearing man and asked him which clubs he joined.
Kuroko refused to look at him, focusing on a new book this time, and quietly answered, "none."
"Wouldn't it be better to merely change the glass to a new one? The old one is too damaged to be fixed properly."
It was almost a month later that Kagami finally made some progress.
After constantly turning his body towards the smaller man and talking to him about whatever was on his mind, it seemed like Kuroko now had a better inkling of who this red-head was. Slowly but surely, the one-sided conversations that they had were now turning more lively, more eye-opening.
After all, at this point Kagami was the only person alive to really see the man with no presence. Even the teacher had given up on trying to find him. He seemed to forget the man soon after, as if there was no one behind Kagami in the first place.
The red head's questions were always in the moment, always in the present, and always undaunting to answer. Questions such as "Did you finish your homework? It took me ages to even get what the teacher wanted from us!" and "What did you think of today's lesson? Do you really believe that humans are born evil?" were somehow soothing to listen to, and even buoyant to answer. Both Kagami and Kuroko felt it, and the red-head could not have been happier with the changes their relationship were starting to uphold.
He had gained Kuroko's trust enough to finally let the teal-head acknowledge him for the first time by lifting his head and greeting him properly.
It was then that Kagami could finally see the damage in the vanishing man. Just as he had expected, he was looking at the eyes of a dead man; a man who, in the mist of madness and chaos, decided that it would be better to merely disappear and leave no existing trace of himself behind.
He had expected it because they had mirrored his own in the past, but it was almost terrifying to see the amount of cracks that were part of this glass heart. There were too many to count and Kagami couldn't fathom what — or who — would do such a thing to try and break such a beautiful, worthy person like Kuroko.
The teal-haired man was also sharp, Kagami realized later than sooner. The two gazed at each other's eyes for a while, and the person to break the contact first was none other than the mysterious man himself.
He instinctively buried his face into a book he was reading, and in a muffled voice he asked, "Have you noticed?"
"I have." Kagami said solemnly, understanding the implication Kuroko was hinting at. There was no escaping the truth.
Pause.
"Do you know why?"
"I don't."
Pause.
"Have you ever been in the same situation?"
Pause.
"I have."
"Then you will know how excruciatingly difficult it is to mend something that cannot be mended. Please do not try to save me. I have lost that will a long time ago."
"Will you tell me why?"
Pause. A long one.
"No."
"But I like my old glass. I wouldn't change it for the world."
Kuroko Tetsuya took second place in rankings for grades once the semester ended. The teachers were ruthless with their exam questions. Every student who had to enter the battlefield was slaughtered by every kind of monster the teachers let out. There were tigers, ghosts, and some even went so far as to include the students' own personal fears into the arena, letting it mold into anything the student feared the most.
There were giant spiders in a few places.
Others battled against carbon copies of their worst teachers.
And some had to stand their ground in the face of a human being that only they had recollection and experience of.
Various groveled in the sight of their worst fears. Others walked out of the arena with serious injuries and battle scars. Only a few became victorious under the pressure of exams and Kuroko was, amazingly enough, one of those few.
It was satisfying to see the teal-haired man receive an award in the middle of the auditorium stage, with everyone's eyes on him. For the first time in a while, everyone noticed that he was there, and that he wasn't disappearing right before them.
He received the award for second-best, given to by the principal herself, and was hit in the back for good luck and another hopeful await in the next semester.
Claps ensured as Kuroko bowed in front of the principal, thanking her for such an honor, and stood in the back to let the first-best receive the ultimate acclaim. The cheers turned deafening as the principal hugged the first-best mightily, and all too quickly, Kuroko was forgotten by all of his peers.
Almost all of them. There was still one person whose eyes were fixated on the vanishing phantom man, who seemed to grow smaller with every second. Blazing red eyes stared forward towards Kuroko's dull blue ones, and Kagami could physically see more cracks forming in a glass heart that was already too damaged to begin with.
Kuroko still maintained his poker face but Kagami knew better than that. Having been with the smaller man for almost half a year, it was painfully easier to look past his poker face. He could now determine whether Kuroko was happy or sad, angry or glad.
And now, as the red-head stared into the eyes of the man whose complexion seemed to getting more obscure, he deduced two emotions.
The first one was loneliness. The feeling of never having someone by your side, no matter how much you wish for it. The feeling of never getting to feel the warmth of another person who will hold your hand and become your shoulder to cry on when needed. The feeling of never being able to lean on someone when you have your troubles.
The second one was fear. From what, Kagami didn't know, but even an idiot like he could add two and two together to get four. No glass should be this broken unless there was an outside force that was purposely mishandling it.
There was nothing more that Kagami wanted to do than to run to the stage, push the first-best out of the way, and hug the smaller man as tightly as possible. There was nothing more that Kagami wanted to do than to tell the disappearing man that he would always be there for him, in high and low times, and that he would be that shoulder to lean on whenever he needed it.
There was nothing more that Kagami wanted to do than to mend Kuroko's wounds and patch up the cracks to finally fill the glass with the water of life.
But the ceremony went forth, and Kuroko disappeared into the shadows, whispering softly and quietly, with no one to hear except for the fortunate red-head.
"No one remembers me."
"It is impractical and a waste of time. It will not do your bidding with the amount of cracks it has. What good does it do to keep something that cannot be used again? Forget the old one and start anew. Pretend you never had it."
Not a day after the ceremony ended did Kagami find Kuroko. But this time, it was outside of the school, in the streets where, in a strange turn of events, Kagami was kneeling in front of a phantom man whose slim, pale neck was somehow covered with red marks and bit of purple bruising. The smaller man had his eyes closed, and it might have been the first time Kagami had seen him this peaceful.
But that was a lie. Reality wasn't so forgiving.
There were various steps that Kagami took as he began to inspect the man laying silently on the edge of the sidewalk.
Step one: check for a pulse or anything that might signal the living existence of the phantom man.
Step two: once checked, shake the man gently, without much force, for that would lead to even more injuries, and try to get him to open his eyes.
Step three: if unable to awaken, carry the sleeping man and walk back home.
Step four: once arrived, lay the man in bed, make it as soft and comfortable as possible, and check for further injuries.
Step five: if there is more than meets the eye, calm down, calm down, calm the fuck down, and begin to prepare for necessary aid.
Step six: help the man with no presence.
It took a while for the smaller man to awaken, so by the time he opened his eyes, the day had already grown dark. Kagami entered the room just in time to see Kuroko check his surroundings and register the fact that he was no longer outside, laying on the sidewalk where no one had noticed him.
"Where am I?" Kuroko asked as soon as he saw the red-head.
"My house. I found you on the sidewalk."
Kuroko blinked. "You found me?" When Kagami nodded, he grew even more puzzled. "You could see me?"
"How could I not? I thought I was looking at a dead man."
"I was there for two hours." Kuroko commented faintly, leaving the red-head to process those words, first with puzzlement and then with ire.
"You've been out there for how long?" He bellowed, forgetting at the moment that the phantom man was too weak and out of it to process that Kagami's anger was not directed at him, but rather, to the person who did this to him.
When Kagami saw the smaller man cowering in his bed, all the anger he had been accumulating since he first saw Kuroko's back while tending his injuries quickly dissipated and he rushed over to the man who seemed to be getting smaller.
"I wasn't angry at you, Kuroko. I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He consoled softly, breaking through any wall they still had in their friendship and hugging the teal-haired man with a warmth that Kuroko had never received before. Slowly, the smaller man leaned into the warmth, and the two stayed in that position for a few minutes before Kuroko weakly pushed him away.
"I apologize. That was unsightly of me." Kuroko said, his voice starting to become detached from the world again.
Kagami refused to let him revert to that again. He shook his head and gave the teal-haired man a small smile. "Don't worry about it. I was actually happy."
"Happy?" Kuroko echoed and Kagami nodded.
"Yup, happy. You always looked like you needed a hug, but it also looked like you never trusted me enough to let me do it. It left me a little saddened that you never considered me a friend."
Kuroko's eyes widened. "How could you think that, Kagami-kun? You are the only one who has kept talking to me after the first day of school. You are the only one who remembers me. Why would I not consider you as my friend? If anything, I am surprised that you think of me as a potential person to befriend."
Kagami chuckled. "You almost sound like you've never allowed yourself to have one."
Kuroko grew silent at Kagami's words and the red-head realized that that was exactly what Kuroko had been feeling. A silence filled the atmosphere as Kagami looked at Kuroko with scrutinizing eyes. Kuroko hid himself in his bangs, clutching the sheets tightly, and refused to say more.
Then, Kagami reached forward, lightly touching Kuroko's neck, whose red swelling had gone down but the purple bruising was still there and prominent.
"What happened before I saw you?"
Kuroko buried his face into the bedsheets, trembling like a terrified animal, and Kagami wrapped his arm around his small body to comfort him.
The only words he could choke out were, "My parents."
Soon after, Kagami persuaded Kuroko to sleep in his house for today and as the red-head turned off the lights and quietly shut the door, the only thing he could do to push the anger down was to go outside and let out a silent yet painful scream of agony.
How could two people be so different, yet so alike?
"Even still, I love my old glass."
Kagami was proud to say that he had developed a special talent within him, one that no one could ever imagine achieving. Walking to Seirin High School, the red-haired man, towering over the rest of the students, immediately caught a lock of sky-blue hair walking a few feet in front of him. Lightly jogging, he instantly caught up and cheerfully wrapped his arm around the man's slim, pale neck.
The bruising was gone and it was as if their conversation had never existed.
"Mornin', Kuroko!" He beamed and Kuroko gave him a slightly annoyed look. He pretended not to notice.
"Kagami-kun, you are heavy. Please let go of me." Kuroko commented as he struggled to get away from Kagami's grip. The red head merely laughed and squeezed a bit harder.
"You're not getting away from me that easily." Kagami replied with ease. "I trained my eyes as hard as I could to spot you whenever, wherever. I practically have a Kuroko radar at this point."
"That is very unsettling to hear, Kagami-kun." Kuroko said and Kagami laughed.
"I'd like to call it my being a really good friend."
"Your interpretation severely worries me."
The two walked side-by-side as they entered their classroom and sat at their respective desks, in front and behind; Kagami and Kuroko, red and blue.
The teacher arrived, the attendance list tucked under his arm, and slowly began to drawl each name on the list.
"Are you doing anything after school?" Kagami asked once the teacher passed both of their names.
Kuroko shrugged. "Nothing in particular. Why?"
"Wanna come with me to basketball practice? There's a practice match we have today and it'd be great to have someone cheer me on." Kagami suggested, hope gleaming in his eyes.
Sadly, Kuroko shook his head. "I am sorry, Kagami-kun. It would be wrong for me to intrude in a club I never participated in."
"There's nothing wrong about coming to watch a friend play a game."
"I would still be out of place."
"Not at all. You're always welcome in our team, Kuroko." The red-head replied as the bell rang to signify the start of first period. Begrudgingly, Kagami turned back to meet the chalkboard at front, but was unwilling to give up.
The day passed by a bit too quickly, but it was enough for Kagami to push his request forward enough to finally have stubborn Kuroko relent.
"I shall stay for the first half of the game, but I must leave afterwards." Kuroko decided.
"Is there something you have to do?" Kagami asked, not purely out of curiosity but also with a bit of premonition.
Kuroko caught on to it quickly and remembered the day when, for the first time in his life, he had stayed over at a friend's house without contacting anyone. "I must go home."
A chill went up Kagami's spine as he stared into Kuroko's dulling sky-blue eyes. "Do you have to?" He pleaded, knowing where this was going.
Kuroko knew as well. He nodded as he said, "I must. They are not happy with what happened the other day and will not let me waste more time on trivial matters. I must study. I must…"
"There's more to life than studying."
"There is none if the only thing you have is that."
"You have to realize that you have more potential than that."
Kuroko gave Kagami no reply for a brief moment. Then, "I'm sorry. I fail to see your point." He then began to walk to the gym, and Kagami had to ruffle his hair to keep his frustration intact.
When they arrived to the gym, both his and the visiting team were already there, warming up.
"Kagami, you're late!" A loud, rambunctious voice rang out and the contrasting duo were met with an upperclassman with glasses and a glare.
"I'm sorry. I was bringing a friend to come watch today." Kagami responded with a slight bow and the upperclassman took a second to figure out where this friend even was. When he did, he made a slight jump but acknowledged the disappearing man and told him to watch from the sidelines with the benchwarmers.
Like a wave crashing into the ocean, the match started with a bang and Kuroko could not stop staring at the red-head who suddenly turned into a ravenous tiger. His gaze was fierce and predator-like, lightning practically shooting out of his red blazing eyes, and his body moving fluidly like the wind. Back and forth the teams went but it was utterly mesmerizing to see everyone in the court be so motivated to achieve a single goal: to win.
It left Kuroko with a bitter feeling in his mouth. The sport Kagami was playing, the sport that Kagami was so invested in, had everything that the teal-haired man lacked. There was motivation, passion, happiness, and warmth; everything he was deprived of ever since he was born to such a broken family.
He wanted to look away, but couldn't. He wanted to leave, but couldn't. Instead, he stayed for the entirety of the match, only looking at the red-head who made one dunk after the other.
He was so alive.
And the man with no presence finally realized his mistake when the match ended and Seirin turned victorious. The clock struck 5 in the afternoon, almost an hour passed his promised meeting at home, and the realization struck him like a thousand bricks to the head. The phantom man felt a punch to the gut, a strangle to the neck, an array of scream after scream, and all he could was go down to his knees and bow in defeat.
"Kuroko? Kuroko?" The smaller man could hear from a distance and he felt someone vaguely shaking him by the shoulder.
"Kuroko? Hey, stay with me! Kuroko, can you hear me?" The voice sounded just like that of his one and only friend, the one and only person who seemed to care about him.
"Snap out of it!" A slap to the face resonated through the silent gymnasium. Kuroko blinked once, twice, three times before finally registering where he was and where the pain had gone. It was lacking but didn't feel unsettling like any other time.
In front of him stood the red-head, crouched with a worried look.
"Kagami-kun?" Kuroko whispered and Kagami nodded before crushing him into a hug.
"You scared me, you know? You were trembling so much and you wouldn't respond me, no matter what I said or did."
"Did I? I apologize."
Kagami shook his head apprehensively. "There's nothing to apologize for. Do you think you can stand?" He then asked and Kuroko nodded, grabbing onto Kagami's extended hand. It was a nice experience for the smaller man, who had never had the privilege of receiving help from another human being.
The two began walking away from the school and into the sidewalk. As they approached Kuroko's house, which was a few blocks before Kagami's, the phantom man unconsciously reached for Kagami's limp hand, and the red-head looked at him curiously before reading the man's widened blue eyes.
"Kuroko, what's wrong?" He asked with concern and felt a slight tremble in his grip.
"I— I just— Sorry, I— Um, I don't—" Kuroko stuttered awfully and Kagami, with his heart breaking into pieces, gripped Kuroko's hand tightly, snapping the smaller man back to his senses.
"Want to come to my house?" Kagami suggested and while Kuroko didn't give him a direct answer, they walked past Kuroko's house without so much of a second glance. They just kept walking, and walking, and walking until they reached Kagami's one man home.
Once there, Kuroko fell to his knees, weak and wobbly, and did his best not to vomit. Kagami stayed with him the entire time, rubbing small circles on his back, soothing him with a comfortable silence.
Kuroko began to choke. "I was supposed to be home by four. I don't know what to do."
Kagami kept comforting him. "You can stay here. It's ok."
"My parents will murder me."
"Not if I'm here to protect you."
"You don't understand. They'll murder you, too."
"You don't need to worry about me. Worry about yourself first. You've had a long day." Kagami commented as Kuroko slowly began to lift himself up, still shaking. Kagami had the teal-haired man lean onto him as they supported each other to Kagami's bed where Kuroko had once slept in, and once again, the red-head laid him down as such.
"You need to rest. How long has it been since you had a good night's rest?" Kagami asked and Kuroko was too tired to mask his emotions.
"When was the last time I came here?"
"About a week ago."
"Then, it has been a week since then." Kuroko responded without strength and Kagami's fists clenched.
"What were you doing every night?"
Kuroko's eyes were already half closed. "Trying to live up to my parents' expectations." He took a deep breath, sliding his back down more into the bed. His eyes finally closed fully, the rise in his chest becoming slower and slower.
"And failing in the end."
"I just don't understand."
Kagami didn't know anymore. He didn't know who was truly broken anymore.
After being with the phantom man for almost an entire year, he wanted the disappearing man to have so much more. Kuroko deserved it so dearly, and it was a mystery why God couldn't grant it to him.
He himself broke when, for the second time, he found himself looking at a battered Kuroko on the sidewalk, right in front of the man's very home. The red-head, upon finding him, looked up to the house that contained malice and darkness, and saw with surprise and then anger a silhouette looking directly at him.
Kagami's eyes widened when he saw that it was it was figure of a man, most likely the father of the family. They stared at each other, and Kagami wanted nothing more than to show this man how much he hated him.
Kagami hated him.
So much so that he was extremely close to invading the Kuroko territory to march up to the man and punch him square in the jaw. Kuroko never deserved such treatment. Why in the world was he the one to inherit all the bad luck?
But instead of breaking more than just the law, he took Kuroko by his arms, making sure that he was actually breathing first, and took once last ireful glance at the silhouette before sauntering away.
A female voice from behind began calling him. "Where do you think you're going with him?" She called out with strained anger.
Kagami didn't answer and merely focused on carrying the injured man as gently as he could.
"Return him at once! He must face his punishment! He deserves to rot in the streets like the rat he is!" She shouted.
It broke him. It broke him so dearly that all the cracks he had so arduously mended burst and the water he had filled for the longest time poured out without a second thought.
Kagami stopped but didn't face the female voice behind him. He gripped the man with no presence tighter, as if he was preventing him from disappearing from his sight, and replied, "Exactly what did he do to 'deserve' such a punishment?"
The female voice scoffed. "He's supposed to be pride of the family! What good does it do if he ends up getting third place this time? It was already a disappointment last time when he came back with second, but third?"
"He got third place out of the entire generation." He explained. "The exam questions were practically college questions that even the teachers struggled with. His getting third place is an achievement that shouldn't be taken as anything other than ecstasy."
"What do you know, boy? You've just been a bad influence on him, anyways. It's because of you that he's been disobeying so many of our orders. Because of you, he's started to go out more and has even started showing interest in club activities."
"What's so bad about that?"
Again, she scoffed, making Kagami's head boil. "He has less time to study. Why do you think he was the only exception to the Golden Week rules? We specifically requested that he not sign up for any activity whatsoever. It would only hinder his studying if he were to dedicate his time to playing basketball, as you tried to show." She sneered at the word, and Kagami was losing his patience fast. "But he's so unbelievably stupid that even with all the time in the world, he's still an idiot."
Kagami's head turned white. Pure white. "How dare you call him stupid?" He whispered, his fists so white that he was close to drawing blood.
"Excuse me?"
"How dare you mock him? How dare you ruin the one person who has constantly lived his life to please you and your goddamn needs? How dare you abuse him? How dare you? How fucking dare you?"
"What right do you have to teach us on our ways of handling our child? You don't get to butt into this, boy."
"You don't get it, do you?" Kagami responded with quiet anger. He finally turned around to face a carbon copy of Kuroko, the only difference being the gender and age.
Kuroko's mother.
Kagami glared intensely, so much that she faltered for a second. "You don't get how much of monsters you and your husband are. You don't understand how much this boy right here has been struggling and struggling to live up to your impossible expectations. He is downright terrified of you but is still willing to put up with your fucking bullshit because he's been cursed with such horrible parents. He deserves so much better, so much love and care and warmth, but you constantly deny him that, and look at what you're doing instead. You're beating him for trying to match an ideal that no one can ever fucking reach."
"Who are you to decide on what my own son thinks of us?"
"Have you ever even tried to listen to him? Ask him how his day went or take interest in any of his hobbies? Have you ever tried to take a step back and just see your son as a fucking son and not as a messed up concept you've thought of? Because I have. And let me tell you lady, he has a lot of things to say. He has so many amazing qualities to him that you don't fucking know about because you've never tried to learn them. And you're asking me how I know what he thinks like?"
"Stop talking back to your elders! How disrespectful of a child can you be?"
"Then stop being a fucking child yourself! Do you even know what his favorite food is?"
No answer. Crack.
"What his favorite pastime is?"
No answer. Crack.
"What his fucking birthday is?"
No answer.
Crack.
Kagami was getting weak in the knees. This was all too familiar for him. Soon enough, he was no longer seeing Kuroko's mother. He was seeing his own father in front of him, and he himself had shrunken. He was no longer the prideful tiger that he had set himself up to be; now, he was back to his smaller self, who had always been so afraid.
"Why do you not realize that your children are not some kind of mold that you can just sculpt and re-sculpt to your own liking? We are our own person!"
"I was the one who raised you!" His father bellowed and hit Kagami in the cheek with great force. The small red-head flew back, his cheek red and stinging. He took hold of it and winced in pain as he rose back to his feet. He wobbled for a few seconds, trying to regain his balance, and it grew harder for him to look at his father in the eye.
"That doesn't mean you can chain me down! This is my own life and you have no right to take that and make it your own."
"If that's the case, then it would have been better if you had never been born." His father sneered and his face morphed into the face of the monster in his bed, which had been tormenting him for years.
There was only so much a little boy could handle. The glass he had so painstakingly tried to conserve was riddled with so many cracks that shards and pieces began to fall to the ground with a loud crash. The red-head fell to his knees, beaten down, battered, shattered, head and body in pain. The strength he had finally mustered to face his father and break out of his chains was now gone, and the shackle around his neck shrunk significantly, leaving him choking for breath.
Was there truly no way for him to take back what was truthfully his? Was there truly no way to break free?
"What happens if the patches still cannot prevent the water from leaking?"
Kagami blinked as he heard a familiar voice from a distance. He turned around to see the teal-haired man standing in front of him, giving him a curious look.
"Then I'll figure out a better way to fix it. Not everything has to have only one solution." He heard himself say and the monster figure started to blur, soon turning into a mere stain on the wall.
"Wouldn't it be better to merely change the glass to a new one? The old one is too damaged to be fixed properly." Kuroko replied, uncomprehending. Kagami felt himself laugh.
"But I like my old glass. I wouldn't change it for the world."
"It is impractical and a waste of time. It will not do your bidding with the amount of cracks it has. What good does it do to keep something that cannot be used again? Forget the old one and start anew. Pretend you never had it."
"Even still, I love my old glass."
Kuroko still had a blank look, unchanging but at loss with Kagami's words.
"I just don't understand."
He and the man who now seemed to radiate an enormous amount of presence stared each other, trying to understand each other, and Kagami finally chuckled, breaking the eye contact.
He opened his mouth, talking, explaining, connecting with the man who seemed to had lost his lonely aura, and smiled when he finally saw a small spark in his sky-blue eyes.
Kuroko pouted, his lower lip sticking out a bit more, and reached out to extend his hand towards the now bigger red-haired man.
He took it gladly, and magically, the chain around his neck broke in half and as it fell to the ground, it turned into dust, following the gentle wind.
Kagami blinked and saw himself looking at Kuroko's mother, who had such a small stature that it was a surprise how much anger she harbored. She was distraught; that much he knew. Distraught because she didn't know anything about her son. Distraught because this stranger was questioning the ideals that she had been living with her whole life. Distraught because it was starting to dawn on her what she and her her husband had done.
But no human could change so quickly.
And Kagami knew that.
"I'll be taking my leave, then. I'll take the responsibility of taking care of Kuroko until he is better and he requests that he returns. Until then, you won't be seeing him. Goodbye." He bid farewell, taking the smaller man in his arms and walking away slowly, with a purpose this time.
He wasn't freed yet but he was surely getting there. And for the rest of his journey, he would take the man in his arms with him.
When Kuroko woke up from his slumber and found himself tucked under Kagami's bed again, the two decided to have a long talk about whatever they needed to talk about. Whether it was about their past or their decisions for the future, it didn't matter, because the bonds they now shared were more than those of just acquaintances. They had so much more now, and there was no more wall to separate them.
"Do you want to live with me? Just until you're ready to go back." Kagami suggested and Kuroko froze for a split second.
Then, he looked a Kagami with sky-blue eyes that shone, and for the first time since Kagami had met him, Kuroko smiled.
Tears running down his cheeks, the man who was alive answered, "Yes, I do."
"Then think of it this way. Regardless of the pain they have caused you, those cracks are memories that have made you a stronger person. It shows how much you've endured and how much you've learned. Without those painful memories, we wouldn't be the people we are today. And why would give yourself up to start anew? There are times when, with just a little love and a little help from a friend, that broken glass can still be patched up and ready to go. Sure, people are still going to see them and there are going to be times when some of the cracks might open up, but we're going to find ways to make the patch stronger next time. It's what make us humans, after all."
He was like a broken glass.
A glass that was filled with cracks.
Unable to be fixed; unable to be mended.
No matter how much water was poured into it, the glass would never fill.
He was that kind of person.
But that didn't mean he was alone. It didn't mean he had to suffer by himself. Because there were people who had their own broken glasses, and others who learned to live with them.
He was like a broken glass.
A glass that was filled with cracks.
But it was being fixed; it was being mended.
It would finally be able to hold the water once poured into it; the water of life.
He now became more than that kind of person.
They were no longer alone.
So, how was it? Good, bad, meh? Let me know in the reviews!
I'll put up links to both the episode for 3-gatsu no Lion (while I'll put up kissanime as the link, it would definitely be better for you to go to Crunchyroll instead to support the anime industry) and A Blue Spring from Afar (remember that this hasn't been translated yet)on my profile. You can find them under the title Inspirations.
Like I said in the beginning, this is a story that really tries to tackle the issue of domestic and child abuse that happens way more than people might think it does. It is horribly wrong to do such things to a person, let alone a mere child, and to have a parent do that is just cruel beyond comprehension. Child abuse comes in all different forms, and while physical definitely calls for red flags, so do words.
We just can't forget the mental side to abuse.
There are purposeful vague language spread throughout the story because I really wanted to try and get the reader to wonder if it's really talking about Kuroko or Kagami. After all, both had been through a lot.
I really hope you enjoyed this random piece, but really, I just want a bit more awareness. Of course, I myself haven't been in this kind of situation but I know the pain of not living up to people's expectations, and while it had gone so deep as to have someone hit me over it, the mental scars are still there.
If any of this is familiar to you or you suspect one of your friends to be going through a similar experience, please find someone to talk to or become the support pillar. Please help others and really be there for them. And hey, if you think there is no one near you that can help, remember that I'm always available to talk. I might not be able to upload quickly (lol) but I'll always answer your PMs in a flash.
Thank you and I hope you have a great day.
Peace,
FlyAndDontLookBack