Author's note: I'm back with even crazier stuff this time. Hope you like it!

Anything that you recognize doesn't belong to me!

Draco Malfoy sat lounging on the lawn chair, the Daily Prophet open before him. He wondered when the golden trio would stop hogging the cover page, after all, it had been three years since the war had ended. It was okay to come across snapshots of Pothead and his little She-Weasel, and it was more okay than he would admit to come across The Ultimate Super Bookworm Granger( minus the cape), but to wake up every day to a cover page full of Weasel King, it just made him want to upchuck his dinner. Seriously, the guy didn't have a life! Here he was again today with Granger for company.

They had finally decided to break up and spare the world the horror of witnessing their little redheaded bookworms. There was the Weasel in all his glory, shouting his lungs out in public at Hermione for being a prude, for putting her career before his, etc, the list went on and Rita Skeeter had included it in great detail. Guess it took him three years to finally open his eyes, thought Malfoy…

…..and see that he never deserved such brilliance. It took three years for his inferiority complex to finally kick in.

His heart clenched when he took in the aspect of Hermione's face. She looked so broken and defeated that it made him want to just run to her and hold her in his arms to comfort her. But he knew that she would never warrant such affection from him. Ever since he had switched to the light side in the war, after working in close communion with her for half a year, he had come to appreciate what a beautiful person Hermione was. God knows, he had tried to tell her how he felt, but she had always pushed him away. She had chosen Ron over him and look where he left her, a mere conquest in a list of his girlfriends. Didn't she know that she was meant for greatness, that she was meant for him…

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted when something red and lacy landed on his head. He gingerly picked it up and examined it.

What the hell was a bra doing on his head? He turned around and checked whether someone had merely flung it at him (with look as good as his, people tended to get a bit carried away). After much investigation, which comprised of him Glaring at every tree and bush on the property from the comfort of his chair, he concluded that it must have fallen out of the sky. After all it wasn't impossible, ...except, he was in the muggle world. He had just rented a beautiful Victorian style villa for the week to get away from his nagging girlfriend and soon to be fiancé, one Astoria Greengrass. After all, there is only so much idiocy one can tolerate.

Suddenly a black thong landed just in front of him. Damn, if it had been a matching pair, he could have just used a scourgify and gifted it to Astroria on their anniversary, used goods deserved the like.

He got up to collect it. Just as he had bent down to pick it up, there was a shower of lingerie around him. Taken by surprise, he desperately tried to claw his way through the tangle of negligees and bras and thongs. It was on hearing a whooshing sound that he looked skywards. Maybe it was the grand finale, he thought. And instead of a penny for his thoughts, he got a small suitcase on his head which knocked him unconsciousness…..

….and he was immediately brought back to consciousness when something definitely much, much heavier than a suitcase fell on him. By his good fortune, the kind 'something' immediately got off him and vanished the assembly of clothes. He could vaguely make out something brown and bushy…..no one had hair that large, could it be….

"Granger..?"

"Don't worry, it just me Malfoy..?"

Hermione was in front of him, and he swore to God that this time, he wouldn't let her go. These were his last thoughts as he finally lost consciousness, albeit this time, a tad more comfortably, his head in the lap of the one person he loved.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

And that's the reason why you should pray to God every day, Draco explained to his three old son as he tucked him into bed. If you're a really good boy, will definitely grant that one wish you've always wanted. Beside him Hermione smiled down at her husband and her son. "God works in mysterious ways son, it's true, whenever he closes all doors somewhere he opens a window, you just have to look for it in the right place."

"That and thank God you're pathetic at apparating", said Draco as he kissed his son goodnight.

"Am not!"

"And you're even worse at packing your luggage"

"It was an accident…"

"…where there was the tremendous casualty of a poor, innocent man trapped underneath your lingerie! You're lucky that I loved you, others might not have been so forgiving", he reminded her as he playfully scooped her up in his arms and headed for their bedroom.

End note: Awwww, wasn't that cute! I just had to add this last part ; I got the idea for this fanfic from the song "it's raining men" . I don't know who has sung it ( maybe the sister act, but I'm not sure) . It's an extremely funny song. You should give it a go! That and an apparition blunder and a loose case stuffed with lingerie, and you have this crazy fanfic!
Tell me if you liked it! You should always review, its good for your moral health ;) !