Disclaimer: Harry Potter series= not mine
Pepsi company= not mine
Magic brownies= not yet mine
The Pepsi bottle and sugar packets used in this fic= the few things that are mine.
Seamus Finnigan's Sugar High...
The sun shone brightly through the clouds this sunny/cloudy afternoon.
Seamus: OY! That dunnu make sense!
I don't care... It's my fic.
Seamus: But it's about me.
Quiet you! Or I'll make you do horrible things!
Seamus: Like what?
I'll make you allergic to beer!
Seamus: NO!! That'll disgrace my Irish ancestors! I'll be good.
So the sun shone brightly through the clouds this afternoon, shining it's light though the window to the Gryffindor common room. Where a young Irish lad lay on the ground with about a hundred packs of sugar and some empty cans of Pepsi around him.
"So Seamus. Do you still think muggle treats are worthless?" Fred and George said in unison. Seamus opened his mouth and moaned as a gooey sticky sugar-saliva mix oozed out of his mouth.
"Oh no George, Seamus has a potions exam in an hour! And he is still in this state! Whatever shall we do!" Fred said mockingly. Seamus's eyes bolted open. "Potions Exam!" He managed to spit out, along with about a pound of sticky sugar-spit.
"Oh yes..." Said George. "But don't worry too much Seamus, we baked Snape some 'special brownies...'"
Fred showed Seamus a large baking pan full of brownies... mmm.... brownies...
Seamus reached out to take one, but George slapped his hand. "Are you daft? These things will put you in a worse condition than you are in now."
"In fact," Fred added. "I think those muggle sweets should just about take hold now..."
Just after that comment, Seamus seemed to actually wake up. As he had been half-asleep before he ate all that sugar.
"Should I be twitching like this?" Seamus said as he looked at his hands.
"Oh yes, this is the fun part!" Fred and George again said in unison, before running down to the dungeon with the brownies.
Seamus seemed to have two personalities now, one wanted to study as hard as it could for potions.
And the other wanted to look at the sparkles on the roof, then set them on FIRE!
And so the Gryffindor common room has a much higher roof.
Harry Potter, the boy who lived-- of few words-- burst in through the portrait door. "see mouse! see mouse! The potions exam is in five minutes! lets' go!"
"That's Shay-mus yah cheese eatin' brit!"
"Wha?"
"Ach, ne'er mind. I'ma comin' wit' yeh."
"Okie!"
And so the two ran off. Harry does a sort of skipping happy thing. And Seamus, doing the best he could not to punch Harry in the face.
They finally made it to the dungeon. Just in time to see Fred and George walking out snickering, and giving Seamus a thumbs-up. They walked inside and saw Snape looking curiously at the stack of brownies in front of him.
"Ah, I see someone has found my weakness for muggle sweets. However, I cannot raise marks for something like this. So whoever gave this to me, it is worthless! But I shall still eat it."
The students looked on with odd looks, as the potions master ate every single brownie on the plate in less than 2 minutes.
"Now class. I hope you don't have to be kicked out of the exam for... reasons. There will be now talking, cheating, sharing, or *hic* being a bunny."
The entire class except Seamus, who knew what was going on, and Harry, who was too interested in a piece of fluff floating in front of him, looked very confused.
Hermione piped up. "uh... a bunny, sir..."
"5 points from Gryffin-- Gryffin-- heh, gryffin is a funny word!"
"Well, professor Snape sir, I do believe the Gryffindors are pulling a prank on you. Some sort of Imperius curse or something..." Draco said with his familiar drawl.
"AH! No talking! 50 points from slytherin!"
The entire Slytherin side gasped in unison. Snape has never taken points from them.
"All right, everyone put everything but your cauldrons away... and... Seamus, what is that?"
"Oh, that's just Clarence, my purple duck" Seamus responded before breaking down in hysterical giggles. "That sounds dirty!"
"Yes Seamus... well, anyways..."
Snape then handed out the ingredients for the potions.
"Now, children, I have set out your ingredients. You shall all brew me some antidote for the hubane poison. I assure you have all studied, so you shouldn't be afraid that I will test all of your potions on you."
Snape turned over a large hourglass. "you have 2 hours."
He then glided over to his chair and tried to sit down, but he missed the seat by about a foot. However, not many people had noticed.
Seamus saw it though. And almost fell off his chair himself with laughter.
Without getting up or looking Snape yelled, "10 points from Gryffindor!"
All of Gryffindor moaned and looked at Seamus.
"Way to go See-mouse!" Harry said indignantly.
"I said no talking! 15 more points from Gryffindor! And 50 points from Slytherin because Crabbe is fat."
The entire Gryffindor side snickered while the Slytherins looked confused. And Crabbe looked extremely hurt.
"*sniff* I'm... I'm not... fat... I'm big *sniff* boned!"
"Boned!" Seamus giggled
Snape finally steadied himself and sat on his chair.
Seamus began to pour various liquids and powders into his cauldron and some smoke started to rise...
"Finnigan! What are you doing?" Draco said with his familiar drawl.
"I decided instead of making an anti-hubane potion, I would make a invincible to everything potion. But then Clarence told me I was already invincible. So I thought of making an invisibility potion, but Clarence said I had already stolen Harry's cloak when he left to get his cauldron at lunch..." Seamus began to explain.
"HEY! That was from my father!" Harry yelled.
"Yeah well buy a new one rich boy! While you're at it, buy some new friends like Malfoy did! I don't know why I became friends with you in the first place!" Ron yelled.
"So, Clarence and I agreed to make a potion that would cure all disease..." Seamus continued, oblivious to anyone.
"Now I feel sad." Harry added, beginning to cry.
"Now now, Harry." Hermione cooed. "You still have me..."
"So! I can't even pronounce your name!"
"It's Hermio--"
"1 million points from both Gryffindor and Slytherin for talking!" Snape called from his chair, before falling off again.
"1 billion points from this chair for being a dumbass!"
Now everyone in the room noticed Snape's cries and tried as best they could to hold in their laughter.
Except for Seamus.
"But then that would throw out the balance of the universe. So we're making an anti-hubane potion that tastes good."
"How would you do that? All hubane potions taste horrible!" Dean Thomas, the boy who takes lines while everyone else is busy, asked
"Well, we don't know, so we're experimenting!"
"QUACK!"
"What the hell was that?" Malfoy sneered "Some kind of duck toy Seemose? For good luck? Or to keep you safe at nigh--OW! It bit me!"
"He dunnu like when people mispronounce me name. Aye." Seamus answered, holding back a large stuffed purple duck and hiding it in his robes. Some faint quacking could be heard.
"TIME'S UP!" Snape yelled, smashing the hourglass against a wall.
"But it's only been 10 minutes sir." A random slytherin moaned.
"5 million points from Slytherin!!!"
The room went silent.
"All right then, first to test their potion... Mr. Potter! Who I believe to also be.... LORD VOLDEMORT!!!!"
"GASP!" The class gasped.
"But how sir?" Goyle yelled, "Potter survived Vo--you-know-who's attacks, you-know-who killed Potters parents!"
"Yes Goyle, but do you forget that Voldemort killed his own parents? He also could not be killed. Especially by his own spell. Potter is Voldemort!!!"
"Gasp!" The class gasped again.
Harry, who could not think of anything intelligible to say, reluctantly walked up to Snape.
"Now Potter *cough* *Darklord* *cough* If you drink this hubane potion, then your own potion and live... I will suspect you cheated and fail you. But if you take the hubane potion, and none of your own and live, I will know you are the Dark Lord and kill you. And if your potion does not work, you will both die and fail. Ready Potter?"
"Gulp!"
"A gulp is not a correct answer Potter, it is a Dark Lord answer!" With that, Snap threw a vial into Harry's hands and forced him to drink it. He then shoved Harry's own potion into Harry's hand and made him drink that.
And Harry fell dead to the floor.
"I told you sir, ten minutes is not enough to save someone's life!" the random Slytherin said again.
"10 billion points from Slytherin!!!"
"HARRY! NO!!!! I NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO SAY I LOVED YOU!!!"
With that, the whole room stared at Seamus.
"Seamus," Hermione said patronisingly, "did you just say, 'harry, no, i never got a chance to say i loved you'?"
"No, Clarence did."
"Yes," Hermione continued... "Clarence..."
The class snickered
"Okay, I see that I was wrong about Harry being Voldemort." Snape admitted
"GASP!"
"But I still say the Dark Lord is among us! All of you now, bring your potions forward so I may test them on you!"
But before anyone could notice, Seamus and Clarence had snuck out of class. They didn't want to be killed right before Divination. They always had the most fun there.
"Seamus!!"
Seamus turned around to see who could be calling his name so loudly... It was Hermione!
"What ye be doin' Lass? Ye ne'er skip class! ACHhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
"Stop with the accent shorty!"
"Aye... I mean, uh sorry..."
"You shame us, Seamus!"
"Yes, my name is Seamus, why did you say it twice?"
"I said you, as in Seamus, Shame, as in bring grief, to us, as in we."
"Who's 'we'?"
"We, the people who have names people just cannot pronounce correctly..."
"How do I shame you, Hermione?"
"You skipped class!"
"No, I saved my own life! LET GO MAH PURSE! AH DON'T KNOW YOU!"
Seamus then proceeded to kick Hermione in the nuts... er where her nuts would be, had she been born a male, then ran off giggling.
He then skipped gleefully to Divination class, where Prof. Trelawney was waiting.
"I have been waiting for you, Seamus..." She said in her misty voice.
"Yes I know, the narrator pointed that out."
"What! There really is a narrator?! Someone controlling our every move, with a vendetta far more powerful than the fates!? NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"
Prof. Trelawney curled up into the fetal position and lay shaking on the ground.
"WhooHoo!!! Spare in Divination!" Seamus yelled running up to the attic.
15 minutes later Seamus entered the freshly blazing and TP'd Divination class.
Feeling quite bored, Seamus decided to return to the Gryffindor common room and catch some rays, as it had recently gotten a new sunroof.
He ran up to the portrait of the Fat Lady and saw that she was asleep.
"Hello? Pink Ladeeeeeeeyyyy!!! WAKE UP!"
"*snort* hmm--? Oh-- Hello... Mmm... Password?"
"Je m'en souvien pas!"
"Well then you shouldn't be here, find out the password from a fri-- oh, wait, that's the new password isn't it? Oh well, forgetful me!"
The fat lady swung open, revealing the somewhat empty common room. All who were in there were Fred and George, laughing maniacally.
"Oi! It's Seamus! Seamus! What was it like? I wish I was there! Can't wait to get the film developed!"
"What film?" Seamus asked
"Oh, we enchanted our wands to record the whole class. From two different angles! I wonder what the look on his face will be like when he finds out..."
With that, Seamus collapsed on the floor.
"Oh no, Fred, I think he's had his first sugar crash..."
"Whatever shall we do?!"
"I have an idea..."
"Does it involve permanent markers?"
"And panties!"
"Delicious!"
"The panties, Fred, or the idea?"
"Both!"
And so the twins laughed some more....
Snape bursts in
Snape: Oh god I have the munchies!
Fred: But sir, one only gets munchies if one has been smoking the wacky tobaccy!
George: Please don't tell us our favourite role model has let us down sir!
Snape: (looking somewhat disoriented) Uh... no, of course...not.... Gred, and Forge...BYE!
Snape runs out.
Narrator: Well that was certainly a fun adventure... wasn't it Seamus?
Seamus: That's See-mos yah---oh, wait, yeh got it right. Aye.
Narrator: And so we leave on a happy note...
Fred: You mean how we have killed Harry after separating him from his best friend, kicking Hermione in her nether regions, leaving Professor Trelawney mentally wounded, destroying the Gryffindor common room, Seamus failing potions, almost killing Prof. Snape on overdose and revealing Neville Longbottom to be the true Voldemort?
George: Well then of course it's a happy ending!
Fred: Yep
Narrator: You want me to do to you what I did to Harry?
Fred and George: We'll be good!
Narrator: And so we leave on a happy note, and I bid you all Adieu, while asking you to please review...
Thank you, enjoy your day... :)
Pepsi company= not mine
Magic brownies= not yet mine
The Pepsi bottle and sugar packets used in this fic= the few things that are mine.
Seamus Finnigan's Sugar High...
The sun shone brightly through the clouds this sunny/cloudy afternoon.
Seamus: OY! That dunnu make sense!
I don't care... It's my fic.
Seamus: But it's about me.
Quiet you! Or I'll make you do horrible things!
Seamus: Like what?
I'll make you allergic to beer!
Seamus: NO!! That'll disgrace my Irish ancestors! I'll be good.
So the sun shone brightly through the clouds this afternoon, shining it's light though the window to the Gryffindor common room. Where a young Irish lad lay on the ground with about a hundred packs of sugar and some empty cans of Pepsi around him.
"So Seamus. Do you still think muggle treats are worthless?" Fred and George said in unison. Seamus opened his mouth and moaned as a gooey sticky sugar-saliva mix oozed out of his mouth.
"Oh no George, Seamus has a potions exam in an hour! And he is still in this state! Whatever shall we do!" Fred said mockingly. Seamus's eyes bolted open. "Potions Exam!" He managed to spit out, along with about a pound of sticky sugar-spit.
"Oh yes..." Said George. "But don't worry too much Seamus, we baked Snape some 'special brownies...'"
Fred showed Seamus a large baking pan full of brownies... mmm.... brownies...
Seamus reached out to take one, but George slapped his hand. "Are you daft? These things will put you in a worse condition than you are in now."
"In fact," Fred added. "I think those muggle sweets should just about take hold now..."
Just after that comment, Seamus seemed to actually wake up. As he had been half-asleep before he ate all that sugar.
"Should I be twitching like this?" Seamus said as he looked at his hands.
"Oh yes, this is the fun part!" Fred and George again said in unison, before running down to the dungeon with the brownies.
Seamus seemed to have two personalities now, one wanted to study as hard as it could for potions.
And the other wanted to look at the sparkles on the roof, then set them on FIRE!
And so the Gryffindor common room has a much higher roof.
Harry Potter, the boy who lived-- of few words-- burst in through the portrait door. "see mouse! see mouse! The potions exam is in five minutes! lets' go!"
"That's Shay-mus yah cheese eatin' brit!"
"Wha?"
"Ach, ne'er mind. I'ma comin' wit' yeh."
"Okie!"
And so the two ran off. Harry does a sort of skipping happy thing. And Seamus, doing the best he could not to punch Harry in the face.
They finally made it to the dungeon. Just in time to see Fred and George walking out snickering, and giving Seamus a thumbs-up. They walked inside and saw Snape looking curiously at the stack of brownies in front of him.
"Ah, I see someone has found my weakness for muggle sweets. However, I cannot raise marks for something like this. So whoever gave this to me, it is worthless! But I shall still eat it."
The students looked on with odd looks, as the potions master ate every single brownie on the plate in less than 2 minutes.
"Now class. I hope you don't have to be kicked out of the exam for... reasons. There will be now talking, cheating, sharing, or *hic* being a bunny."
The entire class except Seamus, who knew what was going on, and Harry, who was too interested in a piece of fluff floating in front of him, looked very confused.
Hermione piped up. "uh... a bunny, sir..."
"5 points from Gryffin-- Gryffin-- heh, gryffin is a funny word!"
"Well, professor Snape sir, I do believe the Gryffindors are pulling a prank on you. Some sort of Imperius curse or something..." Draco said with his familiar drawl.
"AH! No talking! 50 points from slytherin!"
The entire Slytherin side gasped in unison. Snape has never taken points from them.
"All right, everyone put everything but your cauldrons away... and... Seamus, what is that?"
"Oh, that's just Clarence, my purple duck" Seamus responded before breaking down in hysterical giggles. "That sounds dirty!"
"Yes Seamus... well, anyways..."
Snape then handed out the ingredients for the potions.
"Now, children, I have set out your ingredients. You shall all brew me some antidote for the hubane poison. I assure you have all studied, so you shouldn't be afraid that I will test all of your potions on you."
Snape turned over a large hourglass. "you have 2 hours."
He then glided over to his chair and tried to sit down, but he missed the seat by about a foot. However, not many people had noticed.
Seamus saw it though. And almost fell off his chair himself with laughter.
Without getting up or looking Snape yelled, "10 points from Gryffindor!"
All of Gryffindor moaned and looked at Seamus.
"Way to go See-mouse!" Harry said indignantly.
"I said no talking! 15 more points from Gryffindor! And 50 points from Slytherin because Crabbe is fat."
The entire Gryffindor side snickered while the Slytherins looked confused. And Crabbe looked extremely hurt.
"*sniff* I'm... I'm not... fat... I'm big *sniff* boned!"
"Boned!" Seamus giggled
Snape finally steadied himself and sat on his chair.
Seamus began to pour various liquids and powders into his cauldron and some smoke started to rise...
"Finnigan! What are you doing?" Draco said with his familiar drawl.
"I decided instead of making an anti-hubane potion, I would make a invincible to everything potion. But then Clarence told me I was already invincible. So I thought of making an invisibility potion, but Clarence said I had already stolen Harry's cloak when he left to get his cauldron at lunch..." Seamus began to explain.
"HEY! That was from my father!" Harry yelled.
"Yeah well buy a new one rich boy! While you're at it, buy some new friends like Malfoy did! I don't know why I became friends with you in the first place!" Ron yelled.
"So, Clarence and I agreed to make a potion that would cure all disease..." Seamus continued, oblivious to anyone.
"Now I feel sad." Harry added, beginning to cry.
"Now now, Harry." Hermione cooed. "You still have me..."
"So! I can't even pronounce your name!"
"It's Hermio--"
"1 million points from both Gryffindor and Slytherin for talking!" Snape called from his chair, before falling off again.
"1 billion points from this chair for being a dumbass!"
Now everyone in the room noticed Snape's cries and tried as best they could to hold in their laughter.
Except for Seamus.
"But then that would throw out the balance of the universe. So we're making an anti-hubane potion that tastes good."
"How would you do that? All hubane potions taste horrible!" Dean Thomas, the boy who takes lines while everyone else is busy, asked
"Well, we don't know, so we're experimenting!"
"QUACK!"
"What the hell was that?" Malfoy sneered "Some kind of duck toy Seemose? For good luck? Or to keep you safe at nigh--OW! It bit me!"
"He dunnu like when people mispronounce me name. Aye." Seamus answered, holding back a large stuffed purple duck and hiding it in his robes. Some faint quacking could be heard.
"TIME'S UP!" Snape yelled, smashing the hourglass against a wall.
"But it's only been 10 minutes sir." A random slytherin moaned.
"5 million points from Slytherin!!!"
The room went silent.
"All right then, first to test their potion... Mr. Potter! Who I believe to also be.... LORD VOLDEMORT!!!!"
"GASP!" The class gasped.
"But how sir?" Goyle yelled, "Potter survived Vo--you-know-who's attacks, you-know-who killed Potters parents!"
"Yes Goyle, but do you forget that Voldemort killed his own parents? He also could not be killed. Especially by his own spell. Potter is Voldemort!!!"
"Gasp!" The class gasped again.
Harry, who could not think of anything intelligible to say, reluctantly walked up to Snape.
"Now Potter *cough* *Darklord* *cough* If you drink this hubane potion, then your own potion and live... I will suspect you cheated and fail you. But if you take the hubane potion, and none of your own and live, I will know you are the Dark Lord and kill you. And if your potion does not work, you will both die and fail. Ready Potter?"
"Gulp!"
"A gulp is not a correct answer Potter, it is a Dark Lord answer!" With that, Snap threw a vial into Harry's hands and forced him to drink it. He then shoved Harry's own potion into Harry's hand and made him drink that.
And Harry fell dead to the floor.
"I told you sir, ten minutes is not enough to save someone's life!" the random Slytherin said again.
"10 billion points from Slytherin!!!"
"HARRY! NO!!!! I NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO SAY I LOVED YOU!!!"
With that, the whole room stared at Seamus.
"Seamus," Hermione said patronisingly, "did you just say, 'harry, no, i never got a chance to say i loved you'?"
"No, Clarence did."
"Yes," Hermione continued... "Clarence..."
The class snickered
"Okay, I see that I was wrong about Harry being Voldemort." Snape admitted
"GASP!"
"But I still say the Dark Lord is among us! All of you now, bring your potions forward so I may test them on you!"
But before anyone could notice, Seamus and Clarence had snuck out of class. They didn't want to be killed right before Divination. They always had the most fun there.
"Seamus!!"
Seamus turned around to see who could be calling his name so loudly... It was Hermione!
"What ye be doin' Lass? Ye ne'er skip class! ACHhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
"Stop with the accent shorty!"
"Aye... I mean, uh sorry..."
"You shame us, Seamus!"
"Yes, my name is Seamus, why did you say it twice?"
"I said you, as in Seamus, Shame, as in bring grief, to us, as in we."
"Who's 'we'?"
"We, the people who have names people just cannot pronounce correctly..."
"How do I shame you, Hermione?"
"You skipped class!"
"No, I saved my own life! LET GO MAH PURSE! AH DON'T KNOW YOU!"
Seamus then proceeded to kick Hermione in the nuts... er where her nuts would be, had she been born a male, then ran off giggling.
He then skipped gleefully to Divination class, where Prof. Trelawney was waiting.
"I have been waiting for you, Seamus..." She said in her misty voice.
"Yes I know, the narrator pointed that out."
"What! There really is a narrator?! Someone controlling our every move, with a vendetta far more powerful than the fates!? NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"
Prof. Trelawney curled up into the fetal position and lay shaking on the ground.
"WhooHoo!!! Spare in Divination!" Seamus yelled running up to the attic.
15 minutes later Seamus entered the freshly blazing and TP'd Divination class.
Feeling quite bored, Seamus decided to return to the Gryffindor common room and catch some rays, as it had recently gotten a new sunroof.
He ran up to the portrait of the Fat Lady and saw that she was asleep.
"Hello? Pink Ladeeeeeeeyyyy!!! WAKE UP!"
"*snort* hmm--? Oh-- Hello... Mmm... Password?"
"Je m'en souvien pas!"
"Well then you shouldn't be here, find out the password from a fri-- oh, wait, that's the new password isn't it? Oh well, forgetful me!"
The fat lady swung open, revealing the somewhat empty common room. All who were in there were Fred and George, laughing maniacally.
"Oi! It's Seamus! Seamus! What was it like? I wish I was there! Can't wait to get the film developed!"
"What film?" Seamus asked
"Oh, we enchanted our wands to record the whole class. From two different angles! I wonder what the look on his face will be like when he finds out..."
With that, Seamus collapsed on the floor.
"Oh no, Fred, I think he's had his first sugar crash..."
"Whatever shall we do?!"
"I have an idea..."
"Does it involve permanent markers?"
"And panties!"
"Delicious!"
"The panties, Fred, or the idea?"
"Both!"
And so the twins laughed some more....
Snape bursts in
Snape: Oh god I have the munchies!
Fred: But sir, one only gets munchies if one has been smoking the wacky tobaccy!
George: Please don't tell us our favourite role model has let us down sir!
Snape: (looking somewhat disoriented) Uh... no, of course...not.... Gred, and Forge...BYE!
Snape runs out.
Narrator: Well that was certainly a fun adventure... wasn't it Seamus?
Seamus: That's See-mos yah---oh, wait, yeh got it right. Aye.
Narrator: And so we leave on a happy note...
Fred: You mean how we have killed Harry after separating him from his best friend, kicking Hermione in her nether regions, leaving Professor Trelawney mentally wounded, destroying the Gryffindor common room, Seamus failing potions, almost killing Prof. Snape on overdose and revealing Neville Longbottom to be the true Voldemort?
George: Well then of course it's a happy ending!
Fred: Yep
Narrator: You want me to do to you what I did to Harry?
Fred and George: We'll be good!
Narrator: And so we leave on a happy note, and I bid you all Adieu, while asking you to please review...
Thank you, enjoy your day... :)