Goodmorning. Sakura just woke up from her lovely slumber.
Stretching, she got out of bed. The angle she positioned her body caused something in her intestines to shift. Perhaps it was gas blocked by a single turd throughout the night. I'm not certain. But a loud and abrupt poot escaped her rectum all of a sudden.
"Woo," Sakura said, feeling relief she didn't know she sought out.
Walking to the bathroom, she sat on the toilet and peed for a good minute or so. Eventually, the peeing noise died down. Reaching to grab some toilet paper, she let out an airy fart that sounded so soft and delicate like an angel's kiss. It must've been caused by the pressure of straining her peehole and it traveled to her rectal area. Wiping her vagina, she looked at the toilet paper and it was a light yellow color. She flushed all the contents down the toilet.
She stood up and pulled up her panties and pajama bottoms. Walking over to the sink, she spotted herself in the mirror and smiled. As soon as she did, she noticed that her teeth were yellow. They looked like they were little pieces of butter that were put on movie popcorn. She quickly grabbed her tooth brush and squeezed a healthy dollop of Crest toothpaste on to it. Sakura quickly popped that bad boy into her mouth and went to town. Scrubbing and brushing for at least ten minutes. She finally spit out the contents in her mouth and smiled at herself in the mirror again. There. Much better.
After that, she decided she needed to clean her ears.
She twisted the Q-tip in her right ear and it felt weirdly good. Sakura shuddered in pleasure then took it out. She couldn't help herself and looked at the end of the bud, noticing it was a yellow color. She made a face of disgust but felt really pleased by it for some strange reason. The pinkette got another Q-tip and did the same in the other ear. Ahh, it felt so good. This time when she took the swab out, there were a few chunks of yellowish earwax on the tip. "Good golly," Sakura exhaled shakily, rotating the tip to look at it. "My ears must've been really funky!"
She tossed the Q-tips in the direction of the trash can, but missed. They bounced off the edge and landed on the floor beside it. Sakura did indeed notice this, but she ignored it. She was too lazy to reach down and pick them up. Besides, she can always do it later. Sakura inhaled in contentment and listened to the air conditioning unit circulate through the house. The pinkette just wanted to enjoy the silence for a minute. After awhile she grew bored.
"I'm going to put on make-up now," she said to no one in particular.
First, she must remove the large black heads from her nose. She got a plain white wash cloth from her linen closet and doused it with hot water. Then she proceeded to compress her face with the warm cloth. This took about five minutes. Slowly, her pores began opening up even further. This is a good thing; the pores will come right out! Next, she opened the box of Bioré Deep Cleansing Pore Strips but this took a while because she couldn't figure out which side was the correct opening. She removed a packet, setting the box aside. She clumsily tore open the packet and pulled out a clear piece of with the pore strip attached.
Pursing her lips, she removed the sticky strip from the plastic and placed it unevenly on her moist nose.
She stared at herself in the mirror for a few moments before going to watch an episode of Judge Judy that she DVR'd. Something had to be done to pass the time as the pore strip dried. Otherwise, Sakura would completely die of boredom! After fifteen minutes passed, Sakura's nose felt really hard. It was time to remove it. Yes, it was.
She got up from her couch and clicked the 'power' button, which turned the TV off. Then she walked to the bathroom, staring at herself in the mirror once again. She smiled at herself before pulling the pore strip upwards- which is a definite must. It removes more unsightly pores if you do it that way. It hurt a little bit as she ripped it off, so Sakura said 'ow!'
Lifting up the used pore strip, she looked at the yellowish-brown dots that coated every inch. Those were her pores. They were in her nose. Now they aren't. It made Sakura grow weirdly fascinated. Soon, she grew bored of looking at her dirty pore strip. So she crumpled it up and threw it in the direction of the trash can. She missed, and it landed a few inches away.
"Whatever," Sakura muttered to herself and shrugged. "I'll clean it up later if I have the time."
Sakura turned to face herself in the mirror and she smiled again at her reflection. Reaching into the cabnet, she pulled out a few bottles. These shall prepare her skin for makeup. She then applied Thayers' Alcohol-free rose petal witch-hazel on her nose. She did this so the pores would close and it would prevent dirt and bacteria from reforming. Then she spashed her face with ice cold water. Her skin was a little red, but it looked very tight and clean. Next, she applied Lubriderm lotion to her face. She liked that particular lotion because it was good for sensitive skin.
Now is the time to apply makeup. She walked back into her room and sat at her makeup table. She switched on the light to her vanity mirror. Her face illuminated and glowed sexily. Sakura smiled at herself- pretending she was smiling at Sasuke. She also liked to pretend she was in Sasuke's point of view and looking at herself. She was weird.
Sakura pulled out her dirty beauty blender and walked to the bathroom and let water engorge it. She wringed out the excess water until it felt damp then proceeded back to her vanity mirror. Sitting down, she felt comfortable. Opening the door of her makeup desk, she pulled out her favorite foundation; MAKEUP FOR EVER liquid foundation in the shade 'classic ivory.' Squirting a bit onto the tip of her beauty blender, she smiled to herself. Her skin was going to look flawless.
She began dabbing it onto her skin. First, she started underneath her eyes where her dark circles were. Then she proceeded to her cheeks, then her nose, then her chin, then her forehead. Then she turned the beauty blender on its other side- the blending side- and blended the foundation. She discarded the beauty tool for now, and examined herself in the mirror. With solely foundation, she looked similar to a kabuki.
Next, she filled in her eyebrows. Since we all know that her eyebrows are scarce and faintly pink, she must use an exotic eyeshadow. Today, she chose a cheap pink eyeshadow pallet she got from Hot Topic that was on clearance. She can't remember the name at the moment, so sorry. I doubt you'd want it anyway. She daintly filled in her brows so they almost looked slightly natural. Then, she went around the edges with with concealer and a thin brush. To top it all off, she used an eyebrow brush. There. Now it looks great.
She then used a Maybelline eyeshadow pallet that her great aunt bought for her several Christmases ago. Choosing a light brown color, she lightly blended it into the crease of her eye. She did this to make her eyes seem more deep-set. Therefore, it would make the eyes bigger. Bigger eyeballs are beautiful for some reason. Next, she applied a lighter color to the lid itself. Also, you can't forget adding a highlight in the inner corners of your eyes. It makes you look more 'awake' and if you're like Sakura- who stays up all night watching Roseanne re-runs- then you definitely need it.
Sakura reached into her makeup basket, frantically searching for her eyeliner. Items shuffled and made loud noises as they were roughly pushed over eachother.
"Damn it," Sakura cursed loudly. "Where the fuck is my eyeliner?!"
After a few moments, she finally found it. Next, she applied a thin layer of eyeliner to one eye. She leaned back to observe her work. No. It needs to be thicker. So she re-did it and added more along her lashline. No. It still wasn't good enough. Sakura stretched it out further, past where her eyelid ended. Today she was going to do a cat eye. Purrrfect! She did the same to her other eye, except she messed up a little. Hey, it's okay. No one will notice. Right?
Now that she's done with that, it's time to add the finishing touches to the eye. Which means...eyelashes. Yes, something needs to be done to those eyelashes. Sakura's were so scarce and light colored. It looked awful because they are barely noticeable against her flour-colored skin. So, what can be done about this? Mascara, of course. But what if that's not enough? You totally guessed it, boo boo. False eyelashes!
Sakura pulled out a plastic case that held a pair of semi-natural looking false eyelashes. If you'd like to know, yes, she did in fact get them from Walmart. Taking them out of the packet, she applied a thin layer of glue to the 'lash bone' and blew on it. She didn't know why she had to blow on it. She just saw other makeup artists on Youtube do it, so she copied. After a minute passed, she placed it on her eye as close as she could to her natural lashline. Yes! She actually succeeded!
Okay, now for the next eye. She did the same steps as the previous, however as she was going to apply the eyelash to her eyelid, she dropped it and it fell on the floor. Oh no! She looked for it using a magnifying glass for fifteen minutes or so. Come to find out, it was only stuck on her arm this entire time! She felt frustrated but quickly got over it. Sakura applied a new layer of glue since the old layer dried. Shakily, she hovered the false eyelashes over her eye. She moved in closer...and closer. Until she finally made contact with her eyelid! One problem though; the eyelashes were crooked! Yes, the pair of flase eyelashes looked like a black catepillar crawling across her eye.
Sakura screamed out in frustration and slammed her tiny fists against the desk. Life just wasn't fair!
She removed that one cursed false eyelash from her eye. Thankfully, her eyeshadow underneath wasn't too terribly tainted. It gave Sakura some hope. Reapplying some lash glue, she gulped. She felt nervous. Her hands were sweaty. Her heart was racing. She's never been so terrified in her entire life. Will she make it? Will she succeed?
Firmly, she pressed it against her lashline. She prayed to God in Heaven above; please let this eyelash look sexy! She slowly opened her eyes and HOT DAMN SHE LOOKED GORGEOUS. They were both aligned perfectly, now. You could never tell in a bazillion years that Sakura made the biggest mistake of her life a few seconds ago. She let out a breath of relief and pulled confetti out of nowhere and threw it in the air. YES. YES!
Now that her eyes looked completely and utterly flawless, she decided to move on to her lips. For lip color; she settled on a dark, sexy, sassy red color. The lipstick smoothly and evenly applied itself upon her lips. Smoother than butter. After lining the edges with lipliner, she made kissy faces at herself in the mirror and gave a toothy grin. Upon smiling, she noticed a little lipstick on her two front teeth. Licking it off with her tongue, she smiled again. Nothing was going to break her stride.
She picked up her phone that was laying on her dresser, and selected the Spotify app. Scrolling down her playlist, she selected the song she desired to listen to. Suddenly, the song 'Flawless' by Beyonce resounded throughout her house.
"I woke up like this. I woke up like this," Sakura sung to herself whilst looking at herself in the mirror's reflection. "We flawless."
She turned around so that her butt was facing the mirror. It was a little flat so she poked it out further like the girls do on Instagram. Sakura started wiggling it to the beat of the song and mouthed the lyrics. Her glossy lips made crackling sounds when she moved them and it was slightly annoying. She looked around to make sure no one was watching her - even though she has lived alone for nearly 10 years - and pulled her panties snuggly up her buttcrack. Then she proceeded to gyrate her butt and move it up and down. Her buttcheeks slightly jiggled and the cellulite on her thighs sloshed around. She was feeling so sexy until her knees cracked and they hurt. So she stopped.
To be honest, her armpits were feeling a little sweaty from all that twerking. So she padded softly to the bathroom and applied some Dove deodorant. Then she added some baby powder to seal the deal. That way it would be less likely that her armpits would smell bad throughout the day. On the other hand, her buttcrack was also a little sweaty. She didn't know what to do, so she Googled, 'how do I deal with a sweaty butthole an hour before date.' She was pleased to find many helpful results. On Yahoo Answers, deedlet982 suggested that she should get a baby wipe and wipe her butthole a few times. Wow, that sounds simple.
Sakura decided that she'd sit on the toilet and wipe because when you sit on the toilet your buttcheeks naturally spread open. That way it'll be easier to gain access to inner buttcheeks and anus. Sakura sat on the toilet and the lid was so cold against her buttcheeks; it made her butthole pucker. Reaching behind her, she struggled to pull open the container of Huggies unscented wipes. After a few moments, she finally attained her first baby wipe and pressed it against her butthole. It was cold and she felt a chill tingle up her spine. She shivered.
Moving the wipe back and forth over her anus, she noticed it glided smoothly over her sacred brown hole. She smiled with glee at the realization that she had a smooth butthole. She couldn't wait until Sasuke would see her polished butthole and be so aroused.
When her butthole felt squeaky clean, she threw the soiled wipe in the direction of the trash can. She almost missed; it landed on the edge of the can. Good enough. Pulling her panties up, she promptly walked into her room and looked at her wordrobe. She remembered the day her grandma found it at a yard sale and bought it for her pink-haired grandbaby. However, since it was so huge, she had to get assistance from her third cousin, Roger. They transported it to her house via his pick-up truck. She thought it was an amazing deal.
Opening up the wordrobe, she looked inside her closet. Hmm. What to wear? The possibilities are endless.
She finally settled on a light pink blouse that she bought from Charlotte Russe she bought a few years ago. For pants, she decided she'd just wear leggings. As far as undergarments go, she wanted to wear some skimpy panties just in case they get freaky later. Sakura picked a white lace thong that she got from Macy's on clearance and a matching AA cup bra. Yes. All of this will come together wonderfully.
After she put everything on, she gazed at herself longingly in the mirror. Eat your heart out, Uchiha Sasuke.
Sakura turned around in the mirror and gave her perky butt a smack. Yes, she couldn't wait until Sasuke spanked her with a paddle later.
Suddenly, the doorbell rang and the sound echoed throughout the house. It startled Sakura greatly, too. She ran over to her window and peeked out the blinds. Seeing Sasuke's 2001 Mazda 626 parked in her driveway reassured her that it wasn't a bible salesman or a serial killer. It was her bae. She smiled and excitedly galloped towards the front door. Her feet thundered against the floor and she was positive Sasuke could hear it from outside.
Sakura opened the door to find Sasuke wearing nothing but a red thong. His dry, chapped lips raised upwards into a sensual smile as he said, "Ready for our date, baby?"
The end.