Disclaimers: I do not own TMoSH; Tanigawa Nagaru-sensei does.

Warnings: There is no scene in here guys, not on this chapter, I think? Anyway, I was having an awful headache as I accidentally drank rubbing alcohol or some other liquid not supposed to be drank that was really making my head spin. No, it was not intentional. Yes, sometimes it was, but not now. So, sorry if I don't sound like myself in here—this was just written after hearing HIZAKI's "Prayer," which showcases his talent in guitar playing. And I was just typing continuously; I was on a roll guys! I didn't expect this! So, I would now say this early on, sorry for the lack of plot in this certain fiction… And for now this will be just a one-shot, for I want to know your reaction if this is worth evolving into a multi-chapter story…

Prayer

Silently I wounded my arms around his slightly trembling shoulders. He in response trembled a bit, which caught me in a surprise.

He was sleeping, beside me and there was no one else at the train at that time. The world is ours. There was no Closed Spaces, or any supernatural thing that have occurred the whole day. So this time Kyon decided that we go on an overnight trip to some place where I could possibly relax. As if I can relax with my tasks just running behind me, slowly catching up.

I love Kyon; so holding him like this shouldn't be awkward. Yet why do I feel nauseated at the fact that it was only the two of us? It has been weeks since we started going out. Yes, we do go out now, on dates. He had introduced me to his family even. And that's a given; I never thought Kyon would ever fall in love with me, who was first and foremost also a man. But then, who was I to judge? I was the first one to fall in love with him; he was only the one who proposed to me first. Suzumiya-san already knew; and she's not taking it lightly. I was even stripped of the title as a Deputy Brigade Chief; not that I care so much about the title. And up to now she still doesn't know that it was because of her that Kyon had to become clingy to me much more than before, much to her own chagrin.

I was not so sure of future right now. Asahina-san might know a bit about the future, but I perfectly know that she won't ever say anything to me regarding the future of me and Kyon. Who was she to do that anyway?

Kyon felt soft against my own cloth-covered skin. It was summer, and summer uniforms are too thin to actually pass as a uniform. In the end it will only make you want to tear the uniform off the person actually wearing it. That's what usually happens whenever the heat would get to your head. Or when you would only be aroused by the person you personally love. Anyway, Kyon is mine, so I have every right to claim him whenever I want to. The same applies to him, which he abuses too often.

By the time the sky appeared starless I had to shake Kyon to wake him up. Kyon is not a light sleeper; it really takes time and effort to wake him up. But when he does wake up, I'm sure he will give me that genuine smile of his, and everything that took me to wake him up will just go away unnoticed.

XXXXXXXX

He always does everything for me. This is why I am not sure anymore if I really love him or, was it just a spur of the moment? Maybe I was just swept away by his breathtaking aura at that day that I proposed to him without thinking. But I was not even sure that he would say yes…

But wasn't this wrong? And what was I thinking? I introduced him to mom, dad, and my little sister. Don't get me wrong, he was the very first "partner" I ever had. Mom nearly took it as a joke, while dad threatened to throw me out of the house if he learned that I was saying the truth. Dad obviously won't understand that I fell in love with the same sex—he asks me what he has done wrong with the way he disciplined me. Was it because I lack a father most of the time at the house? Mom was always there with me. Dad was always busy working. Too bad, I think I'm not the son they wanted to have.

But today, with Itsuki, I will get answers on my true self.

Itsuki had woken me up the time we had reached our destination, which was to a nearby place where there are great hot spring inns. Not that I mind the price or the money that we will be spending; I had saved up quite a lot for all of those lunches that I had to treat SOS Brigade to. I had no obligation as such for the SOS Brigade, it's just that I was too damned to be always the one who has to spend on things like lunches and snacks as punishment for always the last one to arrive in brigade meetings. Why do they even have to arrive early anyway?

But what about this relationship? What do I expect from this? Should I expect to get something from this? Or was this just a means to pass my time?

Itsuki was, how can say it; first and foremost a friend, although I don't know how much I really regard him as such. But I can't say that I love him so much than a partner could become. I had not imagined myself really ending up with him. I might be at first, but now I wasn't that keen on keeping up with this relationship anymore.

I just wanted to break up with him right now.

But I know that once I do that, I'll seriously hurt him. Yes, I think he'll be deeply hurt. But if I don't end this now then I don't think Itsuki will still be able to climb back up the hole that he fell unto when he entered this relationship. And if this relationship ends smoothly, I think Haruhi would then cease her increasing tantrums.

So how could I end this thing that I had started myself? I'm too bad; I started this yet I'll be the one ending this. It was just like saying that I got tired of playing with a toy that was once my favorite. And it just happen that this certain toy is a guy named Koizumi Itsuki.

….

But now I'll be ending it, once and for all. I don't want to keep lying from him anymore. Itsuki does not deserve this sappy love from me. He needs someone else that will surely love him for what he is, give him the love he so deserves and not lie to him about love that he so much craves for.

…I think I'm getting weak on the knees.

XXXXXXXX

The Closed Spaces decreased dramatically. There are even no more Shinjin occurrences if ever there are Closed Spaces. And I don't know what was causing this.

Before that day,

…I was walking home from the supermarket after buying some ingredients for the food I was to cook for myself and Kyon. Kyon was dropping by at that day, which he seldom does these days as he does not like my living in a small apartment. Since this is one of the rare times that I would ever drag Kyon inside my house, I practically grew happy when I knew that it was of his own free will to go to my house that day.

I was carrying the bags in front of me. The night sky had a lot of stars, and the moon looked beautiful that time. Enchanted by the beautiful night sky, I decided to stop by the bridge and just stare at the sky for about ten minutes as I was even too early for my schedule.

But some voices caught my attention that I quickly ducked away from view. Looking at where the voices come from, I saw Suzumiya-san clinging to none other than Kyon.

The two were smiling, and they seem to be talking about something funny when suddenly Kyon bended to kiss Suzumiya-san full on the lips. It was not a simple kiss that I can ignore. Eventually I had to run back home just to calm myself from everything.

Kyon was visiting me that day.

Kyon texted me a while back.

Kyon told me he can't come.

Kyon…

….

Kyon never knew that I had taken all of these cold medicines and sang myself to sleep. Kyon never knew that I cried myself to sleep that day, knowing that everything is already over. Kyon never knew that I will never come back to SOS Brigade the day after I saw him with Suzumiya-san. I know in that instant that everything's already over. I am not dumb to actually wait for nothing to come.

But after that I had trouble sleeping, so I had to quit the Agency/Organization. Eventually my esper powers dulled. Suzumiya-san seems like she's happy. Kyon seems happy. I seem…

I don't know what Kyon's reaction was after I dropped out of North High. He stopped texting me. I stopped texting him. I stopped going to school.

I continued drinking the medicines. But no matter how many I drink, I still can't sleep. So I resort to hitting my head on the wall, until I felt dizzy and ready to sleep. I need to sleep.

As each day passes I grew irritable and easily tired. I get dizzy often too. But that was because of lack of sleep. No one knew better. So when sleep time comes I drank the medicines and then knock my head on the concrete wall…

XXXXXXXX

Koizumi was gone before I could even break up with him.

Haruhi is worried, yet we could not contact him.

He changed numbers. My number is still the same. And he also changed his residence. In just one night.

I don't know how fast things are going right now. Haruhi and I are in a relationship right now, even when I was still in a relationship with Koizumi. Anyway, Koizumi is past, Haruhi is then present.

Who cares about an uncaring bastard like him anyway?

XXXXXXXX

Winter is the season I hate most, I get cold too easily.

When I get home I'll open the stove to make the room hot, and I'll sleep.

I know I'll be able to sleep peacefully after that…

XXXXXXXX

After several weeks of searching, Koizumi was found almost dead. He suffocated on the gas that was left open in his unit. If not for his neighbor that had smelled the stinging smell of gas coming from his room, he would have died then.

And he was in shambles.

His head held numerous cuts, most likely from contact with concrete. The doctor himself had told us that Koizumi's skull had started to form deep cracks due to excessive force that was applied to it, probably whenever he'd bump his head on a wall. There is also an overdose on sleeping pills. Koizumi is on the brink of dying. Does he not care at all for himself? Or does he do this just to make us worry and irritate us all?

Maybe he's just irritating us all…

But why was he not waking up at all? Is this some kind of prank that he wanted to pull on us? Seriously, Haruhi had not still forgiven you, so you should wake up first and apologize to her directly! Or are you a coward to not do that?

Why can't you wake up?

….

The birds are chirping joyfully overhead. Should we be joyful too?

At this time, not even Haruhi is amused. Who would be amused when,

The scrapes from the ground is deafening. Even I want them to stop.

You should stop.

No.

You could have saved him.

Stop.

You left him alone and let him go ballistic until—

…I KNOW! So just shut up…

But when there is still another chance, can I even save him?

End

Author's Note: This is vague, no plot, and purely monologues! I sounded so immature in here, with the point of views swinging back and forth from one persona to another. I hope you're able to get the story even though I had not given much images. I will still revise this. In fact I'll be arranging this to a multi-chapter story! Yes, another angst on ItsuKyon! I had just finished reading Mizushiro Setona-sensei's work which was "The Carp on the Chopping Block Jumps Twice" which once again made me cry. Then I got inspired, and this is the result! Yay! What do you think? (Aside from all the revisions that I will be making as this work was too stupid and crappy) Review lots, okay? Thanks!