Title: Trojan Secrets
Author: Amanda
Status: Completed; sequel to 'Homer'.
Category: Humour
Pairings: None
Spoilers: None
Season: Any (with Daniel)
Rating: PG
Content Warnings: None
File Size: 12kb
Archive: My site, Jackfic, Anywhere else, just ask.
Summary: A team outing to see 'Troy' leads to a discovery.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.
Author's Notes: This one's for Elizabeth, because she suggested it, and Neet, coz she nagged me to do it! A massive thanks to both Neet, for the beta, and her husband for giving me all the lovely info I needed!
Feedback: Please do – I like it as much as the next person! ;-)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"So what did you guys think, then?" Jack asked, as the four members of SG-1 exited the complex that held their local cinema, having just watched 'Troy' on the big screen.
"I liked it, sir. What more could a girl want but lots of fighting and some cute guys. Plus it was leg porn! So great! I could watch Brad Pitt and Eric Bana walk round like that all day…" Noticing the guys all looking at her with raised eyebrows, Sam trailed off from what she was saying. "You know, I think I'm just going to wait until I'm in the company of some girls before I carry that conversation on." She said, blushing.
Upon reaching a coffee shop, they piled in through the doors and sat at a table by the window. "Well, I thought - for a film – it was okay. Despite all the glaring inaccuracies." Daniel shrugged.
Teal'c bowed his head, adding an "Indeed" to the conversation. They all ordered coffee from the waitress when she came up to their table, before Jack continued.
"Well, I actually found the discrepancies annoying! I mean, you'd think that they could at least keep it closer to the myth. Sure, they have artistic license and yadda yadda, but so many people know the story and they'll all see what's not right." Jack grouched.
Daniel raised his eyebrows at Jack as he took a gulp from the cup of coffee that the waitress had just handed him. "And you know all about the Trojan War because you read it in a book by Homer." It wasn't a question, but a statement.
Jack pulled a face before replying, "You know, it's bad to drink coffee when it's that hot. You'll burn your throat or tongue." Daniel smiled sweetly in reply, along with a "Yes, mother" in a singsong voice.
As Jack huffed at Daniel, Teal'c turned to the archaeologist. "I have not yet read these books by Homer that O'Neill has previously spoken of. What discrepancies are you talking about?"
"Well, there's a lot of things in the actual myth that the film makers have, shall we say, 'creatively enhanced'. Which they do to make films fit the Hollywood standard of happy endings and great heroes, so on and so forth… For example, they had the whole film take place over a period of three weeks-"
"Which is about as untrue as it could be, for cryin' out loud!" Jack again scowled, as he interrupted Daniel's explanation. "I mean, the siege was supposed to have taken over ten years! Not three weeks!"
Sam smiled at Jack's outrage, saying "I don't think they could have made the film last for ten years, sir! Or we'd have been in the cinema for ages!"
They sat in silence for a few minutes, drinking their cups of coffee, before Daniel turned to Sam, asking, "So, how's the latest 'project' coming along?" Sam glanced around her, checking that no one could overhear, before answering Daniel's question.
Jack sat in silence, nursing his mug, when he suddenly spoke again, interrupting the two scientists' conversation. "And there was also the fact that Achilles wasn't even in that last battle! How stupid is that?!" As all eyes at the table turned to him, Jack exclaimed a "what?!" before continuing. "Well, I'm right aren't I, Daniel? Achilles was killed before the fall of Troy. Heck, they'd even managed to get Achilles' son to come fight and be in the wooden horse, he'd been dead that long!"
Daniel took a breath to answer back, when Jack continued on without pause. "And sure, some bits I'll allow them to have changed if it's a kid's film. Such as the fact that Hector's baby son didn't live happily ever after, seeing as Achilles' son killed him. Killing a baby in a film is just wrong – what with the unwritten rule of never killing children or pets…"
"O'Neill!" Teal'c exclaimed. "I believe that you have sufficiently stated your case on the inaccuracies of the film."
Daniel grinned before adding, "I think he's telling you to shut up, Jack!"
Jack narrowed his eyes before gulping down the remainder of his coffee. He then carefully, and slightly exaggeratedly, placed his cup back in the saucer. The others just looked at each other, exchanged smirks and rolling eyes at the typical O'Neill behaviour.
"Well then kids, if you're all done, we'd better head off. Pizza at mine tonight." With that, he stood up, fishing some money out of his wallet to pay for his coffee, as the others did the same. They then walked back out onto the street together.
---------------------
As Jack inserted his key into the lock on his front door, he turned his head to look over his shoulder at his team mates behind him. "And another thing. The whole storyline for Patroclus was wrong. He didn't fight against Achilles' order…"
"Jack!"
"…Achilles wasn't going to fight for the Greeks until Agamemnon apologised…"
"Sir!"
"…It was when the Greeks were in trouble, that he knew he wouldn't get an apology if he did nothing…"
"O'Neill!"
"But he'd made the vow he wouldn't fight. So he sent Patroclus to lead the Myrmidons dressed in Achilles' uniform. Not-" A large hand clamped over his mouth.
"O'Neill! I must insist that you desist these complaints about the motion picture named 'Troy' that we have just witnessed." Teal'c nearly growled at Jack.
Pulling Teal'c's hand away, Jack managed, "-the way the-" before Teal'c once again clamped Jack's mouth closed. Teal'c then used his free hand to turn the key in the lock and push the door open, before releasing Jack into his hallway.
Jack turned back, finishing his thought with "-film did it!" He shot a quirky look at his friends, and dashed off to the relative safety of his living room before anyone could throttle him. Teal'c turned to his younger companions, his eyebrow raising, as Daniel let a big grin erupt on his face, and Sam covered a snort at her CO's childish behaviour behind her hand.
As everyone joined Jack and settled down on to the couches, the Colonel picked up his cordless phone to put through an order for their pizzas. Daniel was sitting nearest Jack's bookcase that stood against one of the walls, and decided to investigate, realising that he had never really taken any notice of the titles before. He ran his hand along the spines of the books, taking note of the eclectic collection his friend owned. There were books about airplanes, fishing, and ones on astronomy, with a few novels dotted about. Picking one up, the archaeologist saw it was one by Tom Clancy. Just then his eyes alighted on Jack's now infamous 'Homer' book. He pulled the chunky book off the shelf, thumbing through it. About to return it to its home on the shelf, Daniel then noticed what was next to the book. The Homer book had been at the end of the bookshelf, but Daniel saw there was actually a sheaf of paper leaning against the far end.
Having pulled the papers off the shelf, Daniel turned back to face the room to get more light so he could read the pages better. He felt like his jaw was going to hit the floor from the shock he received on reading the title at the top of what was now apparent as an essay. It read 'The Study of Ancient Sieges: The Trojan War. Could it have been prevented?" – and the author was one J. O'Neill. Sam, having seen Daniel's shock at whatever he was holding in his hand, came over to take a look. She did a double take at the title, seeing the author's name on the top page. At that moment, Jack put the phone back down, having ordered their dinner.
Sam and Daniel glanced at one another before Daniel spoke to their recalcitrant colonel. "Jack… is there something that you haven't told us?"
Jack looked at Daniel with a puzzled expression, cocking his head to one side to indicate he had no idea what the other man meant.
"As in, have you been holding back on us? About your beloved Homer and this-" Daniel waved the essay in the air. "- that you seem to have done a good few years ago?"
An almost embarrassed look swept across Jack's features, before he straightened his back and pasted a grin on his face. "Well, I might have done a bit about it back in the Academy."
"A bit?"
"An essay or two…"
"At the Academy?"
"That's what I said…"
"So you didn't come across Homer and read it because you thought it was written by a Simpson?" Daniel asked suspiciously.
Jack's eyebrow climbed up his forehead. "To be honest Daniel, I was surprised that you believed me when I said that…"
Daniel pulled a face before asking, "So you, what? Already knew it all from back when you were a lowly cadet?" At Jack's nod, he continued. "Exactly how well do you know all this stuff about Troy? Because you just never seem to shut up about it…"
Jack grinned sheepishly before admitting "We had to do a study of sieges in ancient times and compare them with modern day techniques. We went briefly over the whole Trojan War thing, plus I knew some stuff from when my grandmother used to tell me tales, so I got really interested. I ended up reading everything I could find on the matter." Then Jack decided to admit another of his secrets. "That Homer book you just had is actually from back when I was in the Academy. Way before we even had 'The Simpsons'…"
Sam then asked, "And this essay you wrote, sir?" Indicating the one Daniel was still holding. "The title doesn't exactly fit what you just mentioned."
"I may have done a few extra essays." At everyone's incredulous looks, Jack defended himself in an indignant tone. "Okay, so I was struggling in a few of my harder classes, like chemistry, and decided to gain some extra credit to help make up the difference in my english and history classes."
It was Daniel and Sam's turns to look sheepish, while Teal'c continued to look nonplussed. Daniel then muttered, "You could have just told us…"
Jack grinned as he replied, "But what would have been the fun in that?! This way I get to keep you guys on your toes. And I may not have learned about Troy because of one Homer Simpson, but I do believe there is an episode of our favourite show about to start right now."
With that, Jack turned to go and switch the TV on, whilst whistling 'The Simpsons' theme, as his team mates once more exchanged looks and settled down to watch it with him. He may be incorrigible – but he was their colonel, and they wouldn't have it any other way.
THE END
Author: Amanda
Status: Completed; sequel to 'Homer'.
Category: Humour
Pairings: None
Spoilers: None
Season: Any (with Daniel)
Rating: PG
Content Warnings: None
File Size: 12kb
Archive: My site, Jackfic, Anywhere else, just ask.
Summary: A team outing to see 'Troy' leads to a discovery.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.
Author's Notes: This one's for Elizabeth, because she suggested it, and Neet, coz she nagged me to do it! A massive thanks to both Neet, for the beta, and her husband for giving me all the lovely info I needed!
Feedback: Please do – I like it as much as the next person! ;-)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"So what did you guys think, then?" Jack asked, as the four members of SG-1 exited the complex that held their local cinema, having just watched 'Troy' on the big screen.
"I liked it, sir. What more could a girl want but lots of fighting and some cute guys. Plus it was leg porn! So great! I could watch Brad Pitt and Eric Bana walk round like that all day…" Noticing the guys all looking at her with raised eyebrows, Sam trailed off from what she was saying. "You know, I think I'm just going to wait until I'm in the company of some girls before I carry that conversation on." She said, blushing.
Upon reaching a coffee shop, they piled in through the doors and sat at a table by the window. "Well, I thought - for a film – it was okay. Despite all the glaring inaccuracies." Daniel shrugged.
Teal'c bowed his head, adding an "Indeed" to the conversation. They all ordered coffee from the waitress when she came up to their table, before Jack continued.
"Well, I actually found the discrepancies annoying! I mean, you'd think that they could at least keep it closer to the myth. Sure, they have artistic license and yadda yadda, but so many people know the story and they'll all see what's not right." Jack grouched.
Daniel raised his eyebrows at Jack as he took a gulp from the cup of coffee that the waitress had just handed him. "And you know all about the Trojan War because you read it in a book by Homer." It wasn't a question, but a statement.
Jack pulled a face before replying, "You know, it's bad to drink coffee when it's that hot. You'll burn your throat or tongue." Daniel smiled sweetly in reply, along with a "Yes, mother" in a singsong voice.
As Jack huffed at Daniel, Teal'c turned to the archaeologist. "I have not yet read these books by Homer that O'Neill has previously spoken of. What discrepancies are you talking about?"
"Well, there's a lot of things in the actual myth that the film makers have, shall we say, 'creatively enhanced'. Which they do to make films fit the Hollywood standard of happy endings and great heroes, so on and so forth… For example, they had the whole film take place over a period of three weeks-"
"Which is about as untrue as it could be, for cryin' out loud!" Jack again scowled, as he interrupted Daniel's explanation. "I mean, the siege was supposed to have taken over ten years! Not three weeks!"
Sam smiled at Jack's outrage, saying "I don't think they could have made the film last for ten years, sir! Or we'd have been in the cinema for ages!"
They sat in silence for a few minutes, drinking their cups of coffee, before Daniel turned to Sam, asking, "So, how's the latest 'project' coming along?" Sam glanced around her, checking that no one could overhear, before answering Daniel's question.
Jack sat in silence, nursing his mug, when he suddenly spoke again, interrupting the two scientists' conversation. "And there was also the fact that Achilles wasn't even in that last battle! How stupid is that?!" As all eyes at the table turned to him, Jack exclaimed a "what?!" before continuing. "Well, I'm right aren't I, Daniel? Achilles was killed before the fall of Troy. Heck, they'd even managed to get Achilles' son to come fight and be in the wooden horse, he'd been dead that long!"
Daniel took a breath to answer back, when Jack continued on without pause. "And sure, some bits I'll allow them to have changed if it's a kid's film. Such as the fact that Hector's baby son didn't live happily ever after, seeing as Achilles' son killed him. Killing a baby in a film is just wrong – what with the unwritten rule of never killing children or pets…"
"O'Neill!" Teal'c exclaimed. "I believe that you have sufficiently stated your case on the inaccuracies of the film."
Daniel grinned before adding, "I think he's telling you to shut up, Jack!"
Jack narrowed his eyes before gulping down the remainder of his coffee. He then carefully, and slightly exaggeratedly, placed his cup back in the saucer. The others just looked at each other, exchanged smirks and rolling eyes at the typical O'Neill behaviour.
"Well then kids, if you're all done, we'd better head off. Pizza at mine tonight." With that, he stood up, fishing some money out of his wallet to pay for his coffee, as the others did the same. They then walked back out onto the street together.
---------------------
As Jack inserted his key into the lock on his front door, he turned his head to look over his shoulder at his team mates behind him. "And another thing. The whole storyline for Patroclus was wrong. He didn't fight against Achilles' order…"
"Jack!"
"…Achilles wasn't going to fight for the Greeks until Agamemnon apologised…"
"Sir!"
"…It was when the Greeks were in trouble, that he knew he wouldn't get an apology if he did nothing…"
"O'Neill!"
"But he'd made the vow he wouldn't fight. So he sent Patroclus to lead the Myrmidons dressed in Achilles' uniform. Not-" A large hand clamped over his mouth.
"O'Neill! I must insist that you desist these complaints about the motion picture named 'Troy' that we have just witnessed." Teal'c nearly growled at Jack.
Pulling Teal'c's hand away, Jack managed, "-the way the-" before Teal'c once again clamped Jack's mouth closed. Teal'c then used his free hand to turn the key in the lock and push the door open, before releasing Jack into his hallway.
Jack turned back, finishing his thought with "-film did it!" He shot a quirky look at his friends, and dashed off to the relative safety of his living room before anyone could throttle him. Teal'c turned to his younger companions, his eyebrow raising, as Daniel let a big grin erupt on his face, and Sam covered a snort at her CO's childish behaviour behind her hand.
As everyone joined Jack and settled down on to the couches, the Colonel picked up his cordless phone to put through an order for their pizzas. Daniel was sitting nearest Jack's bookcase that stood against one of the walls, and decided to investigate, realising that he had never really taken any notice of the titles before. He ran his hand along the spines of the books, taking note of the eclectic collection his friend owned. There were books about airplanes, fishing, and ones on astronomy, with a few novels dotted about. Picking one up, the archaeologist saw it was one by Tom Clancy. Just then his eyes alighted on Jack's now infamous 'Homer' book. He pulled the chunky book off the shelf, thumbing through it. About to return it to its home on the shelf, Daniel then noticed what was next to the book. The Homer book had been at the end of the bookshelf, but Daniel saw there was actually a sheaf of paper leaning against the far end.
Having pulled the papers off the shelf, Daniel turned back to face the room to get more light so he could read the pages better. He felt like his jaw was going to hit the floor from the shock he received on reading the title at the top of what was now apparent as an essay. It read 'The Study of Ancient Sieges: The Trojan War. Could it have been prevented?" – and the author was one J. O'Neill. Sam, having seen Daniel's shock at whatever he was holding in his hand, came over to take a look. She did a double take at the title, seeing the author's name on the top page. At that moment, Jack put the phone back down, having ordered their dinner.
Sam and Daniel glanced at one another before Daniel spoke to their recalcitrant colonel. "Jack… is there something that you haven't told us?"
Jack looked at Daniel with a puzzled expression, cocking his head to one side to indicate he had no idea what the other man meant.
"As in, have you been holding back on us? About your beloved Homer and this-" Daniel waved the essay in the air. "- that you seem to have done a good few years ago?"
An almost embarrassed look swept across Jack's features, before he straightened his back and pasted a grin on his face. "Well, I might have done a bit about it back in the Academy."
"A bit?"
"An essay or two…"
"At the Academy?"
"That's what I said…"
"So you didn't come across Homer and read it because you thought it was written by a Simpson?" Daniel asked suspiciously.
Jack's eyebrow climbed up his forehead. "To be honest Daniel, I was surprised that you believed me when I said that…"
Daniel pulled a face before asking, "So you, what? Already knew it all from back when you were a lowly cadet?" At Jack's nod, he continued. "Exactly how well do you know all this stuff about Troy? Because you just never seem to shut up about it…"
Jack grinned sheepishly before admitting "We had to do a study of sieges in ancient times and compare them with modern day techniques. We went briefly over the whole Trojan War thing, plus I knew some stuff from when my grandmother used to tell me tales, so I got really interested. I ended up reading everything I could find on the matter." Then Jack decided to admit another of his secrets. "That Homer book you just had is actually from back when I was in the Academy. Way before we even had 'The Simpsons'…"
Sam then asked, "And this essay you wrote, sir?" Indicating the one Daniel was still holding. "The title doesn't exactly fit what you just mentioned."
"I may have done a few extra essays." At everyone's incredulous looks, Jack defended himself in an indignant tone. "Okay, so I was struggling in a few of my harder classes, like chemistry, and decided to gain some extra credit to help make up the difference in my english and history classes."
It was Daniel and Sam's turns to look sheepish, while Teal'c continued to look nonplussed. Daniel then muttered, "You could have just told us…"
Jack grinned as he replied, "But what would have been the fun in that?! This way I get to keep you guys on your toes. And I may not have learned about Troy because of one Homer Simpson, but I do believe there is an episode of our favourite show about to start right now."
With that, Jack turned to go and switch the TV on, whilst whistling 'The Simpsons' theme, as his team mates once more exchanged looks and settled down to watch it with him. He may be incorrigible – but he was their colonel, and they wouldn't have it any other way.
THE END