Authors note: Ok, this is the repost of my story that was deleted off coz it was nc-17 (not that I had even got that far in the story at that time, but I put it as nc17 so what could I do) for those of you that haven't read this story before please read and review
Disclaimer: Not mine, same old, same old
Warning: This has slash, you have been warned. If you don't like it, then why are you reading this? Shoo off with you! Thank you kindly -
Pairings: Guess
Cry baby
Setting: Isengard
Saruman stood over his palantir, his few trusted orcs gathered around him (A/N: Not many then).
"The elf must be destroyed.........or at least gotten rid of for a while" The orcs rolled their eyes behind his back.
A random orc thought: "Mmmmmmmmm.......meat, I mean god this guy's a ponce"
Saruman sprinkled some cheap glittery stuff on the image of the elf (i.e Legolas)
"Oops, left the top off" and so saying he blew the cheap glittery stuff off and sprinkled REAL magic dust ™ on the image.
"There that should do it" He turned back to his tub of ice cream and porn- mag, whistling.
The orcs stood there waiting for their orders. Saruman looked at them over his ice cream and waved his hand in dismissal.
"You can bugger off now, I need my privacy, ohhhhhhhhh look at the jugs on that one" He said drooling into his ice cream.
The orcs gladly buggered off mumbling things about perverted old gits in the dark tongue.
Meanwhile in a wood somewhere I don't know the name of, the fellowship were resting after a days hard marching (well the hobbits were carried most of the way but that's just being picky)
Legolas stretched and got ready to take first watch.
"You should rest my friend," said the ranger putting his hand on the elf's shoulder. "I'll take first watch tonight"
"If you insist Estel," replied the elf reluctantly.
Later that night:
Aragorn got up to wake Legolas for his watch only to find that he wasn't in his bedroll, he heard a baby's cry suddenly from somewhere in the trees. He woke Gimli to take over the watch while he went to investigate. The dwarf grunted and grumbled about lazy elves and stupid humans who jump at their own shadow, then sat on a log, cleaning his axe.
The night was dark since clouds hid the moon and there was no wind, the eerie cry continued as he crept through the undergrowth looking for the owner.
He suddenly stepped on something soft and squashy.
"Ewwwwwwwww I stepped in a baby," he grimaced looking at the mess on his boot. (A/N: And before you start howling for my blood, it was an orc). After he had wiped the mess off his boot onto the grass, he started off again.
After a while he spotted a faint white light shining from a bush. Inside he found a small beautiful elf child asleep in a bed of leaves.
"Awwwwwww," cooed the ranger, he picked it up and carried it back to camp where he found Gimli had fallen asleep on watch.
"Awwwwwww..............I mean GIMLI STOP SLEEPING ON WATCH!!" Shouted the future king waking everyone else in the process.
"Muph waz iz it?" Mumbled Pippin rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
"I wasn't asleep, I was just resting my eyes," the sleepy dwarf denied. (A/N: Sleepy....get it?)
The rest of the fellowship waited for the snide remark that should of come from Legolas, but he didn't seem to be anywhere nearby.
"That's strange, where is our elf prince this morning?" Asked Gandalf.
"I don't know, Gandalf, I was going to wake him up for his watch, then I found this," he said holding up the baby, who was still sleeping peacefully despite all the activity going on around him.
"Shouldn't we try to find him before we move on?" Asked a concerned Frodo.
"No, he'll find us when he's ready, he can take care of himself," reassured Aragorn.
A few hours later the fellowship packed up their belongings as well as Legolas' and started off. 2 hours later Aragorn called for a stop, the hobbits gladly settled down and Sam started to cook their 2nd breakfast. Frodo sat down by Aragorn and looked at the peacefully slumbering baby still in the ranger's arms.
"What are we going to do with him, Strider?" Frodo asked, stroking the baby's soft blonde hair. He also noticed how the baby slept with his eyes closed 'shouldn't elves sleep with their eyes open?' he thought.
He's attention was drawn to Aragorn as the ranger answered his question.
"I don't know Frodo, the only place we can ensure his safety is Lothlorien. We'll just have to look after him as best we can until then," the ranger sighed and continued, "I wish Legolas was here, he has more experience with elf children than I do"
"Does he have children?" Asked the ring bearer.
"Legolas? Hell no, he's gay. Hes looked after younger siblings is what I meant"
"Oh"
Whatever else Frodo was going to say was cut off by a small whimper from the baby, who seemed to be waking up. Soft pale eyelashes lifted to reveal large sparkling sky blue eyes looking up at them sleepy, suddenly he started to cry, sliver tears rolled down his pale cheeks. Aragorn tried to calm the child by rocking him, the rest of the fellowship drawn by the crying came over.
"What's wrong?" Asked Boromir, looking over the ranger's shoulder. The baby looked up and started to cry even harder than before and struggling in the arms that held him.
"Ha ha, Boromir scares him," shouted Pippin, "here give him to me" and so saying he took the elf from Aragorn and sat him on his lap and started making faces at him. The baby took one look at this, jumped out of the hobbit's lap and crawled over to a tree, hugging it and crying his little heart out.
Merry was trying to control his laughter by biting his lip.
Seeing this his little cousin pouted and growled, "oh shut up Merry". He was very hurt that the baby was more scared of him than of Boromir.
The tree the small elf had crawled over to was the same one that Gimli was sitting under, the dwarf looked at him with disinterest and went back to cleaning his axe. (A/N: Bloody hell, that must be the cleanest axe in middle earth¬¬;) The elf stopped crying and stared at him, sniffing, his big blue eyes shining with tears.
"What're you looking at elf?" Growled the dwarf.
The baby cocked his head, a bright smile appeared on his face, he crawled up to Gimli and snuggled up to his side, sucking his thumb (A/N: His own, not Gimli's yet) and fell asleep (this time with his eyes open).
"Looks like he likes ya, master Gimli," said Sam looking at the small elf curled up at the dwarf's side.
Gimli grumbled something in dwarfish, but made no move to remove the elf from his side.
15 minutes later they were ready to start moving again, but the elf would not be removed from Gimli. Every time any of them tried to pick him up, he screamed and cried until they were forced to put him down again for the sake of all their eardrums.
"Gimli, you'll have to carry him," stated Gandalf looking thoughtfully at the elf.
"What? Me carry a bratty elf child?" Fumed the dwarf, scowling down at said elf child.
"Yes, otherwise this quest will not be able to continue," reasoned the wizard, giving Gimli a stern look.
Gimli grumbled something less than complementary in dwarfish, but picked the elf up, who immediately nestled into the soft hairs of the dwarf's beard and sighed in contentment. The dwarf rolled his eyes, but didn't remove him.
That night the elf slept curled up on Gimli's chest, face and hands buried in his beard, with the dwarf's arm wrapped around him.
The next morning Legolas was still nowhere to be found and Aragorn and Gandalf were beginning to worry for his safety.
"Where could he be?" Pondered Aragorn.
"Coward's probably run away," muttered Gimli, no one heard him.
"I think I might know," murmured the wizard, stroking his beard.
"What do you mean?" Asked the ranger.
Gandalf called the rest of the fellowship to him.
"I think I can solve the mystery of Legolas' disappearance," he looked at the small elf, who was still asleep in Gimli's bedroll, snuggled into the warm spot where Gimli had been laying. The others followed his gaze then looked back at him in confusion. The wizard sighed and continued.
"I think that Saruman has cast a spell on Legolas and," he pointed at the baby, "that is what happened".
He looked at the responses of the fellowship. Boromir, Pippin, Sam, Merry and Frodo looked shocked, while Aragorn and Gimli looked angry.
"Why would he dare do such a thing?" Fumed the dwarf, the others noticed how he stood somewhat protectively in front of the sleeping elf.
"Without the eyes and ears of an elf, the fellowship is greatly weakened," Gandalf explained.
"How do we reverse this?" Asked Boromir who was getting tired of being screamed at every time he came into view.
"Our only hope is the Lady Galadriel, so we must make haste before any evil becomes of this"
End of part one
M-C: Bloody hell, I didn't know I could write that much
L: We didn't know that you could make sense for that long
M-C: ¬¬ Shut up
L: Why do I have to be the baby for?
M-C: Because you're soooo cute pinches his cheeks .