Author's not: Hi guys. I got a little idea so I thought I'd share it with you. This is just a quick little one shot to keep you guys sated while I get the next chapter of There And Back Again up. So here you go, enjoy.
XXOXX Miss AudreyBear
How It Was Written
One day, out of the blue, Frodo had asked him if he was happy. It was such an odd question that Bilbo considered ignoring it but Frodo was looking at him as if he just had to know. So Bilbo smiled and said "of course I'm happy, are you happy?"
He had lied through his teeth because Bilbo hadn't been truly, deeply happy for a long long time.
Some stories were meant to be written as tragedies and fate (and the will of a wizard) had decided that Bilbo's should been one of them
Bilbo had know too, known the moment that Thorin twisted his fists in Bilbo's shirt and dangled him over the rampart, the moment he saw that Thorin's eyes were too deep and too dark, Bilbo had know that this wasn't a story that would end happily. Someone would lose because war is war and heartbreak is heartbreak. Good intentions can only get you so far. Bilbo would have given anything, would have wished and hoped and prayed until his mind was whirling but no matter what he did their story was still to be a tragedy, one way or another. Hobbits weren't meant to fight battles, they weren't meant to be burglars or traitors or to know adventure. Hobbits were meant to be safe and content. To live small lives that seemed just right. Bilbo knew now though, that once you taste that large living, once you see the mountains and touch that kind of freedom you can't go back.
So he might live but his story was going to be a tragedy, because he knew at one point he would have to go back.
Then the battle comes. There is no grandeur, it is not epic or spectacular like that tales of old. It is messy and dark. People are screaming so that his ears ring and his heart hurts and his eyes are sore from smoke. There are dead people everywhere.
Hobbits were not meant for this, but maybe Bilbo was.
He manages to pick his way through the carnage. He stumbles over the dark haired archer who was once Kili but is now simply an empty vessel. Kili is dead and gone and he will not be coming back. His eyes are turned upward reflecting the black sky, in his hand he holds a ruin stone. Bilbo does not cry because he does not believe, this cannot be his life. This can't be Kili and this can't be how his story ends. Bilbo trudges on.
He sees the eagles then, swooping through the air, driving back the enemies and destroying the darkness.
"The eagles!" he screams. "The eagles are coming!"
Then a rock hits his head and he knows no more.
When Bilbo wakes up his head is swimming and he realizes that all is quiet. In the distance he can faintly hear fading sounds of battle but is so far away and suddenly of such little importance because near him lies Thorin.
Thorin is lying on his back, eyes fixed on the sky much like the way Kilis were, but he is not dead... not yet.
"They are dead, did you see them?" Thorin asks when Bilbo crawls over to his side. Bilbo doesn't respond, he's examining the wound. He gags when he sees all the blood and knows, even without medical experience that Thorin will not live. "Bilbo," said Thorin as if only realizing he's there, "I'm so glad your alright."
"Shh lie still," Bilbo commands because he can't bear to hear what Thorin has to say.
"I wish to take back my words at the gate..." Thorin gasps out ignoring Bilbo. "I am so sorry... I did not see, forgive me."
"Of course I forgive you," Bilbo replies.
"And I am sorry to have lead you into such peril."
"No Thorin I am glad to have shared in your perils, every last one of them, it is far more than any Baggins deserves." Bilbo knows what he's saying is true even though this is breaking him, that this event in ensuring that the hobbit who left the shire never returns. The innocent, wide eyed creature who believed adventures to be like fairy tales is dying here with Thorin, all alone in the snow.
Thorin's mouth quirks up into a little smile.
"Farewell master Burglar," he whispers gently, staring at Bilbo like he's the most wonderful thing, "go back to your books, and your armchair and you garden. Plant your trees, watch them grow. If more people valued home and food above hoarded gold it would be a merrier world. Be happy."
"Thorin no!" cries Bilbo because he has to try, but Thorin's eyes are dimming, and before Bilbo can get another word out he's dead. Thorin Oakenshield, king under the mountain, son of Durin, used his dying breath to tell Bilbo Baggins to be happy.
So Bilbo vows he never will.
Because his story was always meant to be a tragedy, and now it's playing out.
Bilbo goes home, he tidies up Bag End, he shops in the market and has his relatives over, he smokes his pipe on his porch.
He dreams of mountains and spiders, and eyes of fire and a dying king.
He never smiles.
Then one day a young hobbit lad comes to stay with Bilbo. His name is Frodo, and his parents have just drowned.
For the first few days he wanders around Bag End as if in a daze, eyes vacant.
He never smiles.
It hits Bilbo like an arrow one day, when Frodo turns huge blue eyes up to him and asks 'are you happy?' that Frodo is just like Bilbo in that he's not, because he's lost a part of himself, left it behind with the ones who have left him. Bilbo had lied saying that he was happy, but now, now that he's old and gray and in Rivendell again. Now that Frodo's eyes are so troubled that they break Bilbo's heart, now that his beloved nephew is going on a suicidal journey to destroy something that Bilbo gave to him. Now Bilbo realizes that this isn't want Thorin had wanted, this isn't what he wants.
"Frodo lad," he says and Frodo turns to look at him. "Remember when you were little and you asked me if I was happy?" Frodo thinks for a moment then nods.
"I lied, I'm not. But if I could do anything to have you be I would... I want you to be as happy as you can be."
Bilbo knows he's asking a lot.
When Frodo returns missing a finger and a good deal of his sanity Bilbo asks if he's happy. Frodo looks at him for a moment then slowly shakes his head.
That's when Bilbo decides he wants to go.
They're out at sea and he reaches out and takes Frodo's hand.
"Frodo lad," he croaks "are you happy?"
Frodo smiles for the first time in what seems like forever and nods.
Bilbo smiles because he is too.
Some stories are meant to be tragedies, but maybe Bilbo Baggins' wasn't one of the.