There are several reasons why mentally unstable people should not read Twilight. It makes sex depraved girls think that random men they meet online actually is Robert Pattison, makes young girls lie to say they just got out of a 2 year relationship, it makes people say their taxi cab driver father is a cop who can arrest people for stalking someone over the internet, makes people believe they're 13 or 14 and not bother to correct them, and tells people they have Dyslexia because they can't spell or use the shift button.
Two years ago a friend of mine told me that her friend believed she found Robert Pattinson's real MSN name and believed that he actually likes her more than a friend. I, being the curious person I sometimes am, begged for her E-mail address and details of her life and of the messages between the two. I would pose as his 'real' girlfriend who was sick and tired of hardcore fans ruining their relationship.
Soon after we began to exchange E-mails the persons friend E-mailed ME and told me to back off. I of course found this hilarious and kept the joke going with her. Neither of them have attempted to contact me since and I do not know what became of the supposed Robert Pattinson.
This exchange happened two years ago and while I was looking through my older files I happened on this and while it may not be fan 'fiction' (EVERY word of these E-mails are real) I believed it would still bring you, my curious reader, entertainment.
These are REAL E-mails sent from me and the twihards responses. Names and E-mails have been changed to protect the innocent but other than that it's word for word just as they and I have written it.
Meet 'Janet'. A young 17 year old Twihard who believes that she has found Robert Pattinson's REAL MSN name, and has gone so far to think that he may actually like her and take the time out to purposely MSN her.
Now meet Robert Pattinsons girlfriend of two years who is sick, tired, and fed up of all these young fan girls trying to steal her man.
Date: Sun, 19 Jul 2009 14:54:10 -0700
From: lesliedaley1989 yahoo dot com
Subject: What the hell do you think you're doing talking to Robert Pattinson?
To: Janet_g14 hotmail dot co dot uk
What the hell is Rob doing IMing you? I walked in and found him looking a little too happy on his laptop, and when I asked who it was, he said "It's just this girl named Janet Sue. This really sweet girl I've been talking with. I think I might like her."
Well your e-mail is also on his address book, and I just want you to know to stop contacting him, and stay the hell away from him. What me and him have is real, not just some creepy little fan girl obsessed crush that you have, who just happened to find his MSN name. I loved him ever since I met him, three years ago before Twilight was even a hit, so don't think just because he's famous and have little sluts like you begging for him, that he's gonna leave me for your ass. You think all those little tabloid lies saying he's been with Kristen is real, or that he's some big ladies man? WRONG! Just a little stunt thought up by The Summit studios to get a little more press for those crappy movies.
Again. Stay the hell away from Robert, or I will contact the police and have you brought in for stalking. Do you understand me?
From: Janet S Janet_g14 hotmail dot co dot uk
Subject: RE: What the hell do you think you're doing talking to Robert Pattison?
To: "Leslie Daley" lesliedaley1989 yahoo dot com
Date: Sunday, July 19, 2009, 6:07 PM
I'm not stalking him I'm just talking to him
Sunday, July 19, 2009 6:33 PM
From:
"Leslie Daley" lesliedaley1989 yahoo dot comView contact details
To:
"Janet S" Janet_g14 hotmail dot co dot uk
Oh really? Then why did he say he may like you? Or that you're "more friend then fan?" or that he's comforting you right now because I caught the two of you? Look, Janet, or whatever the hell your name is. Stay away from him. I know you just like him because of his money and looks. I really love him and he loves me back. I don't know who are, or what you think you're actually doing, thinking a man like him could ever love someone like you, but you're wrong.
So I'll say this again, stay away from him. He doesn't want to talk to someone like you, so just leave him alone!
From: Janet S Janet_g14 hotmail co dot uk
Subject:
To: lesliedaley1989 yahoo dot com
Date: Sunday, July 19, 2009, 6:42 PM
Ive done nothing wrong why r u emailing me?
How did u get my email address?
From:
"Leslie Daley" lesliedaley1989 yahoo dot comView contact details
To:
"Janet S" Janet_g14 hotmail dot co dot uk
It was on his E-mail address book, idiot. Didn't you read the first message?
And yeah, you did. You're trying to steal the man I love. I'm checking through his saved IM's right now. Don't even try to lie to me and say that it's just innocent talking. You probably didn't even hear about him until he starred in Twilight. You're just a man stealing bitch who thinks just because someone is hot and famous and rich, that he'd have any girl who would flirt with him, and you're wrong!
And also, tell your friend Rebecca, that her dad is more than happy to try to come arrest me for stalking. You're the one that's IMing a wealthy extremely well known actor. Do you really think he'd let me go to jail for you?
From: Janet S Janet_g14 hotmail dot co dot uk
Subject: RE:
To: "Leslie Daley" lesliedaley1989 yahoo dot com
Date: Sunday, July 19, 2009, 7:08 PM
Stop emailing me I've done nothing wrong if u think robs cheatin on u ask him not me
From:
"Leslie Daley" lesliedaley1989 yahoo dot comView contact details
To:
"Janet S" Janet_g14 hotmail co dot uk
No, I'm asking you!
Look, you miserable little skank. Rob loves me and only me, he doesn't need someone like you around! So just stop talking to him and stay away!
He's never going to leave me for you, so just stop with the IMs, learn how to spell, and do not contact my boyfriend again, do you understand me?
We then believe that 'Janet', so devastated at the fact that she was no longer allowed to talk to Rob, threw the computer out her window.
Now meet 'Ashley; a friend of 'Janet's. A 17 year old compulsive liar with Peter Pan syndrome who thinks e-mailing Robs current girl friend will get her to stop E-mailing her "14" year old friend.
From: Ashley Dumont Ashleynutter hotmail co dot uk
Subject: wtf !
To: lesliedaley1989 yahoo dot com
Date: Sunday, July 19, 2009, 6:20 PM
can i ask you 1 simple question, why the hell are you sending my friend this all shes done is tok to someone hoo she dosent even think is RPaz shes not some creepy little fangirl with an obsessed crush, all shes done is tok to him and its his desisoion what he dose with her email and not oh and did i mension that i spooke to my dad hes a cop and well he says that she can do the same bak to you !
and shes not stalking him shes talking to him difference ! im not trying to cause any trouble im jut saying that your what in your 20s well shes 14 so bak off !
may thanks
Date: Sun, 19 Jul 2009 15:45:54 -0700
From: lesliedaley1989 yahoo dot com
Subject: Re: wtf !
To: Ashleynutter hotmail co uk
Hey, how about you learn how to spell first before you try to defend your friend.
Robert, not Rpatz, or whatever you fan girls call him, has been going out with me for almost two years. I don't need some idiotic little bitch trying to steal my man, the man I knew and loved before he became your friends amazing little Edward.
And wow. Your fathers a cop. Whoop de doo. Thanks to your friend and other creepy little stalker fan girls, I've had to get to know more cops then you can shake a stick at.
Tell your friend to leave him alone!
From: Ashley Dumont .uk
Subject: RE: wtf !
To:
Date: Sunday, July 19, 2009, 6:52 PM
look i have dislexa okay so dont get me started on how hord it is to spell okay!
and i ant no fan girl okay i hate the movie ! and no offence but i wouldnt say he was that hot but eveyone has differnt tasts right ?
shes not the tip of person to steel peoples boyfriends shes rather shy and inscure due to her dad but thats another story...
im not trying to cause any fights id rarther make friends with people so plz stop making her fell bad, if you have a problem yuo should speek to rob and mybe get him to stop toking to her ?
and plz dont take anythink i say to hart iv just got out of a two year realationship so i know how youll be feeling worrying about the worst but im sure he wouldnt cheet and kirsty would never steel him form you
Date: Sun, 19 Jul 2009 17:07:26 -0700
From: lesliedaley1989 yahoo . com
Subject: RE: wtf !
To: Ashleynutter hotmail co uk
Oh really? And does that somehow stop you from using a shift key or correct grammar or using a simple spell check? Most E-mail programs have them built right in. Also, you have Dyslexia? Really? Even thought it doesn't affect your spelling that bad, and instead just makes you see individual letters backward? Don't lie to me, sweetheart.
And I'm making her feel bad? Please tell me. She's the little slut flirting with MY boyfriend.
And please. You're what? 14, 15? If you have been in a relationship that long like you claim, you have no idea what it's like to have true feelings for someone like Rob, and have mobs of people like Kristie whoring for him.
From: Ashley Dumont Ashleynutter hotmail co uk
Subject: RE: wtf !
To: lesliedaley1989 yahoo com
Date: Sunday, July 19, 2009, 8:14 PM
i dont know how it works but iv got it pretty bad and look im not lying and im not the smartest person in the world but i would do anything to help my friends and lying ant my strong point
yeah you are, tell you what ?
okay maybe i havent dated a mavie star but i do no what its like to have feelings for someone hoos sweet kind caring and very protective but everyones different look im pretty upset about splitting up with him and i think im still in love with him, your older right so you know what love is? i seriously dont know what to do we had a fight and it all went belly up and iv not spoke to him do you think i should call him ? or txt or something? i miss him but i shouldnt be pialing mky problems on you sorry
plz dont take it out on me
Date: Sun, 19 Jul 2009 18:07:26 -0700
From: lesliedaley1989 yahoo com
Subject: RE: wtf !
To: Ashleynutter hotmail co uk
So... you have this disease so horribly bad, you can't spell IN AN E-MAIL, but you're not sure how it actually works? How about you pick up a fucking book before you try to bull shit me about a disease you pretty much confirmed you don't have.
And don't be cute. You know I meant to tell me how I'm making her feel the way she's making me feel now! And also, what kind of pansy sends their friends to help fight their battles? You don't see my friends E-mail you two and telling her to back off him.
And yes, because I've dealt with heart ache, I've dealt with real love. You're young. You had a crush, not been in love. Even if I wasn't beyond pissed at your friend I would be telling you that. And if he broke up with you, then move on. Like I said, you're young, there's plenty more guys out there.
We then think Ashley, at the shock of being caught in a lie, destroyed her keyboard like the angry German Kid on youtube.