Hello lovely people! It's deep introspection time for Marta and this one, I'll admit, is going to be a huge risk. It won't be to everyone's taste and I have to admit, I'd be ambiguous about wanting to read it too, so I don't blame you if you don't like it. This is very Jason/Marta/Aaron three way loving fic, about restrictions on love in times of war and whether any person can be in love with more than one person at once.
Yikes, that was a bit serious, huh? :) If you just fancy a bit of a flight into a (longer!) new fic then please have a go; you might even like it! I think I like this idea but if there's no call for it, I won't continue it. Every fic needs a readership to survive, I think.
So take a plunge with Jason, Aaron and Marta through a revelation and keep a slightly open mind, please? :) loves and kisses to all!
It starts out simply enough.
Marta loves Aaron. She's loved him since he took her hand and said "Run." It's an easy decision to make and not nearly as destructive as she thought it could be. There's no complications, no distractions, no cares. And then Jason Bourne turns up and barrels his way into their hidden world. At first, she pities him; he looks like a broken man with nothing left to lose but his own life and he isn't above putting that on the line for a hot meal. No, the first time she sees him, Marta Shearing decides it's easier to pity Jason than to complicate what was simple. He finds them as lovers, which isn't as awkward as she thought it would be. He gives them space and time together but she thinks he does so with a heavy heart and jealousy. Time goes on and she finds herself protecting Jason as much as she protects Aaron: but that's okay, Aaron's found some kind of common line with Jason that Marta could never understand because she's not an agent, she's not trained or brainwashed or viralled. Only they know what it's like to rely on the chain around their necks. She thinks now it's a shared chain, maybe Aaron won't feel so alone with his memories.
During the first battle they try to protect her. They try to keep her from harm but Marta thinks they want to stop her from becoming like them. It doesn't stop her wading into war with an ego and it nearly kills her. She gets in the way of a bullet meant for Jason and it tears through her stomach. Marta's pretty convinced that it's all over; she's reached the final level and there's no more lives left in her. But that's okay too, she tells them, as blood stains Aaron's hands. There's so much yelling between them. Marta tells them goodbye and thank you for all they've showed her. The guilt on Jason's face is the last thing she sees before she passes out cold and wonders whether she's destined for heaven or hell. Aaron had told her of his belief that he's going to hell for the things he's seen and not done and Marta hopes she'll go to hell too, simply to see him again. He's worth the torment and she thinks Jason might just be too.
The first time she tries to open her eyes, all she sees is bright white light. If it weren't for the unbearable, unbelievable pain in her abdomen, she'd have thought she'd been allowed into heaven somehow. If they're surprised that she's survived, they don't show it. Jason dabs at her wound tenderly with a washcloth and it's the gentlest thing she's ever felt. Marta breathes in shallow bursts and he says things she can't concentrate on but she imagines he's telling her comforting things and how stupid she was to protect him. Marta hopes Aaron's not angry or hurt and Marta hopes he knows how she loves him so deeply and that she's sorry for not being good enough. She closes her heavy eyes and sinks back into something strong.
The second time Marta opens her eyes they're both sat to her side, talking. She smiles and listens to them talk and she realises something has changed for the better. They've stopped being idiots and now they talk like worried friends. She's happy they've found each other at last; even if it does mean she had to get a hole in her stomach to make it happen. Aaron notices her looking at them first and kneels by her side. They appear to be in some kind of scraggy motel room with her laid down on the only bed there. Aaron tells her not to try moving because it'll hurt too much. His voice is soothingly soft but so him and she loves how intently his fingers caress hers. She sees Jason looks at them and her mind plays tricks on her because she thinks she sees him smiling. She falls back asleep because it really does hurt too much to stay awake for long.
The third time she opens her eyes, she feels lighter. There's no sweat on her brow or smell of blood lingering in the air and it feels for the first time that she'll live now. Marta groans a little as she sits up and rubs her weariness away. The room is mostly dark with an electric lantern in the corner. Aaron's asleep on the floor and Jason's half asleep studying something she can't make out. They're taking turns to watch her and it makes her grateful that they're both still alive. She rests on both her elbows, dressed in just her white bra and shorts with a thick white bandage wrapped carefully around her middle. "Jason?" she manages to mutter. Her throat's so dry.
He springs up immediately and looks at her, "Hey." He smiles a little, "You're not dead."
"I don't think so." She cries out a little as she sits up. Not healed. Right.
"Be careful." He warns her, easing her back down onto the bed, "It's only been a few days. You're not going to be done healing for-"
"Standard healing time for a bullet wound in that area is three to six months, depending on depth, internal organs and health." She mutters.
"Doc, go back to sleep." Aaron's awake though she can't see him. She wants to see him.
"Aaron?" she smiles, "I thought you were asleep."
"I thought you were dying." He's squatting on the floor next to Jason, looking over her bed, "I'm glad I'm wrong. Don't do that again."
"Ever." Jason reiterates.
Marta looks between both of them and it's hard to tell who's the more concerned about her. She can't stop staring at their set jaws, the lines etched similarly deep in both. Maybe she loves the same man in two guises. Just maybe they love her too. "I don't regret it. The trajectory was headed straight for your femoral artery." She looks at Jason, "You'd have bled out in two minutes flat."
"Your life isn't worth mine, Marta." Jason says, tinged with barely held regret. His hands curl into fists and she thinks he's angry at her.
She tries to sit up again and gets caught off by another stab of pain. Jason and Aaron immediately spring up and ease her shoulders back down. "I don't regret it." She says firmer and they look at each other. Marta can't tell what it means anymore. She's tired again.
"Get some sleep, Marta." Jason says softly, pulling a lock of hair from her forehead with surprisingly delicate fingers. She notices Aaron doesn't react to it.
"Tomorrow morning will be better." Aaron mutters and pulls a thin blanket up over her chest, leaning down and kissing her lips. Jason puts his hand over hers and she's sleepy. Too sleepy. She has so much to tell them and so much to learn still. What's changed them? Combativeness was their default setting and suddenly it's now cooperation? Marta needs to figure out what it was that changed it all. For the better she hopes, as she grips Jason's hand and leans into Aaron's kiss. Her eyes close and she falls asleep again.
The four months it takes her to heal are interesting to say the least.
More often than not, they're on the run, hiding and scrounging and scavenging whatever they can get their hands on. She gets stronger by the day with them by her side and Marta takes Jason's hand as much as she reaches for Aaron. Aaron hasn't touched her since she was wounded but he tells her why as Jason keeps watch by the window, two months after she was shot. "When I saw you dive for it, I thought it was game over." He mutters, staring up at the ceiling, dusk settling the sky. Marta sits on the end of the cot cross legged even though it makes her muscles ache. "I thought I'd led you to your death sentence."
"I'm fine now." She starts to protest. Where they're staying the night is dingy and damp and makes her feel sick again. Marta hates feeling weaker than Jason and Aaron. She wants to be strong
Aaron glances at her, "You're not healed yet; you're still in danger."
"I like being in danger." She chews on her plump bottom lip, smirking a little, "I know it's crazy but it's so much better than my old life, Aaron." Marta looks at him and he smiles. "I'm actually alive. Life's so short it's-"
"You're an adrenaline junkie." He chuckles, "Marta Shearing likes holding a gun and diving in front of bullets for men she loves."
He says the word and she wants to look at Jason. Aaron's not smirking. He's smiling beautifully, his eyes glinting in mischief like they did when he wanted to rip her clothes off. She wonders if Aaron and Jason already know and have talked about it. "Marta Shearing's a warrior." She repeats his words.
"We live beyond the box." Jason mutters from behind her, close behind her. She cranes her neck backwards and looks at him. "There aren't rules or limits. There's no point to them in our world." He reaches down and swipes her long dark hair from her clavicle and she wonders if any person is allowed to do so much bad and yet receive so much good. "It's just living long enough to make the most of whatever life we get."
Aaron's voice is heavy. "We are the sin eaters." She thinks the words are loaded. "We are morally indefensible and absolutely necessary." She bows her head and looks across at Aaron. "We're allowed to sin since we're all condemned anyway."
"Speak for yourself." Jason chuckles wryly, "I'm looking at heaven." She switches her gaze again and sees him staring down at her still.
"Are you looking down my shirt?" she licks that chewed-on bottom lip and Jason smirks, looking across at Aaron. She's not privy to the Intel as usual. Agents' secrets have secrets.
"Two more months and then it'll be done." Aaron smiles the same as Jason.
She wonders whether he means her wound or their hunt.
Three months pass and she's fairly sure she did die from that gunshot. No other world would see her flanked by two agents who argue and laugh in equal measure. Agents who take her hand and who make sure she's healing properly but know when to back off and not coddle her like an infant. Marta Shearing toughens up to pain and anguish and decides it's time to revel in any love around her. It takes a long time for anyone to make a move on her again. Aaron kisses her as easily as he always does but it hasn't gone beyond that. She thinks it's still up in the air or maybe they're just toying with her but they're stubbornly refusing to touch her until she's healed and has no pain from moving. If it's just a way of testing her endurance, Marta hopes she's passing. Two months of light touches, kisses from Aaron and Jason's fingers drifting her hair past her ear had driven her insane with need. Try two months with two strong men, both gorgeous and in love with you without so much as a night of sweaty passion and there's a recipe for an explosive device of mass destruction. She has needs and she needs them so much.
The first time Jason kisses her, it's sweet and simple. She's down by the nearest clear river somewhere in Argentina. The morning is hot and she's bathing for relief, her wound healed enough for her to clean herself. She doesn't notice him watching her from up a tree. His legs dangle off the branch like he's the child.
"You put on a good show." He calls down, an apple in his hand. She gasps and turns, sinking down into the still waters. "Don't stop on my account."
"I'm naked!"
"I noticed." He smiles and jumps from the branch as if it were a ledge.
"Where's Aaron?" she asks, turning her back to him and washing off the last of the soap she had.
Jason takes another bite out of the apple, "He's around, scanning the area for dry firewood. Hard to come by in this time of year. It's all moist…" He finishes off his apple, chucking the core behind him and stripping off his clothes.
"What are you doing?" she asks, looking over her shoulder.
"Marta, it's hot out here. The river looks cool. Do the math." He takes a running leap and cannonballs into the river.
She screams as the water splashes, "Jason!"
Jason emerges from the water and plants a sudden, soft kiss on her lips. He tastes sweet as the apple, the water dripping down his face. It's not even a few seconds of a kiss but it's something. Finally, something to grow from. "Marta." He murmurs and smiles, holding her chin.
"It took you long enough." She smirks and kisses him again; a peck on the lips before she swims around. They play games in the water together and she feels younger and more alive than she's ever felt before. Love is easy when life is complicated, she realises. There's no rhyme or reason as to how she got so lucky as to love two men who love her back. The old her would have balked at the idea of it but now it's just… simple. She loves Jason. She loves Aaron. She wants Jason. She wants Aaron.
"One more month." Aaron's voice calls from the bank. He's leaning against a tree, watching them with his hands stuffed in his pockets. She isn't surprised any longer that he smiles so much more now. He's happy and so is she.
"Until what?" She asks softly, looking at Aaron. Jason's hand curls to the other side of her face and pulls her back onto his lips like he's been doing it all his life.
Marta knows peace and happiness can't last when you're a government target, but she can enjoy it to the fullest when it happens. She plans on doing exactly that.
A/N: So, should I keep this going? Yes this is a precursor to a previously mentioned smut fic (which I'll admit isn't written yet, I got distracted by soppiness)
A/N2: Tomorrow should see chapter 3 of Radical Violence and Other Fairytales being written and posted if you like that fic too. :)
Please review, thanks!