*Disclaimer* I own no part of Kingdom Hearts or its conflicted self-searching characters
*Spoiler Notice* For those of you who haven't played KH2, this story may contain some spoilers
Reflection
1
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What I saw in the face of that Riku replica…was not so different from what I saw in myself. I hate to admit it, but there was more likeness between the two of us than just our looks. If asked out loud, I would deny it, but anyone with adequate intelligence could pinpoint the blatant similarities between us two. What matter of irony was this, that after I'd finally gotten some sense knocked into me, a perfect replica of my past hideousness would appear before me, no longer of figment of my conscious, but a solid, scowling human being?
There aren't words that would describe the confusion, the horror, the…shame. I was ashamed of myself. And though I've evolved enough beyond myself to feel pity for the creature I killed, I won't deny that I felt a compelling urge to destroy, annihilate, erase it--him--from this world. Maybe I felt that, once and for all, I could rid the Universe of that part of me. The evil part. The stupid part. The blind and weak part.
The part that betrayed Sora, and dared to raise a sword against him. The part of me that kidnapped Kairi, and in the end, abandoned her, consumed by my own weakness of heart. But I never really kidnapped her. Someone like me, sullen, tarnished, and broken, could never take something so pure away from anywhere. How appropriate that at the beginning of it all, she--her heart--would take refuge in the place where it knew it would be the safest. And I can see now, without a doubt, that there was never a better place for it than right there with Sora.
If it was me, I don't think I would have given it back. Sora, of course, sacrificed himself in order to return the heart of the one he held most dear, and in the end, was rewarded with another life. Sora…such an unselfish creature. Unlike me. I would have captured her heart, put it in a cage with a lock and never let it out again. I would have taken away it's freedom in order to have it for myself where no one else could touch it--take it away from me.
Kairi's heart knew that. And so, it didn't choose me. The Keyblade didn't even choose me. Though it may have been intended for me from the start, I sided with the worst of evil and lost it.
I lose everything.
Someone like me should never have anything.
But not him. Not the chosen one.
Because someone as strong and kind as him, as Sora, should have everything he wants. Every single thing…even her.
The face I wear now is not mine, but it is fitting. I was afraid to look at my previous one, because I feared the hidden shame in the features behind it, but I don't fear this one at all. It is the face I have been wearing for a while now, even before my fight with the one they call Roxas, Sora's other half. I supposed that, being part of Sora, I should treat him more friendly, especially now that he does not know who he is, but a larger fraction of me doesn't see things that way.
In all honesty, if given permission, I would beat his face into the ground. My frustrations, the pent up anger, longed for physical contact with something, and what better something than the source of all my emotional deformities. Or at least part of it. I could never hurt the real Sora. But this…imitation Sora would have done well enough.
No. Imitation was not the right word. Other. That was a better term.
It was very painful, watching them together. Hayner, a little like me, always up for a challenge and over confident of my abilities. Ollette--so much like Kairi, always the voice of responsibility and kind beyond nature. Pence, the storyteller, and the Other. Roxas. So like Sora and so…unlike Sora.
When I saw flickering images of Sora's reawakening memories, as I was doing now, it created a whirlpool of mixed emotions. An abyss of heart-raking sadness, shame, and jealousy. Lots of jealousy. The images of him laughing and smiling--he always seemed to be doing that--and making friend after friend, growing and changing, and all the while becoming unconsciously stronger. I could never really understand how he was able to do it, evolve so far beyond me, but witnessing it now, observing the unraveling truths and the events behind his growth, I cannot fathom how I could have missed it.
"Kairi…" said Ansem, catching my attention. It was the real Ansem. Back arched comfortably against the shape of his leather chair with golden eyes wholly transfixed on the static memories before him, he rarely ever turned to look at me. Nothing else mattered to him other than the frequent affairs of heartless and nobodies. I'd agreed to help him--become his servant of sorts--because I knew he would be useful to me. But in order to achieve the effect I wanted, I had to become useful to him first, which was fine.
"Sora certainly does seem to have a unique connection with the princess of heart," he explained. "She's the only reoccurring element in his memories as far as I can tell. All motives seem revolve around her, more so than anything else."
I said nothing. The truth of his words were nothing new to me, but alas, that did not make it any easier to hear.
"The restoration of his memories are almost at 100%," he continued stoically. "And Roxas is becoming aware of it as well, even if he isn't fully conscious of it yet. He will return to Sora soon, whether he knows it or not."
A pitiable creature, Sora's Other. Spawned from the heart of another, half a person, and with absolutely no control over his own destiny. Forever submerged in the shadow of another. Truly a nobody.
A nobody that was able to defeat me.
And what sacrifices have I made to return the favor? Extreme indeed, but necessary for me.
Because I could not do it by my own power.
I can't do anything.
The only thing I can do is try to fix this. This mess. A mess that I helped create, and no matter the circumstances, it was the only thing retaining any meaning at all in my existence. Once, that reason may have been as Sora's companion, but what matter of companion am I now? I've lost that title and it would be nothing short of blasphemy to try and get it back, for I know I do not deserve it.
I reached in the hollow of my pocket and groped inside a pouch for a small, round shape. Locating it at last, I slipped it from my trench coat and gazed expressionlessly at it. The ball was small and blue and magnificently bright, even without the aid of the sun. Like three others, it was a fragment of a trophy Roxas had won in a competition in the fake Twilight Town. The trophy was only a replica of the real one in the actual Twilight Town, but that, amazingly, did not impair the quality of this tiny, sapphire marble.
No longer Roxas's, I supposed, but still in need of an owner. The tiny spectacle of a prize was too exquisite for me to possess. I seldom walked in the sunlight anymore anyway, so I wouldn't have the chance to demonstrate its full potential. I slipped it back into the pouch inside my pocket and decided I would give it to King Mickey. And he, no doubt, would give it to Sora when the time came.
A loud metallic bang gave me a dull startle. "Namine," Ansem's voice seethed.
"What's the problem now?" I asked blandly, already guessing.
Namine had been causing some trouble lately; divulging information to Roxas without thinking about the repercussions. I didn't know why she was extending Roxas such a favorable hand, but honestly, the only one who had a problem with it was Ansem. No matter what, Roxas would be joining Sora again soon, regardless of any knowledge he attained, and Namine would become obsolete according to Ansem.
"Namine has acted on her own again," he said coldly. "But no matter; this one is made of data and can easily be erased. Roxas is finally coming to know the truth, and the Nobodies--organization thirteen--are no longer an issue. He is now heading to this location. We must take our positions. I will be going to meet him soon--to welcome him properly. Riku, you know what to do."