Itchy
Fiercely, the two musclebound ninjas fought. They slashed and slashed and slashed at each other relentlessly, each skillfully deflecting each other's attempted deathstrikes as they continued on. They went on like this for hours on end, until finally they both accidentally dropped their swords due to how unbelievably sweaty their hands had become. "AW FUCK, I DROPPED MY MOTHERFUCKIN SWORD !" they both bellowed loudly and simultaneously in their extremely similar, extremely deep, gravelly and above all extremely American sounding voices, their neck veins bulging wildly as they did. It was funny how they both had American accents considering the fact that they were ninjas, but whatever. Rather than simply take a moment to pick up their swords like any normal ninja would, they continued on with their epic battle, only this time using their massive, meaty fists to do battle with. For another ten hours they carried on like this, swinging at each other wildly with said meaty fists, each skillfully deflecting each other's blows, only occasionally landing one of them on the other's perfect body, before finally one of them suddenly remembered that he had a fresh set of ninja stars contained in a holster that was strapped to his right leg. His opponent's angry left hook was coming right for his jaw in an attempt to put him in a hospitable bed for a good few weeks, but Gary was having none of that shit. Deftly, he ducked to avoid the strike, and then without a moment's pause or hesitation, he removed one of the shiny ninja stars from the holster and with great precision and speed, he flicked it straight at Bob's dick, point blank range. The star having deeply imbedded itself in his bell end, Bob let out an extraoardinarily loud and high pitched scream, frantically running around the ring and flailing his arms about, before promptly keeling over and dying on the spot.
Gary couldn't help but piss himself laughing as Bob made all of his pre-death ruckus. As Gary continued to laugh even after Bob's sudden departure, an eerie cloud of smoke began to emanate from the corpse, high up into the air. It was Bob's Ghost. "YOU CHEAP LITTLE BITCH ! HOW DARE YOU PULL SUCH UNDERHANDED TACTICS OUT OF YOUR ASS IN WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SERIOUS FIGHT !" exclaimed Bob's Ghost angrily. "All's fair in love and war, FAGGOT ! Anyway I'm tired so I'm going to bed" replied Gary casually. "Wait a minute there Gary" said Bob's Ghost. "You can't just leave me here like this. That asshole Reaper will be here in a minute to claim me unless I get revived. You gotta do the "BS Deus Ex Machina" jutsu". "Oh but I'm tiiiiired" replied Gary like a whiny little bitch. Now this really boiled the blood of Bob's Ghost; That is, if he had any. "I DON'T FUCKING CARE HOW TIRED YOU ARE, BUTTLICK ! YOU STUCK A SHURIKEN IN MY FIREMAN'S HELMET, SO DO THE GODDAMN JUTSU OR I'LL HAUNT YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS !". "Ugh, stop shouting" replied Gary wearily. He then proceeded to yank the star out, wipe the blood off of it and then perform the goddamn jutsu. Bob was quickly revived. "OWIE, OWIE, OWIE IT STILL HURTS AND IT'S BLEEDING" cried Bob, again running around frantically and flailing his arms about wildly before once more keeling over and dying on the spot. Palming his face in frustration and letting out a weary sigh, Gary thought about it for a moment and decided that it would be best to use the healing jutsu to patch up the dick wound before using the "BS etc." jutsu.
After all was said and done, Gary and Bob made their way down from Mount Bagel, named so for it's peculiar ring like shape and also the fact that it had a giant cream cheese waterfall at the top. " So who would you say won that one?" asked Gary. "It could only be called a draw, and that's being generous you cheating piece of shit" replied Bob snappy like. Gary said nothing in reply whilst turning his smirking face away from Bob.
As they reached the bottom, they each said their goodbyes. "Goodnight Bob". "Fuck off Gary". Gary finally reached his house after 20 minutes of walking, hopping in the shower almost as soon as he got in. "YOU'VE GOT THE LOOOOOOVE, YOU'VE GOT THE LOOOOOOVE, OH YOU'VE GOT THE LOOOOOOOOOVE" Gary sang in a most gruff and manly voice. "IT'S TWO IN THE MORNING GARY, SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Gary's neighbor Paul screamed whilst banging on the walls. Gary kept on singing anyway. After having a good, thorough wash, and I mean REALLY thorough, Gary put on his ninja jammies and crawled into bed and snuggled up with his pet cat Chester, before suddenly BAM, his boss Ross burst into the room, scaring both Gary and Chester nearly half to death. "YOU HAVEN'T BEEN IN WORK FOR NEARLY THREE WEEKS YOU LAZY BUM, SO YOU BETTER GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THAT BED AND COVER THE NIGHT SHIFT OR YOUR FIRED!" screamed Ross before slamming the door shut. Gary's struggled to keep his rage in check as nearly every vein in his body bulged to the surface of his skin. With a weary and angry sigh, he got up out of his comfy bed and changed into his uniform, ready for the damn nightshift.