Half of a movie, one episode of Spongebob Squarepants later & Shia was still snoring.
Now louder & heavier. I watched him as he slept. He looked so peaceful & at ease.
They were laying in bed after.. well, I'm sure you can guess.
Cam took a cigarette out from his deck, put it in his mouth & lit it. He inhaled the smooth, dry smoke. His lips slightly parted, thick wisps of smoke curled into the air.
"Why do you smoke so much?" She asked. She sat there, her eyes looking at his lips & then to the cigarette that was lightly held between his fingers.
"Why do you care?" He replied. The same answer he always gave to anyone who asked.
She merely rolled her eyes as she reached over & snatched his deck, took one out & lit it.
She gave him a quick grin, teasing him.
"I don't want you to smoke so much." He said, the corner of his lips pulling into a small smile, as he knew he was a hypocrite for doing so.
"Why do you care?" She asked dismissively.
'Because I love you.' He wanted to say.
Awkward silence filled the room, despite the fact that heavy metal was softly bleeding through the speakers.
He put out his cigarette & turned to her.
Cam started to speak.. but then stopped. She caught him in the act.
"What? Did you want to say something?" she paused, looking into his eyes.
He froze.
There was just so much he felt like telling her, about how he felt.
'Actions speak louder than words' he always believed.
If she didn't notice or knew how he felt than obviously he wasn't properly showing her how he felt.
Did he really need to voice it? Did he really need to say the words out loud?
She was caught off guard. Again, another afternoon with Cam had taken a turn to much more serious matters.
He was about to say it. She could feel it.
He was going to tell her how he felt. She was afraid to push him. She didn't want to drive him away. So she sat there, watching him, waiting, hoping for him to speak.
"Please, just say it." She thought to herself.
She waited, not taking her eyes of him. She knew how he felt, & she sure as hell knew that Cam was aware of how she felt. Sure, she wasn't in LOVE with him, but she knew that she couldn't stand to be without him for short periods of time. It was only a physical relationship, she thought. Just like they agreed it would be in the very beginning. So if it really was only based on sex & nothing more, why did she so desperately want, no, need to hear those words.
She sat up, giving him all her attention. She needed for him to say it... but he didn't.
He leaned in & kissed her. She let him, then she pulled away.
"What's wrong?" he asked. A guilty look on his face.
She took a deep breath. "You know.." she sighed.
He couldn't look at her then. He couldn't look her in the eyes. He felt guilt. He came so close to telling her.
She got up. She put out her cigarette & went to grab her clothes.
"Look, don't leave.." He sighed. But she didn't look up from the floor as she pulled her jeans on.
"I don't know if I can do this anymore.." She sniffled, wiping her nose with her long sleeve as she pulled her boots on.
"Don't." was all he said.
She grabbed her cell phone off the nightstand & began to walk out the door.
"Wait, please, wait." Cam didn't want her to leave. She turned around.
He took a deep breath.
"You know how I feel, don't you?" he asked. Her face was expressionless.
"Yeah, thought so. But isn't that enough? Do I really need to tell you everything? It still wouldn't change anything." He waited for her to respond.
She put down her purse. She looked frustrated now.
"Cam, we've been dancing around this thing for a while now. There is something between us that needs to be talked about. It's fucking driving me crazy." She glared at him.
Her sad eyes said it all. He knew she was right though.
"Cam, it hurts me that you can't tell me how you feel about me. I need to know..."
Cam felt his stomach flip.
There it was, the elephant in the room had been revealed.
Love.
Cam had to take a few deep breaths before speaking. He felt nervous.
"Babe, you know I... You know I love you..." He felt lightheaded. He sat down.
That was a first, that damn L word.
She sat down on his lap, his arms unconciously wrapping themselves around her hips. She wrapped her arms around him & held him close.
She knew it was hard for him to admit it out loud.
He so rarely spoke about anything he felt. Cam was still stunned about saying it.
"I didn't want to make a big deal of it..." Cam murmured.
"Yeah, & look how well that went..." She sarcastically added.
She was right, again. He was shying away from occasions that he felt the urge come on.
He held his tongue so many times, & now, like a weight lifted off his shoulder, he had said it..
& it felt good.
"Wait a minute. How come you never say it?" Cam asked, slightly lossening his grip on her to take a better look at her. The tables suddenly turning.
Her eyes widened & she felt herself blushing.
"I.. Well... I don't know.. " She was put on the spot. She didn't see this coming.
"If it was hurting you so much you should of just told me."
"Yeah well, I didn't want to make this.." she pointed towards the distance between herself & him. "More than what it was.. I didn't know how you felt so I felt awkward.. talking about it." she said sheepishly. Cam laughed.
"You see how ridiculous this is? A four letter word that could make or break a relationship." He was amused.
"Yeah well, it's out in the open now isn't it." She said.
She got closer to him. He could feel her breath on his neck. It tingled.
He tried to play it cool, his face neutral. Then she kissed him softly. Her lips pressing gently against his neck.
"I love you." She whispered.
His heart melted.
Cam kissed her lips softly at first, her tongue eased between his lips. They kissed passionately.
"I'm so in love with you." Cam whispered.
_
The ride to his home was quite. I guess he was embarrassed. How did he get so out of control?
Why in God's name did he think it was a good idea to do something so God damn reckless?
Getting in a fight with a biker at The Blu Monkey Lounge at 2 a.m. What an inconsiderate asshole!
My thoughts drifted from how dangerous the situation had gotten, to recieving my favorite kind of wake up call;
| One Hour Ago |
"Is this Kat?" A shaken & slightly slurred voice asked.
"Yes."
"Cam needs you to pick him up."
"What? Who the hell is this?" I hissed, rolling over on my side to see an empty bed next to me.
I guess I didn't notice that Cam never came home.
"I'm Katie, the Bartender. Look, I know that it's really late, but Cam got into an, erm.. fight & he's really smashed & can't drive himself home. He said to call.." Her voice was apologetic.
"Where is he right now?" I yawned, crawling out of bed. Thank God I had fallen asleep with my jeans & shoes on.
"We're at The Blu Monkey Lounge."
"Yeah, I know. You told me that. I mean where EXACTLY is he right now?" She must've been blonde.
"Oh.." She giggled. "He's actually sitting in a booth right now."
"Great. Katie, can you do me a huge favor?"
"Sure."
"Can you make sure he stays there until I get there."
"Yeah, I guess I can do that."
"Thanks." I was about to hangup. "Wait! Where are you?"
"The Blu Monkey Lounge.." She cherrily answered.
"Uh huh.. I meant what's the address?" I continued. I've always had to bite my tongue when it came to Blondes.
"Right, right. Duh." She giggled. "The address is.. 5521 Hollywood Blvd." She replied, her voice sounding as though she was reading it from a street sign rather than reciting it from memory.
"You sure about that?" I paused.
"Mmmhmmm.."
"Alright, well, Thank You for calling, Katie. I'll be there soon."
"Mmkay. Bye." She said in a sing-songy voice. I bet she was just as smashed as Cam was.
| Twenty minutes later |
"Cam!" I yelled as I made my across the bar. His head shot up, his eyes slightly drozzy from all the alcohol.
I rushed to his side as he tried to stand up but failed.
"Hey, let's get you home." I whispered. He threw one arm around my neck, the other was grasping a bottle of Whiskey as if his life depended on it.
"See! See! I told you she would come.." He lightly slurred, turning around to point at the bartender who was wiping the shot glasses dry. Atleast he was sobering up a bit.
"You must be Kat." A perky blonde with a chest far too large to be natural, greeted as we were halfway out of the bar. I turned towards her & smiled. Then her face beamed.
"Wow, when he said Kat I didn't know he meant Amber Martinez. You're like.. so goregous.. & tall!"
"I'm only 5'6''." I awkwardly laughed. Cam's weight was beginning to become a bit too heavy for me to carry.
She giggled. In the corner of my eye I caught her mouthing something to the other waitresses & pointing at me. I ignored it. Things like that usually annoyed or embarrassed me, but I was in no condition to ask her to stop.
"Thank you for calling me & letting me know." I said as we were now walking in the parking lot.
"Oh you're, like, totally welcome."
I gave her a half smile as I loaded Cam into the car. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight! Drive safe!" She waved as I pulled out of the parking space.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
| Back to the present |
I bit my lip, not noticing how hard until I started to draw a lot of blood.
I didn't know what to say.
"Kat, I'm sorry." He said.
"Shut the fuck up." I hissed, devouring my right index finger nail.
The rest of the drive home was silent.
Once inside the house I whipped the door open & turned on the light. Cam sheepishly followed & dropped on the sofa. I sat down next to him.
"Let me see." I whispered as I got closer to him.
He removed the pack of ice from his mouth -- the bartender must've given to him I assumed -- & took another inspection. His cuts weren't as bad as I first thought. The blood made it look worse.
I grabbed his bottom lip with my thumb & forefinger & squeezed. Cam howled in pain. I watched him squirm, somewhat enjoying his pain, until I got what I wanted.
Those two chunks of glass.
"There." I murmurred as I placed the pieces in his palm.
"Those were inside of my lip?" He asked, slightly horrified.
I nodded as I got up & went to the bathroom to get the first aid kit & a towel. Due to my dangerous hobbies, I was used to cleaning gnarly wounds without having to go to the hospital.
I walked back to Cam.
He looked so cute with his eyes all watery, a confused look on his face.
"You've got to learn how to trust me." I said, dabbing away at the cut.
"I know." Cam managed to say.
"You're a real asshole you know that?" I stated bluntly.
He watched me as I carefully cleaned his wound.
The room quickly filled with silence. Not comfortable silence.. but the kind of silence where someone has something important to say, but can't work up the nerve to say it.
"What?" Cam spoke. A hint of aggitation in his voice.
"Nothing.." I whispered as I tended to the cut above his brow. "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure." He winced as I wiped it down with Rubbing Alcohol.
"Don't you love Dominique?" I whispered, wanting to take the words back the moment they left my lips.
I looked up to met his gaze. He was completely floored.
"Of course I do." He answered after a few moments.
"Okay." I shrugged getting up from off the couch to throw the bloody rag away.
"Why?"
"It's just, if you love her then why would you cheat on her with me?"
"It's complicated." I nodded in agreement.
"Don't you love Taylor?" His asked in a hurtful tone.
"Of course I do." I softly spoke, unrapping the cotton wrap & bandages.
"Then why do you keep wasting your time on me?" He asked, his eyes keeping contact with mine. Even as I worked.
"Because, you're great in bed. & you already know too much about me. If we ever ended our relationship,
I would have to kill you just to be sure that you never revealed my true identity." I stated in a matter-of-fact tone.
He laughed.
"I heard about the baby, congradulations." I smiled.
"You heard about that." It wasn't as much of a question as a statement.
"Mmmhhmm.." I placed the cotton against his skin, dabbing the dried blood that wouldn't go away.
"What.. Does that mean we're over?"
"I definetly think that we need to stop." I grabbed the needle & thread. "But, just so you know,
I'll be having wet dreams about you for years to come."
He laughed loudly. But his laughter subsided once he saw me stick the thread through the eye of the needle.
"What - what are you doing?"
"Hold still!" He squirmed. "Please. I don't want to hurt you." & with that, He sat completely still.
"I'll always love you." He whispered, looking down as I slid the needle through his flesh.
"I love you Cam." I whisper