Woke up sweating from a dream
With a different kind of feeling
All day long my heart was beating
Searching for the meaning
Hazel eyes,
I was so color blind
We were just wasting time
For my whole life
We never crossed the line
Only friends in my mind
But now I realize,
It was always you
Can't believe I could not see it all this time, all this time
It was always you
Now I know why my heart wasn't satisfied, satisfied
It was always you, you
No more guessing who
Looking back now I know it was always you, always you
All my hidden desires
Finally came alive
No, I never told lies
To you so why would I
Start tonight?
It was always you-Maroon 5.
He sat in the back of Ray's car, staring at the headrest in front of him, eyes wide, his mind swimming with a hundred different thoughts. Wiping his palms against his jeans his gaze flickered to the sight of her apartment outside of the window, his heart rate increasing in speed ten fold, to the point where he honestly thought he was about to have a cardiac arrest. "Harvey" his head snapped around at the sound of his voice, raising an eyebrow as he looked at Ray who was looking over his shoulder back at Harvey, an empathetic expression on his face. "Harvey, you cant just sit in here all night, I have kids to go home to, and you need to man the fuck up."
A small smile crept on his lips, mirroring Ray's who was now grinning. Harvey had always liked Ray; he was one of the few people he accepted being insulted by, who could call him out on his shit, without having Harvey's fist flying towards him.
"I don't pay you $300 an hour to be insulted" he pointed out lightly.
"And I don't get paid $300 an hour for you to simultaneously have an emotional epiphany and breakdown in the back of my Lexus."
He wanted to argue with Ray, but he was right. It was a little after midnight and here Harvey was, outside Donna's apartment in Brooklyn, shaking like a leaf. He almost felt bad calling Ray up at this time of night, knowing he had a family at home, but if he was honest, the thought never really crossed his mind, he was too wrapped up in his feelings to realize that anyone else existed.
"There's a 99% chance I'm about to fuck this up Ray, I'm just prolonging the inevitable just a little longer."
Ray rolled his eyes "You bark on about how you're the best closer this city has ever seen, am I right?" he nodded "then go and close the shit out of her, Harvey."
Harvey's mouth fell open ever so slightly, shocked at the words Ray had just said "Ray!" he exclaimed in disbelief, amused.
He shrugged "I'm sorry, I get a little rowdy when Harvey Specter calls me up at midnight in a mad panic finally confessing his love for the beautiful Donna." Harvey rolled his eyes "But seriously, please get the hell out of my car."
Harvey gave him a curt nod, blowing out a long breath "Okay." He opened the car door, the cool air hitting his face, making him more alert as he looked back towards Ray "If you find me face down in a puddle of scotch in the morning, you'll know what happened."
"Good luck!" he exclaimed as Harvey slammed the door shut, giving him a polite wave before speeding off down the road, leaving the scene before Harvey had the chance to change his mind.
Harvey stood on the pavement, staring up at her first floor apartment window, nerves shooting up and down his body, as his legs remained frozen to the ground. He couldn't help but wonder how he would have felt if he had had just one more glass of scotch before he came here, just one more drink, for courage, to take the edge off. He didn't do this, this was new for him, he had never let his emotions affect him like this before. In fact, Harvey was sure that this was the first time in his adult life where he had willingly decided to not suppress his feelings, and that scared the shit out of him.
Yet here he was, about profess things that until a couple of days ago; he wasn't fully aware he felt. He had had his suspicions that perhaps his feelings ran deeper than just a friendship or work colleagues, but their dynamic worked, any game change could potentially ruin them, and that was something he wasn't willing to let happen. Until now. New information had come to light, enabling a realization from the lawyer, filling him with hope, that maybe, his could happen.
"Harvey?" her face fell as she opened the door, worry evident on her features "What are you doing here? Is everything okay?" She could count on one hand the amount of times Harvey had knocked on her door in all the years they had known one another; it had become an off-limits area, an unspoken agreement between the pair of them, after the other time.
He stuffed his shaking hands in his pockets, plastering his signature smile across his face "Hey" he greeted, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. She looked at him confused as she opened the door further, silently ushering him in as he shamelessly checked her out, appreciating the vest top and shorts she was currently wearing.
"Harvey, what's happened?" she yawned, rubbing her tired eyes, her shirt lifting up ever so slightly, exposing the skin of her stomach. Harvey ran his tongue over his dry lips, trying to avert his gaze. "Harvey, are you going to actually say something? because it's late, and I can't figure out if it's worrying or annoying me that you're here." He opened and closed his mouth, but no words came out, his eyes scanning the room, falling on the coffee table where a full glass of red wine stood. Harvey wordlessly grabbed the glass, downing the liquid "Harvey, what are you-"
"Donna, shut up" she fell silent, her lips pursed together in a tight line as she looked at Harvey through narrowed eyes, how dare he silence her. "I need to get something off of my chest and if I don't do it know, I probably never will. So just please, shut up and let me say everything before you kill my soul with your sarcasm."
Now she really was worried. She sat down on the sofa slowly, not breaking her eye contact with him as he paced the length of the room "I heard what you said to Rachel, Mike told me." Her eyes went wide, she was going to kill Rachel, how could she go and tell Mike her secret like that, of course it was going to get back to Harvey.
"Well I have no idea what you are on about Harvey" she replied, trying to act ignorant, plastering the best innocent look on her face.
"Oh cut the crap Donna, you know exactly what you said. You told Rachel about us, about that time." Harvey folded his arms across his chest, trying to sound annoyed, but in reality, he was just surprised that Donna still thought about it. Mike had caught Harvey off guard when he bounded into his office only a few hours before, eyes wide, mouth open in a state of shock, blurting out his newfound information.
"I…err" she started, not really knowing what to say, they had never spoken about that night, not even the morning after when they awkwardly woke up next to one another. "I was trying to explain to her that people could work together after they've been together…like us."
Harvey couldn't help but notice how uncomfortable she looked, "I don't care that you told her Donna, you've always been the one that's wanted to keep what happened a secret, it's the other thing you said to her, that I'm talking about."
"Harvey…"she warned, giving him a pleading look, she knew exactly where this conversation was going, or at least she thought she did.
"Donna, did you tell Rachel that you wanted a relationship with me?" he stopped pacing, standing in front of her as her expression dropped even more. He wanted to laugh, finding it funny that Donna had the ability to be anything other than outrageously confident and sarcastic, that she had the ability to show emotion like a human. Not that he's one to talk.
Damn, she thought, this was where everything would just fall apart, she was sure of it. For years she had successfully kept her feelings under wraps, turning the decade long game of emotional torture into her biggest acting job, hiding her true feelings from the rest of the world. Why did she have to tell Rachel? She could have made up another piece of sterling advice, yet instead she just had to indulge a piece of herself. "Donna" he prompted, as she remained silent, eyes concentrated on the floor.
"Harvey, can we please not do this"
"No Donna, I want to know." He was growing impatient, the anxious feeling at the pit of his stomach becoming increasingly unbearable. "Donna"
"Yes, okay!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air as she jumped off of the sofa "I told her that given the opportunity I would have wanted to try, but you weren't ready."
"Me?" he asked incredulously "I was the one that was trying to pursue you for years! You're the one with the stupid rule."
"Harvey, why are we talking about this? I'm sorry Rachel and Mike know, but this isn't a conversation worth having, what's in the past is in the past."
"Do you ever think about it? About us? What it would be like?" he asked, taking a seat opposite her, his expression serious.
"Harvey are you drunk? We're good as we are, we work."
"That's not what I asked, Donna"
She sighed, looking up at the ceiling with pursed lips "sometimes" she nodded with a shrug "but I accepted a long time ago that we are better off in a professional capacity"
He reached across the coffee table to grab her hand, interlocking their fingers as she looked up at him "What if we could have it all?" he asked hopeful.
She shook her head, a sad smile on her face. "Because we're not meant to be," she replied sadly, not truly believing the words that were coming out of her mouth. She had always thought they would be amazing together, the unstoppable couple that everyone was jealous of.
"We both know that's bullshit." He stood up, walking around the table until he was face to face with the red haired beauty, their bodies just centimeters apart "Donna, you're the most important person in my life, there isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about you. You're the one I want to share my news with; you're the one I want by my side when things go bad. You're the only one that accepts and embraces my flaws, Donna, you're the only one that really knows me." He fell silent, allowing her to process his words for a few seconds before he continued, "Have you ever wondered why neither of us have settled down with someone? We're beautiful, smart, successful and utterly hilarious individuals, we're both catches. But it never works out."
"Because you have a fear of commitment and love the ladies on a one time basis" she pointed out, causing Harvey to frown, he was trying to have a serious moment, and here Donna was knocking him down a peg.
"No, because none of them ever reached my expectations, none of them were on par with you. How could I settle with someone, when perfection was standing right in front of me."
Her eyes went wide, her mouth falling open ever so slightly as she felt the urge to vomit. What did he say? Donna had been shamelessly dreaming of this moment since her mid twenties, but now it was a reality, she couldn't help but wonder when had she hit her head and slipped into a coma, because this wasn't happening.
"It could be the worst decision we ever make, but it could also be the best" he smiled in reassurance " I just don't want to look back on life in 10 years time and wonder what if? I don't want to look back and realize I spent the best years of my life denying the potential that you and I had."
She looked down at the floor, her cheeks burning red, rendered utterly speechless. He placed a finger under her chin, raising her gaze to meet his as he pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear "Donna, I'm not saying we get married tomorrow, just go on a date with me, let us try this"
"What if I say no?" she raised her eyebrow, letting a sly grin spread across her lips.
He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her towards him "Harvey Specter doesn't accept no as an answer". Her heart beat rapidly in her chest as she gulped harshly, deciding to push her reservations aside; they owed it to one another to at least try.
"One date" she confirmed "And I get to pick what we do."
"No"
"One date and I get to pick where we eat"
"No."
"One date and you buy me a new dress"
He rolled his eyes "Deal."
"Oh and a new handbag"
"Is it too late to retract my statement?" he asked lightly, tightening his hold around her
She grinned, shaking her head "Nope. I always knew you were into me."
Okay so I am sorry that I am burdening you with another one shot but when I heard this song for the first time the other day my mind instantly jumped to Donna and Harvey and I just had to write something about it. I hope you liked it. Please let me know what you thought.
As for my other stories… As a few of you know, I lost someone close to me at the beginning of the week and as a result I've taken a step back from life for a few days to get my shit together. Have no fear though, alongside this i have updated Maps and CTBOP. please leave me a word or two, i love hearing your thoughts..
love x
