The voices in my head started a few weeks ago. It was just after I had gotten home from a world meeting in fact.
Kumajiro, my pet polar bear-yes it's illegal to keep a polar bear as a pet but, I'm a nation so the rules were bent a little for me. Anyway, Kumajiro was still away at a human friend's house for the duration of the meeting. He had misbehaved badly around the house-I'll need to get new sheets soon; as well, he hadn't wanted to come to the world meeting with me, prompting the demolishment of my nice sheets. He could have just asked to stay behind. But nooo. The minute I said that there was a meeting coming up he ran off to my room and started chewing on the sheets. The little bugger. Saying he was hungry. Yeah right. Polar bears don't naturally feel the urge to eat sheets, they eat seals. Seals not sheets. He totally did it on purpose. He can be a twerp sometimes.
So, he was gone and no one else was supposed to be in the house. But, that was not the case this time.
That entire evening it had felt as if there was someone in the house with me, watching me, seeing everything that I did. It was too scary for me, night had already fallen outside and feeling somebody watching me, feeling that prickle on the back of your neck followed by chills down your spine just freaked me out. I'd watched too many movies with my brother I guess. There's a reason people are scared by those movies, Alfred included, feeling someone watching you, feeling that cold feeling, the chills and the hyper awareness are all scary. I didn't like it.
So, I went straight to bed, I didn't even bother with having supper that night. Which was weird for me because I never miss a meal. But exceptions need to be made sometimes. I just stayed in bed and didn't sleep; I was watching the door. I was waiting for it to soundlessly open in the night, for something to come slinking in. I was waiting for a shadow to slip past my door jamb so that I would feel justified for my terror. But, I didn't get to see anything that night, nor did I get to have any sleep then either. I was too scared. Always too scared to sleep or to leave. Something might hurt me. I was too scared of being hurt.
And I stayed scared over the next few weeks until now. Because every day I felt like someone was watching me, even though I never saw them.
I asked Claire, the human friend I'd left Kumajiro with, to keep Kumajiro for a while longer. I think I messed up with saying his name again though because she sounded a bit confused when she said goodbye. I really shouldn't have given him such a hard name. But, I wanted to impress Alfred with it, because he was Kiku's friend at the time. He didn't even notice I had changed his name though. I don't think Kumajiro noticed either. He keeps asking "who?" I can't decide if he's wondering who I am or who the name I keep calling him by is for. He doesn't get it and neither do I really. I don't get why I changed his name. It was fine before. Whatever. It's done and over with, maybe I'll ask Kumajiro if he wants to change his name when he comes back. If I ever feel safe enough to bring my only friend back to this place.
So, after I called Claire I stayed in my house as much as I could, I barely even went out for groceries anymore. The feeling of being watched always got worse when I went outside and as crazy as it sounds it felt more malignant when I went out. Like I was in danger. As if the unknown onlooker was angry at me for daring to take a single step outside while it was watching me.
I made excuses and didn't go to any more meetings. I felt bad about that, it was my responsibility to go to them. But, nothing was ever done during those meetings anyway. No one had ever seemed to me at the meetings before anyways. Not even Papa, Dad, or even Alfred. No one noticed me there. And so, it was with no surprise to myself that no one had noticed me not at the meetings either. That was fine with me though. I didn't and still don't mind. It meant that no one questioned why I didn't come to the meetings anymore. And it was fine with the voice in my head too.
He liked it a lot actually. My forget-ability. It was perfect for him. It was wonderful. To it, my forget-ability meant my complete absence from all parts of my normal life wouldn't be noticed at all. Yes, my powers of invisibility was handy for the both of them. Very handy. My power really was a double-edged sword. My invisibility meant that I wouldn't worry any of my family and friends needlessly. Like they would actually worry about me. Why should they? No, that was rude to think of them, very rude, they were much better than that. They just didn't have to worry about me, I could and still can take care of myself. They didn't have to worry, that's why they never did. They cared for me. I was sure of it.
My powers meant I wouldn't worry them, but it would also mean the end of me too.
What are you if no one can remember you?
What are you if you are gone and no one cares?
Does this voice intend to kill me without my family ever knowing? I don't know. I'm scared. I want Alfred to come save me. But, he never was my hero. He never was. I don't have a hero to save me from the voice I keep hearing.