Authors note: Hi everyone! This story is my sister's idea but she asked me to write it because I write Fanfiction all the time. The first part was an idea I got from a book but it's not a rip-off I promise you. Comment please, Mario is owned by Nintendo.

Mario was watching Eragon in the living room of his small cottage. Suddenly, Toad burst in.

"Mario!" he cried. "You're princess is in another castle!"

"Toad, you know this isn't a castle right?" Mario replied turning around.

"Yeah, well whatever. Point is Pauline's been kidnapped," Toad replied.

"Pauline isn't a princess you know," Mario pointed out.

"I know," Toad said. "But 'Your ex-girlfriend is in another building' doesn't sound as good."

"Whatever," Mario said pausing his video. "I guess I'd better save her then." He got to his feet and strolled towards the door.

"I mean, as much as I don't like Pauline anymore," he said. "I have to save her because, well I'm flipping Mario! Saving people is what I do!"

When he got to the door, he stopped and turned around.

"Toad will you tell everyone where I've gone won't you?" he asked.

"Of course, Mario," Toad replied.

Mario thought about asking him to tell Peach that just because he was saving Pauline, didn't mean he liked her! He decided not to, after all, it would look kind of bad getting someone else to say it for him.

"Bye then, Toad," Mario called out as he went out on his quest.

"Heya DK! Long time no see eh?" Mario announced as he appeared at the foot of the scaffolding of a tall building where Donkey Kong always keeps Pauline when he kidnaps her. "I haven't seen you since Mario vs Donkey Kong 2!"

Donkey Kong slid down a pole until he reached the ground.

"You come for your girlfriend?" he asked.

"Pauline isn't really my girlfriend any more, she's my ex. But I have come to rescue her because it beats plumbing and watching terrible films!" Mario replied.

Donkey Kong put his head on one side, confused. "Eh?" he said. "You come for your girlfriend Pauline?"

Mario sighed. "Do you really not know the difference between a girlfriend and an ex?" he asked.

"No," Donkey Kong replied. "But I know what eggs are!"

"Sometimes I wonder why I even bother," he muttered. "You're too stupid to understand anything I say. OK DK, I have come for Pauline. Fight me now and we can get this over with." He spoke in a really slow voice, hoping that DK would understand what he was saying.

Donkey Kong blinked a bit then he spoke. "Fight! OK me can do that!"

Half an hour later, after Mario had finally defeated Donkey Kong, he rubbed his face and looked up at his ape foe.

"I win again then, DK?" he said.

Donkey Kong nodded. "You good fighter, Mario," he said.

"Thanks," Mario replied. Mario and DK weren't exactly friends, but they fought so much, that Mario figured it was pointless to make such and arch nemesis of him. Besides, kidnapping his ex wasn't nearly as bad as kidnapping his current girlfriend.

Mario climbed up the pole that DK had slid down. Once he reached the top, he took a deep breath and climbed through the window of the building in search of Pauline.

Here comes the hard bit. Mario thought. Defeating giant apes is easy. But convincing your ex that you're not interested in her anymore is impossible.

Mario tip-toed his way through a dark, creepy, empty room that seemed to be a bedroom. Mario thought he had heard banging, so he stopped in his tracks and listened.

There it was again! A muffled banging coming from inside the closet.

Wow, DK's lazy. Mario thought. He can't even be bothered to buy a cage on eBay.

Mario opened the closet and out came Pauline.

"Mario!" she exclaimed. "You saved me!" She flung her arms around his neck in a dramatic hug.

Mario pushed her away. "Pauline, you know we can't get too close," he said. "I mean, you are my ex."

"I know," Pauline insisted. "I was just thanking you."

Mario sighed. "Make sure it stays that way," he said. "Well, we'd better get back."

Peach was waiting for Mario and Pauline outside Mario's cottage when they got back. Somehow, Mario and Pauline were holding hands but Mario hadn't noticed. Peach had though, and she wasn't happy. She tried to cover it up.

"Hi Mario! Hi Pauline!" she said. "I wondered I you'd like to come back to the castle for cake?"

"Yeah," Mario said. "Sounds good!"

"Great," Peach replied. "Mario, can I have a word with you, in private?"

Mario had finally noticed that he was holding hands with Pauline and snatched his hand away.

"Sure," he said and Mario and Peach entered Mario's cottage.

The front door of the cottage opened to the kitchen and as soon as Mario and Peach were inside the kitchen, Peach suddenly gave Mario a hard shove and he fell onto the ground.

"Peach, what the-" Mario said.

"Shut up you stupid plumber man!" Peach snapped. "What the hell do you think you're playing at?"

"I don't know what you mean," Mario declared. He was still on the ground, too afraid to get up. He never knew that Peach could be so feisty.

"You and Pauline. You like her better than me now huh?" Peach spat.

"Of course not! There's nothing going on between me and Pauline," Mario replied getting to his feet.

"What rubbish! I saw you holding hands. Well listen to me fatso, if you don't love me, just tell me, OK?" Peach snapped.

Mario was stunned. "Peach, listen. This is all a mistake, I can explain. I…I…"

Pauline, who had been listening at the door and had been angry at Peach's suspicions, suddenly burst in.

"Mario's right," she said. "There's nothing going on between us. And I can prove it too." She turned to face Mario, took a deep breath and said "Mario, I'm your Mum."

Mario stared at her. "What?" he said. "WHAT?"

"It's true, Mario. Isn't it great?" Pauline declared.

"NO!" Mario exploded.

"What?" Pauline said astonished.

"I don't need you! You're a terrible Mum!"

Pauline was shocked, speechless.

"You abandoned me when I was a baby. I had to be brought up by yoshis. YOSHIS! You can't just come in here, announcing that you're my mother and thinking that it will solve everything because guess what Pauline, life isn't that simple."

"I came back though!" Pauline argued. "I had to find out how you were getting on."

"By becoming my girlfriend?! That's the worst idea I've ever heard of!"

Mario paused. He rubbed his face, digging in his nails.

He sighed. "The thing is, I'm 35, I don't need you anymore. I have a job, a house, a girlfriend." Mario decided to tactfully forget the row him and Peach had just had. He had stopped shouting but was still angry. "Just go Pauline, please," he said.

"But I-"

"Get out of my house!" Mario ordered.

Pauline sighed; she knew that she shouldn't argue, so she left.

Mario put his head in his hands.

"Are you OK, Mario?" Peach asked.

Mario sighed. "Peach, could you go to please?" he asked. "I'm not trying to be mean I just… I need some time to myself."

"Of course, I understand," Peach replied.

She passed him as she left. Peach intended to just ruffle his curls but he clung to her like a young child and she hugged him back.

"I wish… I wish I knew how I felt, Peach," Mario said. "I don't know if I'm happy, sad, angry, surprised or what. I feel so confused, mixed up."

"Sleep on it," Peach suggested. "You'll feel better in the morning."

Mario didn't think that it would work but he took Peach's advice and went up to his bedroom.