A/N: How awesome was the S7 premiere? I'm excited to see what the new season of Castle will bring us. There has been a lot of chatter about how everyone had doubts about Castle (except for Alexis and Martha). This fic is my way of trying to explain what everyone was thinking and feeling. It's written from Castle's POV and takes place right after "Driven".

"Ever wonder about what he's doing?
How it all turned to lies?
Sometimes I think that it's better to never ask why-
Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try, and try, and try."

-PINK

My eyes flew open in the darkness and I struggled to breathe, wondering why the sensation of being smothered wasn't fading with my dream. Looking down, I saw that Kate was wrapped around me like some kind of sea creature, her arms and legs clinging to me as if I was going to vanish again at any moment without an explanation and I felt my heart constrict even as her limbs squeezed me tighter. She whimpered in her sleep and I felt her tears soaking my T shirt.

"Kate."

Her moans turned to sobs, and she shuddered against me. "Castle, no!" she screamed.

The bedroom door flew open and I looked up to see Mother and Alexis standing there, their faces pale and strained with worry.

"Daddy?"

"Is everything all right, Kiddo?"

I sighed as Kate screamed again and nearly cut off my oxygen supply as she squeezed me tighter. When her hold loosened enough for me to draw breath, I wheezed. "Kate's having a nightmare – but it's nothing I can't handle. Go back to bed."

Alexis frowned and took a step forward. "Are you sure? I could-"

Mother put her arm around Alexis' shoulders and steered her back into my study. "He's got her, sweetie. Let's get started on breakfast – Kate will be getting up soon for work."

Alexis bit her lip and threw another worried look at me over her shoulder but I smiled in encouragement as Mother shut the door behind them and I focused my attention back on Kate. She was still crying in her sleep and shuddering against me.

"Kate," I whispered and shook her. "Wake up – I'm here, love. I'm right here."

She buried her face deeper into my chest, her shortened hair falling around her face, hiding it from my view. When I commented about her new hairstyle yesterday, her eyes had skittered away from mine and she had just said something about needing a change. I had a feeling there was more to the story, but I knew that she would tell me about it when she was ready. For me it still felt like we had only been apart for a couple of days . . . but in reality it had been two months. My blood boiled at the thought of what that bastard Jenkins and whoever else was involved had put my family through.

"Castle?"

I looked down to see Kate blinking the sleep out of her eyes. "Good morning – how are you feeling?"

She lifted a shaking hand and rested it on my cheek. "You're here? I'm not dreaming?"

I cupped her face in my own hands, wiping away the last traces of her tears. "No, you're not dreaming. It's me – I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere ever again."

Kate bit back another sob as she threw herself across my chest, and tangled her legs with mine. It felt like she was trying to climb inside my skin – but I didn't mind. I kissed her forehead and held her tight as she sobbed into my neck, murmuring nonsense words into her ear until she quieted.

"You have no idea how many times I dreamed that I woke up in our bed and you were with me – and then Martha would knock on the door and I'd wake up and I'd realize it was all a dream. Or I'd see someone who looked like you on the street and I'd chase them down only to have them not be you when they turned around," she sniffed against my shoulder. "Espo even kept up the tradition of bringing me coffee but when he saw how my face would light up because I thought it was you and then the disappointment when I saw it wasn't – he stopped. Everyone tried so hard to help – but nothing helped. Nothing could help – I just needed you. I just wanted you."

Tears were now falling down my cheeks. "Kate –"

She shook her head violently. "No, don't say anything, please? I just need you to hold me- the alarm's going to go off in ten minutes and I want to spend all that time in your arms."

"I don't think you should go into work today. Surely Gates will understand."

"Castle," she sighed as she lifted her head and pinned me with her cop glare. "I need for things to finally start getting back to normal – I don't think you understand how out of sync I've been since you've been missing. Captain Gates deserves to have her detective back-"

"What do you mean 'back'? Did you take a leave of absence?"

Kate pulled away from me and sat up in the bed. "No – but I should have. Your disappearance consumed me, Castle, just like my mother's murder. I'm afraid the boys had to carry most of the weight of our caseloads – and that needs to stop now that you're home."

"Well, now that I'm back, I can help."

She shook her head. "No, you should rest-"

"Kate, I need to find out what happened to me – for us."

"I know. But how? I searched for you for two months without any leads-"

"Well, I'm here now and we'll talk theory and I'm a walking piece of forensic evidence, right? So, we'll figure it out – we always do."

"I wish I had your confidence."

"Hey, we caught your mother's killer."

"Fifteen years later! God, I hope it doesn't take that long to find out what happened to you."

"It won't - now come here." I pulled her back into my arms. "We have five minutes left and I intend to make the most of them."

I frowned as I sipped my coffee and sifted through the evidence file – my evidence file. This felt really strange. I had never felt like I was invading someone's privacy before since the people we were investigated were suspects in an ongoing murder investigation. But to be sitting here in the precinct, looking through my own file that my fiancée and colleagues had collected over the course of two months gave me the strangest feeling. One that was hard to define. Lanie had taken her own samples of my blood and urine as soon as Kate and I had arrived at the precinct and I was now looking at her findings from the hospital. I stared in disbelief at the entry she'd made about a vaccination for Dengue fever – where the hell had those bastards taken me? Had I been out of the country? Was that why Kate and the boys hadn't been able to locate me or no one had recognized my picture on the news?

"Anything jog your memory?" Ryan asked as he dropped into a chair beside me at the conference table.

I shook my head. "No – and the more I read, the more questions I have."

"Like what?"

"Like this vaccination – what the hell does it mean? Was I out of the country – or going to be? I certainly wouldn't need something like this if I was going to be in the States, right?"

Ryan nodded. "Makes sense." He looked up as Espo came into the room and shut the door.

"Look, Castle, it's just the three of us – you can tell us, man."

I set the file down and looked between the two of them, Ryan fidgeting in his chair and Espo glaring from the door he had just shut, his arms folded across his chest. "Tell you what?"

"Where you've been for the past two months-"

My mouth fell open. "What?"

"Come on, man." Espo crossed the room to lean over the table. "I wouldn't blame you if you got cold feet – I mean, you've been married twice and-"

I jumped to my feet. "Guys! It's not like that – how could you-" I ran a hand through my hair, trying to calm my emotions. "Is this an interrogation?"

"No, Castle," Ryan put in softly. "We just have some questions, is all."

"And you think I don't?" I nearly screamed. "I've been in here for over an hour staring at that evidence file, trying to jog my memory, coming up with more questions than answers. And the whole time I've been reading it I've been thinking 'this has to be someone else's file because it sure as hell isn't mine!' because you both know there's no way in hell I would run out on Kate like that!"

Espo stared at me, waiting for more and Ryan's eyes fell to the tabletop.

I staggered back a step. "Oh my God – you – you actually think – I can't believe this. You know me. We've worked together for six years – the two of you are my closest friends – and you still think I could do that to Kate, the love of my life, on our wedding day?"

"Maybe you had doubts – maybe you decided not to go for marriage number three-"

I whirled on Espo, cutting off his soft spoken words. "What the hell? Stop talking to me as if I'm a suspect instead of a victim. You KNOW me – all of the obstacles Kate and I have had to overcome to be together and you honestly think I would just leave?"

"No, I don't," Ryan spoke softly, yet firmly. "But you have to admit there is some pretty damning evidence-"

"Like the video surveillance we have of you in that alleyway leaving the cash for the car disposal."

Kate's voice and the words she spoke nearly brought me to my knees. My head swiveled slowly in her direction to see her standing in the doorway that led to the break room, her face blank but her eyes were clouded with pain.

Oh Kate, not you too. Please, please tell me your faith in me isn't broken. "You know as well as I do that evidence can be faked," I whispered hoarsely.

She shook her head. "It's authentic – it's you on that tape."

I shrugged. "So what if it is?"

Kate flinched and I heard Espo gasp behind me as Ryan spoke, his voice hard as steel. "Be very careful, Castle. Are you admitting to paying-"

"NO!" My hands clenched into fists before I made the conscious effort to relax them. "Well, maybe – I don't know."

"Richard Castle, you have the right-"

"Wait! I'm not confessing to anything, I'm just talking theory here!" I protested, holding up my hands. "Did it really never occur to any of you that I was coerced into leaving the money at that drop? That the fake Jenkins or whoever is behind all this threatened the lives of Kate, Alexis, and my mother to get me to do whatever they wanted? Don't you see that I would have done just about anything to protect the women I love?"

"Are you saying that's what happened?" Espo frowned at me.

"I don't know – I can't remember! But I'm asking all of you whether or not that doesn't seem like a more likely scenario than me running out on Kate, faking my death, and letting all of you believe I was dead for two months. Does that really seem like something I would do? Did you guys really never think of the idea that I was forced to do things against my will to protect Kate?"

Ryan and Espo were refusing to meet my eyes and I knew I had my answer. As much as it hurt, Kate's opinion of me was the one that mattered the most. Slowly I turned to face her but she was studying the top of her boots.

"Kate?"

Her eyes fluttered shut and I felt like all the air had been knocked out of my lungs. None of them had given me the benefit of the doubt – not even the woman I vowed to spend the rest of my life with. I grabbed my coffee cup and headed for the door. "I need some air."

"I'll go with you," Ryan stood up.

"Don't trust me to go by myself?"

"No – I-" he stuttered

My heart broke a little more. "Look, I'm just headed home, all right? Give me twenty minutes and you can call and check to make sure I made it home safely."

"Castle-" Kate choked out my name but I ignored her as I stormed down the hall.

"Richard! I didn't expect you home so soon! Look who's come to visit."

I looked up from mother's shoulder and smiled as I saw Kate's father leaning against the kitchen island. "Hello, Jim. How are you?"

"I'm much better now that I see you're alive and well – but the question is, how are you, Rick?"

I sighed. "I don't really know – I feel a little like Alice in Wonderland at the moment."

Jim nodded "Eveything's a little topsy turvy and upside down?"

"Exactly. Not that I'm not glad to see you – but why are you here?"

"I wanted to stop by and check on you – you are almost my son-in-law after all – and Katie called me."

My jaw tightened. "When?"

"Just a few minutes ago – but I was already on my way over, Rick. I didn't know you would be at the precinct but she said you were on your way back here. She's worried about you."

I snorted. "Yeah, well-"

Mother had been hovering nearby and now came over and touched my shoulder. "Kiddo, is everything all right? You and Katherine aren't fighting, are you? She's in a very fragile place right now. Remember it may seem like a couple of days to you but for the rest of us it's been months."

I drew her into a hug. "I know, Mother. We'll work it out."

"You better – I want another wedding soon. I have to go out – will Kate be coming by tonight?"

I have no idea. "Yes."

She patted my cheek. "Good boy. Have a nice visit. Love you, Kiddo."

"Love you too."

I waited until she left before turning back to Jim. "Want something to drink?"

"Sure, I'll have some coffee."

"I hope you won't judge me if I make mine Irish."

Jim smiled. "After everything you've been through, no."

I made the coffees and we retreated to my study to sip them in silence. It wasn't until I had finished mine and Jim was nearly through with his that he finally spoke.

"She never gave up looking for you, Rick. Did you know she made her own murder board at home, just like the one she made for her mom?"

I sighed deeply as I pushed my coffee mug to the side. "No, she hadn't gotten around to telling me that."

Jim nodded. "Gates and the FBI had taken you off the active case list so she had to look for you in her spare time." He shook his head. "She was a woman possessed, just like the early days of her career when she was looking for Joanna's killer. But she found you – or you found each other – and I have no doubt that the two of you together will find out the truth, and catch whoever did this to you."

I grunted.

"What is it, Rick? Something's bothering you and Katie sounded so upset on the phone. I would have thought the two of you would be together today, reconnecting and healing after this ordeal."

"Well, that was my plan but your daughter wanted to go into work so I went with her. Instead of being welcomed back to the precinct with open arms, I was met with suspicion and interrogation. Apparently, no one apart from Alexis and my mother believes that I'm the innocent victim in all of this."

"Surely Katie-"

"She has her own doubts. As a cop, she has to follow the evidence, and after looking at my file, even I have to admit these bastards did a damn good job of framing me."

"Framing you – for what?"

"Faking my own death – walking out on your daughter on our wedding day."

"That's ridiculous – I've never seen a man more in love than you are with my Katie – excluding me with her mother."

I smiled tightly. "Nevertheless, Kate has doubts. I could see it in her eyes."

Jim was silent for several moments before he spoke again. "You know, it took Katie a long time to trust anyone after her mother died. She had been dating someone steadily before Joanna's death but she pulled away from him afterwards and then when she tried to reconnect, he had moved on. She never let on how much it hurt that the boy hadn't waited while she worked through things – but I know it did. And of course, finding her mother's killer became her focus to the exclusion of everything else. She wanted justice for Joanna so badly that she shut everything and everyone else out. Then you came along and refused to leave her alone and she didn't quite know what to do with you – she tried to shut you out too but it didn't work, thank God. You were there through every case, good and bad, and she started to rely on your friendship in a way that she never had with anyone else. When Captain Montgomery's involvement in Joanna's murder came out, instead of pushing you away, she leaned on you for strength, and eventually the two of you broke down the last of her walls."

"Jim, with all due respect, I don't see what all this has to do with-"

"I'm reminding you, son, of all Katie has been through, with and without you. When you were taken, she was terrified that she was never going to see you again – that she'd lost you forever just like her mother. She could get justice for you, like she finally did for Joanna, but it wouldn't be enough. She would be alone, without you – and she couldn't bear a reality without you. It's taken me far too many years to face a world without Joanna." Jim swallowed thickly. "And then when the evidence started mounting – yeah, her cop instincts kicked in and she thought maybe she had made a mistake and trusted the wrong man. It's all part of her protection mechanism – to keep her from getting hurt again for if and when you turned up alive. She loves you, Rick – and she's terrified that it won't last."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "I'm going to find them and kill them, Jim-"

Jim leaned forward. "Don't do that – then you'll end up in jail and Katie will still be alone. You need to find the truth and get justice, but the right way – like you did with Bracken. Don't let them win. You and Katie plan another wedding and have the life Joanna and never got to have."

I spent the rest of the morning returning phone calls, scheduling interviews and book signings. Gina and Paula were both thrilled I was alive and adamant that I needed to capitalize on my disappearance because book sales would go through the roof.

"Don't you care that I've been through God knows what the past two months?"

Paula laughed. "Of course, darling! And the fact that you can't remember will have your readers salivating and lining up for miles to buy your latest Nikki Heat!"

I sighed. I really didn't want to exploit myself like this – but perhaps I could turn it into a positive. Maybe offer a substantial monetary reward on the air for anyone who had credible proof that could be corroborated by the NYPD – smiling, I picked up the phone to make another call.

It was after two o'clock when I walked into the precinct carrying a cup of coffee for Kate, my heart beating loudly in my throat.

"Psst, Castle!"

I turned to see Espo and Ryan beckoning at me from the break room. "Guys, not now."

"Just give us a minute-" Ryan pleaded.

Sighing, I slipped inside and watched with some trepidation as Espo closed the door. "Look, if this is another ambush-"

"No, it's an apology," Espo reassured as he pulled a small paper bag from behind his back.

I took it from him carefully. "It's not going to explode when I open it, is it?"

"Come on, man, it's a bear claw!"

I opened it and peered inside at the pastry. "Oh, thanks."

"Listen, sorry about the 'bad cop, worse cop' routine earlier."

I bit into the donut and didn't say anything, just waited to see if there was more.

Espo cleared his throat. "Yeah, remember the speech we gave you when we first found out about you and Beckett? About how if you ever hurt her-?"

I swallowed, trying not to grin at the memory. "-you'd shoot off my privates, then shoot me in the head and give my body to Lanie to hide? Yeah, I vaguely remember something to that effect."

"Well, we love her like a sister – and when the evidence started mounting, I guess our own theories started running wild and –" Ryan blundered to a stop.

"What Castle Jr. is trying to say is, our loyalty lies with her first, we've known her longer. And when it appeared that you had jilted her – our overprotectiveness temporarily got the best of us."

I sighed. "But guys, now that I'm back – do you believe me? That I would never run out on her? I mean, if I was going to run away, I would take Kate with me!"

Ryan smiled and clapped me on the shoulder. "Yeah, we believe you."

I looked at Espo. "You too?"

He grinned. "Yeah, we're good, bro."

I set the coffee cup in front of Kate and stepped back, watching as her head shot up. She spun in her chair to face me, her whole face alight with a smile.

"Castle," she breathed my name softly as she launched herself out of her chair and into my arms. "I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry."

I lifted a hand and ran it through her shortened hair. "I know."

"Get her out of here, Mr. Castle."

I looked up to see Gates standing in her open office doorway. Kate spun out of my hold. "Sir, I still have paperwork-"

"And how much of that stack have you gotten done today?"

Kate's head bowed.

"Honestly, Detective. I don't know why you came in today. Your fiancé's been missing for two months. Go. I'll call you if a body drops." Gates disappeared back inside.

"I can't believe she's letting me go early-"

I nuzzled the side of her neck. "I knew she liked me."

Kate snorted. "As if."

We didn't speak as I drove us to the park and in silence we walked to our swings, sat down, and started to slowly move back and forth. Kate's swing picked up momentum as I let my swing come to a stop as I watched her throw her head back and close her eyes, enjoying the feeling just like a little girl. Eventually she let her swing slow to a stop and we sat side by side.

"Kate, I need to know something – I need to know if you believe me. Do you believe me when I tell you that I don't remember anything of the past two months – that the last thing I remember is being hit by that SUV on the way to marry you?"

Kate was silent for so long I was worried she was going to say no. She swayed her swing sideways and when our chains clinked, she looped her fingers through my chain, holding our swings together. "When you were missing, I refused to believe you were dead – ever. I couldn't let my mind go there. You were going to come home to me – that was what I kept telling myself with every breath I took. Even after the evidence started mounting and it looked like you had deserted me, I still told myself that if for no other reason than I could kick your ass. Today when you said that it must have been under duress that you made that money drop and because they threatened our lives, I felt so stupid for not having thought of it myself. You've shown me over the years that you'll do anything for me – how could I have ever doubted you?"

"Kate," I whispered as I curled my fingers around hers on the chain. "Do you believe me?"

She raised her eyes to mine. "Yes. I'm so sorry that I ever let myself have doubts – I got scared, Rick. Being without you these past two months – I realized I can't do this alone anymore."

"You don't have to – I'm here."

She shook her head. "You can't promise me forever – life has no guarantees."

"I can promise to love you as long as I have breath in my body – and I can promise you that I'm not going to willingly leave you – you know that, right?"

She nodded as she tightened her fingers on mine. "I just got scared that with everything that had happened this past year that maybe you didn't want me-"

"Katherine Houghton Beckett, don't you dare finish that sentence. I will always want you – I have always wanted you. I waited for you for years – and I'll continue to wait until you're ready. That is, if you still want to marry me."

She reached under her blouse with her free hand and pulled out her chain. "Would I be wearing this if I didn't?"

My breath caught in my throat. "Is that?"

She nodded. "Your wedding ring. I'm so glad Ryan had it – otherwise it would have burned in the car."

"Where's yours?"

"At the loft, in your study, in your top desk drawer."

I stood, pulling her up with me. "One day very soon, that ring and yours, are going to be on our fingers where they belong. We're not going to let these bastards win, Kate. They took two months from us – let's not let them take any more."

She shivered as she wrapped her arms around my neck. "Kiss me, Rick."

I watched her face the entire time I slowly lowered my lips to hers. Though she had slept in my arms last night, we had done nothing more than cuddle and she had been very careful not to kiss me. At first it had hurt me deeply but then I realized that she had needed time and I backed off, simply giving her soft kisses on the forehead or temple. But now she was asking and waiting and who was I to deny her? My lips met hers softly, tentatively and I kept the pressure light even though my libido was screaming at me to pull her against me and show her how much I wanted her. But this was about her and so I let Kate control the kiss, and when she licked my lips I opened my mouth and let her in, moaning as she pulled my body into hers.

"I love you, Kate," I panted softly in her ear and felt her smile against my cheek.

"Welcome home, Castle," she grinned as she pulled me down for another kiss.

A/N: Just some angsty goodness I couldn't get out of my head. Reviews are LOVE!