The Only Regret
Secret Art
He had noticed how detached she had been recently, hardly reacting to even the worst cases, doing her job with almost no interaction with the others.
But he had only started worrying since the end of her last case.
He had been keeping track of the case, knew from the start that there had not been enough evidence, but that had not stopped her. She had worked relentlessly to try and find some evidence, any evidence to convict him but the rapist had gone free.
Normally this meant that he would have to deal with Sara, angry and annoyed at what she always felt was her own inability to solve the case.
He had been watching through the two way mirror, waiting for the inevitable fight between Sara and the rapist, however this time she shrugged and walked out from the interrogation room, leaving Brass stood there shocked, and Grissom, still stood behind the mirror, not sure what to do, knowing only that the knot in his stomach meant trouble.
He followed her as she walked out of the building, her head down, arms around herself, almost as if she were trying to make herself invisible.
It started to rain, splashing off the sidewalk, off her and yet still she did not look up. She did however pause, letting the rain soak her, almost as if washing away what happened.
He had remained stood in the doorway, watching her, but the rain was making it hard to see her so he moved forward slowly, wanting to go back inside and grab his coat, and hers, but not willing to let her out of his sight.
She started walking again and he followed, staying a distance behind her, too afraid to get too close. She headed towards the road as the rain got harder and louder, drowning out any other noises and making it almost impossible to see.
He felt rather than saw or heard the car, turning in time to see headlights hurtling towards where Sara had just stepped off the sidewalk.
"No!" He screamed, his voice swallowed by the wind, however she turned towards him, freezing, rooted to the spot as the headlights grabbed her attention.
He could only watch, horrified as the car swerved, missing her by mere inches, before swerving back onto the right side of the road.
As if suddenly realising where she was she looked at him, still rooted to the spot with fear, so he ran towards her, dragging her back to the side of the road.
The rain was lighter now, falling gently against them, almost caressing their skin.
He looked her over, trying to see if she was injured in any way.
"Sara?"
She looked at him blankly, like a lost child, needing someone else to show them the way.
"Are you injured?"
She looked herself over, and he realised that she was probably in shock, her clothes soaked from the downpour.
"I'm fine, I think. The car missed me. Why are you here?"
He laughed, only slightly surprised that even in shock, Sara's first instincts were those of an investigator. "I was watching the interview, you walked out."
She shrugged, "nothing else to say," her eyes drifting back to the road.
"Are you sure that you're ok?"
"I thought I was going to die and I had one regret going through my mind, something I should have told you."
"What?"
She looked straight at him. "I love you. Look I know it's stupid and that you don't feel the same and that you've made it perfectly clear that nothing can happen, but I just had to tell you. I'm sorry."
"Since when?"
She laughed. "The café, the day after we met. I saw you there and felt it. Back when I could actually feel."
"Excuse me?"
"I've not felt anything in ages. The fear when that car approached is the first feeling I've had in a long time. I can't remember the last time I felt anything."
His face creased in confusion. "What about love?"
"Useless, unrequited, unstoppable love. I know I feel it but I can't physically feel it, I can't feel anything."
She could feel the tears pouring down her face, heard her voice cracking with emotion but she felt detached, almost as if she were watching it happen from a distance.
He was looking at her in shock, surprised at how easily she was baring her heart to him, and completely at a loss on how to help. "Why are you telling me this?"
"I've just explained, whole near death don't want any regrets thing."
"Not that, the feelings part. We both know that emotions are not exactly my strong point, so why tell me?"
She looked away, laughing slightly at the absurdity of the conversation before turning back to him. "You think that I am expecting a response, well I'm not. Your ability to feel nothing and be so emotionally useless; it's amazing, but has nothing to do with it. I told you because I felt I had to, if not for you then for myself."
She paused, watching in fascination the emotions that passed through his face, concern, anger, horror and she could not help but feel slightly sorry for him. "I don't expect anything from you, but I do know things have to change, I just don't know how."
Not waiting for a response she walked back towards their building, the tears drying on her face, her heart lighter than it had been for years.
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He watched her go, saw the bounce in her step that had been absent for so long.
He wished that he could be as open with his feelings as she was, but he knew that she was right about his inability to express how he truly felt about her.
He could not face going back inside, so instead he walked, road after road, each step intended to take him away from his problems, but instead he found himself unable to remove the image of her eyes, the unconditional love shining out of them. He knew that he had to do something, anything to show her that it was not for nothing.
He stopped outside a shop that appeared to sell flowers amongst other things. He knew that a plant would not be suitable, it's intent would be friendship not love.
Unable to find a specific type of flower that he felt described Sara and how he felt, he instead picked the largest bunch of mixed flowers he could find, mainly roses but with a mix of other flowers added for contrast.
Walking into the shop he paused at the cards, selecting a blank one with an image of a bear holding a heart on the front. He did not like it but he knew that Sara would, so he swallowed his fear and paid for both items, ignoring the knowing smile on the cashier's face.
Sitting down on a bench somewhere between the shop and the labs he pulled a pen out of his pocket, pausing to consider what to write. In the end he chose something simple.Looking at the card he knew that after all this he had to write something more, so he wrote another line above.
Satisfied he slide the card into the envelope, then writing, in as un-Grissom like handwriting as possible, 'Sara'.
He walked back to the lab, trying to look as inconspicuous as he could, considering the bouquet of flowers in his hand.
Pausing, he spotted a lad, possibly in his teens, and fishing a note out of his wallet, managed to convince him to take the flowers, card included, into the lab and place them on the front desk.
Grissom strolled into the labs, walking straight to his office, trying to keep his face impassive, waiting until he was safely in his office, the door closed before breaking into a grin.
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Sara meanwhile had spent the time in the break room, slowly drying off, wondering if Grissom would ever look At her again, let alone talk to her.
She was startled out of her thoughts by the appearance of Catherine, holding a bunch of flowers, followed by Warrick, Nick and Greg, all with confused looks on their faces.
"What's with the flowers?"
"They're for you." Catherine sounded almost upset, but the smile on her face told Sara that she was happy.
Looking at the flowers in amazement, she spotted the card, removing it slowly, almost tempted to fingerprint the envelope and card. Opening the card she laughed, a smile gracing her features.
Nick leaned over, trying to read what was written. "So, who's it from?"
Not waiting for an answer Greg grabbed the card, running behind Catherine to protect himself.
"Greg, give it back, now!" She glared at him but he ignored her, opening the card, his smile disappearing.
"Oh."
He turned it towards the others so that they could see what was written:
All my love
Grissom
They turned towards Sara, wanting an explanation but found her seat empty, turning as one to see her racing down the corridor towards Grissom's office.
She knocked on the door, not waiting for a response before bursting through the door.
"Why?"
He looked up surprised, of all the comments he was expecting, this was not one.
"Why? Because I don't want you to turn into me. I want your help to make me more like you."
Her smile faded slightly, confused as always with his answer. "Why would you want to be more like me?"
"So that one day I can tell you how much I love you as easily as you told me."
She blushed slightly, her grin lighting up her face, and he smiled back.
She slowly walked forward, pausing when he stiffened. "Let me guess, one step at a time."
His face saddened slightly. "One step at a time."
She grinned, then walked straight up to him, grabbing his face and kissing him on the lips before walking straight out of his office.
He sat there shocked, his fingers moving to his lips, a grin appearing on his face.
"So much for one step at a time."
Deciding that he might as well finish what has started he got up, walking quickly to the break room, watching in the doorway as Sara smells the flowers, ignoring questions from her colleagues.
She looks up at him and smiles, blushing slightly at the memory of what she just did.
Smiling back he made his move, walking straight up to her, grabbing her and swooping her down for a classic movie style kiss.
She could hear wolf whistles and Greg stammering, yet they seemed so far away, her thoughts centred only on the man kissing her.
They stopped after what seemed to be hours, Warrick moving over and patting Grissom on the shoulder. "You took long enough."
They all laughed, Sara turning to Grissom, confused. "Wasn't that a rather large step?"
He grinned. "A large step would be me proposing." A look of half disbelief and half terror appeared on her face. "A step too far."
She sighed in relief, before a mischievous grin appeared. "For now."