Set sometime after Affinity

Someday

He sat alone at his cabin with a bottle of guinness his only company. Why did this always happen? His being alone. It seemed like be was meant to be alone, his destiny if you will. And to always be without the people he loved the most. First Charlie and now…Sam. She had said yes to that shrub Pete. She had had two weeks to think about it and after the thinking she had said yes. Pete was the luckiest man alive and he probably didn't even know it. He had Samantha Carter's heart and that was the thing that Jack O'Neill had never had the right to have…and the one thing he wanted most. He knew he had never been able to have a personal relationship with her but he had been content to see her everyday at the SGC.

Now everyday he would see her smile and would know that her smile wasn't meant for him. He no longer had a right to her smile or her heart. Jack could live without a lot of things in this life but he needed her smile like he needed water and air. And now every time he would see her smile, knowing that he hadn't been the one to cause it, his heart would die a little each time.

He once said that he would rather die then lose her and he had always assumed that if God forbid he lost her it would be to death, not another man. He guessed he really shouldn't be surprised though. She was an extremely attractive woman and she deserved a life outside of work. God knew she saved the earth countless times, she deserved something in return for it. Like a husband and kids. But that knowledge didn't stop his heart from being blown to smithereens.

She had shown him the ring and had said 'if things had been different' and he had answered her in a way that made it seem as if things had been different and Charlie would have lived. But in reality he had taken that to mean if their military ranks didn't stand in the way. There were so many things he had wanted to tell her, to do, like kiss her senseless, but he remained silent, and didn't say those words to her. His whole world had seemed to tilt on its axis when she had shown him the ring. He had known that she had been dating for over a year but he hadn't thought it had been that serious.

Her feelings for him obviously had changed since the Za'tarc testing, his on the other hand had only intensified. But he wanted her to be happy and even if he could, he wouldn't burden her with his feelings. Especially not now that she was in love and engaged to someone else.

They had always seemed to gravitate towards each other, in two other alternate realities and when they had had their memories stamped. A part of him had always held out the hope that if it could happen those times it could certainly happen again. But that hope was gone now, left in its place was a dull and persistent ache.

Jack also knew that he would get invited to her wedding when it came around. And as much as he'd want an excuse to get out of it, he knew he'd go. And he'd put on the good and happy CO facade that he'd put on for the past year when he was around her and be happy for her. He knew she would make a beautiful bride. In the far reaches of his mind, at night right before he went to sleep when he was alone with just his thoughts he'd imagine what she would look like in a white dress walking towards him. That was out of the question though, and now she'd be walking towards another man.

He never really knew what had happened to cause her to get out into the dating scene. It had seemed like it had come out of nowhere. But one day she had just…started humming. And he'd known even from that day that his chances with her were diminishing considerably. He'd just never figured on the pain that he had been experiencing right now. The torture from Ba'al two years ago didn't even compare to the pain that was in his heart. At least Ba'al had meant to hurt him, but Carter had done in unintentionally.

How hadn't she known how he felt about her? He flirted with her enough, had been there always for her when she needed him. He'd never been good with feelings but he had thought she knew how he felt. He wasn't allowed to express it in words but he expressed it in so much more then that. He expressed it in looks and his actions. His actions spoke of a man in love with a woman. Like when he'd been desperate when she'd been stuck on the Prometheus last year. Teal'c had known how he feel about her, even if he had never said it, except of course for the Za'tarc testing incident. Hell Teal'c had even told him that Carter had been desperate when he had been stuck on that god damn moon.

Maybe she'd only felt infatuation for him. He'd thought she'd felt more. He'd been wrong obvious. This was actually his fault anyway. He never should have allowed his feelings for a subordinate to become this intense. He took the regulations seriously (most of the time) but he'd allowed his attraction for her in the beginning to grow to so much more. And now he was stuck with the pain, at his cabin staring at his lake not even having the heart to fish.

He loved fishing and for a woman to make him not fish…well that took a lot. But fishing reminded him of her. He'd invited her twice and she had turned him down. He had always hoped that sometime when she did agree that they'd be able to take their feelings to the next level. That being when he was retired or no longer in her chain of command. None of that was to be now and that's why he didn't have the heart to fish.

A small part of him wanted to dislike Pete. But he really couldn't. Pete was younger then him and could give her the life that he couldn't. Sam had chosen Pete and he couldn't fault her at all for that. She couldn't help who she loved and who she didn't. No it wasn't any of their fault.

He wanted her to be happy and if Pete made her happy he'd try his hardest to be happy for her. That's what love did. It wanted the other person to be happy, even if that person chose someone else. He'd tuck away his feelings for her, never let her see them again, never let her know how much he wanted her.

And then someday the pain would lessen and he'd be able to look at her without having the urge to kiss her. He'd be able to have a normal conversation without grinning like an idiot at her. Someday he'd be able to breathe normally around her. Someday he'd stop noticing when she wasn't by his side. And someday he'd be able to go to sleep at night without dreaming of her. But all the somedays in eternity wouldn't be able to take away his love for her.

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Author's note- Thanks for reading and if you liked it let me know!