People are always asking me why I call her those names, why I can't stand to be around her, why I hate her so much. And I always give them the same answer; "this is Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley we're talking about here, what is there not to hate?"
But that's not how I really feel about her, at least not deep down inside.
I once loved Stephanie with all my heart. After the whole wedding fiasco with Andrew, we got really close as she would come to me when she needed a shoulder to cry on, which was pretty often in those days. After all, who else was there? Andrew certainly wasn't there to listen to her; in fact, he wasn't there full-stop. Shane and Vince were both too wrapped up in trying to revenge their injured pride to care about how she was really feeling, and Linda was so busy with the business that she too didn't have time to check on her daughter.
Steph once said that I'd make her laugh when she wanted to cry; that it was only with me that she felt truly safe and protected from all the bad things there were out there. She used to say that I was her best friend in the whole world and that nothing would ever change that.
Over those few short weeks where we'd spend almost every part of every day together, I slowly fell in love with her. "In love with that bitch?" you might be wondering, "In love with Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley??" Wrong. I didn't fall in love with her, I fell in love with just plain Stephanie. Not McMahon, not McMahon-Helmsley, just plain Steph.
The woman I fell in love with is nothing like the one you see today. She was a kind, caring, vulnerable young woman who made me laugh at her naïve attitude towards the world. She always had a smile on her face (when she wasn't crying her eyes out at the unfairness of the world) and would never hurt a soul intentionally.
So why did she change? Hunter. I was a way on a promotional tour for one week, just one week, and in that time he turned my beautiful princess into an evil ice-queen. That bastard somehow managed to make her sell her soul to the very devil himself and turn her back on all her former beliefs and friends, including me and Andrew. She hurt him so badly, but she hurt me worse.
I tried, I really tried to persuade her to turn herself back into the person she once was, the person she is deep inside. I begged her to listen to me. She refused my calls. I pleaded with her to be true to herself. She never returned my emails. Hell, I even did the one thing I swore I would do; I told her I loved her in an attempt to remind her of how things had been only 2 months earlier. All that accomplished was a brutal beating-up for me by the hands of her now 'legitimate' husband.
On the outside at least, I gave up on her. This new Stephanie wasn't the one I had once loved and had dreamed about spending the rest of my life with, she was beginning to not even physically resemble the Stephanie I had once known. Not only was she compromising all her former standards, she had allowed herself to become a Barbie doll for Hunter to tart-up and show off at every opportunity.
Soon I began to hate everything about her. I would air my hatred of her to anyone who would listen to me; my friends, other wrestlers, even to the fans themselves. I let everyone know exactly what my opinion of her was; that she was now no better in my eyes then a high-class hooker. I know I hurt her when I call her those names but dammit, she hurt me when she united with Hunter against her father and the rest of the world. The pain she feels when she hears what she has become is nothing compared what I went through when I found out what she did at Armageddon and the pain I go through just watching her with her husband.
You see, there is a fine line between love and hate and despite everything we've gone through, all the names we've called each other, all the physical and mental pain we've inflicted on each other, I still don't know what side of the line my feeling for Steph are on.