Disclaimer: I do not own Cluefinders. If you thought I owned Cluefinders, stop reading this fanfiction immediately. Seek medical attention.

Note: This story is writen in script format. Why? Because I'm a busy man, that's why. To busy for frivolities like words. You don't like it? To bad. That's how I roll, bitch.

We join our heroes walking to class in their middle school.

Joni: Hey guys.

Santiago: Hey Joni.

Leslie: Hi Joni.

Owen: Hey…you.

Joni: Owen?

Owen: Uh, yeah?

Joni: You forgot my name again, didn't you?

Owen: Uh, no, I just…

Joni: we've known each over our entire lives. We see each over every day. How can you not remember my freakin' name?

Owen: Well, we just don't really talk that much.

Joni: Don't talk that much? We have all the same classes, we live next door to each over, I gave you part of my liver, how can you possibly not, Jesus!

(Laptrap flies out of Joni's locker)

Laptrap: Hey guys.

Joni: Laptrap, what the hell are you doing in my locker?!

Laptrap: Can I borrow money?

Joni: What? Did you spend my allowance on drugs again?

Laptrap: I promise I'll get a job.

Joni: A job, what job? You're a floating yellow box for Christ's sake! What kind of job could you, holy shit!

(Walk into classroom, teacher's lying on floor in pool of blood)

Leslie: Mr. Mike's been killed!

Owen: Killed, I thought you said billed.

Santiago: … Shut up, Owen.

(Sitting in class, substitute teacher in front.)

Teacher: Okay, class, in light of recent events, today we're going to…

(Santiago raises hand.)

Teacher: Yes, Santiago?

Santiago: Shouldn't someone move Mr. Mike?

(Teacher looks down, Mr. Mike is still lying there, soaked in blood)

Teacher: Nah, it's good, okay class, today we're going to the police station to see how murder investigations are preformed.

Joni: That's a horrible idea.

Owen: For the love of God, Janie, shut the hell up.

Joni: My names Joni!

Teacher: Okay, class, everyone except Judy can go to the police station, you can just sit here and stare at your teacher's corpse. Smell ya later.

(Everyone leaves except Joni, teacher turns lights out, Joni sits in chair, her face boiling red with rage.)

(At police station, cops our sitting around eating pizza, not even pretending to care.)

Teacher: So, Mr. Police chief, what have your men been doing recently.

Chief: Hmm, what?

Teacher: You know, investigating the murder of Mr. Mike?

Chief: Um, you know, stuff.

Teacher: Stuff, you say?

Chief: You know, important stuff.

Teacher: Did you here that kids, the chief has been doing important stuff.

(Kids all groan in unison)

Chief: Yeah, well, you know how, holy shit, what the hell is that thing!

(Chief points to Laptrap)

Santiago: Oh, that's just Laptrap.

Laptrap: Yo.

Chief: Dude, it's fucking floating!

Leslie: Yeah, he always does that.

Chief: …You don't find this at all weird?

Owen: Nope.

Chief: Huh, well okay then. On a completely unrelated note, we're having a serious problem elsewhere.

Teacher: Oh? And what's that?

Chief: Well, the pizzas cost sixty dollars, there are twelve of us, and we can't figure out how to divide the bill up equally.

Santiago: It's five dollars.

Chief: …What did you say?

Santiago: You just divide sixty by twelve. It's really easy.

Chief: My God, that's brilliant. Kid, you and your friends our are new chief investigators.

Owen: Schweet.

Leslie: What?

Chief: Your basic math skills are just what this department needs.

Reader rabbit: But chief, you promised that position to me.

Chief: Sorry, bunny. Things change.

Reader Rabbit: I'll get you for this, you bastard!

(storms out)

Chief: Weird, okay, kids, you start tomorrow.

Santiago: Buh…buh…buh…

Chief: Great! Drive safely.

(Walks out.)

Leslie: What the hell just happened?

(Next day, at police station)

Chief: Okay, kids. I've got an important assignment for you today. We think your teachers death is linked to a drug house downtown.

Jodi: Why should we care?

Chief: I was getting to that, Jose'.

Jodi: Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!

Chief: We need you kids to go in there wearing a wire and bust em.

Leslie: Isn't that kind of your job?

Chief: Yeah, but we've been playing Wii Sports in the break room all day and our arms are tired.

Leslie: Yeah but what about…

(Chief points gun at kids)

Leslie: …Sounds good.

(At drug house)

Santiago: Hey, um, we were looking to score some pot?

(Laptrap staring at piles of pot)

Laptrap: Oh, Jesus.

Big drug dude: how much you want?

Joni: Um, you know, ten pounds?

(drug dude stares at them, jaw agape)

Big drug dude: And how do you plan on paying for that?

Santiago: Um, how much do you guys have on you?

Joni: I've got three dollars.

Leslie: A quarter.

Owen: A very shiny penny.

(Multiple drug dudes point guns at them)

Big drug dude: You think your being funny?!

Santiago: Um…no.

Jodi: Help us out, laptrap!

(Laptrap sitting in corner, smoking five joints at once)

Laptrap: Uh, yeah, I'll get back to you on that, Steve.

Jodi: God dammit!

(Suddenly, fifteen-year-old jumps through window)

Kid: Okay, everyone stop right there!

Big drug dude: Who the hell are you?

Kid: My screen name is ThatGuyBehindYou. I'm stopping this story because it's an obvious rip off of my Cluefinders story.

(Other kid jumps through window)

New kid: You stop right there! I'm YamiAnaLeeJody, and ThatGuyBehindYou ripped off my story!

ThatGuyBehindYou: No I didn't! Our stories are nothing alike!

(Third kid jumps through window)

New new kid: Hey, I'm Homer Jay Simpson, and ThatGuyBehindYou dropped his wallet outside.

ThatGuyBehindYou: Oh, thanks.

Homer Jay Simpson: I'm also here because I wrote the original Cluefinders story, and your all just one big rip off of me.

ThatGuyBehindYou: Shit!

YamiAnaLeeJody: Am not!

Homer Jay Simpson: are too!

ThatGuyBehindYou: I demand satisfaction!

(All three pull out swords and start dueling, drug dudes stare in awe, kids slowly back out front door.)

(At home.)

Owen: Well, that was a good waste of eight minutes. Hey, where's Laptrap?

Leslie: I think he's like a drug lord now.

Owen: Oh, weird.

Santiago: Well, I think we all learned something today.

Jodi: What could we have possibly learned? We accomplished nothing, almost died, and plagiarism is what ended up saving our asses.

Santiago: Well, I say we should all start a club called the Cluefinders and solve mysteries.

Jodi: That's a terrible idea! We have no qualifications, and no…

(Owen smashes Jodi on the head with a lamp, Jodi falls to the floor)

Santiago, Leslie, and Owen: Cluefinders, yeah!

Fin

Read and review, unless you're the type of person who reads fanfiction. Especially dumb shit about Cluefinders.