I hope that I don't fall in love with you

by siri holm

in the sea of people she saw someone she’d never thought she’d see again. A blond man, her colleague, her partner, her friend, her lover, or that was what he used to be, now he was just a stranger." R&R

A/N: a songfic to the song I hope that I don't fall in love with you byTom Waits. I still havent read the last book, and this is started before I read book 6. So its not really related to anything that happens in the latest books, just what could happen in my mind. It is not beta read so all mistakes are mine, but if you see them tell me J

She pushed some black hair out of her eyes, she still hadn't gotten used to the colour. Colouring her hair, changed her style, worked on changing her voice, that's what it took to get away from her old life and the wizarding world. She ordered another beer before she scanned the room from her stool at the bar. She spent a lot of time here, her little hideaway. A nice little pub, where she could drown her sorrows and old memories. The clientele was always changing, some old and some new. Tonight was Saturday and the place was packed with people her age. But in the sea of people she saw someone she'd never thought she'd see again. A blond man, her colleague, her partner, her friend, her lover, or that was what he used to be, now he was just a stranger. She sipped her beer as she watched him, she could feel a sting somewhere in her chest just like the time she'd told him she was leaving.

*** flashback ***

She was gathering up her things around his room. "Taking all your things with you?" Draco stood in the doorway.

"Well, yeah I am." He looked at her with a look she couldn't read. "I'm leaving Draco."

"What do you mean you are leaving?" he looked completely stunned.

"I'm not supposed to tell anyone, you are the only one that'll know. I have to leave this world and I can't tell you where I'm going." She put the last of her things in to her bag.

"Why Gin? Why can't you stay here?" she walked over to him. "I can protect you, I…" She kissed him, making sure he didn't say anything she'd regret hearing.

"No questions Draco, I'll miss you, but I can't stay." She tried to smile and stroked his cheek. "Just don't try to find me, you'll find someone else to look after you." She grabbed the bag with her things and kissed him on the cheek on the way out.

***end flashback***

Sometimes when she was distracted she could still hear him calling out her name as she left. He'd tried to find her, but she was good at hiding, good at keeping control of things. She was a master at controlling her feelings, she knew she could have fallen for Draco but she hadn't. She knew that they didn't have a future, he wasn't the kind of guy you can keep for a long time. He was too restless, maybe she was to. She'd been hurt too many times to do it all over again with an emotionally unavailable guy.

Well I hope that I don't fall in love with you
'Cause falling in love just makes me blue,
Well the music plays and you display your heart for me to see,
I had a beer and now I hear you calling out for me
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you.

He stood by the bar as he ordered; she looked at the empty stool next to her half hoping he'd sit there, wondering if she should offer it to him. But he didn't, nor did she. He sat down next to a red-haired girl, maybe she'd left a mark on him. Maybe a love for redheads, maybe he was trying to find someone like her. God only knows what Draco was doing in a muggle bar. If she talked to him he'd figure out it was her, she was sure of it, but still she wanted to talk to him. To laugh like they used to do, to have someone that really knew her. She wanted to curl up under her covers feeling his arms wrapped around her, but now it was just a hopeless fantasy. If he came over, if she just talked to him, he'd look past the dark hair, she'd lose the accent and they'd find each other. But it wasn't going to happen, she'd stay where she was, and he wouldn't notice the black haired girl at the end of the bar. Maybe he'd gotten more under her skin then she liked to admit. Apart from her parents there where no one she missed like him. Some nights she felt like finding him herself because the loneliness was so overwhelming.

Well the room is crowded, people everywhere
And I wonder, should I offer you a chair?
Well if you sit down with this old clown, take that frown and break it,
Before the evening's gone away, I think that we could make it,
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you.

She couldn't take her eyes of him, she just drank and watched him, trying not to remember everything they had shared. She could see he was trying to chat up the redhead, she'd seen him do it a million times. But when they used to go out he did it to keep up appearances, he could have any girl he wanted but still he went home with her. They agreed when they started to fool around that none of them wanted anything serious. None of them wanted to be chained down, they needed their freedom. She watched him light a cigarette, he'd promised her to quit ones. She'd quit before she left school, but now she felt like walking over and ask if she could have one, she felt like a mess. She looked out over the room, she had to remember that they had never met, she was just another unknown girl to him.

*** flashback ***

He was sitting under a tree by the lake, making sure that no teachers could see him smoking. She through her backpack making sure it hit the tree just next to him. "Can I bum one?" she sat down next to him.

"No, you are quitting." He blew a thin smoke cloud out his mouth.

"If it's so important, why don't you quit?" she lay down on her stomach, looking up at him.

"I will, eventually." He ran is fingers through her hair. "But right now it's your turn."

"So you promise me you'll quit?" He nodded at her as he put out the cigarette.

"Yeah, but not today." For a moment she looked so much younger then him. "I need something to take off all the stress, and I'm not a cute drunk like you."

"I think you are a very cute drunk." He leaned down and kissed her. "But then again, I just think you are very cute."

***end flashback***

Well the night does funny things inside a man
These old tom-cat feelings you don't understand,
Well I turn around to look at you, you light a cigarette,
I wish I had the guts to bum one, but we've never met,
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you.

He was just looking down at his empty glass, he looked as lonely as she was. The redhead was gone, didn't look like it was his night. She tried to look away from him, she needed to forget him. She ordered another beer, not being sure if she should run to him or run away. She looked back at him, their eyes met. Two strangers' eyes, shearing a long glance, in a bar in a drunken night. If she could she'd make it all good again, but she couldn't she'd messed it up royally. Draco was a boy, and boys can't hide their emotions, so she knew he had cared deeply for her. She just hoped he didn't care too much, that he had moved on and would be happy.

I can see that you are lonesome just like me,
And it being late, you'd like some company,
Well I turn around to look at you, and you look back at me,
The guy you're with has up and split, the chair next to you's free,
And I hope that you don't fall in love with me.

"I'm closing up soon Gin, you want something else?" She looked at the bartender

"Sure Henry, get me another beer." She turned around to look at the stool where Draco had been sitting, but now he was gone. She scanned the room but she couldn't find him anywhere. No surprise really, it was almost closing time. Normal people left at this time of night. She kept looking for him as she drank her beer. Seeing him again made her brain scream, her body hurt and her chest sting. Her feelings for Draco and her loneliness ran deeper then she liked to admit to herself, and deep down she knew it.

"You should get home Gin, you look dead tired." She was the last one left in the bar. She often stayed helping Henry clean up.

"You sure you don't want some help?" She smiled before she emptied her beer.

"Yeah, you look like you need some sleep and I've got some guys coming to clean up." Henry was right, she did need some sleep, but lately she just couldn't sleep. There were too many things going around in her head, and tonight she knew Draco would be all she could think of. He gave her her short leather jacket that he'd kept behind the bar.

"Thanks." She paid her bill and put on her jacket. "I'll see you some other day this week."

"I have no worries, you always come back." She laughed.

"Sweet dreams Henry."

Now it's closing time, the music's fading out
Last call for drinks, I'll have another stout.
Well I turn around to look at you, you're nowhere to be found,
I search the place for your lost face, guess I'll have another round
And I think that I just fell in love with you.

She headed home, hoping she'd see Draco on her way. It had all been a mistake, that first smile, first touch, first kiss. A good mistake she didn't want to trade for anything. She missed him, and maybe she had fallen in love with him. Maybe she should go back to her old life, but deep down she knew she never could do that. It was too dangerous, she didn't care so much for herself but for her parents and Draco. She had done foolish dangerous things, important things that no sane person would do. She froze up, there he was. Draco was standing on the street corner blowing smoke into the air. Her heart stopped, she was sure of it, her chest hurt. He looked her way and she couldn't take her eyes of him. Maybe she should cross the street, it didn't really help, she was supposed to turn on the corner he was standing. "I'm not dangerous…" She could hear that the alcohol slurred his voice. She walked towards him trying not to look at him. It didn't work, his eyes consumed her. She should just have walked past him, not stopped, not looked at him, not thought about him when he disappeared from the bar. "You know…" He spoke to her and she stopped. It was a bad idea standing this close to him under a streetlight. "You look a lot like someone I used to know."

"So do you…" She couldn't help herself, his voice made her body melt. He smiled at her, he didn't realise who he was talking to.

"Want to come home with me?" she wanted to scream yes, but she just shook her head. He tilted his head and looked at her. "I want to get to know you." He was drunker then she had thought. He started looking for something in his pocket. She felt like she was rooted to the ground. "Here." He gave her a business card. "You should call me… Do you want to share a taxi somewhere?" She looked down at the card. Draco Malfoy, advisor at the Auror office, she put it in her pocket. She shook her head again. "If she had a sister I would swear you where it, but she doesn't." Ginny was on the verge of crying. She took two steps forwards and kissed him, a deep passionate kiss that he returned as if his life depended on it. When she pulled back she could feel her hart braking into a million peaces. She turned and walked away, she could feel tears in her eyes and down her cheeks. This was not controlling her emotions, this was walking away from a boy she loved. Walking away when every fibre in her body told her to go back to him, to take him with her. But she kept walking away from him, towards her muggle life.