Title: without restraints
Pairing: Jasper/Bella
Genre: Romance/Angst/General
Rating: PG (But not even)
Warning(s): Set in New Moon after Edward leaves.
Word Count: 946
Summary: And then they've fallen into a pattern.
without restraints
"And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky"
- The Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice
She's not quite sure when she wakes up, but she knows that it's important. One day she's drowning in this vortex of pain and the next, she can't even feel it.
That's when she knows.
She begins looking for him then. A gust of wind in the corner of her eye or a twinkle in the forest.
One night she even calls out to him. To her great surprise, and his, he answers.
"Why?' She asks.
"Because it's my fault you're broken."
She accepts his answer for now.
"Eat."
"No."
"Eat, Bella."
"No, Jasper."
"He'd kill me if he knew I'd let you starve."
A pause. A choked breath. And everything freezes.
"He gave up the right to care for me awhile ago."
He isn't mentioned again for awhile.
They sit in her room reading. It's pleasurable and easy and neither of them feels the need to complicate the silence.
But every time she feels too strongly about a character's emotions, he freezes. Wondering if that's her he needs to protect.
She'll smile up at him and apologize for nothing. Because that's what she does and who she is.
He'll tell her that she needs to stop apologizing for the things beyond her control. Because that's what he does and who he is.
And then they've fallen into a pattern.
It hurts her so much she can't breathe. She'll wake up screaming and then he's there in an instant. A cooling hand on her forehead and another clutching her hand.
She can't look him in the eye when she asks, "Why?"
"Because he's afraid."
She accepts his answer for now.
"Where'd they go?"
"Where did who go?"
Honey eyes that are too innocent stare into ferocious chocolate ones.
He smirks, she nearly growls.
"My books. Where did you put them?"
A laugh and she's poised to pounce.
"I've hidden them. You can't keep reading the same book, Bella."
"What if I like that story?"
A look that lingers too long. He looks away first.
"It's always going to end the same way."
"Then I can't ever read them again?"
A look that lingers too long. She looks away first.
"Of course you can. But that can't be all you read."
A pause and the emotions swirl around them, untouched by Jasper. A breath.
"What am I going to read then?"
A smile and a hand outstretched.
"Let's go find you a new book."
"I want to see Jake."
A sigh and a head shake.
"Who am I to stop you?"
A nod and a sigh.
"He makes me happy. I know it's dangerous, but I could say the same about you and..."
He nods and she breathes deeply while struggling for control.
"I know. That's why I can't stop you; it's why I won't stop you. He makes you smile, darlin', and that alone is worth it."
Silence. That line is blurring again and they both freeze.
"Why?"
"Because I-I...I don't rightly know."
She accepts his answer for now.
He's taken her to a lake one Saturday. He dives in and beckons her after him. She refuses and, before she's even aware of what's happening, he's carrying her into the water.
"What? No! Jasper! Put me down!"
His chest rumbles with laughter and her heart melts a little bit.
"So be it."
He holds her close for a second too long and unceremoniously dumps her into the water.
She comes right back up with a fierce look of determination, "Jasper Whitlock, If I had known that it was your intention to drown me, I wouldn't have come."
"Who says that was my plan? What if I just wanted to see the funny way your hair looks when it's wet?"
He smirks when her mouth drops open in shock and maybe he doesn't glance at her lips for a moment.
"Why you!"
She starts splashing him and he indulges her for awhile until it's only right that he splashes back.
He's off feeding one night and she's so (un)sure.
She can('t) do this. She's done it for 18 years.
She starts screaming 10 minutes in.
He's there. Haunting her in her dreams. (Because he was always more real from a distance.)
But, it's strange. Because she's screaming for Jasper to come rescue her from this wicked creature.
And the next thing she knows, she's awake in his arms and clutching him tightly.
"I thought you were gone. I thought you wouldn't be able to save me."
"Why?"
"Because."
He accepts her answer for now.
It seems all the pivotal moments in her life happen in a forest.
He's teaching her which plants are poisonous and if she even tries to get near poison ivy, he'll pick her up and never take her on another hike again.
She's smiling and nodding, but barely listening to a word he's saying.
He knows, but keeps talking anyway. It's nice to have someone listen to him and actually enjoy just the sound of his voice on occasion.
(He pretends that it doesn't mean anything. That he's fine with being the silent, quiet one in the relationship. He's fine with always being told what to do. Except he isn't.)
It all happens rather quickly. One moment, he's talking about poisonous berries and the next his mouth is too busy kissing hers to care about anything else.
She smiles into the kiss and the feeling of someone loving you without restraints.
Then maybe those endings became more like beginnings.
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