A/N: I don't normally write post-eps, but 902 wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote one. So, here it is! This story is slightly connected to my WIP, but I'm sure you'll be fine to read it without having read that one.
I don't own CSI. Plenty of inspiration is taken from episode 902, "The Happy Place." THIS STORY IS A POST-EP FOR 902 AND CONTAINS SPOILERS!!
All speculation into the future is purely conjecture. I don't read spoilers, so I have no idea what's been planned for January. This is my "wish and a prayer" take on one possibility.
I also don't own the rights to "Click, Clack, Moo," but I do have my own copies of the book in two languages. That would be far less sad if I had children …
Grissom quotes Lois McMaster Bujold's Barrayar.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Finding Home
October 2008
Interrogations did not often rattle Gil Grissom. After so many years as a CSI, he had heard every sob and horror story possible. He had heard pleas for sympathy and mercy, he had seen remorse and he had watched emotionless admissions of guilt. Through it all, he kept his stony face of detachment, not allowing himself to feel along with the ones who brought such pain to others' lives. This ability to detach himself from his cases was one thing that made him so good at his job.
But, every once in a while, someone slipped by. Someone did or said something that forced emotion out of him. That rattled his calm exterior. That made him feel.
Interrogating Scott Bonfilio nearly shook him to his core.
The young man had been abused. Terribly, horribly abused. If she weren't already dead, Grissom would have thrown the book at Paula Bonfilio for what she had done to this trusting teenager who wanted nothing more than someone to listen. Someone to care.
"Oh …" Scott squeezed his eyes closed. "I was just trying to start a better life. To make a family. And then she gave away our baby for a gambling debt! Have you ever loved someone so much that you would kill for them? I do. And, even if Lexie can't be with me, she's better off without her. She promised me everything, and then she took it all away."
Grissom's eyes fell to the table as he was transported back in time … back to a case he had almost forgotten, but had never quite been able to let go. Back to another case that had rattled him …
Somebody young and beautiful shows up … somebody we could care about. She offers us a new life with her. But, we have a big decision to make, right? Because, we have to risk everything we've worked for in order to have her. … I couldn't do it. … But you did. You risked it all. And she showed you a wonderful life, didn't she? … But then she took it away…
Grissom stayed in the interrogation room, staring at the table, even as Scott was pulled to his feet and handcuffed again.
"You understand, don't you?" he said. "You understand why I had to kill her?"
Grissom finally looked up and blinked at him. "I understand that you've suffered greatly," he said slowly.
Scott held his eyes until he was led out of the room.
Grissom exhaled slowly. He had taken the chance. He had started a new life – a beautiful, wonderful life – with Sara. And, when she had left in November, she had taken their life with her. How could he go on like this? How could he live this half life, knowing that he had had a full life only a few months before?
With a great deal of effort, he lifted himself to his feet and left the interrogation room. He didn't stop walking until he reached his car. Settling himself inside, he drove home.
Hank met him at the door, thrilled as ever to see him. Grissom patted the dog's head and grabbed his collar to direct him inside the house.
"Sara?" he called as he followed the dog inside. "Sara, are you home?"
Ringing silence met his ears. Somehow, though, it wasn't like the silence that normally greeted him upon his return home. It seemed ominous. Grissom released the dog and began to walk through the house.
"Sara? Sara, are you here?"
He didn't stop walking until he reached the bedroom. He stopped short and stared around the room.
It was empty.
Not that he had expected to see her, exactly – he was sure she would have answered his call if she had been there. But he had expected to see her things. Her overnight bag next to the dresser. Her knapsack on the floor. Her jacket hung over the back of the chair. Her shoes in the closet. But, they were gone.
Still staring around the room, Grissom took out his phone and pressed the speed dial to reach hers. It rang three times.
"Hello?"
"Sara, where are you?"
She heaved a deep sigh. "Gil. I'm in Boston."
"Boston? What are you doing there?"
"It's where I've been since January. You know that."
"I know, but … why are you there now?"
"I'm doing what you asked," Sara said simply. "I'm walking away."
"What I … what?"
"Gil, you may have acted like you were talking about Tom and Pam, but you and I both know that you were talking about us," Sara said, her irritation evident. "Atrophy. Relationship in stasis. Waiting for her to walk away. Don't insult our intelligence by pretending you didn't know what you were doing."
Grissom drew a deep breath and released it slowly. "Okay. I know. I know I was talking about us."
Sara's sharp intake of breath was all too familiar to him. She was doing her best not to cry, but, given a few moments, would begin to sob uncontrollably. Grissom closed his eyes for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. He was so bad at this.
"You have to understand that I didn't mean for you to walk away … exactly. I … Sara, I don't know what we're doing anymore. I'm here, you're there, and we never see each other … with my schedule and the time difference, it's a miracle if we talk for more than five minutes a day. It's as if we're in this state of suspended motion. I just … I feel like I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't … I don't know what to do about this. I'm just not sure I can do this anymore. Not like we are now."
"Fine," Sara said, obviously still fighting back tears. "You know where I stand. I love you. I always will. You're it for me. But, I can't stay in Vegas. Not anymore. I … I'm happy here."
"You're going to stay there, then?"
"I – I guess I am."
Terror shot through Grissom. "So, that's it, then? You're really not coming home?"
Sara gave a mirthless laugh. "I'm not sure where home is anymore."
"I've always thought that home was our life together."
"Well, as you've pointed out, we don't really have that anymore." Sara exhaled. "Look, Gil, right now, the ball is in your court. I'll be in Boston. You need to … decide what you want to do about this before we go any further. And, until then, I've walked away. Consider yourself a free man."
"Sara …"
"Yeah?"
He ran his hand over his face. "I love you."
"I know," she said, smiling through her tears. "That's what makes this so hard." She paused. "I can see Mary. She's here to pick me up. I – I'll let you call me when you're ready."
"Okay," Grissom agreed. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
Sara hung up, leaving Grissom with the sound of yet another ringing silence in his ear. He slowly lowered his phone and closed it.
But, we have a big decision to make, right? Because, we have to risk everything we've worked for in order to have her.
He couldn't do it back then. Could he now?
Grissom slowly lowered himself onto the bed, dropping the phone beside him. What exactly did he have left in Vegas? What did he have to show for all the work he had done?
In a flash, he knew the answer to that question. He had his team. He had Nick and Greg, who looked up to him as a friend and mentor, just as Warrick had. He had Catherine, who had been his best friend through so much.
Could he leave them for Sara?
Not yet.
They were already down two CSIs. He couldn't take another away from them. He cared about them too much to do that to them. But, he could start looking for someone new …
He ran his hand over his face again. Could he really leave the lab? Could he walk away from the career he had fought to build?
Dropping his hand, he looked around the room. He saw the pictures of the team. The pictures of him and Sara.
"A career is just a job," he muttered. "Family matters. She's my family."
He nodded slowly. He knew what he had to do. He hoped he'd be able to find the strength to do it.
But, somehow, he knew that he would. Just making the decision helped the knot in his stomach ease. It was enough to convince him that he was moving in the right direction.
January 2009
"Read again?"
Sara sighed and smiled, then flipped back to the beginning of the book. She had known that "Click, Clack, Moo" was Josie's favorite book, but had not realized that her three-year-old goddaughter would need to hear it five times before going to bed.
She looked up at the clock and noted that it was ten full minutes past Josie's bedtime. After an evening full of playing dollies and tea party, eating macaroni and cheese and cookies, singing silly songs and reading picture books, Sara was sure it was past her bedtime, too. When she had agreed to baby sit, she had not realized how exhausting it would be. Caring for Josie was far easier with Mary there to deal with most of the work.
Sara began to read the story again. Josie snuggled up against her, and Sara smiled. As exhausting as she was, Sara adored the little girl, and was thrilled that they had been able to spend the evening together. She felt her phone vibrating in her pocket, but ignored it. She assumed it was Mary calling to make sure that everything had gone well and that Josie was in bed. Sara didn't want to break the spell of the moment; she'd call Mary back after Josie was asleep.
As it was, she didn't have to wait long. Josie fell asleep before Sara had finished the story. Realizing that she was finally out, Sara put the book on the floor, and eased herself to her feet with Josie in her arms. She crossed to her bed, and carefully tucked her in, doing her best not to wake her. Sighing with relief, Sara put the book on her nightstand, and left Josie to her dreams.
She waited until she was downstairs to open her phone. Her missed call log appeared on the screen. Fully expecting to see Mary's name, nothing could have prepared her for the shock of seeing Grissom's. Sara gasped and just stopped herself from dropping the phone.
Grissom. She hadn't heard from him since the day she had left Vegas. She didn't know what he was doing with his new-found freedom from their relationship, or even how he was doing. She talked to Greg quite regularly and Nick and Catherine fairly often. While they all offered her updates about each other, none ever brought Grissom into the conversation. Respecting what she had said about leaving him, Sara never asked.
With trembling fingers, she called her voicemail, and listened as the service gave her the time and date of the call.
"Sara, hi. It's Grissom – Gil. I'm just … I'm calling because … I finally … Sara, I figured it out. I know what to do about us. I … I've hired two new CSIs, and they're both doing well. Catherine has taken over the unit, and Nick … Nick has really stepped up. You should see them together. It's … Anyway, you said that you'd be in Boston. I haven't talked to you since then, but I really hope that you are still in Boston and that you … that you're willing to give us another chance. I … um … I'm at McCarran right now. I'm … I'm coming in on US Airways flight 716. My flight arrives in Boston at 12:30 local time. I … I guess I had hoped that you'd pick me up at the airport. If you don't want to, I understand. I guess … if I see you there, I'll know you want to give us another try, too. If not … then, I'll assume we're done, and I'll buy a ticket back to Vegas. I really … I hope to see you at the airport, Sara. I love you."
The message stopped. Sara's heart beat wildly in her chest as she pressed the button to make it play again.
She had to listen to the message three times before she believed it. He was coming to Boston. He wanted to give them another chance. He loved her.
When Mary and Tom came home two hours later, Sara was still clutching her phone. Mary frowned slightly as she looked at her friend.
"Are you okay?"
"Gil's coming," Sara said, nearly babbling out the words in her excitement. "He called and said that he knows what he wants to do about us, and that he'll be in at 12:30 tonight."
Tom glanced at his watch. "That's not for two hours. Do you need a ride to the airport?"
Sara shook her head. "I want to do this alone."
Mary grinned. "I don't think that I want to be there, anyway. It could get awkward for a third wheel."
Sara laughed. "I have to go now. I don't think I can go home first. I can't handle sitting there, waiting to leave."
"You'd rather wait in the airport?"
Sara nodded. "It'll put me closer to him."
Mary pulled Sara into a tight hug. "I'm so happy for you, Sara. So happy."
Sara felt unexpected tears fill her eyes. "I am, too."
Grissom had never been as nervous as he was walking through Logan International Airport. His hands shook and he was sure everyone in a three mile radius could hear his heart beating. He wanted so much to see her … and was terrified that he wouldn't.
He passed the security gates and looked up at the directional signs, trying to find the way to baggage claim. In his mind, it was a mystical, magical place – the place he knew he was most likely to find Sara.
"Gil!"
His head snapped around at the sound of his name. He didn't have to wait to get to baggage claim to find her. She had come to find him.
They slowly closed the distance between them. Grissom paused long enough to see that Sara had grown her hair longer again, and that tears stood in her eyes before opening his arms and crushing her against him.
Sara began to cry then, letting her tears fall against his shoulder. "I can't believe you came," she whispered. "I never thought – I had hoped – I can't believe you left Vegas."
Grissom pulled back to look at her. "I had to make a choice," he said simply. "It was either you or the lab. I chose you."
"But … Gil, you understand that I can't go back there, right? You understand that this is forever? That if you stay with me, you'll never call Vegas home again?"
Grissom smiled. "'My home is not a place, but people,'" he quoted. "Or, in this case, my home is you. It doesn't matter where we are, Sara. It matters that we're there together."
As she leaned up to press her lips against his, telling him more with her actions than words ever could, he knew that he had made the right choice. He may have had to give up everything he had worked for to do it, but having her in his life was all that mattered. For too long, he had lived without her. He was ready to start living with her. He was ready to start their new life together.
Fin