A/N: This is a direct continuation of Life and Death, all the previous conditions still apply.

Teyla stood alone on the control room balcony. Two days had passed since John's death and she still couldn't deal with the pain. It hurt more than any physical wound. It was a blind, numbing pain that wouldn't ever go away. It was all internal. To anyone else, it would seem that she was merely distant.

She glanced at the ring on her finger. It was a symbol of the love she had for him, and his love in return. It was the one remaining tangible thing she had of John Sheppard in the world. She placed her ring to her mouth, leaning heavily upon the balcony. As if trying to conjure up some feeling of his presence, his gentle touch.

Inside, she felt colder than any winter she'd ever experienced. She felt hollow. She still remembered the funeral. It would be the memory she could never shake. She tried to think of a happy memory. Instead, she found herself reliving his death over and over again. She felt herself reliving the pain of watching him slip away as he said, "I love you."

The numbness inside grew. She allowed the tears to fall. One by one, the hot tears streamed down her cheeks. Each of her tears seemed to further take another part of her soul away. She forced herself to stop. She didn't want to lose anything anymore. All she wanted, was to have some kind of peace.

She stepped back into the control room and down the main stairs. She ducked into the side passage and down the hall. A few people noticed her, but thankfully no one tried to talk to her. She continued down the hall to the transporter.

She ducked around a plump scientist and into the transporter. She took it to her section of the city's living areas. She ducked silently into her room, locking the door behind her. She released all the control she built up and lay down on her bed. There, she encircled her pillow with her arms and let each and every one of the tears fall.

XXX

Aiden Ford stepped into Doctor Weir's office. He knew what this was about. Elizabeth had asked him to keep an eye on Teyla during their missions. He knew that Elizabeth was worried. He also knew that Teyla need the missions as a focus. He knew he needed them too.

Elizabeth was sitting behind her desk, looking over reports. She glanced up as he entered. "Aiden, please sit down." Her voice hadn't been the same since John had died.

He took the seat in front of her desk. He felt like he was under a spotlight. "You're wondering how Teyla's holding up?"

Elizabeth nodded in response.

"She's holding together, but that's about it."

"And you?"

"I'm okay. It's just not the same without Colonel Sheppard." Aiden closed his eyes for a minute, blocking out the memories that still plagued him.

"I don't think it ever will be."

"Am I dismissed mam?"
"Yes Aiden, go ahead."

Aiden stood up and quickly left the room. He knew he'd left out just how far gone Teyla really was. He'd seen how all the fire had been burnt out of her. He remembered holding her trembling body as she cried into his shoulder. He hadn't seen her cry since the funeral, but he knew she hadn't healed. He knew that deep down inside, a wound had yet to be healed. He frowned. He didn't think it could be healed.

He stepped down the stairs and headed down the corridor. He headed straight for the transporter and took it to Teyla's room. He knew he owed it to her to try and help. He wasn't sure what he could do, but he had to try. He stopped at her door. Listening carefully, he could hear the muffled sounds of Teyla crying.

He felt a sharp pain in his heart, almost like a knife driving in it. He stopped. He wasn't sure if he should interrupt her. He reached for the door and stopped again. Did he really have anything to say that would help? Did he really have any reason to believe he could even hope to help her in this?

He knocked twice. He immediately heard the crying stop. He wasn't surprised. Teyla hadn't shown to anyone just how much pain she was in. He knew better. He'd seen the fire be burnt out of her on John's death. He'd felt it: in both the way she acted and the way she dealt with people.

A few seconds later Teyla opened the door. She looked composed. Her hair was tied back in a loose, if a bit messy, ponytail. There wasn't a tear to be seen on her face. He looked into her eyes, they told a whole world of hidden emotion. He could see the redness from crying. He could see the barely held back tears. He could see how she stood shorter than she had before.

"Aiden please, come in." She forced a very fake smile.

He chose not to mention just how much he saw. He stepped in and sat down at the small table in the corner. She poured them both a cup a tea. A very strong cup, he realized as he drank it. "Are you alright Teyla?" He asked.

"I am fine Lieutenant." Her voice was harsh, he'd touched a nerve. He also noticed how she called him Lieutenant.

Aiden decided he'd better push, for both their benefit. "No you're not Teyla. You're doing a good job hiding it, but I can see the pain. Believe me, I know the pain."

To his relief, she didn't become angry. She simply closed her eyes and slouched in her chair. "It hurts." She said after a moment of silence. She dipped her head and let the tears fall. "No matter what I do; no matter how hard I try to forget; it always hurts."

Aiden wasn't sure how to respond. He knew how she felt, though not as deeply as she did. Pain like that was life changing—it either made you stronger or it destroyed you. He wasn't sure what was happening to Teyla, but he was pretty sure if she couldn't pull herself together, it would destroy her.