disclaimer - yeah, uhm, no.

words - 2859

prompts - sasuke with diarrehia, sex crazed sakura, pain olympics, capndesdes 'milkshake' joke.

.:: c o n d o m s ::.

C – c r a z y

"Sasuke-kun!"

No reply.

Huff.

"Sasucakes!"

"Sakura, what?" Sasuke hissed underneath his breath.

"But Sasuke," Sakura protested vehemently, "this is really important!"

Sasuke sighed and pulled away from his computer chair to look at Sakura, who was acting like a five year old. Again.

"Okay, calm down." Sasuke said, waiting for her to stop bouncing. Once she did, he continued, " Now, what is it Sakura?"

Sakura fidgeted with her shirt. "I went to the doctor yesterday."

Sasuke arched an eyebrow. "What? Why?"

Rocking back and forth on her heals, Sakura edited, "Well, I had to get checked up, ya know? Wanted to make sure I was healthy and everything..."

"Oh really now. Well then, how'd it go?" Sasuke stretched his arms out, which were cramped from sitting at the computer all day. Damned job of his.

She looked at him fearfully and a brief flash of panic rose within him, but he didn't show it.

"Well you see, the doctor said I have some sort of…rare medical condition." She whispered softly, clasping her hands together modestly.

"Rare condition? Are you alright?" On the inside, he was hoping she didn't say something like she had cancer or something because he was about to have a heart attack –

"Yeah, apparently my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard." She finished.

Sasuke's nostrils flared as Sakura began to giggle profusely.

"You shoulda seen your face."

Sasuke sighed – half exhaling in relief, half out of anger – and exclaimed, "You shouldn't scare people like that. I thought you…"

Sakura grinned and sat on his lap.

"But seriously, my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. Like seriously. That is just waay too many boys!"

O – o v e r b e a r i n g

Sakura glanced at Sasuke, smiling softly at her boyfriend's tendencies. Sasuke was currently eating a tomato fresh from the fridge when he turned around to come face to face with –

"Hi." He said, through a mouthful of tomato.

Sakura grinned evilly. "Sasuke-kun, I thought we already discussed your consumption of tomatoes already?" her voice was too sickeningly sweet. Too innocent. It was damn suspicious.

Sasuke quickly swallowed the tomato and stood up straight. "I know." He replied, suave as ever. Sakura had to commend him on his ability to stay calm – even if he knew he was in deep shit. Which he was.

Sakura scampered towards him slowly, smiling. "Well then, how many tomatoes have you had today?" she asked curiously, tracing his shirt. Sasuke swallowed and took another bite of the tomato, chewing carefully before he replied.

"This is my second."

Sakura giggled – that was a bad sign – and looked up at him. "Are you sure that's your answer?" she asked softly, exhaling across his lips. She chided him as if she were a mother reprimanding a child. Sasuke nodded. Stubborn asshole.

She shook her head slowly. "That's funny, because I remember seeing two tomato stems in the garbage already when I looked earlier."

Sasuke opened his mouth to reply but then wisely chose to keep quiet.

Sakura's façade soon fell as she pulled away, her face now angry. "Sasuke we went through this already. Too much of a good thing is never good. All those damn tomatoes you eat are giving you diarrhea."

Sasuke blinked. "No, they're not."

Sakura threw her hands in the hair, exasperating. "The doctor said they were gunna if you kept eating them at this rate! And I agree with him!"

He looked at the tomato, and then back at Sakura. She crossed her arms and looked at the garbage.

He sighed in defeat and tossed the tomato in the garbage.

Sakura smiled genuinely – the evil now gone from her face – and grabbed his hand, dragging him towards their bedroom.

"Good, now we can go have sex."

Sasuke smirked. That was worth it.

N – n y m p h o m a t i c

Sasuke dragged the pinkette towards him, pulling the covers over them. He panted heavily, his skin coated in sweat. For a small fragile looking girl, she sure knew just how to please him in bed.

Sakura placed kisses lazily along his collarbone, pressing her naked chest to his.

"Mmm, Sasuke…" she said in a deep and needy voice.

Sasuke's voice leveled out after a few minutes as Sakura continued her ministrations.

"Let's do it again." She purred, pressing her body against his. Sasuke exhaled heavily and wound his fingers through her hair.

"We can't." he rasped, his eyes closed.

Sakura trailed her lips up his neck, sucking gently. "Why not?" she pouted.

"No more condoms…"

Sakura giggled and rolled her eyes. "Who cares? Let's start a family Sasuke."

Sasuke's eyes shot open as Sakura giggled again. "Sakura, we're seventeen."

"Just kidding." She grinned and poked his nose, sitting up as she straddled his hips. She wiggled a bit, trying to get a reaction out of him. It worked.

"Sakura, stop." He commanded.

Sakura giggled. "When you talk like that it turns me on." She whispered.

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Geez Sasuke-kun, you are so unaffected by my seduction tactics. Are you gay?"

"Sakura, we just had sex."

Sakura shrugged. "What's your point? I want mooooooore." Sakura continued wiggling, now singing 'Gimmie More' by Brittney Spears.

"Sakura, are you high?"

She stopped abruptly, a serious look on her face. "Uh, no Sasuke-kun, I'm not high. I'm horny."

She grinned mischievously and leaned down planting kisses across Sasuke's chest. Sasuke's hand tangled itself in the mess of her pink locks as Sakura's lips trailed lower.

"Good god Sakura, what are you doing now?" he rasped between breaths.

"Well," Sakura whispered in between kisses, "what does it look like I'm doing?" she crawled lower until she reached his manhood. "I'm pleasuring you, duh." She blew lightly across him, causing him to shiver.

"Sakura –"

"Oh, I get it! You want the kinky stuff." She pulled away quickly, causing Sasuke to inwardly frown.

"No."

Sakura jutted out her lower lip and pouted. "Puh-wease?" she asked cutely, tilting her head.

Sasuke shook his head. "I'm not letting you shove anal beads up my ass..." Sasuke muttered, then more quietly, "…again."

"But that was so much fun! Fine, how about we get the pink fuzzy handcuffs this time?"

Sasuke closed his eyes. "Sakura, you are a sex addict."

Now it was her turn to roll her eyes. "Um, duh. I'm a hormone-crazed teenage girl. That's like a given. And you should be too, but you're not. That's why I think you're gay."

"Besides," she continued without waiting for a reply, "you're the one who raped me to begin with."

Sasuke opened his eyes to glare at her. "I did not rape you. You have to stop telling people that, otherwise I'm going to get sent to jail."

"But Sasuke, you did. It's okay though, the first stage is Denial. I accept it."

"Sakura, we were role playing."

She giggled again. "I know, it was so hot."

"Only you talk this much during sex." He mumbled quietly.

She tilted her head and smiled excitedly. "Does that mean we're gunna do it again?"

D – d o m i n a t r i x

"…Ahh! Sasuke! Harder!"

Sasuke grunted.

"More, more! Please, oh god more."

"Sakura, stop making sex noises while we're baking. It's weird."

"I'm not making sex noises Sasuke. First, you're not mixing it hard enough. Secondly, I want more cookie dough!"

"No." Sasuke replied. "You're going to get sick."

Sakura snorted. "So? It's not like it would be the first – or last for that matter – time I'm ever gunna get sick. Plus, when I'm sick I don't have to go to school." She reasoned.

Sasuke turned to look at her teasingly. "Yeah, well when you're sick I'm staying away from you. I don't want to get sick too."

Sakura pouted and crossed her arms. "You're a horrible boyfriend."

Sasuke smirked. "Who said I was your boyfriend?"

Sakura punched his shoulder. "Idiot."

They placed the cookie dough on the sheet and put it in the preheated oven, setting the timer as well. "It says cook for 8-10 minutes." He murmured absently. Sakura turned to him, grinning, as she pushed him up against the counter.

"That's perfect. I know just how we can entertain ourselves while we wait." She purred.

Sasuke smirked as he crashed his lips against hers, pulling her tightly against him. He tried switching their positions but Sakura stopped him. "Nu uh." She said, pinning his hands behind him. "This is my ship and I'm the Captain."

"Sakura, there's no shi –"

"Silence! Or you'll walk the plank." She winked as she dipped her hand into his boxers. "Oops, the plank's a little soft today."

"Tch, you wish Sakura."

She giggled. "I know, I was teasing. Now let's get those pants off before the cookies are done!"

O – o r g a s m i c

"Sasuke-kun, what would you do if I told you I faked every orgasm?" Sakura questioned as she lay across his bed. Sasuke – playing Xbox on the futon – glanced at her and scoffed.

"As if."

"Please Sasuke, your ego is so big it's ridiculous. Maybe it should help out your dick, cause that's considerably smaller."

"You're annoying."

Sakura flopped her arms around. "Well what am I supposed to do? It's not my fault that my sexy boyfriend would rather play video games than have sex with me."

"That's because I'm not a sex addict like you." He said, his gaze entranced on the screen.

Sakura frowned. "So you admit you'd rather play video games than have sex with me? Man, you really are a geek."

Sasuke put the controller down and in a flash pinned Sakura against the bed. His tongue licked the shell of her ear. "Who's dating this geek?" he whispered hotly.

Sasuke didn't give her time to reply because his lips smashed against hers in a rough and passionate kiss. Sakura wound her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. She tore off Sasuke's shirt and unbuckled his pants in an instant.

"God Sakura, you don't waste any time." He chuckled.

"We haven't had sex in a week Sasuke. A whole week!" Sakura complained, tugging his jeans off. Sasuke pinned her arms above her head.

"Wanna play a game?"

Sakura giggled and nodded enthusiastically.

"Okay."

Sasuke smirked and got up, walking to his dresser to pull out the fuzzy pink handcuffs. He swirled them around his finger and gave her a seductive look. Sakura wiggled in anticipation. "I love it when you get freaky."

He rolled his eyes and walked back towards her. "I know."

Sasuke took both of her hands and cuffed them to the bed post, leaning over her and pressing kisses to her neck. Once the handcuffs were clicked in, Sasuke got up and resumed his place back on the futon.

"Hey! You locked me in here you asshole!"

Sasuke looked over at her, picking up his controller. "Yeah, that's the point."

Sakura frowned. "But Sasuke, I'm so wet for you!"

"Not going to work Sakura." Sasuke said as he un paused the game and put the volume on max to drown out her whining.

M – m i n d b l o w i n g

"Holy shit." Sakura exclaimed, her mouth hanging agape.

Sasuke blinked, looking at the screen in disbelief. His nose scrunched and his hand unconsciously covered his manhood.

"That was so disgusting." She continued.

"Why did you want me to watch this anyway?"

Sakura tore her gaze away from the laptop and looked at her boyfriend, who seemed to be in pain. Hell, if she was a boy and just watched a kinky video of dudes cutting their dicks off, she wouldn't be too pleased either.

"Cause Ino told me about it. Obviously I needed to include you in watching," she glanced back at the screen, "Pain Olympics. Yeah." She nodded, quite proud of herself.

Sasuke exhaled slowly. "Sakura, I could have gone my entire life without watching that video."

Sakura smiled brightly and removed her laptop from her lap.

"That was pretty bad, wasn't it?" she trailed her hand along his leg and pulled his hand away from his private. She entwined their fingers together and squeezed life back into his hands.

He merely looked at her as her thumb smoothed across the back of his hand. She looked at him softly, seeming somewhat sedated.

"Let's try it." She teased, nibbling on his earlobe.

"Sakura that's not even funny." He hissed.

She giggled in his ear. "Actually, it's very funny. Now please, lay down so I can rape you."

"How many times are we going to go over this? We can't have sex again."

Sakura sighed heavily. "Sasuke, you're a boy. You're supposed to want to fuck your girlfriend like, every second of every day." She pouted. "Do you not like me?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "You're ridiculous."

She ran her hands up his chest, underneath his shirt. "Am I?" she whispered seductively, sucking on his skin.

"Yes." He stated blandly.

Sakura didn't reply, but her fingers nimbly worked to undo the zipper of his jeans. Sasuke gathered her hands in his and tore them away.

"You keep this up, and I'm going to send you to rehab. You are a sex addict."

"Sasuke, that threat is moot. You'd never do that, and you know it."

Sasuke shrugged. "That's what you think."

Pouting, Sakura stuck her tongue out at him. "Well it's not like we could do anything else. You're boring."

Sasuke feigned hurt. "Ouch, Sakura. That really hurt."

"I'm sure it did." She bit back sarcastically.

Sasuke let go of her hands. "Are you mad?" he questioned incredulously.

"No." but she refused to meet his gaze.

He sighed and placed his hands at her waist, hooking his thumbs in the waistband of her bottoms. "Fine. But only once, you hear me?"

Sasuke didn't think he ever saw her smile so brightly, as her lips descended upon his.

S – s e x

Sasuke licked his way down Sakura's soft body, memorizing each and every curve. He dipped his head in between her legs, and marveled at Sakura's deep and needy moan of response. Her lips parted and she sighed in bliss, her fingers entangling in his hair.

He pleasured her, dipping his tongue into the warm crevice, and moved his way back up to her chest.

"Sasuke…" she purred, a hint of desperation hidden betwixt her breaths.

She hooked her legs around his waist, pressing her body against his. Rolling her hips, she grinded against his manhood, causing him to groan unexpectedly.

He felt himself throbbing, but he wouldn't give in yet.

Not even when he felt her hand reach down and squeeze him deliciously. She pumped him fast and hard, keeping a harsh, almost animalistic pace on him.

The intensity took him off guard, as he leaned his forehead in the crook of her neck, his hot breath coming out in puffs against her already sweating skin.

He thrust into her fist, occasionally emitting a grunt or two. He murmured her name in a low deep voice, that sent a shiver of pleasure up Sakura's spine.

And when he felt himself reaching his peak, his hips convulsed roughly against her. She began to loosen her grip on him, a devious grin plastered on her face.

"Fuck, Sakura. Don't do this."

She grinned and licked her lips. "Do what?" she asked innocently.

He shut his eyes tightly, concentrating.

"Do what, Sasuke-kun?"

Her hand tightened again as she gave him a hard jerk. He cursed and thrust against her viciously.

And then her hands were gone, only to be replaced by her bare hips, grinding against him. Hard.

"Tell me what you want Sasuke-kun." She whispered, taking his hands and pressing them against her breasts. He gave them a harsh squeeze.

"I want to fuck you."

Sakura smiled proudly and gave in, burying him within herself.

She rocked her hips against his, thanking Kami for giving her the best boyfriend in the world.

-x-

Sakura looked around the room and frowned. She tapped her foot impatiently. She needed to get out of her. Now.

"Now, what did you say your name was?"

Sakura glared. "I didn't."

She glanced at Sasuke, who gave her a reproachful, scolding look and she bit her lip angrily.

"Sakura." She hissed out.

"And?"

…

"And allegedly my boyfriend thinksI'm a sex addict."

fin.

A/N - Just because (: Had this idea for a while now.

Enjoy ;D