Hi there! This story is follow-up story for Chapter 26 of my one-shot compilation Through the Eyes of a Cook named "Bravery Shines Bright in the Light of Fear", but this story should be able to stand on it's own, though reading the chapter it is based upon would provide some context. However, there is no need to read them in order, so if you enjoy this story, you can always check out the other one afterwards. You don't need to read the other 25 chapters to read chapter 26 since they are all independent one-shots.
Enough about that though, enjoy the chapter, which has a slightly different style than what I usually write, but it's always good to experiment, right?
Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece.
Words are silver but silence is gold
Luffy would never shut up for long. It didn't really matter what he did, he always found a way to utter his mind. Whether that be during a meal, while he was still chewing the food, or in a fight where his enemies didn't really care what his opinion on the matter was or even in his sleep he would find a way to mumble complete nonsense. Usually Luffy could be found in silence only when he was resting after a battle. The strawhats would often describe the down time as Luffy shutting down for a few days and then come back extra hyper. Though usually no one complained because Luffy waking up after a fight was always a cause for celebration, so his energy was put to use in the best way possible. Luffy would always state his opinion on anything that involved him no matter how much or little anyone cared. Silence was not a word associated with the strawhat captain.
But silence doesn't always come in the form of holding your tongue, sometimes it is the act of not saying what is truly on your mind. Those types of silences are often overseen, but it is those types which are the most harmful, because the thoughts that are shoved away by a stream of whimsical words are the thoughts that bottles up inside and who knows what will happen when that bottle is full.
Luffy can be quite a simple person at times, yet he can also be remarkably perceptive and complex. He notices immediately when Sanji starts eating less. Sanji hides it well and Luffy knows that he is the only person to realize it, but instead of asking Sanji why he is doing what he is doing, Luffy decides to just gently poke at the subject. At first, Sanji only eats smaller portions, so when Luffy asks why, Sanji is quick to say that he has already eaten plenty when preparing the food. No one around them seems to notice the odd tone of Sanji's voice, but Luffy knows. Out of all of his crew mates, Luffy knows where very few of them come from, and Sanji happens to be one of those people. Luffy knows that Sanji treasures food even more than he himself does, so when Sanji decides to eat less and less with every meal, Luffy gets more and more aware of their current situation.
It all starts when they stop being able to catch any fish and Sanji says that until they restock he will ration their food, just in case. And although this all seems very good and logical, the way Sanji bites his lip when they all take their eyes of him is a dead give away. They are much lower in food than Sanji is willing to admit, but when Sanji says the pantry is full, Luffy doesn't question him, because he knows exactly what Sanji is thinking: Telling them won't make a difference, I'll deal with this by myself without troubling anyone. And Luffy understands, because he suspects that he might have done the same in Sanji's situation. So Luffy holds his tongue and trusts Sanji to do what is right.
A few days later Sanji stops eating with them entirely, and Luffy knows that he needs to start doing something. He isn't sure what exactly he should do, but in the end he decides to speak with Sanji directly. He makes his way to the kitchen, but finds that someone has already beaten him to it, and he settles by the door and listens to the hushed voices coming from the other side.
It is not unusual for Sanji and Usopp to be talking in the dead of the night. Everyone on the ship had the preferred confidant even if the whole crew would gladly listen to their problems. Luffy doesn't blame them, because he himself always goes to the same person when he needs someone to listen to him. And Luffy is glad that Usopp was the one to get to Sanji, because while Usopp does and says exactly what Luffy wants to, he knows that Usopp can get away with it. Luffy could never tell Sanji to stop giving him food and then expect him to do so. There are too many reasons for Luffy to be the last one to go hungry, and everyone knows this, but Usopp has a special way of dealing with Sanji, and even if the cook is against letting anyone but himself go hungry, he cannot find it in him to argue against Usopp and the matter is settled. Before any of them can catch Luffy eavesdropping, he lists off to the crows nest where his confidant is on watch duty.
With Zoro alone in the crows nest, the place becomes a safe haven, where Luffy no longer has to smile when he doesn't want to. Zoro can always tell when Luffy has something weighing on his heart and gestures for him to come sit beside him. Luffy gets close to him and tells him everything he knows and feels, and Zoro listens until he is done and gives his advise. And in the end they decide not to say a word, because when it comes down to it, they have no way of changing their current situation. They know what Sanji will do too, because Sanji is smart and kind. He'll ration the food and make sure to give Luffy and Zoro the most, because they are the strongest, and though Sanji is strong too, he could never find it in him to feed himself if it meant taking food away from someone else.
More days pass and Luffy spends most of his time napping with Zoro and saving up his energy. By this point, Luffy thinks that the entire crew knows about their situation, but no one speaks of it. From his spot by the mast Luffy sees as people every once in a while would glance up at the kitchen door only to look away again and then go back to whatever they were doing. Robin is often found tending to their garden, while Nami will check for ripe tangerines. Usopp is mostly sleeping as he had volunteered to take all the watches until they had food again. Franky and Chopper were working on trying to purify the chemical filled water, while Brook is the only one who moves around, playing different songs to pass the time.
The look on Sanji's face always tells Luffy exactly what he needs to know, and one day Luffy almost goes to the kitchen to tell Sanji that nothing is his fault, but as sent from heaven, Usopp calls from the crows nest that something is up ahead. They find a shipwreck, and Luffy figures that it couldn't have been here for too long and starts searching for any food that the ships might have stored. He has Zoro following him the entire time and the smile on Luffy's face is, for the first time in days, genuine. They find a crate with food and a barrel of wine and bring it to the ship and Luffy would do anything to see his crew this relieved again, because worried faces turn into joy when Zoro brings the food.
They go another three days without being able to catch any fish, but one day when Luffy wakes up, goes to the kitchens with his crew in tow and Sanji has cooked them up a feast with a big smile on his face Luffy knows that the ordeal is over. Luffy knows that the crew had been pretty close to their breaking point so having gone through everything with no major incident, that he knew of, was a relief and Luffy decides that it may now be time for him to talk to Sanji.
Luffy relieves Usopp of his night watches and waits for the crew to go to bed before joining Sanji in the kitchen. He finds Sanji drinking a cup of tea and writing something in a notebook, and he figures that they might be there for awhile and pours himself a warm cup of tea before seating himself beside Sanji.
They are quiet for a time while Sanji finishes whatever he is writing, but as soon as the notebook is closed Luffy breaks the silence.
"Was it painful?" Luffy asks, because he might as well get the worst part out of the way. If he has a suffering crew mate it is his duty to suffer with them, even if the painful part is over.
"What do you mean?" Sanji asks, and Luffy isn't sure whether he is lying or just unsure about what Luffy actually asked.
"The fact that we had no food. Was it painful?"
"What are you talking about? We had plenty-"
Luffy cuts Sanji off: "Don't, Sanji. I know. We all know."
Sanji looks down, almost like he is ashamed, but whispers: "Yes," and Luffy bites his lips preparing himself for what comes next.
"Not being able to serve you the food you needed. Not being able to do my job. I felt useless. If I can't cook for you, then what's the point? It's painful. It's painful because I can't control it, because I can't change it, because even though it's not my fault I have no one but myself to blame..."
And Luffy knows in this moment that the normal thing would be to tell Sanji that he shouldn't blame himself and that it's not his fault, but Luffy doesn't tell him that because if he didn't listen when Usopp said it, why should Luffy be any different? So he catches Sanji off guard by smiling brightly at him.
"I understand," he says and Sanji blinks confused, obviously having expected something else, "We're a small crew and everyone has their purpose. If one person fails at doing their job we're pretty much done for. If Nami makes a single mistake it could send us into the eye of a storm. If Franky slacks on the job we may not be able to go where we want. If Chopper makes a wrong move we could die from disease or injury. If Zoro fails we might get killed and if you can't feed us we starve. That's how it works, yet it is not Nami's fault if a tsunami randomly appears. It is not Franky fault if someone blows a hole in the Sunny. It's not Chopper's fault if we get injured or ill and it's not Zoro's fault if a strong enemy suddenly appears. And while you are responsible for keeping us from starving it's not your fault if we run out of food."
Luffy looks away from Sanji and down at his cup of tea. He feels Sanji's gaze and they both know that he is not done talking.
"Yet, though we are not at fault for what we cannot control, we still blame ourselves for what we feel responsible for, so I understand. When Usopp and Robin left, they did so of their own accord, yet I blamed myself for the decisions they made. And while I had nothing to do with Robin leaving, I sometimes find myself thinking about Usopp leaving. If I had acted differently, if I had said something else, if I had waited for him to take in the information rather than pushing him the way I did, would he have stayed? Could I have avoided the confrontation?" He takes a breath, "So tell me, Sanji, am I to blame for what happened back then?"
"No," Sanji says almost immediately, "You made the right choice. You knew what needed to be done to secure our safety and well being and acted accordingly. That wasn't wrong."
"By deciding not to tell anyone you ensured that no one would panic. By rationing the food and selecting who would get the most food, you ensured that we were as prepared for an attack as we could be in our situation. By sacrificing yourself, you saved the rest of us, and while I hated seeing you starve, I can't say that I wouldn't have done the same. So by doing what you did, wouldn't you say that you too knew what needed to be done and did just that?"
And Sanji smiles. He smiles and Luffy knows that he has succeeded in taking some of the weight of Sanji's shoulders. Sanji is strong, but that doesn't mean that he has to be strong all the time. The rest of night is silent with only the pouring of tea disrupting it.
If you enjoyed reading then please favorite it and leave a review with your thoughts, and go check out Through the Eyes of a Cook if you like One Piece fics :)