Chapter One.
Falling Away.

The life was draining from him. His eyes began to shut. Trying to speak, he was too weary to succeed. The words sputtered, but to make sense of them, impossible.
Fall, fall away, you will wake again...
A voice portrayed his thoughts. The voice calmed him, it lightened his soul. Hearing that voice, it made his life entirely numb.
Sleep, child, sleep... you are losing the fight... just sleep.
I will... He thought, in reliance to the voice.
The boy relied all too well.
"We're losing him!" A shockingly loud voice ran through the room. Adrenaline was rushing through everyone in the room, the tension made it obvious. Pressure was transmitted on to his body, as the anesthesia made everything blurry.

"He's waking up," Someone sounded excited. "Zack?"
The boy's eyes were heavy, he didn't want to reply. Groaning, his head turned to the side. He attempted to raise his head, and had to keep himself down. He was too weak to bring himself to.
"Zack?" The voice sounded again. Zack's energy had began to return to him, despite his tireless efforts to do something on response. His muscles were numbed from the pain. His skin felt cleaned from the toxic waste of a screaming child's tainted memories. There was no true feeling.
"Zack, please... if you can hear me, please, say anything; do anything. I don't care what it is... I just need something..." Familiarity had come to that voice. It was his voice, and only his, that made a warm smile weakly invade his lips. Zack's fingers began to twitch restlessly, and his eyes cracked open.
Brian... you're here... Zack thought. His heart warmed deeply, and a rush of warmth suddenly drowned his life-drained body with feeling. Zack's eyes opened more easily, just so he could be warmed by the sight of Brian, his best friend. Zack loved Brian deeply for the longest time, but seeing Brian with his girlfriend, Michelle, made him cringe. Zack was gay, and it was hard to even think about it. It was two years before, that Zack realized. That he was falling in love with Brian. His brown eyes, his wonderful smile, it made Zack shudder with joy. And to hear Brian say those words to him, while he felt his life clinging to his body with every ounce of strength left inside him, made him want to confess everything to Brian.
Zack's chest heaved wearily, and he forced himself to hold his hand out toward Brian. The last thing he felt was a soft hold on his hand, and everything faded to black again.

"Zack, do you know why you're in the hospital?" The woman asked, sitting contently on the chair next to his bed, holding a pen and paper in hand, searching Zack's eyes fiercely for any sign of feelings. His only emotion shown, was a clouded gesture in his green eyes.
"Yes, but I don't know why I have to talk about it. I'm fine." Zack's voice was harsh, but so calm.
"You are not fine, or else you wouldn't be in the hospital for suicide attempt, and you wouldn't need me here."
"And I don't need you here." Zack retorted in a soft-spoken snap. His green eyes were content, as his hands calmly fidgeted his thumbs, rolling them around each other a few times, before resting his hands on his legs.
"Then could you show me your wrists?" The young woman asked, a challenging, menacing look in her eyes. Zack's eyes lit with hatred, and he reluctantly turned his arms over. Both of his wrists were scarred, left with indentions and discoloration from where his skin had been flayed with blades. His right wrist was still healing from the deepest cut he'd ever made. It was six days since he made it, and it didn't seem to heal.
Zack's eyes flooded with tears, and he jerked his hands away from the young woman when she gestured that she was going to touch his right arm.
"Don't touch me," Zacky snapped. His muscles tensed, and he demanded she leave.
It wasn't even an hour later, that Brian came to his room, and he had a large pepperoni pizza and snuck beer up with him.

"You know, Zacky, this is what I miss. You and I just kicking back, doing whatever we want. Don't you?" Brian smiled. Zack could feel that Brian wanted to ask about the scars, and why he cut himself. Every few moments, Brian would glance down at Zack's wrists, then act like he didn't even notice it.
"You know, I'm not blind. I can see you're watching my arms. Ask whatever is on your mind." Zack okay'd Brian to ask questions. Brian made a sigh if relief, and the two both took a bite of pizza.
"Zacky, why did you do it...?" Brian immediately asked after swallowing his bite of pizza. Zack looked up at him and inhaled. He was about to just let the words of his hidden love for Brian pour out of his mouth.
"Honestly? ...I couldn't tell you." Zack lied. Brian sighed, and his eyes had gained a thoughtful look. Zack's eyes were drilling into his with defiance, and Brian returned the same look. Brian reached slowly toward Zack's wrist, and Zack was beginning to freak out. He forced himself to stay still, and he made a quiet eep! of anxiety. Brian reached slowly, and curved his hand around Zack's wrist, and turned his arm over. As soon as he saw the deep cut Zack made before, he gasped.
"Did you do this now...?" Brian sounded worried.
"No, it was what put me here. It just... won't heal." Zack sighed. All of a sudden, the tension grew high in the room, as Brian pulled Zack's arm up, and pressed his warm, soft lips to Zack's cut wrist. It felt so... loving. He wanted more. The only things stopping him: Brian was straight, and he had a girlfriend.
Brian's kiss was so warm, so bright, and so tender... it made Zack shudder, wishing he could kiss Brian all the time.
"Does it feel better?" Brian asked, holding Zack's wrist, but his hand slid down to holding his hand. Zack shook his head, and frowned. Brian frowned.
"What has been going on with you...? You seem to hate everyone, and be squirmy when some people come around you."
Zack took a deep breath. He was just going for it. He was going to dive into what could have been the worst day of his life.
"Not me... more like... you..." Zack avoided all eye contact he could have made with anyone.
"Why?" Brian asked, holding a steady grip on Zack's hand.
"Because, Brian... I'm gay, and as of two years ago, I'm falling in love with you." Zack just let the words drift, hoping Brian wouldn't freak out.
"Zack... is that why..." Brian directed the words at my wrists, and I nodded.
"Why did you do that? Why didn't you just tell me? Zack..." Brian's words trailed off, and his eyes filled with tears, and his other hand was placed on Zack's chin, moving his head to face Brian. Zack's eyes were already flooded with tears, and they had streamed down his pale face, smudging the faint eyeliner he had on below his eyes.
"Because, Brian... you couldn't be like me. You have Michelle, and I'm here on the sidelines, just hoping, when I don't realize it can't happen."
"You're right, Zacky. You're absolutely right. I couldn't ever love you. No matter what, you'll always be my best friend." Brian was right. He could never love another male.
"Brian...?" Zack locked eyes with Brian, letting his hand fall on to his lap, limply. Brian nodded in response, and the two both knew exactly what would happen there.
Zack placed his left hand on Brian's cheek, and guided him toward Zack. Brian didn't resist, he merely made the dragging moment move faster by putting his right hand on Zack's neck, and Zack's heart started racing.
This... here... is all I wanted for the past two years... Zack thought, as they both moved closer to each other, and the tension between them both was high.
Soon, Brian's lips hit Zack's gently, and everything seemed to spin around the two boys. Zack kissed Brian rapidly, and Brian didn't seem to mind. He kept kissing him right back, and they both kept going. Zack didn't realize what was really going on, until his hand was halfway up Brian's shirt, and the IV needle ripped at his arm. He tore himself out of Brian's arms. Brian looked away from "I've got to go..." Brian rushed out. Zack laid himself down, and he sighed. The young woman who came in once every week told Zack to keep track of his thoughts in a journal sue left to him. Zack picked up a pen and his journal, then opened it to the firs page.

August 2nd, 2001 Dear Journal,
Today, I just came out. I am gay. I realized it two years ago, when I fell in love with my best friend Brian. Today, I told him. We ended up making out on my hospital bed. My IV line was pulled on, so I sort of jerked away, and Brian flakes out. Why do I have to love my best friend?