Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. The song is Mr. Brightside by The Killers.
I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
Rejection is one thing I will never be able to handle. Fear is not an easy obstacle to overcome. I don't know how Harry does it. He has faced You-Know-Who at least five times, and he didn't show any fear when he did. I know I am supposed to be his best mate and all, but I don't think I will never be that brave without my friends by my side.
My fear of rejection is keeping me from my one way to get to happiness. Hermione. I see her and I see… well, perfection. I know it sounds… well, I sound like a poof. But there isn't any other way to describe her. Sure, we argue but its usually in good fun and there's just a spark between us that is always fueled by the fire of arguing. I want to tell her, but that fear creeps up my spine whenever I try to cough up the courage.
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
We had an arranged study meeting. Well actually I told her I would be coming by at some point to get some help in Transfiguration. As usual, she was in the back corner of the library which I'd pervious heard her dubbed 'mine,' but today she wasn't alone.
"Oh, get out of here," I heard Hermione's voice say easily. I was positive she hadn't seen me, but not sure who she was telling to leave. Curious, I was about to round the corner when I was stopped short by a familiar voice.
"Now Granger, is that any way to talk to me?" He sounded… playful. What was going on? And then Hermione laughed. Laughed! What was there to even laugh about? Malfoy was probably being a jerk. She shouldn't be laughing.
The pair when quiet and I finally stole a look around the corner, prepared to tell off Malfoy for Hermione's sake since she obviously wasn't for some reason. The sight I was met with, however, ruined that plan. There was Malfoy standing in front of Hermione, one hand on her cheek, the other wrapped around her waist and pulling her close against him. She smiled when he spoke into her ear, words that I wouldn't be able to hear over the heavy beating of my heart even if I tried.
The world froze as I watched, almost in slow motion, Draco lean forward and kiss her without any objection. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him towards her, pressing her body against his. I couldn't breathe as I watched – that was supposed to be me. Not Malfoy. Malfoy, who taunted her. Malfoy, who called her racist names and even went so far as to wish her dead before.
Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
I entered the common room and ignored Harry as he tried to get me to stop me. He could see I was in a state of… horror felt about right. I continued up to my dormitory, and slammed the door shut, taking my frustration out on the door. My mind was racing. Why Malfoy? What about me! Hasn't she noticed me at all? What is going on?
I lay down on my bed, shoving a pillow over my eyes to try and block out the image of Malfoy and Hermione wrapped around one another. Bloody hell!
I heard my roommates walk in at some point and before long it was dark, everyone was asleep, and my own consciousness was finally drifting away. I needed to sleep – I needed to get the sodding replaying image out of my mind. Merlin, let me sleep without a dream toight.
Of course, I was not a lucky person.
I was standing right there, in plain site. If she raised her head forward she could see me. But she didn't look. She was too focused on Malfoy, smiling as I longed for her to smile at me. They hugged. They kissed. They joined hands and began to walk away from me, Hermione not even bother to look back.
"Hermione, I love you!" I screamed at her. But she either didn't hear or wasn't listening. She didn't care to listen.
I woke with a start, breathing heavy. It was morning by now, although much earlier than I usually got up. From my quick glance around everyone else seemed to be sleeping. Knowing that if I stayed any longer I would drive myself mad, I dressed to prepare for the hell of a day I would have, still thinking only of Hermione and Malfoy.
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest now
He takes off her dress now
I avoided her the entire day. Any time we had a free period I'd pointedly ignored her and headed for the Quidditch pitch in order to fly around and clear my head. If there was anything that could distract me it was flying through the air at high speeds, focusing on not falling off a broom.
By nighttime it was too cold to stay outside any longer, and I was forced to retire to the common room after dinner. Everyone seemed to have the same idea and was settling down with their homework and classmates. I retrieved my own books and sat down next to Harry, who was reading something with a picture of a goblin in it. Five pages in, Hermione arrived from her dormitory, carrying the familiar bag filled with books.
"I've got to go to the library in order to find a few more sources for my essay. Don't wait up for me." Harry nodded and told her to be safe, and I merely ignored her, clenching my jaw tightly. I couldn't speak – I didn't trust myself to not explode at her.
As the minutes passed by my brain was filled with mental images of what she could be up to. He wasn't dumb, he knew that she was with Malfoy somewhere. She was a traitor, as far as he was concerned. She was off snogging some prick who didn't deserve the time of day. Bloody hell, they may even be beyond snogging and…
"I've got to go to the Owlery, I'll be back soon." I stood up, snapping my book shut, unable to think clearly at the moment. Harry looked up surprised by my unceremonious leave.
"Oi, is everything good?" he asked curiously. I nodded tightly, positive that if my tension didn't give me away, my curtness definitely would. But I didn't care.
This was too much. Bloody Hermione. Of all the people to fall under Malfoy's… spell.
"Wait, Ron, what-," I didn't bother to wait for Harry to catch up as a stormed out of the common room. I wasn't even sure if Harry was following me, but part of me hoped he was. Serves her right – she shouldn't be sneaking behind both of our backs. When Harry saw it, well, I was sure he would be just as pissed as I was.
When I reached the library I headed to the back corner that I spotted the pair in the night before. I could hear their discretions before I could see them. My blood was boiling.
There was Hermione, pinned against the wall by Malfoy, not looking disappointed by the set up. She was letting out tiny sighs, sounding pleased by the disgusting ferret. To my utter disgust Malfoy took their snogging a step further and Hermione's blouse was halfway unbuttoned before I could even process what I was seeing. I couldn't believe she was letting him do this! I couldn't believe she was enjoying it.
Let me go
And I just can't look its killing me
And taking control
"Ron, what'd you-," Harry finally caught up and froze when he spotted the object of Ron's attention.
"WHA-?!" Harry's surprised objection resonated around the empty isles of the library and Malfoy and Hermione jumped apart faster than I'd ever seen her move.
"Ron, Harry!" she said in shocked horror, and she began to frantically button up her blouse.
I couldn't look, I was… I don't even know. I felt like I was going to be sick – I turned away, now more uncomfortable than angry. How could she do this?
"What you are- with Malfoy?" Harry was surprised beyond speaking.
"It's not what you think!" she said quickly, talking a step towards us.
"I think you were just snogging Malfoy in the back of the library!" Harry said incredulously, unable to even believe he was even saying such a ridiculous sentence aloud.
Hermione looked at us guiltily, not able to deny what had been going on. Malfoy stepped up closer beside her and laced his fingers with hers. My heart began to beat again, faster than ever before, and my eyes met Malfoy's in a furious glare. He was flaunting it. It was flaunting her. As if she was some possession to parade around with!
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
The next thing I knew I was charging towards him and my fist had connected with his left cheek. Again. And again. Malfoy managed to throw in a few good hits during the brawl but it wasn't until Hermione gave up trying to pull me away and pulled out her wand that any of the fighting stopped. I was wretched away from Malfoy within seconds and when I tried to walk back towards the couple an invisible barrier stopped me. Hermione was on the ground beside Malfoy, inspecting his injuries.
"Ronald Weasley! What in Merlin's name were you thinking? You could be expelled for this – thirty points from Gryffindor and I'm taking you to see Professor McGonagall immediately. This is inexcusable behavior, even for you," Hermione was livid, and I was furious and surprised and- who knows what else!
"Harry, I can't believe you were just standing there watching!" Hermione yelled at him with a serious look.
"What are you doing with him? What has he done to you? I can't believe you'd willing… with him!" I finally shouted at her in disbelief, not understanding how she could even question my motives. Malfoy, even in his battered state (which he deserved, thank you very much), was smirking. The bloody git. "Bloody hell, look at him! He's smirking! He doesn't deserve you, Hermione! What did he do, curse you?"
"No. Absolutely not, Ron! He's changed. He's not-," Hermione huffed and looked down to Malfoy. "Oh stop smirking at them, you're making it worse!" She shoved him on the shoulder softly and he shrugged but did stop smirking.
"Chan- CHANGED!? Hermione, don't you remember how he has treated you for the last five years? Do you remember how many times he has called you mudblood? Or when he cursed you just to embarrass you? Or wished you dead? Why would you even waste your time on him?"
"I-I told you. He's changed. We've gotten to know one another, and I'm sure if you just took the time to talk to him you'd see. You'd both see. We're older now, and we should be forming opinions from our own experiences, not from the prejudice of our parents," Hermione said with conviction, staring at me as if I was the bad guy here! She spared a glance at Harry who had stayed quiet since I started yelling at her.
"Listen, Weasley, she's your best friend, and we really-,"
"Don't talk to me ferret, and no, she isn't. Not anymore." I left the room, leaving Hermione with Harry, prepared to let them deal with Malfoy and the mess I'd made of him. I didn't even care if she called on McGonagall to have me scrub floors for a month without magic. As far as I was concerned beating Malfoy to a pulp was completely worth it.
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr. Brightside
A week after my confrontation with Hermione and Malfoy she had yet to even approach me to explain herself. Harry said that she believed it was my job to apologize for being violent and not willing to listen to her side of things.
On the one had, she hadn't sent me to the dogs (aka, McGonagall), but it wasn't my job to fix the mess she made between us.
It was easy to admit to myself that I would be upset about the whole matter for ages to come. I'd loved Hermione for at least four years now, and Malfoy, of all people, had been the one to somehow snag her affection. It wasn't as if I believed they'd actually last, but it hurt to know that she would choose someone with such a horrible track record and throw me – her best friend – to the side. One thing I was certain of: as long as that blond prat was on her arm I wouldn't be talking to her any time soon.
A/N: This was literally painful to edit. It's still a bunch of crap (blame my 14 year old self), but a lot less crappy than before. It just feels so disjointed when you look at the beginning and the ending. I just don't have the heart to completely pull the story down (I'm attached to my reviews, so sue me!). Thanks for reading though and I hope it wasn't too painful for you to read :).