Pondering Destiny
For Selena
A/N: All right, for those of you who have been following my Golden Sun fic, "Blaze," you'll recall the debates that Selena and I have gotten into over Alex. I wrote this fic as a peace offering for her and am posting on ff.net. Selena gave me the outline and I filled in the blanks. Hints of Imilshipping (I think that's what it's called), just to let you know, though I am personally a Mudshipper. Text between colons like ::this:: indicate mind-speech or visions.
Selena, I truly am very sorry for so maligning one of your favourite characters. Please forgive me.
********
Lying on a platform of stone, listening to the rumbles as I'm drawn deep into the earth...into my tomb.
How could I be so blind? I rage. I took my blessings for granted and now that I've come to my senses, it's too late. I had everything--a good home in a beautiful town, respect, admiration...love.... And yet I chased after what shouldn't have been mine--power. I lusted for power, and along the way, I slowly but steadily hurt the ones I loved. And still love.
I squeeze my eyes shut. I deserve this. For wounding those around me. I feel the warmth of blood trickling down my cheek but I make no move to heal my injuries. I warrant each and every bruise, cut, broken bone, and abrasion. In fact, I should be more damaged, as a reflection of what I have done, I think bitterly.
The quakes beneath my shattered body become more intense. This is it, I realize. The end. Nineteen short years of life, finished. Farewell, everyone...I am sorry....
A cool, emotionless voice speaks in my mind. ::So, you're still alive.::
My eyes dart about, trying to capture the image of the being that has returned to mock me. It has no need of identifying itself, for I know: it is the Wise One.
"Why are you here?" My liquid voice is now barely more than a rasp. "Why must you torment me further?"
::That is not the reason of my visit. I am surprised you have not healed yourself and escaped while there is still time.::
"Why should I bother?" I argue. "Those I love now despise me. I don't deserve life, whether my existence would be filled with joy or pain. Leave me to die in peace."
::You say they scorn you...yet I think you'll find that you are wrong. See for yourself.::
Scenes that I cannot halt play through my head. I see Felix sitting on a bed, holding a sketch and staring at it. My view comes closer until I can see that it a drawing of me, each detail created with infinite care. Startled, I try to look up and find that I can. I see Felix's full brown eyes shining with tears. After traveling for so many months together, we had become very close. I open my mouth to speak, but my vision hazes over and refocuses to that of Imil. There, I view two of my friends. They are discussing me.
::"Helen...I wonder what happened to Alex?" one mused.
"I guess will never know." Helen sighed. "I really miss him, though. He was a great chap to hang around. Don't you think, Jacob?"
"Yeah...I wish he'd come back. If he's dead..." Jacob looked saddened.
"Don't think that. He's fine; I know he is!"::
I try to call out to them, to assure them that I am still alive, for however long that may be, but I am drawn away against my will once more.
The next sight enflames me with burning anger. I see Mia speaking with Garet. Slowly, I begin to hear the conversation.
::"I wonder what happened to that jerk, Alex?" Garet questioned Mia.
"I don't know, but I for one am glad he's gone." She gave a delicate shudder. "He was a monster!"
"Darn right," Garet agreed. "He seriously got on my nerves. I hope he's suffering."
"Me too." Mia nodded.::
"Well, you got your wish!" I shout at them. "Because I am suffering! I'm dying alone and forgotten, and you just don't care!"
Wait, the Wise One cautions. Do not judge Mia just yet. Observe.
Without warning, I am mind-watching Mia, alone in a room--an inn. She is crying so very hard, as if she is in extreme pain. I strain my ears to hear what she is gasping out between her sobs.
::"Alex...oh, Alex...please come back...please...you have to...you can't be dead...you just can't...I love you..." she whispered, over and over again.::
I understood. Mia did not wish to be considered a traitor by her friends for still retaining some positive emotion for me. And so she put on a façade of hatred, while inwardly...
::Now, Alex...you have come to a crossroads of sorts.:: The Wise One's likeness replaces that of the weeping Mia. ::You have two choices to make-- you can remain here and face death, cut off from those you love. Or you can repent of your wayward actions and begin anew, remedying the wrongs you caused in whichever ways you are able. What shall you do?::
My first instinct is to choose death, remembering the words of hatred spoken to me. But the visions I have just experienced work their way into me until they reach my heart. Love, an emotion I had thought gone for all time, blooms in me for my friends. They miss me, I discover, my emotions expanding within me. They actually mourn my loss. Perhaps, then, there is a chance for redemption...
I barely permit myself the slightest amount of hope. Yet my torn voice is steady as I slowly declare, "I choose life."
::Then I will hold off the destruction of Mount Aleph for just a while longer. Heal yourself, boy, and escape while you may.:: I feel the Wise One's essence leave my thoughts.
Heal myself. Can I do this? After losing in battle to the Wise One, I feel...scarred. Frightened to touch my Psynergy. What if I cannot control myself? What if the energy flowing through my body causes me to turn once again?
Faces flash through my head, Felix, Helen, Jacob...Mia.... They would not want me to perish without ever trying to save myself.
I have to try, I think. For their sake.
I close my eyes. Tentatively, I reach for my power. Its warm glow at my core calls out to me. I cast Ply experimentally. Then, gaining more and more confidence, begin to use my Psynergy. It has no hold over me. I am stronger than it is. My will has been tested and has emerged the better for my trials.
I am whole once more.
I stand, the blackness making me blind. I have no sense of direction in the enveloping dark, but I do not need to know west from east. Teleport will take me to a refuge.
::Thank you, Wise One,:: I send, suddenly grateful. Though it may have nearly destroyed me, it caused my false dream to shiver into countless pieces and showed me what was truly in my heart. I am no longer dead but living. My heart is now warm flesh, not lifeless steel.
"Teleport," I murmur. Then, as the spell begins to take hold, I cry the Psynergy name in joy. "Teleport!"
As my body fragments, I am filled with happiness. Just as my being is rearranging, so too are my goals. Things will be different this time, and for the better.
I rematerialize in the middle of a green field with tall grass. Grey mountains wrapped with forest are in the distance. The sky is pure cerulean; some round clouds can be seen here and there. A faint breeze teases my hair, causing it to flow gently behind me. I have no idea where I am, but I do not care. My life has been restored. I am brimming with hope. I will go to my friends and I will show them that I do indeed still care. I may not find them for a long time, but I will search for them all the same, even if it takes me the rest of my life.
Optimism floods me as I set off, heading towards the sun. It may not be the Golden Sun, but after my brief imprisonment below ground, it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Save one sight.
"Everyone--I'm coming back!" I call to the skies. "You don't have to worry any more, because I'm returning a new man!"
As I walk, my exhilaration settles into a deep contentment. I know who I am.
I am Alex. And I am proud of it.
********
I really hope this was good. I don't think much of it, myself, but then again, I'm always highly critical of my own work. Review if you'd like. No flames, please, or the consequences won't be pretty.
For Selena
A/N: All right, for those of you who have been following my Golden Sun fic, "Blaze," you'll recall the debates that Selena and I have gotten into over Alex. I wrote this fic as a peace offering for her and am posting on ff.net. Selena gave me the outline and I filled in the blanks. Hints of Imilshipping (I think that's what it's called), just to let you know, though I am personally a Mudshipper. Text between colons like ::this:: indicate mind-speech or visions.
Selena, I truly am very sorry for so maligning one of your favourite characters. Please forgive me.
********
Lying on a platform of stone, listening to the rumbles as I'm drawn deep into the earth...into my tomb.
How could I be so blind? I rage. I took my blessings for granted and now that I've come to my senses, it's too late. I had everything--a good home in a beautiful town, respect, admiration...love.... And yet I chased after what shouldn't have been mine--power. I lusted for power, and along the way, I slowly but steadily hurt the ones I loved. And still love.
I squeeze my eyes shut. I deserve this. For wounding those around me. I feel the warmth of blood trickling down my cheek but I make no move to heal my injuries. I warrant each and every bruise, cut, broken bone, and abrasion. In fact, I should be more damaged, as a reflection of what I have done, I think bitterly.
The quakes beneath my shattered body become more intense. This is it, I realize. The end. Nineteen short years of life, finished. Farewell, everyone...I am sorry....
A cool, emotionless voice speaks in my mind. ::So, you're still alive.::
My eyes dart about, trying to capture the image of the being that has returned to mock me. It has no need of identifying itself, for I know: it is the Wise One.
"Why are you here?" My liquid voice is now barely more than a rasp. "Why must you torment me further?"
::That is not the reason of my visit. I am surprised you have not healed yourself and escaped while there is still time.::
"Why should I bother?" I argue. "Those I love now despise me. I don't deserve life, whether my existence would be filled with joy or pain. Leave me to die in peace."
::You say they scorn you...yet I think you'll find that you are wrong. See for yourself.::
Scenes that I cannot halt play through my head. I see Felix sitting on a bed, holding a sketch and staring at it. My view comes closer until I can see that it a drawing of me, each detail created with infinite care. Startled, I try to look up and find that I can. I see Felix's full brown eyes shining with tears. After traveling for so many months together, we had become very close. I open my mouth to speak, but my vision hazes over and refocuses to that of Imil. There, I view two of my friends. They are discussing me.
::"Helen...I wonder what happened to Alex?" one mused.
"I guess will never know." Helen sighed. "I really miss him, though. He was a great chap to hang around. Don't you think, Jacob?"
"Yeah...I wish he'd come back. If he's dead..." Jacob looked saddened.
"Don't think that. He's fine; I know he is!"::
I try to call out to them, to assure them that I am still alive, for however long that may be, but I am drawn away against my will once more.
The next sight enflames me with burning anger. I see Mia speaking with Garet. Slowly, I begin to hear the conversation.
::"I wonder what happened to that jerk, Alex?" Garet questioned Mia.
"I don't know, but I for one am glad he's gone." She gave a delicate shudder. "He was a monster!"
"Darn right," Garet agreed. "He seriously got on my nerves. I hope he's suffering."
"Me too." Mia nodded.::
"Well, you got your wish!" I shout at them. "Because I am suffering! I'm dying alone and forgotten, and you just don't care!"
Wait, the Wise One cautions. Do not judge Mia just yet. Observe.
Without warning, I am mind-watching Mia, alone in a room--an inn. She is crying so very hard, as if she is in extreme pain. I strain my ears to hear what she is gasping out between her sobs.
::"Alex...oh, Alex...please come back...please...you have to...you can't be dead...you just can't...I love you..." she whispered, over and over again.::
I understood. Mia did not wish to be considered a traitor by her friends for still retaining some positive emotion for me. And so she put on a façade of hatred, while inwardly...
::Now, Alex...you have come to a crossroads of sorts.:: The Wise One's likeness replaces that of the weeping Mia. ::You have two choices to make-- you can remain here and face death, cut off from those you love. Or you can repent of your wayward actions and begin anew, remedying the wrongs you caused in whichever ways you are able. What shall you do?::
My first instinct is to choose death, remembering the words of hatred spoken to me. But the visions I have just experienced work their way into me until they reach my heart. Love, an emotion I had thought gone for all time, blooms in me for my friends. They miss me, I discover, my emotions expanding within me. They actually mourn my loss. Perhaps, then, there is a chance for redemption...
I barely permit myself the slightest amount of hope. Yet my torn voice is steady as I slowly declare, "I choose life."
::Then I will hold off the destruction of Mount Aleph for just a while longer. Heal yourself, boy, and escape while you may.:: I feel the Wise One's essence leave my thoughts.
Heal myself. Can I do this? After losing in battle to the Wise One, I feel...scarred. Frightened to touch my Psynergy. What if I cannot control myself? What if the energy flowing through my body causes me to turn once again?
Faces flash through my head, Felix, Helen, Jacob...Mia.... They would not want me to perish without ever trying to save myself.
I have to try, I think. For their sake.
I close my eyes. Tentatively, I reach for my power. Its warm glow at my core calls out to me. I cast Ply experimentally. Then, gaining more and more confidence, begin to use my Psynergy. It has no hold over me. I am stronger than it is. My will has been tested and has emerged the better for my trials.
I am whole once more.
I stand, the blackness making me blind. I have no sense of direction in the enveloping dark, but I do not need to know west from east. Teleport will take me to a refuge.
::Thank you, Wise One,:: I send, suddenly grateful. Though it may have nearly destroyed me, it caused my false dream to shiver into countless pieces and showed me what was truly in my heart. I am no longer dead but living. My heart is now warm flesh, not lifeless steel.
"Teleport," I murmur. Then, as the spell begins to take hold, I cry the Psynergy name in joy. "Teleport!"
As my body fragments, I am filled with happiness. Just as my being is rearranging, so too are my goals. Things will be different this time, and for the better.
I rematerialize in the middle of a green field with tall grass. Grey mountains wrapped with forest are in the distance. The sky is pure cerulean; some round clouds can be seen here and there. A faint breeze teases my hair, causing it to flow gently behind me. I have no idea where I am, but I do not care. My life has been restored. I am brimming with hope. I will go to my friends and I will show them that I do indeed still care. I may not find them for a long time, but I will search for them all the same, even if it takes me the rest of my life.
Optimism floods me as I set off, heading towards the sun. It may not be the Golden Sun, but after my brief imprisonment below ground, it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Save one sight.
"Everyone--I'm coming back!" I call to the skies. "You don't have to worry any more, because I'm returning a new man!"
As I walk, my exhilaration settles into a deep contentment. I know who I am.
I am Alex. And I am proud of it.
********
I really hope this was good. I don't think much of it, myself, but then again, I'm always highly critical of my own work. Review if you'd like. No flames, please, or the consequences won't be pretty.