Severus Snape lay tangled in his sheets, content that he had finally
managed to fall asleep after hours of tossing and turning. He sat up with a
start as a fire spontaneously erupted. He wondered who would be visiting
him by floo in his fireplace at this late hour, but he soon saw that the
fire was in the middle of the room. A voice boomed:
"BEHOLD THE METARON, HERALD OF THE ALMIGHTY AND VOICE OF THE ONE TRUE GOD!"
He cast a spell to extinguish the fire, worried that this was some form of dark magic. The fire turned into gray, thick smoke. He heard the voice that had spoken earlier start to cough and sputter. Snape stood nearby his bed, his wand drawn and ready to curse someone if need be.
"Sweet Jesus, what was that?" came a strained voice. A man emerged from the smoke cloud, still coughing.
"Who are you, and what the bloody hell do you think you're doing in my room?" Snape said in his most menacing voice, the one that he usually reserved for Harry Potter and his friends.
"I'm the one that can't breathe and he's the one that's surly, that's rich!" said the other man, wiping his suit with his hands. He ran a hand through his black hair, trying to comb in down again. Frustrated, he let his hands rest on his hips, glaring at Snape.
"Get out! NOW!" Snape ordered, pointing his wand at the man.
"Or you'll do what, exactly? Hit me with that ffffffish?" Snape threw down his wand in shock as he saw it had turned into a halibut. "Now, sit down on the bed and shut up."
Snape sat down obediently, in awe that this man seemed to be a greater wizard than even Dumbledore, and that he had the nerve to order Severus Snape to do something in that rude manner.
"Now, as I was saying, prior to your fire-fighting episode," he cleared his throat and boomed as a pair of white feathery wings appeared on his back, "I am the Metatron."
A blank stare.
"Don't tell me you've never heard of me."
A shake of the head.
"Jesus, this is just like what happened with Bethany Sloane. Metatron acts as the voice of God. Whenever some yahoo claims that God has spoken to them, they are speaking to me. Or they're just talking to themselves."
"But why are you here to speak to me?"
"Glad you decided to join the conversation. Two answers to that: One, I was sent to and I had to obey orders. Two, I am here to charge you with a holy crusade."
"A crusade."
"Yes, I believe I just sad that. You are to collect every copy of Galaxy Quest that is in existence and destroy them all. It's a movie that everyone who was in it is rather embarrassed about."
"But why me?" Snape asked.
"Look, just do as you're told. I don't have time for this. I have to go back to Heaven. Apparently the Muse and the 13th Apostle are fighting again and, of course, I need to end it. Please make sure you do it all soon. We're operating on a time schedule here."
A snap of the fingers and he was gone.
Snape poured himself a large glass of Brandy, swallowed it down quickly, and went back to bed.
"BEHOLD THE METARON, HERALD OF THE ALMIGHTY AND VOICE OF THE ONE TRUE GOD!"
He cast a spell to extinguish the fire, worried that this was some form of dark magic. The fire turned into gray, thick smoke. He heard the voice that had spoken earlier start to cough and sputter. Snape stood nearby his bed, his wand drawn and ready to curse someone if need be.
"Sweet Jesus, what was that?" came a strained voice. A man emerged from the smoke cloud, still coughing.
"Who are you, and what the bloody hell do you think you're doing in my room?" Snape said in his most menacing voice, the one that he usually reserved for Harry Potter and his friends.
"I'm the one that can't breathe and he's the one that's surly, that's rich!" said the other man, wiping his suit with his hands. He ran a hand through his black hair, trying to comb in down again. Frustrated, he let his hands rest on his hips, glaring at Snape.
"Get out! NOW!" Snape ordered, pointing his wand at the man.
"Or you'll do what, exactly? Hit me with that ffffffish?" Snape threw down his wand in shock as he saw it had turned into a halibut. "Now, sit down on the bed and shut up."
Snape sat down obediently, in awe that this man seemed to be a greater wizard than even Dumbledore, and that he had the nerve to order Severus Snape to do something in that rude manner.
"Now, as I was saying, prior to your fire-fighting episode," he cleared his throat and boomed as a pair of white feathery wings appeared on his back, "I am the Metatron."
A blank stare.
"Don't tell me you've never heard of me."
A shake of the head.
"Jesus, this is just like what happened with Bethany Sloane. Metatron acts as the voice of God. Whenever some yahoo claims that God has spoken to them, they are speaking to me. Or they're just talking to themselves."
"But why are you here to speak to me?"
"Glad you decided to join the conversation. Two answers to that: One, I was sent to and I had to obey orders. Two, I am here to charge you with a holy crusade."
"A crusade."
"Yes, I believe I just sad that. You are to collect every copy of Galaxy Quest that is in existence and destroy them all. It's a movie that everyone who was in it is rather embarrassed about."
"But why me?" Snape asked.
"Look, just do as you're told. I don't have time for this. I have to go back to Heaven. Apparently the Muse and the 13th Apostle are fighting again and, of course, I need to end it. Please make sure you do it all soon. We're operating on a time schedule here."
A snap of the fingers and he was gone.
Snape poured himself a large glass of Brandy, swallowed it down quickly, and went back to bed.