A/N: I'm sick of Mary-Sue Bullshit. I'm sick of all the badly written high school TDI fics with Duncan saving Courtney. I am so sick of everyone going bat shit crazy over them when they are ALL THE SAME. Anyways. Here is my parody piece :D
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Courtney took another shot of vodka as she stumbled across the room, tank top sliding off of her shoulders. Across the room she found Duncan making out with Gwen, which couldn't be allowed! (Even though Duncan and Gwen were dating) Because she was a goody two shoes girl and needed her bad boy to totally even her out, opposites totally attracted as Courtney knew and soon Duncan would too. So she crawled across the room and tugged on Duncan's pants leg.
Slowly Duncan pried him himself away from Gwen and stared down at the mess that was Courtney as she sobbed on the floor for no good reason. "Omg Babe!" Duncan cried, dropping Gwen soundly on her ass. "I'll save you! Because even though I'm a bad boy I have a heart of gold and I don't really love Gwen, even though she doesn't physically abuse me and accuse me of cheating all the time!" He scooped Courtney up in his arms and headed for the stairs of the house so he could take her to a quiet place to relax.
Gwen sighed sadly and reached into her back pocket and produced the gun. Raising it to her head she pulled the trigger.
Meanwhile in the bedroom.
"Courtney, will you teach me what love is?" Duncan asked, tears filling his deep blue eyes as he stroked Courtney's deliciously mocha skin. He realized how much he wanted Starbucks…
"Why Duncan. You don't know?!" Courtney cried out in disbelief and wiped away Duncan's pitiful tears. "Why babe. It's you and me!"
Duncan stared gaping. "Omg. You're so right babe. I never felt this way about anyone before. You're 999,999 in a million!" He puckered his lips and leaned towards Courtney as she did the same. Unfortunately the contents in her stomach were there, and were starting to want a new resting place.
"BLAGHH!" Courtney cried as she threw up all over Duncan and in his mouth.
"Ew! Bitch you did not!" Duncan cried and pimp slapped Courtney across the face and ran out of the room.
"WAIT DUNCAN! I cannot live without you! Remember. Opposites attract!" She called as she chased him down the stairs.
Quick as Duncan could he pried the gun out of Gwen's dead hands and aimed it towards Courtney. "Nobody throws up on me! The totally sexy stud muffin bad boy!" he yelled and shot her. "BAM HEADSHOT!" He cried as Courtney's limp body fell to the floor.
"ALRIGHT!" Geoff cried and high fived Duncan. "Bitch so deserved that."
"I know. Now since I'm an ass I'm going to move on fast and find another girl, but regret for the rest of my life losing Courtney."
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Yes. Anyways. That is my interpretation of those stories. I am prepared for flames now. HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT!
Now&Forever
SweetFuckingHeroin