Wishful Thinking
I watched him constantly as we grew up together. That hair… How I often wanted to stroke it, touch it. All I ever sought was to hold him in my arms, but he didn't love me like that.
I've been watching your world from afar…I spent all my time with him… As brothers and friends, not as lovers. That was the way he expected it to be. But my eyes were always on him, observing his every move. The foolish kid, he never noticed.
I've been trying to be where you are…Because he spent all his time with his eyes on Kairi. Gradually, the only time I spent with him was when we competed for Kairi's attention. He whole-heartedly wished to beat me, but I never let him. Now I wonder what would have happened if I'd let him win?
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful…For his sake, I always looked away when he and Kairi sat close, just chatting. I didn't want my jealousy to spoil what may have been the happiest moments of his life. It was so hard… But for him, I'd have done anything.
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see…They were the same age, too. I began to feel more and more isolated, and I started to withdraw from their world. He seemed to barely notice… I tried not to hate Kairi, but it was a losing battle. How I yearned for and missed that time we'd had together when we were younger. Just being with him, near him was enough for me. I didn't require that he love me how I loved him.
You turn every head but you don't see me…It seemed as though he'd forgotten about me. And I..? I was living in a world of memories. Moving back to a time I had been happy. He was no longer only mine, and I couldn't learn to share. Instead, they looked into the future together. Without me.
I've been secretly falling apart…My world had been turned and flipped; upside down, inside out. All I could think about was him, together with her. It was as though I had traveled backwards to that age when one can't stop asking why. Why Kairi, and why not me? Why couldn't he love me? Why did he forget about me?
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes…He didn't want me, didn't love me, simply didn't care. I was engulfed by the darkness of my angst and sorrow. My heart was breaking, shattering, slowly disappearing… Their utter happiness together broke me; my anger smoldered at the sight of them, the sound of them.
And I know, the waiting is all you can do…Gradually, I stopped hanging around them and just stayed at home, wondering if maybe I couldn't see him together with Kairi, I wouldn't feel the pain. But it didn't work. All that I had ever hoped for was disintegrating in front of my very eyes. My dreams, my wishful thinking… vanished. Gone forever. It would never happen. None of it would. Because Sora loved Kairi, and not me.
MidnightxStar would like to say that she does not own Kingdom Hearts. Nor does she own this song; Strange and Beautiful by Aqualung.