I pretended I was the one doing a favour but to be honest it was the other way around, the timing couldn't have been more perfect. I was literally sitting on the sofa trying to figure out my next move when the phone rang. Frank was the last person I expected to be on the other end but I felt a strange sense of relief when I heard his voice. I guess, and I'm reluctant to admit this but, all that time spent as his intern had ingrained in me a certain amount of dependance. Whenever there had been a problem or an elusive diagnosis Frank always had the answer. He didn't always give me the answer (unless he thought I was taking too long) but he would enable me to figure it out for myself. Sometimes, especially in the beginning, even when I had a good idea of what the problem was I still liked to have his opinion or to know that he had my back, so to speak. He always did. Even when I made mistakes he showed me how I needed to learn from them. He once told me "Don't be afraid of making new mistakes. Be afraid if you keep repeating old ones." And there he was on that day, not long after I had made one of the biggest mistakes of my life, offering me the chance to start afresh.
I jumped at it! Having barely even taken in the full details of what he was offering I began to think about this as a new start. The past was over, no point in dwelling on it, it was time to move on.
The morning of my first day at All Saints was when it first struck me. I was going to work for Frank again! Except, this time, I wasn't an intern. I know it might sound a little egotistical but...I was Frank's equal now. I knew he was still going to be my boss and that he had more experience but in terms of medical qualifications – my opinion was just as valid as his. Thinking back to my time as intern however, I wondered how Frank would see it. I worried that he might just pick up where we had left off years before. I love Frank but he can be a bit of control freak (and that's putting it mildly!) I didn't want to go back to being treated like an intern but it was too late to start worrying about that as I sat in the hospital car park!
As it turned out, Frank didn't treat me like an intern. In fact, he quite surprised me by acting as if I was honoring them by filling in for Charlotte Beaumont. He didn't second guess me, he asked for my opinion on certain cases and even defferred to my expertise at times. Now only someone who has had Frank as their registrar will understand the elation of having Frank treat them like that! It was just what I needed at the time. Even if the rest of my life had gone to pot I was a damn good doctor and nothing would change that. I suppose, in a way, it went to my head a little. The others were a little wary of me I think in the beginning but I kind of enjoyed that. I liked being the one who was seen as Frank's protege, I always had, even as an intern there was a certain kudos attached to anyone who managed to complete an internship with Frank Campion without any mental or emotional breakdowns or the need for mediation!
I felt comfortable at All Saints immediately. I revelled in Frank's respect and the status that earned me amongst the rest of the staff. I enjoyed helping Bart out with his many, MANY, questions. I liked all of the nurses (Dan's obvious little crush was quite a boost to my self-esteem too!) and then of course, there was Sean. We hit it off immediately but for a long time I tried to ignore the way he made me feel. This was my new start, I wasn't here to start a love affair. Eventually, though, neither of us could ignore our feelings any longer. I tried to talk myself out of it, I thought about what had a happened last time I had gotten involved with a colleague...ok, so I wasn't married this anymore but Frank's words from all those years ago kept running through my mind – "be afraid if you keep repeating old mistakes."
Who was to say this was a mistake though? I explained to Sean why I was so reluctant and being the man that he was he understood and showed infinite patience despite I suppose my mixed messages. I was just so afraid of having it all come crashing down around my ears again. You see...the reason I had needed a fresh start was because...I had an affair with a colleague at my previous hospital. Not only did I lose my husband because of it but I became fodder for the hospital rumour mill too when word got out. I was humiliated and felt that I had lost all credibility.
Then one evening, I'm not quite sure why, Sean and I had gone for a quiet drink and he made some silly joke and in a split second I thought "to hell with it"! I wanted to be with him but the fear of being the subject of gossip again was still at the back of my mind and Sean agreed for us to keep things quiet for a while. In a way I think it made things more exciting.
For a short while, I was on top of the world. I had the gorgeous, wonderful Sean and Frank had appointed me his 2IC. My personal and professional lives were both great – I should have known it wouldn't last.
The first spanner in the works was Charlotte returning to work. We hadn't hit it off very well even before she went on maternity leave but it was worse once she discovered I was 2IC. It was as though she went out of her way to defy me and to make matters worse Sean kept defending her, telling me I was over reacting and that we would get along if only we tried. I could understand her being irritated by the way Frank had handled the announcement of my new position but that was hardly my fault. Anyway, did she really think that she could have waltzed back and done the job herself? She had just had a baby and still hadn't finished her fellowship.
The second disruption came in the form of Mike Vlasek. Like most surgical consultants he has a God complex but on top of that he has the extra ego of a man who is used to charming his way to what he wants. I don't know what it is about him, maybe its his attitude, the fact that there is a slight edge to him or because he is something of a mysterious character but there is something kind of attractive about him. Not that I would have given him a second thought at first, but for some reason he suddenly started to take an interest in me.