AN: Hey guys! Happy Holidays and all that. There are so many things going on in my head that the only way to calm things down a smidge was to write something down. Somewhere deep down in my heart, The Mentalist never ended for me and I love imagining different scenarios for Jane and Lisbon; what could've happen, what should've happened and anything silly that comes to mind. This happens to be of the latter category. Thanks for giving my messy brain a shot and I hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: I own all the mistakes and I'm too tired to change them. For that, I do apologize. Enjoy!
Can't sleep tonight,
'cause you're on my mind
I guess I'm in love once again
Gaze at a star,
Cause that's what you are
You light up my life once again
Sleep has never been my friend. I look to the side to where I know the digital numbers of the alarm clock is flashing how much less hours I will have of sleep tonight. 3:30 am and I'm still wide awake. It's really not a surprise anymore being awake at this time. After losing my late wife and daughter, my life, my whole world was flipped upside down and inside out. I didn't sleep, eat nor bathe anymore. Disgusting, I know but I stopped caring. My sole reason of living was gone. Murdered. Nights were sleepless and lonely; empty. Tonight, I am sleepless for a different reason. I have been mulling this thought over and over for a long time and I usually set it aside, deeming it a distraction. Things are different now, I'm finally letting go of the past and I'm slowly accepting that my family will never return even if I were to start crying blood.
Red John is gone.
I never planned what my life without him would be like. I did not expect to still be in this world, breathing. That's part of why I'm still up and scrambling my brains for my next move. I always know what the next step usually is and now I'm clueless. It is like having the rug beneath your feet pulled in one swift move and you're left freaking out not to fall and break something. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do next. Do I leave the CBI? Do I pack up all my things and sell my house? Or do I stay?
What would Lisbon say?
I'll take this chance for another romance in my life,
'cause you're all that I need
Lisbon.
Since I'm being honest to myself here, the biggest part of why I can't sleep is due to this woman. I've loved her for the most part that we've been partners. I have been forced to never look more into what we can be before because it was very dangerous. Contrary to the public's belief, I never liked putting the people I love in harm's way. I don't want her blood on my hands too and so I pretend to be aloof and cold.
Teresa Lisbon is not your average girl. It wasn't easy to keep my distance when the person you're trying to avoid wouldn't have any of the crap you're trying to pull. Who the hell am I kidding? I'm in her bed for Pete's sake!
Let's go back to that in a little bit.
She's so sweet and loving. I tried so hard to keep her away but she's a persistent little lady. She pushes her way in until she knows I'm doing better and she never leaves until she's convinced. But tonight, I'm the one doing the comforting. Recently, she's been acting out of the norm. She's been down, mopey and a little stand off-ish so I weaseled my way into spending dinner with her. I brought the cheesiest and meatiest pizza Sacramento has to offer and pounded on her door.
I heard the shuffling inside and the doorknob jiggled a few seconds after. I was greeted by the sight of Lisbon in her favorite football jersey, hair disheveled and eyes a little red and puffy. Her mouth opened to start asking questions but I didn't wait for her invitation and I let myself in. I walked into the living room and placed the pizza box down on the coffee table noticing the blanket on the couch and the tv in front, muted. I turned around and I see Lisbon behind me, arms crossed with a confused and annoyed look just for me, I stepped closer to her and opened my arms, engulfing her in a hug.
I had one hand caressing her back and the other combing through her hair but what I didn't expect was for her to cry again. "Lisbon," I said to her but all I got was more tears, "Teresa, what's wrong?" Her sobs got louder so I did the reasonable thing, I hugged her tighter.
I can't help myself from falling in love
With somebody like you
Cause your feelings are true
I don't know how long she cried for. All I know is that I held her the entire time. She wiped away the remaining tears from her eyes and took a step back from me. "I'm sorry; I don't know what came over me." She then turned away and sat on the couch and I followed her, sitting right by her side.
"What's wrong, Lisbon?"
"I don't know how to tell you this and I also don't want to beat around the bush so I'll just come out with it," she started fiddling with her fingers and looked at them.
I put both my hands on top of her freezing ones to get her attention back.
She looked back up at me, her emerald eyes gazed into mine as she said, "The FBI offered me a leadership position I cannot refuse last week."
I squeezed her hand and said, "That's amazing, congratulations!" when she didn't respond how I expected her to, my heart sank though I didn't show it. "What else aren't you telling me?"
She looked abashed for a moment and then whispered the words, "The position is in Austin, Texas."
I guess that was the time my façade dropped because she pulled one of her hand from under mine and next thing I knew she was wiping a tear running down my cheek.
"Jane, you're my best friend and we've been partners for so long. I wanted to tell you first before you find out from someone else. I -" I cut her off before she could even finish her thought. "It's now or never," I thought to myself.
I captured her face in between my palms, closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against hers, I hear her gasp. I brush my nose against hers and I was surprised she nuzzled in and reciprocated the gesture.
Can't help myself
From falling in love
For I can't help myself
From falling for you
"Lisbon," I took a breath before continuing, I can smell her scent so close to me. FOCUS JANE, I berated myself mentally, "Teresa, the entire time I've known you, I've been scared, scared for you, scared for me but mostly for you. After getting to know you more each day, it has been quite difficult to stay away from you. I know you don't believe me but people who are close to me are targeted one by one courtesy of Red John. I didn't want you to be one of them. I don't want another woman that I love be murdered by him."
She pulled away from me causing me to open my eyes and staring into her deep pools of green.
"You-you-you what?" she asked, clearly overwhelmed.
"I love you Teresa."
She still didn't quite believe me and I know it was going to come down to this at some point. Holding her hands again, I put mine on top slowly. Removing the wedding ring that Angela once put there years before to show Teresa where I truly stand with her. "I want you to have this, Teresa." I placed it in her palm and closed her fingers around it.
"But Jane, this is your ring." She said dumbfounded.
I just shake my head at her trying to wrap things around her head as I sneak my right hand into my pocket for a small box. "And this one is yours, Teresa." I opened the little jewelry box that contained a simple silver band encrusting a dark emerald in the middle. "This is my promise ring for you. I love you, Teresa and I hope you would let me show you just how much."
She didn't respond. Her tears came back full force this time and tackle hugged me, pinning me against the couch. I hugged her as tight as I can and placing little kisses against her hair till she quieted down. Minutes later, I nudged Teresa to get a reaction out of her and nothing. The even breathing I hear clued me in that all her crying exhausted her. I maneuvered us both so I can get away from her grip and off of the couch.
Looking over her, I couldn't help myself. I stroked her nose with the pad of my index finger and as expected, she scrunched her cute little nose. "Patrick, let's go to bed." She mumbled in her sleep.
All day I pray,
That forever you'll stay,
And won't let our love fade away.
Hear what I say,
Whatever comes away
We'll be together come what may.
I'm never really good at following orders but this one, I'll willingly comply. I scooped Teresa up with one arm under her knees and the other supporting her back. I pulled her close to me and she instinctively wrapped her arms around my neck and I just couldn't help smiling down at her. She's so light and I know I would have to remedy that. I would cook her all the meals she was too lazy to cook for herself. "I'll take good care of you from now on, Teresa. I'm really sorry, sweetheart."
After tucking her in her bed, I moved to let her rest alone because I know she deserves an undisturbed rest. When I turn to leave, her hand snuck its way out of the blanket and grabbed my wrist, "Stay, Patrick."
Again, I obeyed.
I'll take this chance for another romance in my
Life,
'Cause you're all that I need.
I watched over her while she slept for hours and that why I'm here, wide awake at 3:30 in the morning in Teresa Lisbon's bed. Lisbon's promotion just sealed my unanswered questions. I'm following this woman anywhere in the world just to give ourselves the chance that we both deserve. A chance to start over again and a chance to finally live the lives we both desired.
The sheets next to me rustled and when I looked over, Lisbon was blinking her eyes rapidly to chase the sleepiness away. "I'm hungry."
I chuckled loudly at her innocent request, "That would be the result of you crying yourself to exhaustion, my dear." She sat up next to me and weaseled her way into my arms, her back against my chest. Lisbon lifted her left hand up, admiring the ring that is nestled on the third finger.
"Jane, I don't want to go to Austin," she whispered.
"Why would you turn down an opportunity of a lifetime with the FBI?"
She spun in my arms, still looking down at her ring before saying, "Because a better offer came along." She said shyly trying to raise her gaze to meet my eyes.
I shook my head for the numerous times this woman's selflessness just overpowers me, "Silly woman!"
I grabbed her face just like last time but the only difference is, I didn't want to nuzzle her nose anymore. I went right in for the kill and kissed her adorable mouth senseless.
After a few minutes of making out, we came up for air, "What are you trying to say, Patrick Jane?" she spat out. "This isn't some kind of scene from a 1955 movie where you kiss me and all the things turn into some happy ending and fade away."
Wait- she's mad? Why is she mad?
"Lisbon, my telling you of my affections is never a joke. You are the only woman I love aside from Angela. I would never use this as some kind of worm to lure in the fish, so to speak." I held her at arm's length, "I love you, Teresa, I do and I'll follow you anywhere. You don't have to give up this amazing opportunity just so we can be together. It's my turn to give you the world, Teresa like what you've done for me for the past decade. I have nothing else to tie me down here in California aside from you. If you want to go to Texas tomorrow, be my guest, sweetheart and I'll be on the seat next to you on the flight there."
I can't help myself
From falling in love
With somebody like you,
'Cause your feelings are true.
Can't help myself
From falling in love
For I can't help myself...
From falling for you
I kissed her again. Slowly this time, savoring every second my lips envelopes her cute little pout. I raked my fingers into her dark chocolate hair and marveled at the softness of the strands. I hear her moan as I massage her scalp. I was about to kiss her deeper when I heard her stomach growl and I let out another laugh. Grabbing her hand, I ushered her off the bed and into the kitchen, "Let's feed that monster in you before we continue anything."
After feeding Teresa three slices of pizza, we talked about the little things and bantered like it was any other day at the CBI, never letting the pressure of uprooting our lives and starting over in a new city put a damper on our new found happiness. We headed back to Lisbon's room and this time around, I'm ready to let all the uncertainties drop and let sleep take me in. With Teresa wrapped in my arms, I don't have to fear for what tomorrow brings because I know I'm facing it with her.
Austin, here we come.
I've never felt this love
Until you came
In my mind.