The Three Little J-rockers
Once upon a time, there lived three J-rockers- Kyo, Mana, and hide. They heard on TV that the Big Bad Seme had escaped the mental institution, and was on the loose, so hide told them it would be best if they all built a house to stay safe in.
Kyo shook his head in disapproval. ÒFuck you. IÕm not building a houseÓ, he said.
Mana shook his head in disapproval, too, just not saying anything afterwards.
Hide thought they must be crazy for turning down the chance to be safe rather than being kidnapped, raped, and shot in the head. (Which is probably what would happen, knowing the Big Bad Seme ^^;;) Hide decided to do the best thing he could for himself, and began constructing a little cottage made of lemons. Where did the lemons come from? He looked down, and there they were- a whole truckload of em, and plenty enough for him to build a house with.
Kyo spent the rest of the day singing, being violent, and spitting blood upon his many fans that just happened to be standing beneath him at the time. He could care less about his house, nor the Big Bad Seme, who was a threat to every bishonen in all the land.
Mana spent the rest of the day playing his guitar and looking pretty, also not caring about the house that was supposed to be built. Building houses wasnÕt one ofhis strong points.
At sunset, Mana and Kyo gathered at hideÕs lemon cottage to watch TV, not having anywhere to stay otherwise.
ÒSo, did you build your houses?Ó
ÒNopeÓ, they replied.
Just then, a news bulletin came on. ÒAttention viewers, I would like to inform you that the Big Bad Seme has been spotted in YOUR area. Please lock your doors and windows to insure that you arenÕt kidnapped, raped, and shot in the head. That is all.Ó Kyo and Mana decided they SHOULD put a house together somehow, just to be safe.
So Kyo made a house out of hypodermic syringes, and Mana made a house out of roses. Then they headed in for the night.
The next morning, Mana awoke to a knock on the door.
Door: Knock knock knock.
Mana: WhoÕs there?
BBS: ItÕs... the UPS man.
Mana: But I donÕt recall ordering anything.
BBS: Well you did. And I have a package for you. So open the door and let me... give... it... to... you. *smirk*
Mana: No, I donÕt think IÕm going to do that, sir. Please be on your way now.
BBS: Kay.
Two hours later, the Big Bad Seme tried yet again.
Door: Knock knock knock.
Mana: WhoÕs there??
BBS: ItÕs... the milk man.
Mana: But I donÕt recall...
BBS: Ok I lied. ItÕs really... the fire man. Your house is on fire, sir.
Mana: No itÕs not.
BBS: Yes it is. Let me use my hose to... put... out... your... fire. *smirk*
Mana: Kay. *opens the door* YouÕre not a fireman, sir.
BBS: I know that!!! Do you know who I REALLY am?!?!?
Mana: No... who are you?
BBS: The man whoÕs gonna take your virginity and shoot you in the head!!! Muahahahaha!!!
The Big Bad Seme grabbed Mana and picked him up, and ran off with him into the woods. At about this time, Mana got raped... a lot. It hurt him... a lot. And the Big Bad Seme liked it... a lot. Soon as he was done with him, he shot the poor boy in the head, and skipped off happily, singing Òtra la la la laÓ, until he tripped over a scooter.
The next morning, Kyo awoke to a knock on the door.
Door: Knock knock knock.
Kyo: WhoÕs there??
BBS: The Big Bad Seme, thatÕs who. Now open the door!!
Kyo: No. Go away and let me sleep!
BBS: Open the door, or IÕll huff and puff and hit the door til it breaks, then IÕll kidnap you and rape you and shoot you in the head!!
Kyo: Fuck you. IÕm going back to bed.
BBS: I warned you...
The Big Bad Seme huffed and puffed and punched the hypodermic syringe house and it shattered into a pile of glass and needles. Kyo just stood there, angered.
Kyo: Why the fuck did you go and do that?
BBS: Because I want your sweet ass, even if it means breaking your house with my own two hands. Muahahahahahahaha.
The Big Bad Seme ran towards the short blonde and jumped on him, not wasting any time. He ripped KyoÕs clothes off violently, and tied his wrists to two tree branches. ÒAnd now...Ó, the Big Bad Seme said, ÒIÕm gonna rape you til you die!!!!!Ó
Kyo: *as he gets molested by the Big Bad Seme* DonÕt you think thatÕs a little harsh?
BBS: Nope.
Kyo: Can you really KILL someone by having sex with them?
BBS: Dunno, but I guess weÕll find out.
Two hours later, they were STILL going at it.
BBS: (as he continued fucking Kyo) DIE, DAMN YOU!!!! DIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
Kyo: No, I like this. Such a violent, sexual atmosphere. Mmm....
BBS: ItÕs not rape it you like it!!!!!!!! Stop liking it damn you!!!!!!!!! *beats Kyo with his gun*
Kyo: *is still enjoying it* We should do this more often, though if you had a more comfortable rope next time IÕd really appreciate it (he was tied to the tree, remember?).
Two hours later, they were STILL going at it. o_o;;
BBS: You know what, Kyo? IÕm tired. IÕm just gonna stop.
Kyo: Aww... IÕm not even partially dead yet.
BBS: *shoots Kyo in the forehead* I need a soda.
The next day, the Big Bad Seme was out for more. He was like, an unstoppable force of nature... only in crazy rapist form. This time, however, there was only one house left- hideÕs lemon cottage.
Door: Knock knock knock.
hide: Who is it?
BBS: ItÕs the BIG BAD SEME!!!!
hide: *gasp!* Go away!!!!
BBS: Open the door right now and IÕm gonna kindap you and rape you and shoot you in the head!!!!!!!!
hide: Umm... no youÕre not.
BBS: Oh yeah? IÕll huff and puff and hit the door til it breaks. Muahahahaha.
hide: *giggles* Good luck buddy. IÕm gonna go check on the roast.
The Big Bad Seme huffed, puffed, and punched the lemon-clad door with all his might. And it shocked him so that it didnÕt budge. He punched it again, and only hurt his hand, the door perfectly in- tact. And as he grew impatient, he started kicking the door, even beating it with a bat. WhereÕd he get the bat? It just appeared at his feet when he bent down to tie his shoe.
ÒThere has to be SOME way to get in the house...Ó He thought for a moment. ÒIÕve got it!!!! The chimney!!!!Ó The Big Bad Seme climbed up the lemon-clad roof, and prepared himself for the long drop to the floor.
ÒItaiiiiiii!!!!!,Ó the Big Bad Seme squealed, as he landed in a pot of near- boiling water. No... this wasnÕt water. This was thicker... and beefier. This was... STEW!!!! Hide walked in the room, and dropped the box he was carrying.
hide: What are you doing here?!?!?!?
BBS: IÕve come to kidnap you, rape you, and shoot you in the head!!!!
hide: Stand up a moment, will you?
BBS: *stands*
hide: Get out of my stew first!!!!
BBS: *steps out of the stew pot* Now come here!!!!
hide: *stops him* Wait a moment, will you.
BBS: Raping you can NOT wait, do you understand me?!?!
hide: You canÕt rape me.
BBS: Why the hell not? WhatÕs stopping me??
hide: The height rule, thatÕs what. You canÕt fuck me because IÕm taller than you.
BBS: *confused stare*
hide: ThaaatÕs right. Now YOU get your ass over here.
Hide pulled the Big Bad Seme over to him and pulled his pants down to his knees. ÒWhatÕre you--Ó Hide pulled down his own pants, and sat the Big Bad Seme on his lap. *ahem* ÒSee, isnÕt this sooooo much better?Ó, hide asked, smiling. ÒMaybe we should call you the Big Bad Uke from now on.Ó ^_^
And everyone lived happily ever after.
Tha End *bows*
AuthorÕs notes: Umm... what to say... I thought this fic was pretty cool, though it wasnÕt as cutely- written as the first one. But I mean, it had to be done. I had to keep going with the whole Ònatural phenomenonÓ thing. And the Big Bad Seme is, like, reverse now? I know heÕs not uke. So... heÕs reverse..? Maybe thatÕll just be a one-time thing. I donÕt want to change his name, which IÕd have to do. And you know... itÕs already 4:12 in the morning, so IÕll get to bed now. Hope you enjoyed my fic. Thanks for reading!
This yaoi fanfic property of D-chanÕs bored self. ©2002
Once upon a time, there lived three J-rockers- Kyo, Mana, and hide. They heard on TV that the Big Bad Seme had escaped the mental institution, and was on the loose, so hide told them it would be best if they all built a house to stay safe in.
Kyo shook his head in disapproval. ÒFuck you. IÕm not building a houseÓ, he said.
Mana shook his head in disapproval, too, just not saying anything afterwards.
Hide thought they must be crazy for turning down the chance to be safe rather than being kidnapped, raped, and shot in the head. (Which is probably what would happen, knowing the Big Bad Seme ^^;;) Hide decided to do the best thing he could for himself, and began constructing a little cottage made of lemons. Where did the lemons come from? He looked down, and there they were- a whole truckload of em, and plenty enough for him to build a house with.
Kyo spent the rest of the day singing, being violent, and spitting blood upon his many fans that just happened to be standing beneath him at the time. He could care less about his house, nor the Big Bad Seme, who was a threat to every bishonen in all the land.
Mana spent the rest of the day playing his guitar and looking pretty, also not caring about the house that was supposed to be built. Building houses wasnÕt one ofhis strong points.
At sunset, Mana and Kyo gathered at hideÕs lemon cottage to watch TV, not having anywhere to stay otherwise.
ÒSo, did you build your houses?Ó
ÒNopeÓ, they replied.
Just then, a news bulletin came on. ÒAttention viewers, I would like to inform you that the Big Bad Seme has been spotted in YOUR area. Please lock your doors and windows to insure that you arenÕt kidnapped, raped, and shot in the head. That is all.Ó Kyo and Mana decided they SHOULD put a house together somehow, just to be safe.
So Kyo made a house out of hypodermic syringes, and Mana made a house out of roses. Then they headed in for the night.
The next morning, Mana awoke to a knock on the door.
Door: Knock knock knock.
Mana: WhoÕs there?
BBS: ItÕs... the UPS man.
Mana: But I donÕt recall ordering anything.
BBS: Well you did. And I have a package for you. So open the door and let me... give... it... to... you. *smirk*
Mana: No, I donÕt think IÕm going to do that, sir. Please be on your way now.
BBS: Kay.
Two hours later, the Big Bad Seme tried yet again.
Door: Knock knock knock.
Mana: WhoÕs there??
BBS: ItÕs... the milk man.
Mana: But I donÕt recall...
BBS: Ok I lied. ItÕs really... the fire man. Your house is on fire, sir.
Mana: No itÕs not.
BBS: Yes it is. Let me use my hose to... put... out... your... fire. *smirk*
Mana: Kay. *opens the door* YouÕre not a fireman, sir.
BBS: I know that!!! Do you know who I REALLY am?!?!?
Mana: No... who are you?
BBS: The man whoÕs gonna take your virginity and shoot you in the head!!! Muahahahaha!!!
The Big Bad Seme grabbed Mana and picked him up, and ran off with him into the woods. At about this time, Mana got raped... a lot. It hurt him... a lot. And the Big Bad Seme liked it... a lot. Soon as he was done with him, he shot the poor boy in the head, and skipped off happily, singing Òtra la la la laÓ, until he tripped over a scooter.
The next morning, Kyo awoke to a knock on the door.
Door: Knock knock knock.
Kyo: WhoÕs there??
BBS: The Big Bad Seme, thatÕs who. Now open the door!!
Kyo: No. Go away and let me sleep!
BBS: Open the door, or IÕll huff and puff and hit the door til it breaks, then IÕll kidnap you and rape you and shoot you in the head!!
Kyo: Fuck you. IÕm going back to bed.
BBS: I warned you...
The Big Bad Seme huffed and puffed and punched the hypodermic syringe house and it shattered into a pile of glass and needles. Kyo just stood there, angered.
Kyo: Why the fuck did you go and do that?
BBS: Because I want your sweet ass, even if it means breaking your house with my own two hands. Muahahahahahahaha.
The Big Bad Seme ran towards the short blonde and jumped on him, not wasting any time. He ripped KyoÕs clothes off violently, and tied his wrists to two tree branches. ÒAnd now...Ó, the Big Bad Seme said, ÒIÕm gonna rape you til you die!!!!!Ó
Kyo: *as he gets molested by the Big Bad Seme* DonÕt you think thatÕs a little harsh?
BBS: Nope.
Kyo: Can you really KILL someone by having sex with them?
BBS: Dunno, but I guess weÕll find out.
Two hours later, they were STILL going at it.
BBS: (as he continued fucking Kyo) DIE, DAMN YOU!!!! DIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
Kyo: No, I like this. Such a violent, sexual atmosphere. Mmm....
BBS: ItÕs not rape it you like it!!!!!!!! Stop liking it damn you!!!!!!!!! *beats Kyo with his gun*
Kyo: *is still enjoying it* We should do this more often, though if you had a more comfortable rope next time IÕd really appreciate it (he was tied to the tree, remember?).
Two hours later, they were STILL going at it. o_o;;
BBS: You know what, Kyo? IÕm tired. IÕm just gonna stop.
Kyo: Aww... IÕm not even partially dead yet.
BBS: *shoots Kyo in the forehead* I need a soda.
The next day, the Big Bad Seme was out for more. He was like, an unstoppable force of nature... only in crazy rapist form. This time, however, there was only one house left- hideÕs lemon cottage.
Door: Knock knock knock.
hide: Who is it?
BBS: ItÕs the BIG BAD SEME!!!!
hide: *gasp!* Go away!!!!
BBS: Open the door right now and IÕm gonna kindap you and rape you and shoot you in the head!!!!!!!!
hide: Umm... no youÕre not.
BBS: Oh yeah? IÕll huff and puff and hit the door til it breaks. Muahahahaha.
hide: *giggles* Good luck buddy. IÕm gonna go check on the roast.
The Big Bad Seme huffed, puffed, and punched the lemon-clad door with all his might. And it shocked him so that it didnÕt budge. He punched it again, and only hurt his hand, the door perfectly in- tact. And as he grew impatient, he started kicking the door, even beating it with a bat. WhereÕd he get the bat? It just appeared at his feet when he bent down to tie his shoe.
ÒThere has to be SOME way to get in the house...Ó He thought for a moment. ÒIÕve got it!!!! The chimney!!!!Ó The Big Bad Seme climbed up the lemon-clad roof, and prepared himself for the long drop to the floor.
ÒItaiiiiiii!!!!!,Ó the Big Bad Seme squealed, as he landed in a pot of near- boiling water. No... this wasnÕt water. This was thicker... and beefier. This was... STEW!!!! Hide walked in the room, and dropped the box he was carrying.
hide: What are you doing here?!?!?!?
BBS: IÕve come to kidnap you, rape you, and shoot you in the head!!!!
hide: Stand up a moment, will you?
BBS: *stands*
hide: Get out of my stew first!!!!
BBS: *steps out of the stew pot* Now come here!!!!
hide: *stops him* Wait a moment, will you.
BBS: Raping you can NOT wait, do you understand me?!?!
hide: You canÕt rape me.
BBS: Why the hell not? WhatÕs stopping me??
hide: The height rule, thatÕs what. You canÕt fuck me because IÕm taller than you.
BBS: *confused stare*
hide: ThaaatÕs right. Now YOU get your ass over here.
Hide pulled the Big Bad Seme over to him and pulled his pants down to his knees. ÒWhatÕre you--Ó Hide pulled down his own pants, and sat the Big Bad Seme on his lap. *ahem* ÒSee, isnÕt this sooooo much better?Ó, hide asked, smiling. ÒMaybe we should call you the Big Bad Uke from now on.Ó ^_^
And everyone lived happily ever after.
Tha End *bows*
AuthorÕs notes: Umm... what to say... I thought this fic was pretty cool, though it wasnÕt as cutely- written as the first one. But I mean, it had to be done. I had to keep going with the whole Ònatural phenomenonÓ thing. And the Big Bad Seme is, like, reverse now? I know heÕs not uke. So... heÕs reverse..? Maybe thatÕll just be a one-time thing. I donÕt want to change his name, which IÕd have to do. And you know... itÕs already 4:12 in the morning, so IÕll get to bed now. Hope you enjoyed my fic. Thanks for reading!
This yaoi fanfic property of D-chanÕs bored self. ©2002